₦airaland Forum

its good to see u making ur hands useful marcus.

nope it suppose to make one cry.

A waitress in a New York City Restraunt sees three japanese bussiness men furiously masturbating at their table
She runs over to them and says "Hey what do you guys think your doing"?
One Japanese Man explains: "can't you see we are all very Hungry"?
The waitress asks incredulously so how is jacking off in the middle of a restraunt gonna help the situation?"
one of the other guys says "Menu says first come first serve"

A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws.

there were 2 construction workers,1 on the top floor and 1 below.The top 1 forgot to bring his saw along so he call up to the 1 below to bring his saw up but the 1 below couldn hear.So the he uses sign language & show what he needs 2 his friend.His friend nodded his head then took off his pants and started masturbating.The guy on the top goes Wtf and went down and ask his friend,'Wat are u doing,i thought i ask u 2 bring me my saw?' And his friend replied,'i knw, i'm just trying to tell u tat i'm cumming'

A guy decides to tell his girlfriend about his small penis. In the dark he took it out, put it in her hand and waited for her reaction: 'No thanx I dont smoke'

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
,
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do, he's in too far."

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to Bleep your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job


One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

plzzzzzz padlock ur cell phone.

Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situation.

1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?

Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
, , ,
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?

Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O

3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?

Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i was sleeping,u stupid fool?

4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?

Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!

5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?

Me: M in market with telephone around my neck

A man walked out of a consultation room only to be called back by the doctor,
Doctor: Mr, could you please jump up and down like you would do when you're very happy.
Man: Why? Is it part of the treatment?
Doctor: No sir, I forgot to shake the medicine bottle before I gave it to you

have done all i could to cure my ulcer but its not working out,
plz how can i get a better cure?

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go
home.
->Boy throws bag out the
window,
Teacher: Who threw
that?
Boy: Me, I`m going home
''
A Girl was standing at bus-stop covering
her face with a scarf. A Man Passes by and said: 'HI SEXY'
.
Girl: DAD! Its me

A man arrives @ hotel with a woman almost twice his age.

Manager : We are sorry sir , but we dont allow such immorality here

Man : Oh she is ma mum.He is given a key 2 room. 15 mins later the manager tells !! ;S
,
hotel maid 2 go verify if the woman is truly his mum . d maid comes back some minutes later. Maid: Yes she is mum

Manger : How you know?



Maid : I saw her breastfeeding him

Sometimes we hav no words 2 describe pple.
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Thank God he gav us middle finger

na nyash i dey look first,

And i stil cant believe this NTA Makurdi centre News at 10 took ma precious time!


lol. try AIT next time

makuz u bet,

Boy: Marry me, ?

Girl: Do you have a house, ?

Boy: No,
,
Girl: Do you have a BMW car, ?

Boy: No,

Girl: How much is your salary, ?

Boy: No salary, but,,

Girl: No but. You have nothing, How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!!

Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche, Why I still need to buy BMW.?!
How can I get the salary when actually I'm the BOSS,

Boy to a Girl: Hi
Girl: Hello.
Boy: How are you doing?
Girl: Do I knw u?
Boy: I am Rich,
Girl:, oh! My name is ijeoma, I am 19yrs old and I am from onitsha. I like guys with a chiskop like you, So, when are we going out?
Boy: no, no, no, "Rich" My name is Richard.
Girl: Sorry, I don't talk to strangers

No matter how bad you are, you are never totally useless,

You can always be used as a BAD EXAMPLE ,

clear sir, Assclown"

wat a bedtime story, can i sleep now?

mikuz finally i impress u, thank God.

;
nice one.

A girl was reading tattoo on her boyfriends body. NIKE on his shoulder, PUMA on his back, but she scream when she saw AIDS on his D**K
"relax gurl he said, when erect it reads ADIDAS,

if it aint funny to u just take a hike.
and remember to jam the door.

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife and said, 'Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.
She said 'Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis.

Today I Saved a Life
.
.
How??

, I Asked a Begger

'what will u do if I'll give u a thousand dollars?

He Said 'I'll die with happiness'

So I didn't gave him.

Dad; what's ur result?

Son; i've failed in 5 subjects.

Dad; from now onwards don't call me "DAD".

Son; oh come on dad! Its my school test not a DNA test,


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine,

My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said:
“At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot” I still don’t get why I got rusticated.
I only asked him,
“Which End Sir?”

With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest. "Throw away 250 resumes?" I asked, shocked. "What if the best candidates are in there?"

"You have a point," he said. "But then again, I don't need people with bad luck here."

mikus its called jokes, and thanx a hell for asking.

Q: Why doesn't the christian law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence