₦airaland Forum

If someone you love so much is giving you troubles.

Set him/her free.


If they come back to apologize.

It means nobody loved them the way you do.


So set them free again.

Harbosede02:
Yea....and dis lack of self esteem stuff is so so common among the ladies..... Accept urself for who yu truly are.... For pple to love yu,u av to love urself first.

You are right. It is impossible for people to love you when you don't love yourself.

This often causes problems in our relationships too.


Your partner cannot love you for who you are when you became someone else to be with them.

vizkiz:
since the time Nneka123, VictoriaB and some other female monikers were busted, I made up my mind not to take female monikers on nairaland serious again. Who knows even if the op herself is fake

VictoriaB?

Getting her back won't be easy at all.


Btw, what was that used condom doing in ur pocket?

Give her my support full time

The boss really provoked him.

sashaa:
Who is this?

Your spiritual husband

fem29:
Ok now I have an idea what you are talking about when you castigate feminism. Yes those are extreme views which to be honest are not applicable to nigeria and nigerian women. We no send about all that highly pc stuff. All we want is do your own part.

Thank you.

It is refreshing to know that someone understands me point especially now that every other person is making it look like a have a loaded gun on much shoulder and searching for a feminist to shoot.

fem29:
Do Not beat us up no matter what.

I have already promised God that I will love my wife as I love myself and even more but I cannot make this promise. I honestly can't.

fem29:
Do not put us down. Let us have a say. Make decisions that favor the whole family not just what is best for you.

A man who doesn't carry his woman along in decision making has no love for her.

fem29:
All the stuff about women hitting men .I'm sorry I think it's very rare and if a woman hits a man then what she gets back is what she gets back.

Haba... But you just said that we should never hit them no matter what.



I am confused now.

misspicy:
and they are wicked too because i know God created a woman as a weaker vessel not a super being

Interestingly, some women will never buy this weaker vessel thingy.

That's why I said that Lady A's idea is feminism is always different from that of lady B.

jackpot:
a man once broke up with his fiancée because the lady (after unsuccessfully looking for cork-opener) decided to use her teeth to open the cork of the bottle drinks her parents served the guy's family. The guy never came back after that day!

I think the guy is scared that she might get angry one day while blowing him and bite of his Johnson.


She's got strong teeth y'know

misspicy:
I think some Nigerian men are just been egocentric and inconsiderate, why?

Egocentric yes!

Inconsiderate, I am not aware.

I believe we are egocentered because an average Nigerian man wants to handle the financial problems in his family alone. They do ask for the woman's help occasionally though but that is only where there is no other better option.

Have you heard of the saying that a woman's money is her money but a husband's money is their own?

misspicy:
1)an average man today will say he wants an independent woman,a woman who can provide her own needs a also assist in the running of the home

It did not start today. Our mothers assisted their husbands in their own little.

An average Nigerian man wants a woman that can take care of her little financial needs. That is why you seem people send their wives to school, open business for them etc.

Which makes one wonder why feminist say that women are caged in marriage.

misspicy:
2)for a woman to be independent she need to work in the same working conditions her partner is working yest she is expected to get back to her duties as a woman which should be top priority anyways

There are decent works out there that a woman can do and still have time to take care of her other duties.

That's not even a problem in some homes because some husbands assist their women at home.

misspicy:
3)an average nigerian man is not willing to assist this same woman with this duties of hers because it is her duty and not his duty

to me this is where feminism come to play...why can't this same man who wants a woman to help provide basic needs of the family also help this woman do her duties as a woman by doing simply house chores like cooking,some men ask that why shoulsld a maid cook their food...please is a woman a super being?

I am not in support of men who do not assist their women at home. I am not married, I take care of my house alone, I do the cooking and laundry, cleaning and every other thing that needs to be done so if I marry a woman tomorrow, she's coming in to help me with works not to take over completely.

But there's a thing we both need to understand.

A man's primary duty is to provide for his household and A woman's primary duty is to take care of the home.

These things comes first before any other thing and should be considered before taking up a job.

A man that cleans and cooks but can not provide for his family is like to die early because he has failed his primary duty and the woman will remind him of that every now and then.

