₦airaland Forum

alutacontinua: Aunty, stop talking to the guy ASAP! You're treading a very dangerous path. I'm sure when you met him, you never thought it could go this far. Just like you still never know how far this may go. As ladies, we like attention and sometimes want to eat our cake and have it.

One thing I don't understand is why you didn't tell him early enough that you had a boyfriend. Seems like you were leading the guy on and he's not going to leave you now, not until you stand your ground. Also "I'm not sure that's possible" is an answer any guy would like to try harder on. What happened to "Don't bother, he's the best guy on earth and NO ONE, NOT EVEN YOU can replace him" or something like that. You were feeling the guy, led him on and trust me, if you don't put an end to this, it's just the beginning of the end for your relationship. This is where discipline comes in, forfeiting that whole attention for the sake of your relationship even when the attention is 'sweet' is what they call DISCIPLINE.

I agree that response wasn't the best. Its probably what the new guy is still holding on to.

Which brings me to this question..Op , mind telling what you guys discuss? Is it still about date me, I'm not sure I wanna date you ,or you just chat like friends?

sweetcheecks: Actually having been chatting with this guy between the post, I need to be honest here. In my heart this feels like cheating. Its allowing someone into your non phisical part and have devided I am not really ready to loose my boyfriend. You see I know his bad, good and uggly side and am willing to live with it whereas I cannot risk loosing my boyfriend for just a few butterflies I get from.someone I do not know. He might change tommorow and am not ready to start another getting to know and accept another.

So, it feels good but the guilt is worse. If it was right I would not feel so much guilt. Just hope my boyfriend feels the same way when temptation comes knocking.

Good to know you also realise what is good for you. Its probably a 'temporary crush' and I think you feeling that guilt already shows you are putting conscious effort into not getting carried away.

Be wise dear..wiser than mr new guy.

I'm a lady and this has happened to me a couple of times, I mean have someone else catch my fancy apart from my boyfriend..don't mind most of these dudes acting like its uncommon or irresponsible of you. I believe It must have happened to most people at one time or the other.

I agree What you are doing can be called emotional cheating especially if you are denying your boyfriend the required attention and comparing him to the new guy consciously or unconsciously.

One thing I'd like to point out however is that it is very normal for the new guy to show you more attention, so you shouldn't create room for comparism at all. He wants you, your boyfriend has you already, he'd definitely want to do more.

There's a way you can balance it by reducing the frequency of your chats and the contents as well (don't know what you guys chat about). Its not advisable to discuss intimate things or talk to him about your boyfriend or his shortcomings. You are not in the same city, so the chances of getting physical is still very slim. You can work on the emotional cheating before it gets deeper than this without totally losing his friendship.

*peeeeeeeeepppppppps*

Waiting for the spill too

Na me be that o *pops collar*

Why are you still on nairaland btw, thought you wanted to stop your addiction to internet ..which brings me to another question..how is e-crush

Happy birthday obinno

didisky: i wonder why a young girl should go out after 7pm

Why are you all talking as if 7pm is midnight? For crying out loud, these people stay in the same area, Ologuneru. Both homes are probably not far from each other. The dead is gone, but I feel really sorry for the poor girl.

I once had a similar experience and I can relate with this. Infact reading this story just made me recall the whole incidence. Mine was 3pm, same area, a friend of 2yrs and my first time of ever reciprocating his visit almost got me molested. Had no idea he was drunk too..no scratch that, he wasn't drunk but he took alcohol to 'ginger' him I guess.. We had mutual friends, my siblings knew him very well and he had been to my house on so many occasions. He never asked me out and even knew my boyfriend, so attempted molestation never crossed my mind.

One thing that hurt me most was the fact that I later heard he told one of our mutual friends this "how she go come my house and think say I no go fu\ck am, she be learner? She should count herself lucky I pitied her and dint acheive my aim, I no do 2\10th of what I had in mind".

