₦airaland Forum

A 25 year old woman has agreed to say “I do” to her secondary school sweetheart after 7 years of rejecting his marriage proposals. Eyewitnesses report that her decision to say “yes” after seven years of saying “no, no, no” are unrelated to his current status as a well-paid oil company executive.


The woman, known as Mary, was 18 years old when John, her first boyfriend, first proposed marriage to her. He was tall but skinny, sweet and kind but not particularly rich, and he loved her very much. He got down on one knee, kissed Mary’s hand and simply asked “will you marry me?” Her answer was simple enough, “no, John, that will not be possible. We are both young and still students, and moreso even though I like you a lot the truth is that I don’t love you!” They parted ways but he kept in touch and always reminded her of his love.

Five years later, John was working for a small NGO and barely making ends meet. He asked Mary out for a “friendly chat”, but during their date he got down on both knees, and brought out an engagement ring. With tears in his eyes and a quivering voice, he declared his undying love for her and asked her, with great emotion, to be his wife and enjoy his love and care “till death do us part”. She replied, “what part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? The ‘N’ or the ‘O’? I already said I do not love you. We can only be friends, and that’s it! Even if you were the last man on earth …”

After another two years, John visited her again, this time in a shiny black Volvo. He had gained some weight, and now he looked really healthy. He had a expensive suit on his massive shoulders. His driver opened the door for him and he marched briskly into Mary’s apartment. He pressed the doorbell and she opened the door. A look of surprise came to her face as she recognized him and said “come in, please”. The following conversation ensued:

John: Hello Mary, I’m sorry I didn’t visit you all this time.

Mary: *smiles weakly*

John: Well, you know how these oil companies are. They like to overwork their staff; they think they have the right to overwork you because they are paying you 900k per month.

Mary: *opens her mouth as if to say something, then closes it*

John: Anyway, my wife sends her greetings. Do you remember Amina from the University? Well we have a bouncing baby boy and she’s pregnant with my second child!

Mary: *shakes her head involuntarily, then nods “yes”*

John: I can understand your discomfort at my presence and I won’t take too much of your time. Please accept this 50,000 Naira as pocket money since I forgot to give you a Christmas present. And here’s my card, in case you ever need to call me. Bye!

When John got back to his office, there was a message on his answering machine:

My Dearest Honey-Bunny,

Do you know that you are now the only ketchup in my salad? Yes, you are, because I broke up with my boyfriend this afternoon. I was never really in love with him, you know.

Since the first day I met you, I have known that you would be my husband. Yesterday, I fell in love with you all over again. Many waters cannot quench our true love.

I am your Juliet, and you are my Romeo. Our passion, which has nothing to do with filthy lucre, is pure, powerful and eternal. Come, my love, and caress me in pleasant places tonight.

Please kindly accept my application to be your lawfully wedded second wife. Tomorrow we marry!

Your one and only true love and sweetie-pie,
Mary.

That was yesterday. Today they marry. Tomorrow she finds out that it was all a set-up.