₦airaland Forum

@Donzman

If you followed my earlier instruction, we wouldn't have gotten here!

Whatever.

@Donzman

First off, I'm not prejudiced against anybody unlike you who is clearly prejudiced against white for whatever reason.

I am going to tell you just like you told me.

Donzman, shut the hell up!

@Babyosis

Meanwhile sista,if you are unmarried,unentangled and find a good Nigerian man,believe me they are great.
I am talking from experience.
They can lay down their lives for you.
There are very good ones still out there one just has to look in the right places,prayerfully I might add.

Not that I care to display my personels but, I have a Nigerian Igbo man. I have been with him for a year and three months now. He is a good man and he laughs at me coming into nairaland. He has taught me a lot about Nigerians, he is one of my sources for the story's I tell about Nigerians but he is not my only source. I love him to death, we are more friends than we are anything else so we have a lighthearted relationship. I wonder though, would he be so lighthearted if we were both in Nigeria. Anyway, I will worry about that when the time comes.

But to me all black men are good, they just need a lot of black woman support. I love all my black brothers no matter where they are from.

What is wrong with marrying an African American
Answer = nothing.
I've been won over by my sister, sista.

I didn't win you over, we won together. I am glad we could have this conversation and come to a common ground but to tell you the truth, I don't think we could have done it without our young sister Uju. We should always consider our youth and what they have to say.

Thank you[b] Uju[/b]

@Babyosi

@ sista,you have the last word,I hope it makes you feel better my dear sister.

Babyosi, I don't care about having the last word. I am here in nairaland to learn and to teach. I love all African people and I don't care what anyone say's, I am African. Again, I love all African people, I even love you

@Uju4eva

Wow, this is funny I am reading the argument against "sista" and "babyosisi",  Wow, that is fierce, but I do have to say that Sista has a point, she explains everything throughly and convinced me about what she was talking about. Babyosisi seems to be getting on the bone about things. But I'm mad that I was called  a "poor" girl, as if I am wayword. Okay,  But that's alright, guys, it's not that serious, it was just a simple question, all it needed was a simply reply with your own opinion backed with it. There was no need for all these little "debates" to have started. But this is a forum so what can I say? Basically, I feel that yes there is a predujice (sp?) amongst Nigerians and AA's. But I feel that if you were born and raised in Nigeria marry a Nigerian. If you were mostly raised in America and you have adapted the "tastes" of the AA's, then you have whatever choice you can make. For you guys information, let me give you a little background on my boy.

1) He is not a bastard, he has two parents
2) He has lived with his parents all his life
3) His parents are in a loving relationship, and have raised him well
4) He was born in Germany
5) His mom is Jamaican and his dad is an AA
6) He has some sort of culture since his mom is Jamaican

And obviously his mom didn't care about marrying a Jamaican or an AA, because that is what she loved and found care in. So that's the bottom line.

Lol, thanks guys about the "I"m smart comments",

yeah, i'm not some rambunctious teenager, I'm smart too, lol,

Uju baby, this is Sista talking to ya. If you noticed, I never once gave up on you, I was the one who said you are a smart young Sister and I believed in you, just go back and reread if you did not notice.

However, Sista got to tell you something, it is not nice to call no one a bastard okay baby? If we are trying to get away from black on black prejudice we can not say things like that. Would you have liked your boyfriend any less if he did not come from a two parent home and would you have considered him to be a bastard? think about that.

An another thing, AA's do have culture baby a good one at that.

Instead of everyone talking about the bad things AA's do, they need to find out more about the good part of the culture.

I guess though if you have been influenced by the media and you get to America and see spurts of what you heard, the media will be the one you believe but it should not be that way.

@Mochafella

Hmmm, una don turn the girl thread to Parliament. When she ends up with a White man now, all of you will be jumping up and down like Amadioha is pursuing you.

Mocha, You are so funny.

I was thinking the same thing but you know how it goes in nairaland.

I think Uju has got a good head on her shoulders though, we don't have to worry about her to much.

@Babyosi

what is that identity?Single motherhood by choice is what I spoke against and it seemed to have struck a chord.
To answer your first question why do your men with money prefer white girls and you move out of the ghetto when you have better means?
It is all a matter of choice.
We live here by choice.
I have seen your type many times over asking why these Africans are moving here then turn around and accuse the white man for keeping you down.

Again, you have shown your blatant disgust for African Americans.

Do you have any more comments that display your disgust of AA's?

Tell us more

By the way, you need to look at Nigerian men, as far as marrying white women. AA's and Nigerians have that in common. See, I told you there wasn't much of a difference.

@Babyosi

I can also cut and paste,delete and analyse but choose not to.