A woman that earns 1ml per month but cannot take care of her home children has failed her primary duty as well and will not be happy.

misspicy:
i dont blame a man who wants to wife an independent woman because the economy is not helping matters and so this has become a neccesity....

Not every successful woman is a feminist, hope you know?



i no our mothers did all this and more so as to keep the family running but sir do you want to compare their time with the present nigeria?



to me feminism had come to help a family move forward not destroy it like you opined

(this is feminism in regard to family not other factors)[/quote]Feminism came to help improve lives of women but daughters of second timothy has hijacked it and turn it it a weapon of family destruction.

MarieSucre:
And you got the scientifically accurate-worldwide vetted information from credible and independently verifiable sources?

Which research have you seen that involved world vetted information from credible sources?

MarieSucre:
In other words you asked every single person who did not get married to their first sexual partner.

It is not necessary. If 2 out of hundred are complaining here then it is safe to conclude that 2 out a hundred are complaining somewhere. That's how such researches are carried out.

MarieSucre:
And you found out that their marriage is all in shambles. Their future broken. And they all have one way tickets to hell fire.

I will like to see where I said that all their marriages are in shambles, their future broken and their eternity will be spent in hell before I will reply you.

MarieSucre:
Well if Tallesty says it. Then it must be true.

If Tallesty says or when I say that Tallesty said?

Ceeesaw
misspicy
Moana
Phema
cococandy[/quote]You don carry cocoacandy enter here?


Happy Sunday cocobaby

MarieSucre:
Quit generalizing. It gets tiring.

Do you know why Martin Luther King used nonviolence as his platform for the campaign for equal rights for blacks. It was because then there were also those who advocated for violence and carried out violent acts against whites and tried to use their vicrimhood as a justification for it.
Ceeesaw
misspicy
Moana

I am not generalizing, I made it clear that some people hide under cover of feminism to spread falsehood and wreck home which is what neccisated the inclusion of feminism as a factor that contributes to failures in today's marriage in my list.

Telling me to stop generalizing means that you at least agree that some of them are indeed ant-family which is exactly the point I have been trying to make.

There are pastors out there that are truly called by God and we have some that are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Should we then say that all of them were called by God because there are many that are truly called by God?

I am not against the feminists that fight for something worth fighting for but against those that hide under them to perpetrate evil.

Thank You.

PuciPrince:
For the sake of feminism, my ex expects us to do the dishes together when we get married.

Like seriously?

Tell her that the reason women foots are shorter than that of men is so that they can stand closer to the sink

Don't take me serious there.

Doing dishes, cooking, cleaning the house and washing clothes can be done by the two parties when there is genuine love, respect and understanding.

But the problem is that women always ask for more.

I could remember when I was serving my boss who's also a relation of mine.

When the wife gave birth to their first child, I asked the man to allow me to goan help the woman in the kitchen and other "baby" stuffs until her mother arrives.(neighbours do come to help her at times but they are not always available) he agreed but guess what happened when her mother came?

She wanted me to continue running errands like a boy of 11 for her.

misspicy:
first of all i'd like to commend you for tjis insight,it is actually enlighten

@ the bolded i never said your views are wrong

i think you have actually diverted from your post...you mentioned feminism as one of the factors that destroy marriage but to me this piece you wrote her has not addressed how feminism is destroying marriage


fone hanging am not tru yet will modify

Could you please read the question that I was trying to answer?

It is no longer part of my main thread.

PuciPrince:
There is no problem with feminism. But what this genearation has termed it to be is totally wrong.

What people has turned it to is what necessitated its appearance in my post.

raayah:
So all the posts reaching frontpage on nairaland about Nigerian men saying they will beat their wives on slightest provocation? Some even saying that they beat their wives? Or about women dying from DV? You haven't heard of situations where mothers/brothers/sisters in laws join in beating the wife? Yes I have heard and seen as a Nigerian woman.

This is why its a womens issue. Its very easy for men to say otherwise, deny these problems that women specifically face. Its easy for men to say " but I know how to boil rice" so these issues don't bother you. [b]Your one or two examples does not invalidate the millions of women who are going through hell.[/b]Wives, mothers and sisters know how it is because women share within themselves.

