₦airaland Forum

macjive01:
i got this story off a friend and i wud describe it in the first person mode.


My name is bola, i am married with a 2 years old daughter, i am a staff nurse at a hospital in central london, i am tired of my husband, he irritates me now, i think i shd simply send him back to Nigeria.

I'm 33 and my husband Hassan is 42, i have realized now he is too too old for me. i dont like him any more but i have no doubt he loves me, luvs me so so much. His absolute love for me is killing me, making it very difficult for me to take the step i want to. jettison him.

I am so confused. i have been to counselling and was advised to leave him if it has gotten to the stage it is now. i just want to hurt him. But he has done nothing to me. He left his full time job at Tesco to take care of the baby since i earned more, he does everything in the house, takes care of the baby, does the dishes , the cooking and laundry, and still work at kfc part time now and again - mostly on Sunday night and Tuesday nights.   

The first time i cheated on him i felt so guilty and saddened that i told him. He cried, and cried, he never shouted or rained abuses on me, he didn't fight me or threaten to leave me, he simply cried. Strangely, the more he cried the better i felt. its crazy but i became really excited.

since then i have done everything i know i cud do to make him cry. really , not to hurt him but to have him cry and beg me.

Now, his Visa is expiring  and he wud have to be on mine- HSMP, i don't know, but i feel like send him back to Nigeria but im confused.

please what shd i do ?

If this poster is telling the truth which i kinda doubt, then she should be ashamed of herself. If making your husband cry gets your P*ssy wet then you need a psychiatric help. It is women like you that makes some men think it alright to maltreat women.

kufreabasi:
Union bank with old people with big eye glasses-lenses and be looking at computer consistently

LMAO!! i find this very funny, i can imagine them wringing their nose starring at the Computer while using one hand to adjust their big eye glasses.

9 in 10 of these incidents are amongst the Igbo people. And i'm not trying to start a tribal debate but it is the fact.

@Mutter

Wow!

It seems like Nigerian men have the mentality of possession when they get into a relationship or marriage. Mutter God bless you! How can a man beat his wife everyday? Inhumanity is what i call it.

If anyone knows this woman, Jessica Tata tell her to book a flight back to the US and turn herself in to the Houston police department. It appears she ran before the charges were filed and a lawyer can prove her case that she was not aware of the any charges being filed when she took off to be with her family. She only returned to turn herself in when she found out she was being charged. She will do some jail time but not as much as will do if she was arrested and brought back to the US. If she waits till she gets arrested, she will spend many years behind bars. Jessica Tata, if you are reading this, GO BACK AND TURN YOURSELF IN! she is only 22 years old and spending 2 - 5 years behind bars is not too much for this mistake. Don't make your case worse, GO BACK AND TURN YOURSELF IN!

@Flak,

What kind of household does your husband come from? Is he from a polygamous family? Or are his parents still together?

This is really a very sad story, it is unfortunate for these kids and their family. I also feel Sorry for Tata because we all know she didn't mean for all this to happen but why did she run?? She just made her case worse by running. She was facing negligence homicide, just one felony and probably few years in jail. But now she is looking at 2 or more felonies, negligence homicide, evading arrest and possibly flight to avoid prosecution. Very Sad! Jail term is one thing, this woman's life can never be the same again. Imagine going on in life with such a tragedy on your mind?

flak:
I have also asked the question severally why the man doesnt want her to work as all this trouble seems to have stemmed from here and I beleive that if you get to the bottom of that a lot of other things will fall into place.

hi chaircover, if i could answer that question correctly maybe things would have been easier, but my best try will be his innate ability to want to be in control at all times and the same time trying to play the nice guy. i will give u two instances.

One - was at home, he got back from work and said he has seen a place he thinks i would like, i was happy,prepared wrote the test, did an interview, was given a place. with all delight, i prepared to go for training, only for him to say no. i asked why and he said the pay is not worth it. but the time is less tedious and no weekend jobs. if u knew u wouldnt let me take it, why did u inform me. he replied, i did not think about it properly.
my dear i cried my eyes out. only for him to ask me why i am crying that with that job, i would not be able to buy the car i was driving for 5 years.

Two- went out of town for a course, on the morning i was about to start, he called and asked for his car keys, i told him where i kept it because the kids may take it where he put it. he went haywire accusing me of deliberating hiding them so he does not go out to meet his customers while i am away. i asked why would i do that, and a torrent of abuse followed. i tell u if not for the driver that asked me to take it easy, i was so distraught i wanted to forget the course and go back home.

my dear if u think he called me and said ,dear i dont want u to work for so so reason,u are wrong. on a no of occasions,his own younger brother will call me and say i should not deceive myself about looking for a job cos every cv i give him lands in the boot of his car.

u see what i mean by betrayal of trust.