If you have something to prove, by all means please do. I have nothing to hide. I know it gets nerve racking retrieving quotes but don't let laziness cause you to make up excuses

And as for what I have done to help the AA situation,I owe you no explanations.
It is not your business so quit asking.

That would be because you haven't done shyt but bump your gums about how horrible they are. Your education sure has done you some good, now you can sit proudly up on your high horse.

Speaking of AIDS,I wonder if the AA group in America with highest incidence and mortality rate contracted it from Africans and Nigerians.

It is as I said, you feel that AA's are scum, you never ceased to not show your terrible feelings about AA's

@chinani

You changed it from your uncle to someone you know but any way.

B/c of the political & economic situation. [Someone I know] came to the US & got his PhD here then went back to Naija to teach, but it was just too dangerous b/c of the ideas -- if you are not popular w/ the state then you could die. So should he die? Or should he live and help his family? It's a hard decision to make. No one who hasn't made it should judge it.

Chinani I am aware of this type of situation believe me I am. I just needed you to tell me. I hope that the education your uncle got has helped him like he hoped it would.

I have to point something out to you though. Your uncle would not have been able to come to the US if it was not for AA fighting for civil rights. When AA's fought for civil rights, they fought for everyone, even people who were not black. Any foreigner of color who comes to America to benefit is due to AA's fighting civil rights. The only way a foreigner could get into America before civil rights was only if they were doing something for the US.

My thing is your uncle was able to do better with the help of American blacks and yet Nigerian people who come here, they talk bad about African Americans and then go back to Nigeria  to live good after getting help from black Americans. Wheather Nigerians admit to it or not. It was the blood of AA's that was shed for civil rights. Again, When AA's fought for civil rights, they fought for everyone no matter the color. That means that any foreigner who comes to America to benefit from America is all due to the blood of AA's.

I don't believe that Nigeria is even interested in helping an AA out in the least bit.

Nigerians have been known for saying that AA's have no home. Let's say this is true. America is the only place they know of as home and no one has the right to dispute that. Let's say though that an AA wanted to come to Nigeria to get some help, would he or she be allowed to? Or would he or she be able to get help? Would he or she have to assimilate into becoming fully Nigerian  like, before he or she can be helped, if he or she is first accepted? Please answer me that question?

@Chinani

The majority of Nigerians are in Nigeria. People immigrate to have better lives not to strip their identities or cultures. Also, many (a majority) of Naijas in the US don't want to "die here" as they say. They're trying to see their kiddies t/o school at least, and then they'll reevaluate. I for one, I'm trying to book out too . .

Why can't they make a better life in Nigeria?

No one said that had to strip of their identity's but they should repsect other peoples identity's.

Naijas do live in a "commune" or whatever. Know folks been here +30 years & they made it w/o B.A. b/c they had to. No one was helping them. They helped each other.

What?

@Donzman

The way I see it:

African = Man/Woman born in Africa

Black American = American of African origin

Afro-Carribean = Man/Woman born in the Carribean of African origin.

You should get the drift by now.

I don't care about the way you see it.

However, I am curious to know, what gives you the right to tell me who I am? If I say I am African, you or no one else can tell me different.

I gather your way of seeing it it also do to your prejudices against other black people. Your way of seeing it, more than likely has to do with blood.

@Babiyosi

sista,isn't it rather strange that you choose to read meanings where there is none.
I never insinuated that the poor girl had any plans of getting pregnant by the boyfriend,it's all your imagination in a bid to analyse what needs no analysis

The subject matter of this topic was, what is wrong with marrying or dating an African American?

You initially told the young sister not to marry an A.A because they have different traditions and you gave your instances, one being that African American people don't have the same family traditions as Nigerians. You did not say it that way verbatim, but that is basically what you said.

I came back to you and told you that the advice you gave the young girl was not right, that all African people no matter where they were born have issues. You came back with this you were talking about pregnancy and you gave your statistics. You can go back and reread how we even came to this point. I didn't read into anything, I only mentioned what you did not mention in one of your responses and then I mentioned what you did mention in one of your respnoses. The conclusion on my behalf was, what you said in one respones and what you said in the other response did no match up there for it had a huge flaw.

Secondly,your story of the Nigerian woman being cheated on before and during the marriage makes for a good soap.
It does not define the average Nigerian man.

I only gave you one instance but I had several. I know it does not count for all Nigerian men, that was my point. How can you generalize A.A people but it is not okay to generalize Continent born Africans? Continent born Africans are better than AA?

I still maintain that we are all apt to make mistakes as humans so the holier than thou attitude you talked off rightly belongs to you.

