Sunday, April 27, 2008

See what happens when you marry outside your class

By Chinyere Fred-Adegbulugbe


Love, they say, is blind. However, many people have argued that, though love could be blind, marriage, a product of so many love relationships, is an eye opener. Most times, when people want to marry “outside,” they are surprised that people around dissuade them from taking the decision. Love, they say, should be above class, culture and religion. And if the two people getting married are already sharing the same religion, what else could possibly be an obstacle? Certainly, not class, they usually reason.








But really class does matter. More often than not, an individual‘s class is usually defined by a number of factors. Normally, this refers to someone‘s economic or social level. It could also be both. It is therefore given that people within different classes must have some major differences that may not be easily wished away.

That was what happened to Nnamdi. According to him, during his youth service, he met this very lovely girl at the place of his primary assignment. “She was so beautiful that almost every man in the corps’ members’ lodge were after her. In the end, the lady, who just finished a five years’ course in a commercial school in the town, agreed to date him. And because he was very sincere, before his service came to an end, he proposed marriage to her. Of course, her parents, who were petty traders in the village, couldn‘t believe their good luck; they promptly gave their consent.

However, Nnamdi‘s parents‘ reaction was something else. “My mother cried and cried, while my father told me, with very cold eyes, that he was greatly disappointed in me.

“Though the marriage did take place and Linda managed to get into a university and had a degree in English afterwards, the marriage, he confessed, wasn‘t what he had dreamt. Even after his parents had come to terms with the fact that he was married and that there was nothing anyone could do about it, Linda couldn‘t just fit in.

“Anytime my friends come around, she would withdraw to her shell and many of them thought she was being unfriendly. However, she was battling with timidity. Even after passing through the university, her childhood and where she came from refused to leave her. I could hardly go with her for parties and other social events because she would sure spoil my day. Not that I didn‘t see these things before, but I thought that, with love and patience from me, she would change,” he says.

But he was wrong. She didn‘t. And that was when the crack started in their union. He started keeping late nights and hardly invited his friends home anymore. Then the devil came in person of a female colleague that came from another branch.

”Angela and I had to work together and before long we became friends. Of course, the relationship was quite platonic at the beginning, but as we interacted, we discovered we had a lot in common and many things I couldn‘t discuss with my wife, I discussed freely with Linda,” he recollects.

Of course, he not only had an affair with her, after two years, he had bad news for his wife. He wanted another wife. His family, once again was devastated. He was bringing shame to the family by having a second wife. But his mind was made up. He married Angela, but he couldn‘t divorce Linda because he was sorry for her.

Today, he is a husband of two wives, something he never imagined could happen to him.

Certainly, there are marriages like this, where things went differently, but it usually takes a lot of hard work. Marriage experts would tell you that if have to marry below your class, you must be prepared to sacrifice a lot of things. And if you dare marry above your class you should also be ready to work hard towards fitting in. Invariably, people who go into such marriages should also be ready to work really hard at making the union successful.


http://odili.net/news/source/2008/apr/27/414.html

@

topic,

This is good news. We finally hear the report of a prominent Politician dying in Nigeria at a full and ripe old age without any assassination complicity. May such trend continue o.

Thank God for his life.

Hmmmm

Emir strips Obasanjo of title, hands it to Bamaiyi By TERWASE TYOBAN, Birnin Kebbi
Monday, April 28, 2008

The Zuru Emirate Council has stripped former President Olusegun Obasanjo of the title conferred on him by the Emirate council and conferred same on the former Chief of Army Staff, LT. Gen. Ishaya Bamaiyi who was recently discharged and acquitted of attempted murder charges by a Lagos High Court.



The emir of Zuru emirate, Maj. Gen. Sani Sami (rtd) made this known at a civic reception put together by the people of the emirate in Zuru town to welcome the retired General home after over eight years in incarceration.

Sani Sami said Gen. Obasanjo does not deserve to hold the title of Uban Yakin Zuru, one of the highest titles in Zuru Emirate which means “the one in charge of warriors” as a result of the deliberate punishment he meted out on their illustrious son, on trumped up charges.

The emir stated that, despite everything done by the former President to inflict pain, grief and sorrow on the family of Bamaiyi and the emirate, the truth finally prevailed as he was vindicated by the verdict of the High Court.