@flak

If i'm reading this right, this are symptoms of a severe psychological disorder. I want to call it a multiple personality disorder but since i'm not a Psychologist i won't. Have you guys consider seeing a Psychologist??

chaircover:
I don’t believe that flaks husband is a regular woman beater. I think he made a serious error of judgement with terrible consequences. What he did was inexcusable and I honestly wish that he hadn’t done it. We are all human and I want to believe that at least once in our life we have done something that we are not proud of.

Oh i forgot, the difference between a regular woman beater and occasional woman beater is that, one beat a woman once a year while the other beats her twice a month. Get a grip, will ya? If he hit you once, he will hit you again. There are many men, who walks away even when their women are raining blows on them. I'm not saying that this woman should leave her husband but she needs to confide in a mature member of her family. I suspect all these advise are coming from single women an pray that when you get married, you find a man that beats you once a year or 2 years.

With all these names alone, you know trouble is brewing - Udom Ubom - Anansa - Ikot Obong - Essien ntiaba - Nsit Atai

bogoshipo:
my husband of 2yrs has always been good and consistent to me. to outsiders i live a fairy tale life. but everything unravelled months ago when i got verbally abused by members of his family. i felt he did not handle the situation well, still feel that way. long story short, they said i have no authority in my house because of our income disparities, mine u I'm well educated, and was financially stable as a single person before i decided to take a pay cut and move after we got married. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO WARRANT THE INSULT. That is The truth. anyway i lost trust for my husband after th incident. although he has reassured me that I'm the most important person in his life, to me the damage was done.

i started looking around. he gave me link for discount sent by his ex. i was suprise, to my knowledge they were not communicating, because each time i asked about her, he always said the same thing, i have not spoken to her in a long time. they broke up 06, we met 07. but he once asked for permission to check out her new house, i told him it was highly inappropriate since this girl still wanted him. to my knowledge he did not go, and i put her on my list of things to watch for.

so i was surprise when he spoke about her, i thought why is she in the picture when we r having problems, i asked who made the first contact, he replied her. i went to check, i noticed he made the first contact, they exchange 18 messages that day, not only that i saw that he's been in contact with her the whole time. some months they exchange up to 56 text. in all they exchange more than 300 messages. i was livid, he told i had no right to check his phone, he deleted all messages exchange with her so i could not even see the content. i packed my bags and left the house. he called and begged me to come back.

excuses: he was trying to help her get a job. she is living with a guy, and she's also pregnant, that what is he gonna do with a pregnant. he promised to keep future text messages to show his innocence. fast forward. val day, i noticed they exchanged 18 messages, when i checked his phone, all messages were deleted again. he said his Sim card crashed. the crash left other messages on his phone but magically deleted those ones.

i also discovered he's been chatting explicitly with a lot of girls on line as well as having video conversation. he said he was bored.

I am mad, i am sad, sometimes i forgive but then when i think of the excuses, i can't help but ask if I'm sane, i don't know where to go from here, i have threatened to live a couple of times, i really don't know how to get past this. some please talk to me,

I don't know what to say until i know the owner of the other girl's pregnancy. It's amazing what men put on their heads. Some men use the mouth of a live Cobra to pick their nose.

redbee23:
Hi i'm new here, so hi to everyone here.

was just wondering i've got an ex boyfriend. We had a really good relationship while we were dating, almost like friends.  It did go quite turbulently wrong and eventually he split it up

Anyway i phoned him recently just to see how he was doing, I have a few times. But i dont call him up a lot. He was as per usual happy to hear from me and so i asked if he and a mutual friend wanted to go for well, friendly drinks at some point to catch up. He said to send out an email about it. So i sent out a shortish email and now he hasn't replied to the email and it's been almost a week. I don't get why? I'm not being pushy am i, i just want to be friends,

Let it go sweetheart, he might still be hurt from what you did to him the first time around. It takes time and effort to heal from some wounds, if he is still interested he will come around but if not, let the sleeping Lion sleep. Don't put yourself in a position where he takes a revenge and dumps you, let him sort it out on his own. It's ok to say hi every now and then but quit asking him out for a drink.

@OP

Hey sweetheart, if this man is bringing home the bacon and taking care of you and the kids why not let bygone be bygone. This happened even before you got married over 15 years ago and he hasn't slipped up since then, atleast to your knowledge. Don't mess up the good thing you got going, millions of women would give an arm and a leg to see their marriage last up to 10 years. Clear your heart and renew your love for this man.

