₦airaland Forum

Caveatemptor:
Good day,
I am the Nairalander that promised to help Moji open an account. Although a few people have questioned my motive and intentions for doing this,I must state with all honesty that my reasons for wanting to help Moji out of the quagmire she found herself in stems purely for the children she is bringing into the world without any consideration for how she will feed/cloth/take care of them.
My interaction with Moji has been through the phone and through Whatsapp. On Whatsapp she came across as a very articulate young lady but across the phone vocally she comes across as some one who does not listen to contrary opinion and some one who is obstinate and not ready to listen to a contrary opinion except her own. She would talk on end and it was very difficult to get a word in,when she was in full flow.
When I started communication with Moji.I told her I wanted to open an account for her so she could pay for her antenatal process and any sundry expenses. I requested she open an account at any bank but she told me she had no idea of how to go about the process.
I explained she needed a utility bill. A couple of passport photographs or an international passport.
She claimed she had an international passport but appeared lost about the process. I asked where she lived and she told me Obadore off Igando. I asked if I could visit the house and that she should give me directions to the house. I actually wanted to meet her mother in order to get her perspective on issues,however Moji suggested we meet at Igando bus stop. If you know Igando very well you know it is a mad house. A bedlam of chaotic traffic of cars,okada,Maruwa and trailers. I therefore suggested I wait for Moji inside the NNPC petrol station at Igando,from where we could proceed to First Bank Igando.

I had to lol at the bolded.It's my experience too.It's hard catching her words on phone especially when she's gingered.

Caveatemptor,I hope you didn't take it personal.Please still offer any help you plan when there's a need for it.

tearoses:
What type of shop does mum have?

I didn't ask.I'll find out.

Onegai:
Then she waits until she can show some great behaviour to Mum. But let her go and find out the process herself. Do you have an idea how far GH Igando is from her, is it bus or keke or trekking distance?

Please did you speak to her mum about paying bills? Is it something her mum is willing to enforce? Because if Moji26 can, it will really convince her mum that it is a fresh, responsible start.

GH Igando is not far from her place.She takes a bike to the expressroad and joins a bus(N50) to GH Igando.
The mum was suggesting she goes with her to her shop but she was saying something about finishing her training.That has to be decided first.

Funjosh:
She should go herself like what Onegai said she should go to the bank and open it on her own. their is Stanbic and First Bank at Igando opening of account shouldnt be that difficult.

She doesn't have a utility bill.Her mom has all the documents.

Caveatemptor was in a hurry,probably to go to work and Moji started having ideas because he said he couldn't wait.She should apologise to him.
Caveatemptor,pls forgive.Her mind right now is full of many things.

I will follow up with the mom over the weekend still work on the relationship between mom and daughter.It's the key to getting every other thing to move forward.

ifyalways:
Thorpido, when can she register and start ante natal?

Moji, why are you silent here? When can you start ante natal s?

She can register for ante-natal next week.She's 3mths gone already according to her.
I also believe she should be able to get out of the house next week and start something.

ifyalways:
Why does she want to open a bank account now ? Should that be a priority now? And who is the NLDER and why does s/he want to help a grown ass woman to open an account

How far have we gone with reconciliation with the mother? Any word from the baby daddy? When is she resuming work in her mom's shop?

I think there are more important issues than opening a bank account, for now. what does she urgently need a bank account for ?So nlders can send funds to her directly, Is she ready for that now?

Just saying. . .

She told me someone offered to open an account for her.When I asked why she couldn't do it herself,she said she doesn't have a utility bill(her mum won't give her any).
I didn't get the nairalander's name on phone because the line wasn't clear.Anyway,I told her opening a bank account was not an emergency.

The reconciliation with the mom is still ongoing.She told me the mother spoke with the baby daddy but his response has not been encouraging.He is yet to show up at their house.
She says she can't go with her mum to the shop today due to nausea and vomiting.

MizMyColi:
Good morning Thorpido, please may I call your phone?

Yes you can.Do you have my no?

bussy2rhymes:
I registered in general hospital Gbagada and they don't have it. I was asked to get it outside.
Thanks

Okay,maybe you should go to LASUTH.It seems the price has increased.It may be over N20k now.

tearoses:
Dr Thorpido how bad are her pregnancy symptoms pls?
Is she eating and drinking enough?