Solange slapping Jayz is a very American issue. in America, they have surpassed feminism. This is why I stated that Nigerian feminism and American feminism are different in the beginning.
Women divorcing men in Nigeria is as rare as day. You will notice that the front page posts about Divorce in Nigeria are about very ridiculous reasons that no one can take . Look at examples.
https://www.nairaland.com/2713388/husband-fondles-19-year-old-daughters-breasts - husband seeking divorce (adultery )
https://www.nairaland.com/2700827/pastor-seeks-dissolution-32-year-marriage/ - husband seeking ddivorce (domestic violence)
https://www.nairaland.com/2680439/mother-7-impregnated-another-man - husband seeking divorce (adultery )
These posts were made in the last two weeks. These men seeking divorce are leaving for the same reason that they tell naija women to stay.

You will also make many mistakes if you try to judge Nigerian men by Topics that made front page.

Issues like that gives the highest traffic to celebrity and gossip blogs so they cook up some stories just to get traffic.

I am not in any way trying to present men as angels, hell NO.

I just want you to understand that anything a man can do, a woman can do it even better.

My teacher back then died from a kick that his wife placed on his groin.

What cause the fight?

Because he bathed with the water that wife wanted to use to bathe.

Did I say that all women are kunfu fighters looking for a husband to kick his balls?

NO.

I have made my point and I won't force you to agree with em but I want you to be fair in judgement.

My mother enjoyed and is still enjoying her marriage, my late sis enjoyed her own too, of all my married uncles, only one is complaining, my brother's marriage is not the best but they get along all the time so it is impossible to convince me that woman live in slavery and bondage.

Write from experience not online sources.

misspicy:
well if the madness don't bother you why do you keep listing it as a problem?

It doesn't bother, I won't date a modern feminist because I don't pierce my body with many sorrows, remember I stated in my misconception thread that I don't want what will give me troubles in the future?. The goodnews is that a feminist won't like me too so it doesn't bother me.

I added it in my list because it is truly breaking marriages out there.

misspicy:
i don't know if you have time to spend but can you list the things feminism has become,what are your grievances against the movement...if you can take your time please enlighten me

Thank you for turning the argument to a normal discussion, we would make more sense when we write to educate instead of to win.

I will be glad if you point out my mistakes because what I am going to write are my personal opinion, what I know, think and feel about feminism and y'know, I could be wrong.

Feminism, ie the first wave feminism unlike the modern day feminism fought for equal rights of women. It was purposeful and legitimate. They worked tirelessly for the rights of women. They wanted women to be seen not as man’s underlings, but as their equals in the eyes of the law.

That is the feminism we all will gladly support.

They stood for something that was right, they fought for voting rights, women's right to buy property and demanding that females not be treated like second class citizens.

But Today's Feminism? .

Is all about victim mentality. They are daily promoting victim mentality, and blaming everyone else for their own problems. They want to do anything they wish but do not want to held responsible for their actions.

I remember a thread where I tried to raise an issue about educating girls on "anti-rape-defense". My dear come see bashing.

They said I was promoting rape and rape guilt in victims. I parked well.

Men do get raped but feminism blame them for it. They taunt and mock them and that's why it is difficult for men to report rape issues.

Modern day feminism is no longer about equality... It's about supremacy. Women used to fight for freedom and equality, but now they're looking for every possible means to unsurp power from men and trample on them. It is not wrong to assume that devil has taken over the movement.

The first movement fought for equal right but today's movement are on revenge mission.

It is full double standards. When a woman hits a man she is independent, yet when a man hits a woman he is a heartless bastard.

I think feminism has gradually turned to a hate group. It's not about equality anymore, now it's about gaining more benefits for women than that of men.

Feminism has become so complicated and messy that your feminism is not always my feminism. It has turned to a rude and nasty movement that is more interested in trashing people's views and opinions.

If the movement really accepts equality, then you and the girl that I quoted would not tell me that my views are wrong, you would accept it and let me be.