@Mutter

I don't care what she called him or said, she has his baby inside of her for heavens sake. Even if she calls her anything, is that enough justification for hitting a woman carrying your baby? May the good Lord take me from this earth the day i resort to this. A man that hits her pregnant wife does not want to grow old with her. If he hits you once, He will hit you again!!!

flak:
Can you please tell me, what are the qualities you saw in him before marriage other than him working in a bank or being a bank manager?

if by chance u are insinuating i married him of money or position, sory u are wrong. One of the things that endeared me to him was the fact that i proved to him i was not after his money.

I was working. after about 6 months of , he had written out about 6 cheques for me to go and cash. he was going thru my wallet one day and found all of it there. he asked me why and i told him i dont have need for the money. i was working i had to wear, food to eat and i was just contented.

u meet some people and u just endeared and start talking, get flowing , feel free in their presence and i keep wondering where it all went wrong??

No no no! I'm not insinuating that at all but i doubt you would have married him if he was riding an Okada, i was just wondering. Because a man cannot be this brutal and not show flashes of it. It's a different thing if he is protective and shows that he loves you by not laying his arms on you or called you out of your names. No matter how much a man pretends, his true colors will flash every now and then but many women will not see this because they are lost in the attention they are getting. A man that is protective but loves you will forbid seeing you in any physical or emotional pain. He may every now and then slips his tongues and say things he doesn't mean but he will be like a cripple when he comes to hitting you. Goodluck sweetheart and i will join you in prayers for your daughter.

@Flak

Can you please tell me, what are the qualities you saw in him before marriage other than him working in a bank or being a bank manager?

flak:
Dont shoot me, but we have only heard one side of the story.

yes u are right. I think the biggest fault i have is right from the beginning i have been trying to look past everything without really bearing my mind and now that i am frustrated i am passing the message most likely in the wrong way and he is seeing me as a different person.
not that usually 'its always ok person' .

The reason i cant get over the incident is that the baby girl i gave birth to has to leave with a health condition that is not so palatable for life.

As for the job he never gave me an inkling during courtship that he wouldnt want be to work. we actually met when he came to market my boss then for deposits.

i cant be without faults but if only the verbal abuse could stop i could bear evry other thing.

@flak
I am so sorry about your situation, it's very unfortunate. And please take care of your daughter and make sure that she get a proper care and visit to her doctor as often as possible. And please for your daughter's sake, tell the doctor the truth so that he knows how to do his job, tell him about the abuse while you was pregnant. I have always said it that Most of our women don't marry the right man because they look for the wrong qualities in man. What kind of a man jump on his wife when she's 4 month pregnant?? What kind of a real man listens to the words of a spiritualist? No offense, i thought it was common amongst women. If your husband was in a civilized society, he would be in jail for domestic violence and if there is a proof that your daughter's condition was related to the beating, he may even serve a longer sentence. To me he is a criminal. I wonder if you have any brothers? Please flak, dont take any more beatings, you married for love and not for a boxing sparring partner. Have you ever advised him to seek psychological help or counselling? I wonder how he feels when he looks at your daughter? And please confide in a member of your family, cause the behavior of your husband is strange. If it's just loss of a job, he can look for another with his qualifications but visiting a spiritualist? Please let a family member know what is going on. Was he this abusive during courtship?

This poster is looking for ways to disparage the Yorubas because another Ibo boy killed his wife in Atlanta this week as usual. %99.5 of this thing happens in Igbo household in America.