Holier than thou attitude? I think you have that backwards. I am not the one in nairaland trying to plant seeds in to a young female Nigerians head that she should under no circumstances marry an AA. who is black just like she is. At the same time conveying to her that she is exempt from having the same problems AA's have.

The aids story you talked about,did you pay any attention which country was referred to? Or Africa is a country to you?

How come I knew you were going to ask me that question? I probably knew because my impression about you is correct. You think that Nigerians are better than any other race of black people. It was Kenyans and South Africans for your Info. Now what are you going to say? that Nigerians are exempt because they are not those types of Africans? Save your prejudice response. If Africans by the millions are being infected with aids on the continent of Africa and there is not cure, how long do you think it will take before it gets to the precious Nigerians in large numbers. I know some Nigerians have had Aids to so don't try and pretend that Nigerians are exempt from Aids as well.

I also noticed that the statistics regarding the breakdown of the African American family which suprisingly you admitted to( even though in an odd way) seems to infuriate you.
Tell me are you mad that the figures are so or that a Nigerian woman dared say so.

Save your clever tone young lady, It does not fascinate me in the least bit. I am not like you, it does not bother me to hear another African say something about another African that is true. What does bother me is if the African knows the truth and yet does nothing to help the situation. To me, that African is selfish. That African is also sitting up on his high horse judging other Africans with no remorse.

By the way I asked you what have you done to help A.A's, you didn't respond to that. You helped your self by using their expreince to help you through school but what have you done to help them? Maybe you answere that in another post. We will see.

By the way,I was in the prisons as a health care provider not a statistician

Good for you, you should be proud of your self.

Lastly try to reserve words like hell and other cuss words for friends and people who share in the use of the same words. It is hardly a word for a lady to use

I am not a docile woman. No one tells me what a woman should be or how a woman should act. You can share that type of advice with the other prejudice continent born Africans you know. Maybe they will be Appreciative of it.

Let me ask you this while I am at it. All these Nigerians claim to be loving Nigeria so much, why are Nigerians in vast majority coming to the united states? Or going to Europe? Why? Do Nigerians think that once they get to America they will be able to continue this Nigerian commune? Let me tell you something, Nigerians will not make it here without the help of African Americans. Nigerians are going to have to get some type of help from AA's. Y'all cain't come here and do nothing on your own, the only way you will get the best of America is to blend in with the black brothers and sister you have here, if you don't, you mine as well go back to Nigeria, the place you claim to love so much although you flee from it.

@sage

Does it not occur to you that most women stick to these marriages because they feel (as they have been told) that they have been used and devalued and so not suitable for anyother person?

You got that right sage, that is what I was talking about when I said this below,

My point is, Why would a woman for the sake of traditon save a marriage and continue to put up with obvious infidelity? I could think of a lot of reasons and none of them are good for the woman.

When you talk about 'Continental Africans', you mean 'Africans' right?

CA= African, born on the continent of Africa.

A.A =African, are born in America

AB=African, born in Brazillia

AWI= African born in the west Indies

AC= African, born in the Carribean.


Africans=Africans all ova de warld, no matter where they were born

@Babiyosi

However infidelity doesn't necessarily have to end in divorce.
People cheat for various reasons just like people overeat for various reasons and if the problem is not tackled from the source,it will recur.

For the man who is a cheater, marriage should end especially if the woman confronted her man about cheating and he continued to lie, only for the truth to come out that he infact was cheating and produced babies while he was doing his cheating.

I know a Igbo woman married to an Igbo man, they both live in Texas, she got him his papers because she was already a citizen. He has been cheating on her before they got married, she overlooked his cheating and married him anyway because they were about to have a child, and of course she loved him as well.

After them being married for five years, she discovered he had been cheating on her the entire marriage with a British white woman and the white woman conceived a child. Now, he has to pay for the white womans place to live because she has his child but he is still with his wife because his wife forgave him. Just recently he flew to Oakland to meet up with his new white woman, but he told his wife he was going to see a long time friend. His wife tried calling him the whole time he was gone, he would answer his phone when he was not in the presence of his white girlfirend but most of the time he would turn his phone off because he was with his girlfriend. The white woman put monkey bites all over that man and that man went home with another womans bites all over his body. All of the evidence was there, him not answering his phone and the bites all over his body. The wife went off on him, but he told her the bites were mosquito bites. He yelled at her and made her feel guilty, she wounded up breaking down and asking him to forgive her. That is some cold shyt.

My point is, Why would a woman for the sake of traditon save a marriage and continue to put up with obvious infidelity? I could think of a lot of reasons and none of them are good for the woman. What that man is doing to her and has done is wrong and the marriage was never a marriage in the first place. He is having baby's so we know he is not protecting his self, let alone protecting his wife, who in their right mind wants to save that? Trying to save a marriage like that might get you killed.