Most feminist I have chatted with on here are full of contradictions that do not align with feminist doctrine. Majority of them are just confused

Do you know why it seems like I abhor modern day feminism? It is because feminism has gone from creating more options for women to stereotyping what a women should be and do.

While a woman in the Middle East was stoned to death because her family objected to her marriage, some confused feminists of the free world were busy demanding that they be allowed to post pictures of their nipples on Instagram.

While bokoharam is forcing women into forced marriage and slavery, and sending them on suicide missions, feminists were busy demanding to be allowed to patrol the streets unclad.

There was a hashtag that trended on twitter sometime ago. #KillAllMen. It was a protest to stop men from spreading their legs in public buses and benches.

Feminist say they are not men hating group but that want to kill all men because a handful of them spread their legs on public benches.

Feminism movement have been altered and abused beyond repair.

raayah:
I think we have confused American feminism with Nigerian (much needed) feminism.

I cannot believe that people are blaming feminist for rape occurrences. Maybe we should blame all Muslims for 9/11 attacks or all Christains should be blamed for Holocaust or All Africans as scammers but I digress.

With a snap of finger, your husband can decide to push you dependant woman and kids outt. You are entitled to zilch in this country.. No alimony no child support. All these men on nairaland will be the same to tell you why are you depending on your husband. Try being a widow in Nigeria.
I remember a story a young woman put on nairaland, she was in a dilemma, she earned 100k + health benefits for family monthly, husband earned 40k. She had run out of time for maternity leave. Her husband would never quit his job and if she quit her job, she would not afford rent or health insurance if said baby became sick. She hadn't found a nanny and she was in despair. The sensible thing would have been for her husband to quit his job , but NOT IN NIGERIA, you know men and their egos. We just consoled her in family section and gave little bits of advice. This is why most women in Nigeria have to work! Why are there married women with kids hawking pure water, why didn't they just sit in their husband's house? An insult to career women is an insult to all women who are suffering and saving to raise their kids.

How many of you have ever heard of men fighting for their marriage? None! Its only women fighting because they know that they are nothing without a man. How can you as an adult exist for someone else?

What about reproductive rights? Women have zilch in Nigeria. Try studying in a Nigerian university, you can be there for extra years just because you refuse to suck a man's dicck?

What about rape? A young 12 year old was continuously raped by a 70-something grandpa the other day. Nairaland said the girl was at fault because she collected money from the man. Some even said she seduced him. LOL.!!Even women were supporting.

What of domestic violence against women . One thread,a young courageous man stood in front of his abusive father who was hitting his mom and nairaland consensus was that the son should have done nothing because perhaps the woman Was NAGGING.
Now imagine if it was reversed, a woman slapped the man. In short, neighbours will gather and beat her down.

What about infidelity and infertility. Try being infertile in Nigeria, you will be laced with insults and called all kinds of names.

What about responsibility: An average 12 year old girl in Nigeria is cooking, fetching water. sweeping and washing everyone's clothes by hand giving her little time to study because you better train her for a man instead. The average 12 year old boy is washing cars at most. these man-banies then grow up and demand that women spoon-feed them daily because they have been trained that way. Your average married man cannot cook a pot of soup.


Can we stop people from being evil? NO!! But feminism seeks to educate people especially women that we have choices, we are not objects and we need to be treated fairly by men and the society

You made valid points there but it doesn't change the fact that women do hide under the cover of feminism to wreck marriages, and that is why it made the list.

In fact, the fact that you wrote this long epistle without acknowledging even in one sentence that Nigerian men do suffer from the hands of their women is the height of hypocrisy and another reason why feminism is said to be one sided which contradicts the equal right movement that they claim to fight for.

Talking about 12yrs old girls that take care of the household.

I started doing feminine domestic works when I was very small. My mom stopped cooking when I was 9 and the responsibility fell on me. I had an elder sister(rip) who was in school and I still cooked even when she was around.

I continued until I left home even though my younger sister and cousin were there but I didn't mind.

There's absolutely no domestic work meant for women that I didn't do while growing up and I know many of my male friends who did the same thing.