Not so bad.She eats.

She wants to go and open a bank account this morning.A nairalander wants to help her.
I said she could.I don't think anything is wrong with that abi?

Kimoni:
You mean express visas? No waiting period, no delay?

Why would you want to wait when you want immigration so bad?

feddy27:
Thorpido, Gaily04, ubir Please help my teamie on this rhesus negative / rhogam matter.

Teamie, be positive. It will end in praise !

Bussy2rymes,where are you?You could get the injection at a General Hospital near you.The injection costs between N13,000 - N15,000 depending on where you are taking it.

Ishilove:
She can also try closing her legs, you know. It works wonderfully well.

Sex is not love

I hope she can.The problem with a girl like her is that if she meets a man that says he will take care of her,then it's 'visa approved'.

treasuredkids:
@r231 thanks u just echoed my thoughts.
@ thorpido, I re call moji made reference of her mum not getting her a nanny, that the elderly woman in question is her mum Inlaw.

I believe there's more to the issue why her mother insist on her going back to the man who impregnated her. Why not find out more bout that.
IMO I doubt the mum will push her to an abusive man.

The woman is the boyfriend's mother,not a nanny.She's just helping to take care of the boy.

From what I saw,the mum wants her to go back to the man for stability.I however see her own side too.Why stay with a man who is not showing seriousness?

I'll talk to her later when I call.

Ghetto couple

r231:
is it possible to speak to the man and get his side of the story since her mum wants her to go back to him?

You just raised a valid point.I'll speak to her to see if I can talk to or meet the man.

There's the Jesus(Isa) of the quran and there's the Jesus we all know as JESUS.

Everyone who truly loves Jesus follows Him.

pickabeau1:
Nothing like that

No drop child for future acceptance when you feel like it
Who says the woman can cope till then..if you want the child..take it as It comes now or sorry..lose the chance



Without any plan for this lady she will be in a worse position

Even if you pay for beauty school or catering school, she can't go until the new child is old enough which means her life is still on hold for another year at least.


Coupled with the fact that education of these two kids will be coming in ...

As unpalatable as it sounds ..I think this new child should be raised elsewhere

If the father wants the new child
Let him take just after birth

This girl will not lift off at this rate if something drastic is not done

I understand your position.
Can she just go ahead with the process of adoption without the consent of the babyfather?I'm not sure her mother too would like her to give up the child for adoption.

when i get to talk to her on phone,i'll mention it.

pickabeau1:
Having two kids to manage is not a mean feat for any mother not to talk of a single parent

Is adoption an option if abortion is not palatable

I'm not sure adoption might work here.Even if the man is not responsible now,chances are that he might want his child later.

Mindfulness:
Thank you. You are a GREAT man. I respect you a lot.

Thanks for the compliments.

baby124:
She also needs sex education and introduction to contraceptives plus condoms join.

If she actually changes and shows progress,after she births the baby,she will have to cooperate with me to go on a long term family planning method.She has to be on IUD or implant.

Mindfulness:
How much would be 20 counselling sessions?

I don't know but I'll try to find out.

missjo:
Hopefully she's interested in completing her training,this should first be ascertained.

She has shown a willingness thus far.
If she ever turns back again,then she's a lost cause.

Mindfulness:
How much money is needed for antenatal?
How can money be donated without having to reveal one's identity?

My heart goes out to the unborn child.

She needs long-term counselling? Else she won't be able to raise these kids in a decent way. What are the chances of getting her a good counsellor?

Ante-natal is N10000 at a government hospital.
Where do you want to send the money?If you want to pay into a bank acct,you could get someone to do it for you.
The counsellors I know are those that work in hospitals.I don't know where she can get a therapist.

Jaygrl:
I understand two bodies are different,mine is as severe as my not being able to keep down food. So what do I do? Resign from work? Go on 3 or 4months leave without pay? What of bankers faced with morning sickness? You just keep patching until that phase passes. This is my first pregnancy and everyday I wake up feeling like somebody else.