However,I'm not even talking about coming from a divorced home,I don't knock divorced mothers,I respect them and the hard work they do.
I am talking about women who get pregnant while unmarried and with no plans of getting married.
Everyone is entitled to one 'mistake' if I call one unmarried pregnancy a mistake but 2,3,4 and 5 are hardly mistakes.

[b]Come on Babiyosi, is that all you really meant? I don't see how that could be when your advice to her was specifically not to marry an A.A because they will not share the same traditions. Now you are saying that you told her that because you were concerned about her getting pregnant by an A.A? I don't get it.

The girl did not say she wanted to get pregnant with no plans to marry, give the girl some credit, the girl is pretty intelligent. Also, the girl is not pregnant nor did she say she was planning to become pregnant at least 1 time or 2 times or 3 times or 4 sense you want to put two on the ten.

It sounds like you are switching up what you originally meant, it seems like in your attempted indirect way, you call your self nicely putting it, you want to continue to push that A.A are not good for anything when it comes to family, that all the women do is get pregnant by several different men and then the men are not there. That is what it seems like you want to convey to this young girl and I say it is wrong and prejudice of you.[/b]

Lately people in Nairaland have been getting mad at me for telling the truth, I am not here to sugar coat anything. There are to many people in nairaland wearing two faces, I see it to much and it is scary. It makes me wonder will all Africans ever unite or are we gonna continue to be the only people who depend on everyone else to help us.

I don't see this just as an AA problem,it concerns me deeply because they are my people too.

If it concerns you, I sure as hell can not tell. It seems like to me if you were really concerned, of course at all times you should keep it real. I am not saying that all that you have mentioned is not true about A.A men and women but what I am saying is, you need to learn some good things about A.A's instead of dwelling on the bad. You should also be trying to teach A.A's with no ego intent, instead of seeing them as some type of savage lost people, who are doomed.

It has been alleged that Aids is the highest in Africa, it has been alleged that aids started in Africa. I just saw a documentary where in various parts of Africa, children are losing both parents and becoming orphans, this is happening wide spread in Africa.

Would you like it if A.A's reffered to Africans born in Africa as people full of aids? Would you like it if I was in nairaland telling A.A's to not get involved with Africans because they mostly have aids and the men cheat so much that they contribute to the spread of aids? Would you like it if I was telling people that if they marry a continent born African and have children with them, that more than likely their children will become orphans because the Continent born African will most likely give the American aids? Those are all genarlizations, what you said was a genaraliztion and generalizations do not help our people.

I did part of my externship in a maximum security prison,in a state in the North east with very low number of black people but the number of black men there were more than 55% of the total inmate population.
That was very disheartening to me how these young,handsome men are basically ruined and if you traced their roots,a large number had no male models in their lives.

Good for you, you found a subject to use for your externship, now how do you use that information to help your black brothers and sisters in America? that is what I would like to hear? Or do you figure they are doomed?

As an African born in America, I don't need to hear your statistics about a problem that has been going on for a long time in the American black community. I see it everyday. I work with children, I am a teacher. I see how little black boys try to imitate their male figure teachers, I know they are in need of a male role model, those little girls need one to.

We get our education for what? to brag about statistics? Statistics is a white mans way to bring about a loss of hope. We should be spending more of our time on proving the statistics wrong instead of intelligently harping on the statistics in our externships to show that we are on our way to a higher education,

@babiyosi

How many AA in the workplace or school do you know that come from a 2 parent household? and how many Nigerians do you know that do?

Babiyosi, I am all for the two parent homes, believe you me I am.

Let me ask you this though, how many of those continental African two parent homes are affected by infidelity?

My point is, you can for the sake of tradition stay married or get married but if your marriage is only sustaining because of tradition, what good is the two parent home really?

In other words if a Continental African father is a cheater and yet he raises his daughters to be faithful to men like him, what would be the good in that?

People should be allowed to be who they are. If they were, you would not have African men who are cheaters being forced into marriage for the sake of tradition and for the sake of maintaining the outside look that they are not like A.A's

Point being, Continental Africans do the same things A.A do, but Continental Africans hide their faults behind tradition. Where as A.A's don't hid anything. Tradition is nothing if you do not honor it.

If an A.A does not come from a two parent home, he or she should not be looked down on and not accepted as suitable for another African.

Instead of looking down on each other, we should be sharing the goods of what we each have. A.A people have good quality's to offer and teach continental Africans and continental Africans have good quality's to offer and teach A.A. Not one group is better than the other.