I was stunned. How did I fail to notice this friend of mine was a beast? If only I knew some men think a girl's visit is an automatic se..x ticket, I would never have gone there.

I learnt my lessons though. 'Never to visit any man (except my dad, bro and my trusted boyfriend) alone, the time of the day does not matter, neither does the duration of your friendship.

I hope the girl gets out of this mess.

babyosisi: I didn't bother reading the posts following my previous one
I said a picture without a head
Well I am glad she is getting a lot of attention
Hopefully she won't fall into the hands of the 419ers wey full this place[b][/b]

You are nothing but a nuisance.

Happyness_Chima: Please forgive and ignore. Let him continue with the ramblings.

Okay ma'am

12 inches!:
Well, I have made my candid opinion known in the first post and any other thing i post here may be clouded in jokes and sarcasm. That was a joke. Really now I'm just having fun. I've seen women throw many good men away on the false premise that the guy is not settled enough yet and seen other women married those same men in less than one year and they have good marriages. I'm just trying to knock op to reality. She seems to have her head in a hole. Or shey you want her to end up with a divorcee with the main wife coming to scatter the wedding live on Linda ikeji's blog

PS: Men do consider these things. That older women get less fertile. Even medicine proves it.I consider it. Other men will. I have seen replies on this same issue by men on another thread already.

Oh please shut up and knock yourself into reality first. Do you even see yourself as a man at all. Don't let me dig your former posts on this thread on how badly you have been treated in you past relationship.

Carry your frustration and bad belleism away from this thread!

Oh and btw, may people have fun at you own problems too..

12 inches!:
Well, I have made my candid opinion known in the first post and any other thing i post here may be clouded in jokes and sarcasm. That was a joke. Really now I'm just having fun. I've seen women throw many good men away on the false premise that the guy is not settled enough yet and seen other women married those same men in less than one year and they have good marriages. I'm just trying to knock op to reality. She seems to have her head in a hole. Or shey you want her to end up with a divorcee with the main wife coming to scatter the wedding live on Linda ikeji's blog

PS: Men do consider these things. That older women get less fertile. Even medicine proves it.I consider it. Other men will. I have seen replies on this same issue by men on another thread already.

Oh please shut up and knock yourself into reality first. Do you even see yourself as a man at all. Don't let me dig your former posts on this thread on how badly you have been treated in you past relationship.

Carry your frustration and bad belleism away from this thread!

Happyness_Chima: Thank you all for the replies.

Permit to me say this to some of you. Just because I'm looking for a spouse does not make me your comic toy. I will fight back if you come at me rudely. I work too hard for myself and give respect to others in all situations. 12 inches, your comment didn't hurt. You are unmarried so we're in the same shoes. Unless you feed a woman, clothe and house her, your ridicule points back to you. I dated a man for 5 years and I know he's in God's hands smiling at me whilst shaking his head at some people here. Is it easy tomove on? Tell me is it? Have u ever worn my shoes? Some of you just talk anyhow like we're all unserious people in our lives. I found solace in my achievements and turned to partying more with my friends but i realize its time to grow up and adapt to change. Only broke men that think i'm proud because of your poor self-esteem.

I'm the go-to person for organizing baby showers, wedding events and children'd bday parties. I'm a God mother to 3 children. Everybody loves me. The reason I opened this topic on this website is because last night one of my friends called me that she and hubby have been praying for me to get hitched that im so nice but why am i unmarried. It broke me to tears so i decided to come and seek advice here. As soon as I mentioned Uk, some people almost died on top the matter. If i tell u that im in SA right now on official duty, they might even have heart attack.

All these attacks are inconsequential. You cannot diagnose and analyze the life of a person you've never met with so much confidence and rudeness as if im a baby. Many women are in my shoes but fear wil not let then open a topic like this. For all those that had something beneficial to say, God will locate you.

Awwww...I like you Op..May God continue to bless you abundantly and answer you prayers soon.