While outlining the achievements of Bamaiyi in the emirate during his tenure as the army chief which include, the establishment of the Bamaiyi Sunduh Memorial Hospital Senchi, a boarding secondary school also in Senchi, a hotel which gave employment to hitherto jobless youths in the emirate, as well as the construction of Zuru-Senchi road, the emir charged other eminent sons and daughters of the emirate to join hands together in the development of the emirate.

In his remarks at the event, the state Deputy Governor and close associate of Bamaiyi, Alhaji Ibrahim K. Aliyu who also represented Governor Saidu Usman Nasamu Dakingari said from time that the idea of handing power over to a civilian regime became a reality, Bamaiyi was one those army officers that spoke openly about not allowing anyone with a military background to rule the nation. However, according to him, that suggestion was ignored and the country has paid dearly for it.

http://odili.net/news/source/2008/apr/28/511.html

@TopBooty
Tinubu upright?
Please get real

Whats wrong with Bola?

Yes I did and the stench is coming to meet you. You better wear a face mask.

Lol, I'm used to it.

If we understand that this so-called "class" as defined by most posters here is dynamic, then why are we going to be making marriage decisions based on it. I believe marriage should be based on something more stable than our so called "class".

I very much agree with you but our agreement doesn't make any difference because 95% Nigerians surely hold on to it like our life is dept on it.

One quick question tho: If you want to take out class for the marriage equation, does it mean that a truck pusher in Naija can try his luck with a college professor? or a vice versa? Nature sometimes defines class for us.

I got another story, Y'all know that I prefer to call nollywood, ibowood because 99% of the movies they dish out centers around the ibo culture and the soundtracks are always ibo. There is this lagosian ibo girl in DC who can neither speak both ibo and yoruba nor understand them according to her but anytime we watch ibowwod movies together, she explains every little ibo sentence to me in those movies. I was forced to ask her one day, how come you can neither speak nor undertsand but can interpret what goes on here especially the ibo soundtracks. Don't mind them jo, this na just effizy.

It's people like prince_onx that prevent many Igbos from learning the language. In his supreme ignorance and distasteful arrogance, he's more willing to scold the OP like an errant child, and less willing to give suggestions on techniques, audio CDs, literature, etc. to help the OP in learning Igbo.

Many Igbos are not encouraged to learn the language because of the attitude of those who are supposed to help them learn.

Yes, many (not all) Igbos born in Lagos, and some other parts of the country are not fluent speakers of the language for many reasons:

1. Immersed in a society where Igbo is rarely spoken.

2. The pogrom directed at Igbos in the mid 1960s and the following civil war, made many Igbo parents (though few will readily admit this) living outside Igboland, but within Nigeria, apprehensive about the safety of their children from the stand-point of being easily identified as Igbo. The fear then, in the early 1970s, was palpable especially since many Igbos did not fully trust that the state (Nigeria) can protect them even after the civil war. The thinking was that "if it happened before, it can happen again". However, for economic reasons many Igbos still had to settle outside Igbo land. The consequence of all these was that many Igbo parents living outside Igbo land, but within Nigeria, thought it wise to play down the Igbo identity of their children for fear that it may make the difference between life and death in a lawless Nigeria. But ignorant, arrogant, "I sabi speak Igbo pass everybody", characters like prince_onx are unable to appreciate the state of mind of the Igbo parents raising kids outside Igboland, and who had just come out of a politically induced pogrom, religiously catalyzed massacres, and a brutal quasi-genocidal civil war.

3. The likes of prince_onx, either laughing at those trying to learn or shouting "there is no excuse!"

I think your reason #2 is far from the truth. I'll have to support pince onx here because many Nigerians especially women think it's hip to deny your indiginous language. Ibos are like legion in lagos, they are very territorial and their NNa slang follows them around. This girl wasn't born in Finland or Nebraska, she grew up in damn lagos that has no much difference with iboland. How will you explain those yorubas that come up with this lame excuse for not speaking yoruba?

A friend of mine lived at Enugu all her life with her parents, she speaks yoruba very very very well, better than those lagosians and her friend who's from Benin speaks Benin language very well even though she never went to Benin and was exposed to only ibo.

