₦airaland Forum

@poster

Jack off, Butt breath !!!!!

@Poster
Always have a box of Tic Tac or peppermints handy and when he comes around to kiss you, immediately hand him one and tell him to chew it right quick. And if he ask you why, tell him they smell better


How bad does it smell anyways?? If it smells like Butt, he probably got it from licking on a bad Punane (if you know what i mean) ! Nothing smells worst than a bad Ponmo !

@Ndipe
Your post is kind of interesting. After reading your post, i began to think to myself that you must be one of those that have tried so many times to travel abroad and have been rejected that many times. Look here bro', i love Naija with every bones and fibers in my body. My hope for Naija was dashed right after the last elections. I almost wept. As for looking for a job in Naija, well as long as their are companies that strive for the best, they will always employ people with the best experience and educations. Imagine most university science students and even science professors in Nigeria does NOT know what a DNA is !!! Nigerian universities has been reduced to a glorified high school. Even i know some high school laboratories that you can't compare with Nigerian universities laboratories. It's a shame. The idiots in govt. are only there for their own pocket book. Imagine a man like Obasanjo running a govt. ?? Or an ignoramus like Babagana Kingibe running a country. It's scary ! THE PRESENT OLDER GENERATION IN NIGERIA IS A WASTED GENERATION !. There is nothing wrong in going overseas as long as you get your head right. Even the bible says a man's worth is more valuable outside is domain. Don't make travelling abroad a bad thing just because you didn't get a visa.

@Poster
Who gives a rat's @$$ about what islam thinks about banking. Bunch of trouble making rag heads !

@Poster

NO! you can NOT. And if i was this young girl's brother, you are already a dead Gorilla meat ! Olosi.

What banks pay to retain, attract good hands 28/11/2007



Banks are offering their employees mouth-watering salaries to strengthen their staff pool, reports SIMEON EBULU.
TWO years after their figure was trimmed from 89 to 25, banks are striving to keep their competent hands and attract good hands.

They have every cause to do so.

Not only do they have fatter purses in terms of profits, their vaults are brimming with billions of shareholders funds.

Their shareholders are also not complaining because they earn more dividends and even get bonus shares.

In their bids to improve on their performance and play in the global market, the banks need competent hands which they attract with juicy and irresistible packages.

For instance, eight of the banks now splash a princely N91.826 billion on their 36,038 employees yearly, a figure which translates to an average of N2.54 million per worker.

But not all the banks pay that much. Most of them pay between N1.0 million and N1.5 million yearly for lower cadre employees and a maximum of N5 million for management staff.

The figures are exclusive of allowances and other benefits paid to directors and top officials.

Zenith Bank Plc has just adjusted its salaries and wages upwards as further incentives to its employees.

Its 5,426 workforce earn more than N13.527 billion during the last financial year, with an additional N1.123 billion set aside for retirement benefits, representing the 2.5 per cent and 12.5 per cent statutory contributions by employees and the bank.

Nearly 4,000 of Zenith Bank Plc employees are bunched into three major salary levels with those earning between N1.5 million and N2.0 million constituting the highest number (1,825).

About 1,018 others earn between N2.0 million to N2.5 million.

Another 558 earn between N3.0 million and N3.5 million, while 551 others are paid between N3.5 million to N3.8 million.

Overall, Zenith Bank Plc, prior to the salary review, spent N14.651 billion on its employees’ emoluments and retirement benefits.

Union Bank Nigeria Plc spent N15.818 billion last year on its 7,844 employees categorized into junior, senior and managerial staff, with senior staff

Some 5,836 of the figure were senior employees while the junior ones 1,415. Those in the management category were 593.

Of the expenditure, N1.559 billion was spent on retirement benefits. Interestingly, more than 6,000 employees, representing 83.78 per cent of the workforce earned more than N150,000 monthly or N 1.8 million yearly.

At Oceanic Bank International Plc, the 2,270 employees earned N7.1 billion as salaries and wages, inclusive of retirement benefits last year.

While N6.875 billion was paid as salaries and wages, N225.429 million was set aside to defray retirement benefit costs.

Besides, N65.419 million was paid as directors’ remuneration, comprising N2.865 million (fees and sitting allowances) and N62.55 million (Executive compensation).

The employee flow chart of Oceanic Bank International Plc shows an eight-level salary structure.