A lot of nairaland (and offline) guys are intimidated bt successful women, so I'm not surprised at their comments at all. I'm glad you dint allow them get to you.

@12inches and others, your mission don fail o..you may crawl back into your struggling-to- -make-a-decent-living zone now. hohoho

12 inches!:
As in... If they were going out already accepted. But to start a new relationship with a 31 year old lady . We may need to defrost her ovaries . God forgive me for my mouth

Lord have mercy! This is a very terrible post.

You go from thread to thread spewing nonsense and telling yourself that you are blunt. You are not blunt bro, you are very stu!pid.

Having a joystick alone isn't a proof of fertility, even a 35-year old woman might be more fertile than you are. Please learn to engage your brain before posting a comment next time.

alosiby92: By the way, I see you commenting on a thirty something year old's marriage thread....oh, buddy buddy...somethings never change

How do you mean na

^Alos the humble and peace loving woman woman...hohohoho

Why have u decided to stop loving burger nuts oo...

ChiSun27: Bfor i say anythng...try to answer dis ?

1. 4rm d age of 22 -25...wia men komin to ask for ur hand in marriage?

2. 4rm d age of 26-28...wia u bizy living ur life to d fullest n making unnecessary selection of d typ of man u want or not?

3. 4rm d age of 29-30..did u appear to b too xpensive in front of guys...lyk in churches, work or place of abode?

4. Now dat u r 31...hw r u living ur life presently to mek up for those period dat u wia mayb playn hard to get?

Reply ASAP.

Of what use are the first three questions please?

She already explained how she is living her present life which is what you should work with and offer advice if you have any.

I know most men would come here to conclude she turned down potential suitors in her twenties reason she is not married now. They are called 'potential' suitors for a reason, a lady should not accept any suitor that comes her way or endure a bad relationship because of the fear of being single at 30.

As men too, you come across many potential wives growing up, but you end up picking just one as your wife.

Being a female does not necessarily mean one doesn't have a choice (though I understand it can not be totally compared to a male's life cycle). But as long as one's set standards are realistic, there should be no settling for less.

honeric01: reason bro, reason.

Just check her replies to the husband's thread.

Accusations against the man even though the thread is there for us to read.

Even accusing the man of painting her a bad mother even though we can all read on the thread that apart from the cheating part, the man has been full of praises for the wife.

This woman to me is grasping at straws and most of what she wrote is to try to bring the 'game' to the man.

Go and read again with a neutral mindset, we know you love to support women but ignore sentiments this time around.

This, I agree with. I wonder if this is the same wife the man referred to as intelligent. Nothing about her posts depicts intelligence. Full of unnecessary information and hatred for her husband. Not one good thing was said about the man she married, yet she claims she's been begging him for months. If the picture she painted about her husband is really true, why exactly would she be begging him. She claims to be the breadwinner, left her baby for a week to work, yada yada, yet she has been begging this so called irresponsible man for 8months. One would expect someone like her not to feel remorseful at all but see her affair as payback.

I'm sorry Op, you asked us to be the judge but I am not convinced you are saying the truth. I repeat, If this man is as terrible as you just described, you would not have sleepless nights or keep begging for him for forgiveness.

Lastly, you need to go through your husband's posts on that thread and read how he kept singing your praises and his love for his daughter despite everything.

Ps- thanks for the entertainment too. Nairaland is usually boring on sundays.

..

babyosisi:

I hope there is a settled young man here to take the bull by the b.alls

You are indeed a very restless woman. What do you stand to gain by mocking this poster. You think your life is better just because you claim to be married?

You keep going on and on about her preference for someone settled. Is there a crime in that? She has worked hard enough to become settled in life and she deserves a good man to complement that.

In as much as she has been advised to lower her expectations and be more open minded, which I agree with, I do no wish her a marriage to any unsettled guy just because she wants to be a mrs. She has to be wary of irresponsible unsettled guys who will just come into her life to squander her money.

