₦airaland Forum

@Uju4eva

Lol, ugwumba has a point. For a while, I didn't get what you guys were saying, talking about chicken and wives and everything. You guys are talking inside a greater depth of something else, but all i wanted is a simple answer, but it's alright if it's backed up with other analysisis of your answers,

It's just like I said Uju, you are smart

@chinani

So if a man thinks he's in control and the wife never cares and/or aknowledges he's in control, is he? I thinks it's a question of perspective. But then when men come to the US, it becomes important for them to stomp around & talk about how powerful they are "back home" b/c some obviously lack power here & are insecure about it. I think these men are trying to convince themselves and others about something (i.e. selling dreams).

I see your point Chinani, but to some extinct the Nigerian as well as all African men, they have some control and to some extinct they may not have control. In their control mode, the king arrogance comes out, weather they are really in control or not. I do agree the control factor or the pretense of control is all do to insecurities but the insecurity has to come from some kind of challenge that was not normally a challenge where they came from, or traditionally use to.

@Ugwumba


Ugwumba, you are right. I forgot that a young girl posted this topic. I am so sorry.

I sure don't want her to become even more confused but then again, you know what? I wish I knew all these things when I was her age.

If the girl is smart enough to post a topic like this, I believe though that she is smart enough to know right from wrong. I also think she has the courage to think for herself.

@Drusilla and Donzman

I am not in agreement with your analysis. Infact the women of Nigeria and many African countries have some of the exact same heavy burdens that African American women have carried.

I am not always in agreement with your analysis either Drusilla. Excuse me but, me always being in agreance with you and you me, that is neither here nor there and tha goes for you to Donzman. However Drusilla, I respect your opinions and I trust your judgments because you love black people and it shows in what you write in nairaland. I know that A.A women suffer the same things but in the context I was speaking of was in reference to what Hero said.

Heros quote:

I find it mighty odd how it's often expressed that it's ok for an African man/male to get involved with, or marry if you will,  an AA women/female, yet not for an African female to do so with an AA male. This seems pretty sexist to me.

I was responding to him, giving him my thoughts on the hypocrisy of justification in how it is okay for Nigerian men to marry other women but not okay for the Nigerian female to do the same, unless in rare cases, very rare.

How else do you explain that there are more Nigerian men marrying white women than there are Nigerian women marrying white men or any man born outside of their tribe, black or white.

I love you to death Drusilla but some times I get the impression that, in your quest to show your faithfulness to Continent born Africans, you over look a lot of things. While over looking, you always have to make your non agreance known when it is not always necassary.

African woman face unimaginable burdens whether they are Continental or American African women

Drusilla, I am very aware of that. The burdens of the Nigerian women are not any worst than the burdens of A.A or any other black woman. However, at this time we are adressing the hypocrisy amongst the Nigerian male thinking in referance to dating or marrying outside of the Nigerian woman. I don't see how you could have over looked. In another discussion area, I forget the one, you made it a point to respond to my reference of Continental Afrcans and A.A's but you over looked that I said all black people are suffering the same. No black people is worser or badder than another group of black people, we are all doing equally bad. Do you remember that?

In fact if it were me, I consider some sort of therapy necessary to deal specifically with the stress and burden that sexuality as a way to eat in an immizerated country (country with absolute poverty) something that Continental African women need to be dealing with, starting groups about, at least to talk about the pain of it amongst themselves.

Well, the white man has done a good job, this situation may be the hardest to over come because through the white mans plagiarized Christianity with additionals of white supremacy added to christianity, before a black woman even thinks her sexuality should be happy, and fun loving, she will first think of her self as impure. Her thoughts of being impure is a direct result of what she had to do in order to survive. As long as her survival becomes dependant upon her sexuality and the price being paid for it, she will never be able to forgive herself and she will always see herself as impure, and the battle becomes even harder to win. I sure as hell better be specific, this goes for all black woman.

I think that Nigerian men sometimes, as AA men act out because of their feelings of powerlessness, it is the one area where they can feel wanted and needed. There are issues there too but I do not think they come from a sense of them being king.

If one knows the reason why one does something negative, if one really cares, one will change. If one does not care to change or is scared to change, one will stay the same.

You said in the above, you don't think. If you don't think, you sure don't know the resons why either. Neither do I. My King statment  was an implication, I know now that I should have been specific. I don't think African males really deal with the source of why they do what they do either, but I have heard many Nigerians saying that they have control over their Nigerian woman. In fact, I have heard Africans from Mali, and Ghana say the same thing. So, my implication was, they think they are king, an African male arrogance.

A.A men have this arrogance as well but it derives from the myth, that there is a shortage of black men. A.A men take advantage of that myth and A.A women fall for the myth. The differences between how A.A mans arrogance manifest is what makes Nigerian men feel that they are better than A.A men. And, for the A.A man, the differences make him feel as though the continent born African thinks he is better than the A.A man. better meaning that the continet born  African mans manifestation of arrogance does not go as far as to put a woman on the streets. When if you look at the core of both arrogant differences, they are the same, they both can lead a black woman to date and marry white men or they both can lead a woman to the streets to sell her body. In either case, it was the black man, black husband, black father and black brother who's negative image distorts the black womans thoughts of him, as well as the thoughts of her self.

@Hero

I think it has a lot to do with the African male arrogance. A.A men have arrogance to but we are talking about the Nigerian African arrogance.

Nigerian men who discriminate against other Africans only does it because he believes he is the king. If necessary, the king will marry who he needs to marry i.e who ever can get him papers or get him what ever he needs, i.e survival.

He is the sole provider for the family and what ever he does will help the entire family. Where as the Nigerian African female, rarely has to do what ever it takes to take care of the family unit, all she has to do is be there and nurture.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian African woman is really being cheated, because she stays faithful while the Nigerian male justifies his promiscuity.

There is no justification for a promiscuous Nigerian African female, she is just a LovePeddler and there is no understanding for why she did what she does, you see what I am saying?

It is not fare but what do you expect from a continent of people who have been inflatrated several times by outsiders who have caused the entire continent of people to become insecure.

The Nigerian African female looks like on the outisde that she is highly regarded, but she is not. Infact, she is very much so taken for granted and misused

@Goodguy

Hey Sista, I understand you now.

What exactly do you understand? Or were you just giving me a response

My birtday is January 11th making my [size=20pt]Sun[/size] sign [size=20pt]Capricorn[/size].

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I have been studying astrology for 12 years now and it is the only thing I have ever studied that tells the truth and the truth has no flaws. Everything about Astrology is understanding.