Last year, no employee of the bank earned less than N800,000 yearly, unlike two years ago when 139 employees earned that much. The least paid employee of the bank earned between N800,000 – N1.200 million last year. There were 299 employees in that category. Most of the employees, numbering 1244 fall under two salary categories of between N1.2 million and (N1.6 million N1.6 million) to N2 million.

However, employees in the highest salary grade of N3.2 million and above rose by 26 to 98 employees from its previous 72 in 2005. The development was attributed to staff elevation.

For its 2,112 employees comprising management and non-management employees, First City Monument Bank (FCMB) spent N6.021 billion, covering salaries and wages (N5.698 billion) and retirement benefit (N322.8 million).

The bank’s employees are on eight salary grades, with the least paid going home with about N1.5 million yearly and its highest category put at N5.0 million and above. According to figures obtained by The Nation, 798 employees earn less than N1.5 million per annum while 101 others earn N5.0 million and above. There are 12 other employees who earn between N3.5 million and N4.0 million. The salaries of 1,201 others are staggered over five salary grade levels.

Until April, Diamond Bank spent N7.039 billion as salaries, wages and retirement benefits on its 2,435 employees.

About N6.773 billion of the amount was spent on salaries and wages while another N265.851 million was for retirement benefits. The expenses were exclusive of directors and other related staff expenses and showed a remarkable increase over the N4.812 billion for the same period in 2006. The jump was attributed to higher number of employees which rose from 1,759 in 2006 to the existing 2,435.

Diamond Bank salary structure is categorized into nine. Some 962 of the employees in the group earned between N1.3 million and N2.0 million yearly.

Thirty five of the employees each earned N9.0 million and above. The 962 employees in the first step of the income ladder for 2007 represent a 262 increase over the 700 on the bank’s payroll in 2006. The Nation learnt that the increase was the result of a massive recruitment undertaken by the bank to rejuvenate its operations.

On account of their large pools of employees, Intercontinental Bank coupled with First Bank Nigeria Plc spent betweenN19.447 billion and N19.908 billion as salaries and wages for their combined 14,486 workforce.

First Bank Nigeria Plc with 315 management staff, 6,371 senior staff and 907 junior workers, pays at least N60,000 monthly. About 101 of such employees earn between N60,000 and N70,000 monthly. Another 193 earn more than N1.0 million monthly.

Some 2,953 of the employees earn between N200,000 and N300,000. Overall, the bank’s payroll of N19.908 billion as at march 31 this was about N1.444 billion higher than last year’s figure.

First Bank now has an additional 194 employees hired in the past one year

Intercontinental Bank Plc, 6,895 employees, bloated by 2,910 auxiliary staff, more than doubled its staff costs in the year under review.

As against its current N19.447 billion expenditure on staff emolument, the bank spent N8.817 billion on such costs in the previous year.

The jump is attributed to the employment of fresh hands.

Access Bank Plc, with staff strength of 729 as of March, spent more than N1.8443 billion on wages and salaries as well as pension.

Of its 729 employees, 230 are in the N1.540 million – N1.550 million income brackets. One of its employees earns between N11.350 million and N11.360 million per annum. The pay of 10 others falls below the N10.800 million to N10.810million income bracket.

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@Poster

Goodluck Bro' i doubt if you will ever find a good girl. These days, You just take 'em at face value and pray to God that she doesn't misbehave too much. Not that she won't misbehave, but not too much !! Goodluck though !

@Spoilt

Nigerian women and their advice. Most Nigerian relationships will last if Nigerian women can stay out of couples business. Even western women of today are learning a bit of submission to their men. But no be Naija sisters. Agidi ti po ju!!

@Deemayjee

"ol deemayjee, i wouldn't worry about that. Your brother was just sampling her to see if she was a good girl. Now that you know she is, if i were you i would just go ahead and marry her. She is a wife material !

@Ifyalways

It's a simple question. do you have a man? I guess i can see why you don't want to see another woman with a man !

@gbimbola

Why would she keep you posted Here goes another one, Nigerian playboy ! Do you need US citizenship too ??

@J-girl

What part of derty are you at?? Are you at derty derty south? or just derty south?