Don't make it seem as if all unsettled guys are good and responsible while their settled counterparts are not.

Op, live your life and be on the look out for good, decent and responsible men, settled or unsettled. Your priority should be making yourself happy and approachable. Be open minded and very observant too.

All the best.

og12: Ijoan and freecocoa,una don shop belle fully come here dey display abi?abeg u ppl shld allow odas to comment too abi na only una get d thread.ladies...worst enemies of demselves.if it were to be guys,one person must hv given in and allow d matter to rest...but women...nbanu!

Who is this one biko? Are women the only ones that go back and forth on nairaland? How is your comment even related to the topic since you claim both ladies held your fingers and stopped you from posting a comment.

Please keep your itchy fingers and stay away from your typing device if you have nothing reasonable to say.

Awwwwww...very real and interesting responses. She's so fond her husband and daughter. I love her interview.. God bless you ma'am....

No 7 is so hilarious...

*Faces palm*

Don't make me shy alos..lol

Siena: Even a common thief deserves a fair trial, do you truly feel rápe is the solution? I'm really surprised you, a woman would take this view. We both know her boss wasn't looking to rápe her out of a desire to punish her, it was more for his own selfish desire.

Her boss is worse than your acclaimed common thief. A superior who keeps theft quiet for the purposes of blackmail is a sleazebag, the lowest form of human life.

Well said.

Op, Why exactly do you want to murder your boss? I do think there is something you are not telling us. Unbuttoning of shirt alone is not enough to let murder thoughts cross your mind.


Btw Op,you don't seem to be bothered much about your crime, but see It as one of those mistakes and your boss who is supposed to address the issue as a superior resorted to blackmail.. I feel for those poor customers.

alosiby92: LOL...SOM and B...shame, poor guy probably likes you and all your #babycallottiself can do is be bored at his messages...even to the point of "sleeping" at 8pm kwanu?
by the way, what did you think about rule number 17?

Every sane muslim knows rule 17 doesn't make sense and the reaction from people was not surprising at all. Muslims would have protested too if the case were reversed. I personally do not open any religious thread anymore on nl because I can't stand the insults and mockery of what I believe in.

I am so far from being a fanatic but I can not stand it when people insult my religion, my God and His Prophets, I'd rather not open the thread \ talk about it. I'm that sensitive to religious discussion reason I can not be friends with someone who does not respect my belief.
Same way atheists insult God and christian religious leaders. The rule should have been for all religions.

I'm glad seun had a rethink. We should learn to live and let live.

You go fear joysticks

ohaleoghene: If she is what you want in a woman *character wise and physical looks * will advise you Stick to her , her type could be a rare gem ...as for marriage proposal , will advise you take your time , study each other , and first put in all your strenght ito seeing the money she gave you yeild fruit ...you guys have been apart for a long time , many things would have changed, check to see if you can live with the changes . Be the man in the relationship, don't let her gift turn u to the neck ,her gift could be a snare to trap you , as she might be subject to change after the wedding . plus dnt take pity on her because she often shows up in times of your lacks . Nonetheless, she could that perfect woman prepared to take you through the path of life *op you are lucky o, in all , do what pleases you so you could take glory or blame for it

Yes, she is a rare gem but she doesn't deserve this unrare human being called scarpon.

He is a gold digger
He has admitted he is not the 'faithful type'
He has poor writing skills
He is selfish and inconsiderate
He is probably not of good behaviour \irresponsible reason his own elder sister refused to 'settle' him after 'serving' her (whatever that means)
He is a liar (no salary-earning naija girl would give a man 2million naira, if she were to be a politician's daughter, maybe I'd have believed mr scarpon)
He is still trying to build himself and his imaginary dream after collecting 2millionaira.
Ati bee be lo.....

Dude needs to get a life and let the poor girl be.

I can overlook every other blunder in your original post but definitely not 'Concedaring'...wth bro?

Anyway, you are either a gold digger or a blatant liar or both.