Just like I stated in my main post, which you also confirmed was right with this your comment that Nigeria feminism teaches women that they are in bondage which is not true.

Nigerian feminism do know acknowledge that men suffer from women.

They do not fight for equal rights for men and women and that's why it is being condemned.

You talk about men divorcing women but you never mentioned that women divorce men at will too.

Why haven't you feminist lots contacted the Nigeria Army to tell them to send more female soldiers to maidugri?

I hope you watched the video of Solange slapping Jayz.

That answers your question about men slapping women.

In Nigeria, women slap men at will because it is wrong to hit a woman.

Enough said.

bukatyne:
@Ceeesaw, good one.

@Tallesty:
What makes one marriage strong might break the other.

So your point in essence is that we should not right about what breaks the other because it makes one strong?


Sha, I am yet to see where domestic violence, cheating and slavery make a family strong.

misspicy:
please sister sorry i had to quote your whole post.......buh you stole my heart

can i marry you for my brother?





let op and d women with slave mentality continue to slave out their life.......whethrr they like it or not feminism has come to stay in nigeria and we will not stop until women achieve the highest peak eg a female president....what ya think

So you actually believed that no Nigeria man is fighting for his marriage?


That's a lie from pit of heal.

I am not shocked at because most feminist are from there.


Nobody is against feminism, we are unhappy with what it has become.

Lemme tell you something.

This feminism madness doesn't bother Nigerian men cause Nigerian women won't let it succeed.

Come add to all these hardship wey full naija now.

Too bad.





Please quote me when that guy finish preparing his words for the vc

Ok

Zacha obodo.



That's the name of the dress

Because the war is not carnal

repogirl:
I get you, you are saying premarital sex is part of the things that can destroy a marriage and I am saying it is not.

There are many many more factors that are more likely to scatter a marriage than having previous partners and because a couple first had sex on their wedding night does not mean they will have a wonderful marriage.

Anyway, I will rest my case and agree to disagree with you on the matter but abeg don't quote sonofananimal for me as if he makes any sense.

This is where you get it wrong.

Motorcycle accident do nor kill people like car accident, in fact there are many other things that kill more people but does that mean that people do die from Motorcycle accident?



http://waitingtillmarriage.org/study-couples-who-waited-have-happier-more-stable-marriages/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1341126/Want-secret-happy-marriage-Dont-sex-wedding.html


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/8226959/Couples-who-dont-have-sex-before-marriage-are-happier-study-claims.html



The links you asked for.

repogirl:
you need to read this.

Cc. Tallesty1

You are not getting my points at all

sonofananimal:
number 2 is the basic REASON!!

That's why you will see them (especially WOMEN) CHEATING from one place to another.

Why won't marriage look like paper nowadays!

Marry today, tomorrow you find out that, that son is not yours, next tomorrow you divorce. Infact! Marriage is nothing nowadays When you can go and have sex outside or anywhere! So what is the value of marriage

Don't get me wrong! I'm not a fan of sex before marriage

You need to read this.





cc: repogirl

repogirl:
Tallesty1 abeg cancel that number two because it is baseless. Alot of people are not fortunate enough to marry their first lovers but doesn't mean their marriages have problems because they had other partners before marriage.

Also, that one marries one's first love is not a guarantee that they will be in love and attached for the rest of their lives to that one person.

Also where is the link to the research you are talking about, lemme read it for myself.

Listen.

I won't take down No2.


Maggi alone does not make a soup sweet but it contributes to the good taste the food will have when it's ready.

Same thing with salt and pepper but remove the three at once and you have a pot of crap instead soup.

People who had their first sex on their wedding night have greater chance of enjoying successful marriage compared to other bleepers.

repogirl:
thankyou! You get too much sense. Tallesty1, take note!

My note is full

donbenedict:
Wen I get married, I will read this..



Tallesty1

You never still find wife?



Lalasticlala someone needs a wife asaply

loomer:
Which country, oga dey watch news jare make u see how dem dey suffer plus the story wey dem dey make us believe say them get

I dey watch news nah.




That's why I didn't believe the news when I heard it.