₦airaland Forum

Brownteeth:
@Tink sh. Even if you are not married, I know you still desire men.

Of course i still desire men, I love men but i am not interested in hooking one for marriage and my culture doesnt look down on me or see me as less of a person because i dont have a ring on my left hand. I was married, have no plans to do it again. Only planned on getting married once and once only. I do have self control,

TRUSTEDGUY:
We all need someone girl.

Doesnt change the fact that i dont have one, hehe!! Nah, im all fine and good without it! I prefer no complications in life

OMG!!! Reading all this makes me so glad i was raised in a different culture. The only person thats asks me about getting a man is my dad cos he is old fashioned. He has stopped asking now cos he knows i am happy alone. Most men i know cant be alone including my dad. If their divorced or widowed, doesnt take long til they have another women, so who isnt complete without whom!!

Vic2k3:
Tink_sh don't sound so downcasted. U're still new and fresh, wif time dear

Hehehe!!!

Dont have one

Poster, some guys always thin the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. He is letting the wrong head make his choices. I dont believed he loved her at all. But the 'friend' will move on to the next challenge and he will be begging for forgivness. The girl probably wants what she hasnt got and when she has it she will get bored.

I think sugar pp is right in that your friend should of stood up and made her feelings known in front of both of them. She had nothing to lose cos he was walking anyway. You got to fight for it sometimes if you want it bad enough. I feel for her. She must be devastated but hopefully she will learn from this. She deserves better. Even if the guy comes back there is a high chance he will repeat it again. The blames is on both the 'friend' and the guys head. Be a good and honest friend to her. She needs to choose her friends better.

You cant build it yourself, he needs to earn it too. He needs to be totally transparent with what he is doing so you can trust him again. He needs to never give you any reason to doubt him. I wish you all the best.

Sure have!

So she runs your life?? I expected better from you Is she that insecure and are you that scared to lose her?? Even in a relationship you both need your own time. Dont let her tears fool you. Some girls can turn it on to manipulate you so easily.

kenis:
Tink_sh
i dont think you loved him more than he did. I go mad myself when somebody i love choose to ignore my calls. That's the worst thing anybody can do to me. It enough reason for me to be mad. He would had ignored you too if he had no feelings for you. He was nt thinking bad of you when he suggested that you should come over. But,if you hate him that much and still want to punish him,ignore him forever then.

I was the one texting, emailing, calling him. I dont hate him, i wish i could but i cant talk to him. He will not open his mind. He has his idea of whats happening and wont listen so there is nothing i can do. I do not believe you can love someone and say such hurtful things. I think his suggestion of me coming there was very selfish. He knows my situation with my child and he chose to go there without any consideration. I explained the difficulty we would have before he left. I told him my side of it but he chose to go. He was going to have us with him but went to America. Thats way to far.

[quote author=Shy-One link=topic=532971.msg6953606#msg6953606 date=1287252837]Tink:

First, If it is TRULY OVER I agree with Jay Bee - change your email address - he has your information, you will be blocking forever because he will continue to change his email address so he can keep contacting you.


On Another Note:

It sounds like he doesn't communicate well verbally the feelings, frustrations, emotions that he has for you - to you and it sounds like you "shut down."  I don't know if it is because you are "afraid" of what might or might not happen because he is "expression-handicapped = inability through no fault of his own, to calmly express himself to you while his emotions are high".

He is probably not understanding your culture and has cultural expectations from you that you aren't understanding either.  This would be a reason that he would approach your dad - because in Africa this is what he would do and he is doing what "he knows and understands."  To you, approaching your dad might seem obsessive - but in many cultures, it is normal when there is a problem.

For instance it is normal and natural for him to expect you to definitely accompany him to America and he is offended that you won't do this, He sounds frustrated.  Were you aware of his expectations from a cultural point of view prior to becoming his woman?  Did you thoroughly investigate his expectations in the beginning?

You are on NL so you are healing by exposing yourself to opinions from Nigerians but your presence in NL also suggests somewhat that you will also date "another Nigerian" once you are ready to date again.  Which means that another Nigerian male "could very well have similar expectations of you."  I am dating and will soon marry a Nigerian man who lives in Nigeria.  I am familiarizing myself on a deep level with his culture and his personal expectations that he has of "women" and of "me" so I can be well aware of what is expected of me as I go deeper into this relationship.  I want to make sure our expectations match so he isn't frustrated and I'm not frustrated either and there isn't this blowup that can be avoided had either of us truly investigated the other.

Wherever he goes, I go and wherever I go he goes.  If I had kids, they would go too.  I understand that we are all different and I understand your reluctance to leave your family.  But you will have to face one day the same scenario.  Once you marry and/or are in a very serious relationship that would lead to marriage - your mate is NOW YOUR FAMILY.[/quote]I appreciate what you wrote and agree with most of it. I came here as part of my learning about his culture. I am still here cos i enjoy it. I am not looking to date another nigerian or anyone for that matter. I just enjoy visiting here.

With the moving to America thing, Would that be expected even for a bf. We are not engaged or married and i didnt feel right doing it for a guy i was dating. My problem taking my son is i cant imagine his father allowing me to take him to the other side of the world and not see him. I would need good finances there so we could come back here so my son could see his father. The only other option was to wait til he was older.

I was learning about his culture but felt he needed to understand that i was raised in a very different culture. When we met he was in Malaysia and i was packing up and moving there this year when i got the news he had decided to go to America. I had no choice and no say so tried to deal with my life here without him. I really appreciate your advice. It means alot.

Elvismaxwe:
Tink sh, i think is all about fun. u re saying there is love here, can one get acquinted with a lady here he wish to love? and will d lady responed back 2 your love? Shy one, hw was your day and d family?

Hi Elvismazwe, I think its possible. Might be tricky finding the right one but nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough. Your right, it is fun most of the time but there are real people here too.

ok, that makes more sense, I was very confused, more than normal, hehe.

Cool, thanks.

ZIM DRILL:
you are crazy

am homewrecker is someone who wrecks his/her marriage or home

s/he must be committed to his home/marriage if s/he strays then s/he is a homewrecker becoz s/he is wrecking his/her home



people just blame the other part through out as if it is his/her marriage one who strays from his/her is a homewrecker

Huh?? I know. I said i know what a home wrecker is but not what it had to do with jennys comment. I was agreeing with you.

I would like to know too ZIM DRILL. I know what a home wrecker is but dont know how that applies to anything jennykadry said here.

Hehehe!! The 'aussie one' Thats funny~

Ok, sorry, I thought you meant to communicate to work it out.

Thanks, you are right. Im just trying to disappear of his radar but he has all my contact info. I dont know how to get through to him. He has convinced himself of these terrible things. I am hoping that by not responding to him he will calm down but it seems to be getting worse. Maybe he will run out of venom. Thanks again for your advice. I appreciate it. I was going nuts in my own head, lol!!