Yea,you drive yourself.Some don't pull themselves up.

missjo:
I was going to ask you this. What do you feel she needs,as you've seen her and her family personally?

I'll want her to get registered at a proper clinic for her ante-natal.She sees a traditional birth attendant at the moment(I no dey for abortion as some people suggested).

She has to work.The most objective thing to do for me will be for her to complete her training as a beautician and start something to earn an income.

prettyangel10:
Hello Thorpido, thanks for the follow - up. Have you been able to to meet with the mum?

Yea.

5minsmadness:
My point is, why do you even believe that story in the first place? Has she proven herself worthy of trust? How are you sure she isn't garnishing her stories to garner sympathy?

And please she is an abuser already, if not to anyone but herself.

I have been to her house twice and listened to other people who were present there.
She is a lady who doesn't have a grip on herself and has made bad choices which put her in her current situation.I'm not saying she's innocent but you know the proverb that says when you are down,people trample upon you.

Jaygrl:
Onegai I really want to commend your efforts

I like giving real life experiences o,Moji you think morning sickness should stop you from looking for a job? Really I am faced with that at the moment and I still work. I leave home at 5:25am and get back home by 9pm most of the days and I still prepare the food I will take to work the next day amidst my ill health.

You think you are too young at 26yrs and we should all pity you? I am 26yrs old too,no decision is taken in my father's house if I am not consulted even though I am married. I made myself that relevant....

It isn't too late to pick up the pieces of your life,if we don't love you I am sure nobody will spend time advicing you on this thread. I believe you can be a better person,I believe you can work and be able to cater for yourself,your son and your unborn child.

I hope you have begged your mum as I adviced in my previous post. I am sure she will help provide you with little money you can use to register your son in a school while you go out and hustle... People will laugh at you but it will only be for a while and they will get tired of your gist and look for another one.

Moji,you are the architect of your problem,so don't pour your frustration out on anybody. We are here to help you.

@bolded,pregnancies are different and bodies are too.I'm not absolving her of blame here but just to point out that two people can't compare pregnancies.

Update.

I paid a visit to her house this morning as promised and met with the mother.

Long story short,it's a mother who is fed up with a daughter who has not learnt to take responsibility for her life in addition to making poor choices in life.She has also become unruly towards her mother which may have been borne out of frustration.
I got her to apologise to the mother and also pleaded with the mother to forgive her.She did and the mother accepted(though I know it's a work in progress).
There's an issue on ground however that will determine how they move forward- mother to daughter.The mom wants her to go back to the man she's pregnant for but she says she doesn't want the relationship anymore saying he's uncaring and abusive.

She didn't finish her period of apprentiship as a beautician because she couldn't complete her payment according to her.
She's not registered at a hospital for antenatal but once saw a traditional birth attendant and she has no money to even go back there now.
She admits she hasn't gotten a grip of her own life(I could see someone having psycological issues) and needs someone to put her right.She needs some form of therapy.

So familylanders,where do we go from here?

Cc:ifyalways,funjosh,Onegai,jaybee3,Mizmycoli.

5minsmadness:
There's something i've been meaning to point out but felt it wasnt necessary cos its not the purpose of this thread.


All these men that abused her, are we really sure she was abused? Sure she showed a mark on her hand to thorpido, are we sure its a mark of abuse and not another injury from something else?

The second man that had 4 ex wives... 4 ex "wives"? In Nigeria? Not ex girlfriends o, wives! I havent seen that level of divorce in this country o, maybe just one or two among our celebrities. I could be wrong.

The second man loved her and took care of her: then she got pregnant for him and all of a sudden he turns abusive? Why? He starts to beat a woman he cared for and catered to previously, because she got pregnant for him? Or is it possible she tried to force a pregnancy on him? Or she became abusive when he could no longer cope with her attitude?

All these abusive relationships she has been in, has anyone considered that SHE MIGHT BE THE ABUSER?

Not ex-wives but girlfriends who probably lived with him.
There are men who change the moment pregnancy 'enters' matter.She told me the issue has more to do with the man not being empathic with her first trimester pregnancy illness.

She might not be the abuser,have you considered why four women couldn't stay with the man?