Totfulguy:
Its really sad to hear the story on this thread. from what I can glean from the entire story, it is obvious that your (KissKriss') in-law's family does not have a respected father figure (They have either "disabled" him with their insolence and tantrums or outrightly killed him (your father-in-law). What you are experiencing is merely a continuation of the 'movie' with you as the vanquished in this episode. I see that you seem to be someone who erroneously believes that you can win people who do not love or respect you by being extra-nice. This is a false proposition and only works well in one out of a million cases. I do not know if your mother in-law is living in an apartment you paid for or you are co-baiting with her in you father-in-law's house. Whatever is the case, bear the following facts in mind;
1. They are not looking down on you "because you dont have a job". They look down on you because YOU LET THEM. The moment you take charge and show those people that you are in control, they will stop their insults.
2.Even if you don't have a job, remember "You dress to be addressed", the way and manner you carry yourself, will determine the treatment you will get. Are you a lazy man who is waiting to given? Or do you in your current jobless state do what you can to show you REALLY NEED A JOB and LOOK FOR A JOB. I understand the pressure associated with not having a job and looking after a family, but you must "Find something do make something no do you".
3.You have given them the impression that you NEED them to survive. You either love your wife so much that you have lost/forgotten your substance as a man OR you have given them that impression and they are taking undue advantage of it. You should never love a woman and forget who you are UNLESS SHE TOO LOVES YOU AND FORGETS COMPLETELY WHO/WHAT/WHY she is. Am not advocating distrust, am saying "Man, Know thyself and give the woman her place". You can love your wife crazy for all I care, but she should love you crazy too otherwise, hold your love.
4. Your wife's sister talks to you rudely and your wife cannot call her sister to order. In that case she would have to choose where her loyalty is and stay there, your wife I mean.
5. Get real my friend, the moment you overcome your fears and tell yourself that there is a limit to what you can do to please those people, only then will you understand the liberating power of realism. If people who are supposed to have your back at a time when you need them most, turn their back on you and also run you down, What more do you need to know that they are against you? If you are considering the kids who are obviously in the picture. I can relate to that. But the effrontary with which they are unleashing their reign of terror, you may need to really ascertain the paternity of the children, in case they belong to your wife's Ex cos you never can tell. That way you will be sure of what you are loving and feeling committed to.
5. All said, BE A MAN. DO NOT PANDER TO THE WHIMS AND CARPRICES OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW. You wife must show you absolute support especially at this your moment of trial. Else do not waste you time mining for her/their affection. Rather invest your energy in getting a job and improving yourself. When you have money, you will buy their loyalty and "friendship" since they appear to be materialistic and honor things over people.
6.Do not loose your next job because you wanted to please your wife. You will still end up loosing your wife. When poverty walks in through the front door, some kinds of love walk out through the back door. I sympathize with you. But you don't need sympathy, you need to stand up on your feet. God bless.

All that is good but the dude will be homeless if he tries taking charge. What he needs is to get a J-O-B! Nigerian women only understand the language of a good job and CASH! every other language is mambo jumbo to their hears.

25omega:
Are you kidding ^^^ i hope so

poster your wife and her family knew you before you all got married so if nothing has changed you need to be more assertive and speak up for yourself. if they are disrespecting you it must be that you are broke as a joke and they feed your family of you live under their roof. even if that was the case they have no right to talk recless to you so speak up. you dont have to live up to their expectation you only have to live up to taking care of your family

That is the problem, this brother has lost his job, it's hard for a man to take care of his family if he has no job. I bet if this brother has good job, nothing he does can go wrong in the front of his in-laws. Even when he start cheating on his wife, his in-laws will blame their daughter. But everything is wrong in the eyes of the in-laws if a man has no job. Even when he takes a bullet for their daughter, they'll be like "so what?, atleast he has no other job". My advice to you in a nutshell brother, is that go look for a J-O-B!

[quote author=Ileke-IdI link=topic=611775.msg7796469#msg7796469 date=1298602925]He should have passed out a plate of apku to everyone present. That would have shut them up. Atleast no one of them will be complaining of starvation again.[/quote]Don't you have an homework to do? How did you allow your mom to let you get on a computer??

Awon Omo Ekiti yi baje sha, no respect for their elders.

@OP

OMG!!! Really? The world is coming to an end!

Becomrichn:
INEC says Yorubamen are Okobo

You dey craze, bring your sister. She go tell you how my Anaconda dey perform wonders. INEC is filled with dummies.

osteen:
Amazing, Nope. This happens every day, all around the world. It is not an African thing.

True, but the frequency and probability is very high in the southwest, Nigeria. Especially in Ibadan, Ekiti and Ogun areas.

[quote author=H$LBroker link=topic=605404.msg7748851#msg7748851 date=1297956319]you are too tribalistic[/quote]Tribalism has nothing to do with this, i'm Yoruba and i kinda support this poster. Yoruba women of these days are incapable of being faithful. Igbo women are not better either.

The name says it all "Bisi". It seems like more and more Yoruba women are incapable of being faithful to their vows and their husbands. They look here and there for momentary satisfaction. And i'm Yoruba at that. One would like to marry his own kind but with these kind of stories all over the place, who wouldn't think twice. How can you be 4 months pregnant and still be bringing another guy in the house to fukc you? Wonder what she was doing when she wasn't pregnant? It's a safe bet to say that the 4 month pregnancy does not belong to her husband. The Luke guy must be slow to call the police before splitting the guy's skull in half.

I like the way the frustrated ones think every Nigerian overseas is doing dirty jobs or committing crime. They look for ways to console or justify their failures and frustrations in our fatherland.

No I don't but i do not want any kind of Contact from her or her people , i realized i deserve a lot better. One thing i do hate is that she now has daughters and that is scary because it takes some one that practice good morals to be a good role model. How can you give to someone, what you don't have? God works in a miraculous ways because if her daughters is anything like her, she will see the mirror image of her wild lifestyles when the girls are grown up.