₦airaland Forum

;DVery nice

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Meanwhile we still have some vacancies if u want to apply.

Still my best joke

Then after the man carry her go home Bleep the living day light out of her.
Who be the mumu now

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Nonmagunizationalismcable

My classmate

This is an Interview
Dialogue i overheard in my working place yesterday. Its an interview between an officer in a department and a candidate seeking for job.

Officer: What Is Your Name?.

Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Tell Me Properly.

Candidate: Modape
Pakurumo Sir

Officer: Your Father’s
Name?.

Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: What Does That Mean?.

Candidate: Moshood
Pakurumo
Sir

Officer: Your Native Place!

Candidate: M P. Sir

Officer: Is It Makurdi Purum?.

Candidate: No, Minna Port Sir.

Officer: What Is Your
Qualification?

Candidate: M P. Sir

Officerangry) What Is It?.

Candidate: Metric Pass.

Officer: so why do you need a job?.

Candidate: M P sir.

Officer: meaning?.

Candidate: money
problem sir.

Officer: whats your personality?.

Candidate: MP sir.

Officer: would you
explain yourself and stop wasting my time?.

Candidate: monacrotic
personality.

Officer: I see no wonder. I will get back to you later. . .

Candidate: sir, how's my MP?.

Officer: and what's that again?.

Candidate: my
performance.

Officer: MP!

Candidate: m-e-a-n-i-n-g?.

Officer: Mental
Problem

I NOW PRONOUNCE U MAN UNITED

A housewife heard a knock at the door, and when she answered, a man asked her if she had a v.a.g.i.n.a. The woman slammed the door in disbelief at what the stranger had said. The following day, the same thing happened, so she decided to tell her husband. The husband was outraged. “Tomorrow I won’t go to work,” he said. “If the man returns and ask you if you have a v.a.g.i.n.a, say yes, and I will be hiding behind the door.”

The next day the same man came again, and when the woman opened the door, he asked if she had a v.a.g.i.n.a. The woman replied, “Yes!” “Good,” the man said. “Then please tell your husband to stop f.u.c.king my wife.”

wat da Zap u all talking about

dis is a well compose thread from a f.u.c.king genius.

you above me, wat da Zap do u wanna f.c.u.c.king know about me?

marcus wat a Zap u just said

"Zap" is the only word which can be used to express many feelings

Revenge: Zap you

Failure: I'm f.u.c.ked

Anxiety: What the Zap is happening

Anger: Get the Zap out of here

Curious: How the Zap did you do that

Love: She is f.u.c.king beautiful

Lust: Aah Zap me baby

Pride: I am a f.u.c.king genius

Victory: I won that f.u.c.king competition

Sad: Why the Zap does this happen to me

Confused: What the Zap

By this time you will be thinking where a hell is the f.u.c.king joke.

i think people who re showin unnecessary attitude on dis section deserve a standin ovation
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from ma tallest finger,

name them?

am still wondering.

now dis joke has cost me ma lappy,
fell from ma hand while laughing
now Kelly u own me a new lappy.
but thanx for making ma day.

A farmer bought a milking machine.Out of
hor.niness and curiosity,he tried it on his d.ick.He
had a great cumming but his p.enis got stuck.He
couldnt get it off so he decided to check out the
machine's manual.It said, ''AUTO-RELEASES
AFTER 20 LITRES''

A man is mak.ing love to his wife. Suddenly the man feels someone slapping his
bu.tt and realizes it's not his wife. He stops, looks around and it's his young son crying. He tells the boy, hey I'm not hurting your Mommy, we are making you that little brother you want so bad. So the boy smiles and the father takes him
back to his room and tucks him in. The next day the father comes home from
work, the little boy is sitting on the steps crying. The father asks, 'What's wrong son?" The little boy replies, "You know that baby brother you and Mommy were making." The fatter smiles and says, "Yes." The little boy says, "Well forget it, the Mailman came over today and ate him!"

thanx poster. luv ya creativity.

u need some ink on ya photocopy machine.

but still funny though.

I know it's copy n past but I gatto post something dis new yr nah,

Son : Dad, What do I give my girlfriend as a gift ?
Dad : How does she look ?
Son : She looks sweet,pretty,fun to be with and ofcourse Lovely
= ♥

Dad : Give her my number


una hapi new yr,

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Johnny. You were going 80."
,
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Johnny, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Johnny, you never wear your seat belt."

Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth B.i.t.c.h!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

mikuz were u abused when raised cos i dont know wat else to do to make u laugh.

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.

"Well you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly", she said, "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with."

"That's fair enough", I replied, "When can you start?"

studio enough of dis ur suicide jokes.

plzzzzz i still need u come 2012.

ya mikus night school.
thanx though.
merry xmass in adv

Wife: Hun, you see that guy drinking himself silly across the bar? 10years ago he was my boyfriend and i refused to marry him,
Husband: OMG! Lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.d, He's still celebrating.

Boss hired a sexy secretary but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping
from his 54th floor office.


Police: Who was present that time in the room?

Secretary: "I was there.

He was a good man.

1 day he bought me a furcoat for 20,000 naira

then he bought me a diamond necklace for 150,000 naira

then he bought me a diamond ring for 50,000 naira

Today he asked me to spend the night at his place. I told him I charge 1000 naira a night.

He screamed & suddenly ran to the window & jumped out.

That's all I know.

God bless u studio.
u just make my day.

u guys should let me know when i`ve won,

never knew u miss my little minits absent ODE (still laughing about the name)

u know my busy schedules doin charity work alwayz take my time but dont worry, someday u will be one of the beneficially.