@ifyalways

Do you have a man

@RIKKI

Hey Babygirl, How are you doing?? Reading your post was like having a flashback. I used to be Dele except for the name calling. But mine was a little different because she gave me reasons to be suspicious. Countless lies and hearing the voice of a man on the other side of the phone at night. But it wasn't enough to put a woman in mystery. No be by force. Look, there are 2 things that might be wrong with Dele, it's either he's extremely Immature or he's just plain LOCO (insane)! Please wait on the introductions and have a heart to heart talk with him. If you love him, tell him to his face that you love him and not looking for any other man. Express your feelings towards him and give him tme to change, and if he doesn't buy you a good "Gorrila of a boot" and kick his insanity butt to the curb. But don't be in a haste to throw him under the train. Trust me, most men are insecure towards a woman they really love and few are just rough necks that just don't give a damn ! It took me losing the love of my life to realize that there are limitations to insecurity, I lost the center of my heart and i felt so empty for a while. But now, i realize that a good woman is a priceless gift ! Give Dele your mind and time to see if he changes. Because the next one might not be better than him. Goodluck sweetheart and have fun either with Dele or Deleless.

@Adetina

Just be patient and watch this guy for sometime. Don't be in haste to make decisions. Trust me guys are not like a box of chocolate, you know exactly what you get when you pick 'em. Just chill and flow with his yab, sooner or later he will reveal his true picture and you will be able to read all of his pages like Oprah's book of the month. Please don't rush anything just because he spits sweets. open your eyes and watch, i'm a guy and i know our true intentions usually comes out with time. Also becareful of advises that tells you to run without a solid proof that his fake. he might be an angel in disguise. Goodluck, babygirl.

wzup ??

@Poster

Estonia ke, What will you do in a country like estonia for God's sake ?

@Crossroad

I feel your pain my brother, it's never easy being away from home. But, even the bible says that there is blessing in venturing outside one's home sometimes. I have heard a lot of discouraging things about the UK and i also know that an average British is a very narrow minded individual. You are the only one who knows what's best for you, i don't think life inside Canada or USA is as shallow as it is in the UK but with that being said a foreigner will always be foreigner to this Oyinbos. I have thought about it myself over and over again, but the condition back home in Nigeria needs caution. Even people back at home are complaining of one thing or the other, it's not like a good life is Nigeria is effortless. But if you feel like your happiness is back in Nigeria, go for it. My happiness is truely in Nigeria but it requires caution and proper timing. I have seen so many people, that came back home with money and started business and got good jobs only to run back overseas because of one problem or the other. But whatever decision you make i say goodluck and God Bless.

@Poster

You better leave your wife alone till she has the baby, i heard that unborn babies dey grab foreign object they see inside their mama's belly and sometimes even bite it. Read your Biology book, it's a defense mechanism against a rotten object like OKO ( Dick) !!  Just Wait olosi, oloko nla.

@Money4u

You sound like you have been denied entry to the Good 'o US of A !!! How is Turkey by the way, i hope the terrorists are not getting to you

@Omoge

The more you run away from them, the more they run towards you. I think to myself sometimes that if the oraisa boys grab hold of you bastards, you will see the bottom of a rugged cookin pot !

those fu#$ing rag heads animals.

This about telemarketers calling to sell you stuffs. Check it out! It's better if you listen to it and read the transcript at the same time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

@Poster

You know there is a element of truth in your words when women pounce on something like this. Sad but funny, women don't wanna hear nothing like that. You are luck they can't reach you. You would have been eating your food through a straw !

You can't even hand a policeman a $20 bill when he pulls you over for speeding. They call that one bribery, IMAGINE !!!

@awon boiz

Very funny. You know few years back, a Camerounian was arrested for killing one of those squirrels that freely roams about. He was charged with animal cruelty. So many Oyinbos testified against him !!!

@Poster

You may think this is funny right now, but i'm sure if you don't correct your mistake and do right by this girl and the baby you will live to regret it and wish you'd rather die. It's not too late, call her make arrangements with her and start a family. It does not require much to start a family, build her up to your level and you'll be amazed how bright she will shine if you polish her. If you don't, you will regret it trust me. It never fails, it's KARMA baby !

This is modern days Nigerian marriage for you !

@Gettochyk

Where did you get that artwork? It's so inspiring. Makes me want to give my girl the whole world ! The brother also kind of look like me.

@Poster

Was Obasanjo and babangida on it when it collapsed ?? Awon Omo ale (Bastards).