I read in another tread about someone giving those yorubas excuse for not speaking yoruba because they were born outside yoruba land in Nigeria. Some of these people understand and can speak it very well but will rather prefer to deny it anyway until you watch a movie with them, you'll understand.

@topbooty

very worrisome,

some people even think not understanding yoruba makes you better than others.

Most people like the uncle you mentioned there would stop their kids from speaking it as if that would make them dull

One thing this people don't know is that they are neggligible and the yoruba race will still strive without them anyway.

I know of some family here in Lagos that have warned their children not to speak Yoruba at home. Can you imagine that? I could remember those days in primary school when you will be penalized for speaking "vernacular". Very ridiculous. I am proud of my mother tongue anywhere and anyday.Omo ale ni o ma fi owo osi juwe ile baba re( It is only a bastard that will use his left hand to describe his father's house).

Don't mind the idiots, they kids will still understand it anyway whether they like it or not.

the big question is that who fills the massive shoes he has left behind, who will be the bonafide and morally upright yoruba leader

Tinubu.

I disagree with you!

There's nothing wrong in making money in exchange for goods or service. There activities must be adding some value to the economy for such activities to generate money.

Nigerians in North America, Europe and Asia send back roughly $2 billion every year to Nigeria. They work work hard for the money and send some to family and friends in Naija. Why can't Indians do the same in Nigeria?

Indians in Nigeria have every right to make money and send back home to New Delhi, Bangalore or Mumbai.

Indians in Nigeria have every right to practice their religion, be it Hinduism, Is.lam, Christianity, Sikhism, or Buddhism.

We must not start a xenophobic campaign against our bothers and sisters from India on the grounds that they practice a different religion, or because they're making money to send to their poor relatives back home (India).

We must welcome their investments and rectify aspects of our laws that leave loopholes in labor relations, foreign remittances, income tax, corporate tax, employee rights, etc.

I agree 100%. 5 stars.

Why are we assuming someone from a "lower social class" won't be able to provide for his family? There are people who grew up poor and are doing very well now.

It's a natural phenomenon. No one knows tommorow. What we are arguing is the spouse presently has a poor background and is not yet rich or he/she is yet to achieve a higher social status but that does not necessarily mean he/she will remain there forever.

I think you are slipping from social class into racism

Not really, some white folks claim they are not racists but classify themselves as the upper echelon that will rather not mic up their genes with someone whom they consider to be of lower class. These families will do anything from stopping their sons/daughters from marrying a black but if the black spouse is super rich/celebrity, they'll allow it. Are they necessarily racists or obsessed with the class culture?

when two people have mutual feelings for each other,
but when its not mutual, the one who gives a greater percentage of love suffers

feelings can also be mutual, but because of the changes one undergo in life, a patners feeling may wear off, then the other suffers

How do you know for sure the feeling is mutual? Is it advisable to 'reduce' your love charges if you suspect the feeling is not mutual?

COW----South Africa?    . Make una dey read headlines.

I still say follow the money trail (sniff, sniff---FRESH MINT!). I'm sure someone is keeping their fingers crossed. 

They bought cows for sure but it's the cost of bringing one that will be the problem I'm sure that deal will cost Kwara state about US $400,000(@$500 each)  and another $4M for transportation, lodging the cows in the hotel, medication, vet bills  and  feeding. Nigeria

Who is to say that GM has not already been in that country long before this?? I am betting that there are farms all over with GM seeds that may not even know of it.

True but it's negligible compared to the quantity the western farmers produce.

'show me your friends and i'll tell u who you're'

'birds of the same feather flock together'

Not necessarily true.

Beer will get you pregnant in no distant time. If you must drink it, try the low carb beers(lite).

Can someone interpret these ibo names fo rme please:
Kosi
chimammanda
Olisa
Munachi
Ugo
Dalu( I think it's Daluchi or Chidalu)
Ogochukuwu
Ozoima
Uzoma
Nnamdi
Ofiafuluagu(ibo movie star's name)
Obiefuna
Obidi
Obioma
Tekena
Obioha
Arinze

Ignore pls.

LAST DAY? IF You HAVE ANY BENEFITS PLS DON'T FORGET ME, LAST DAY WILL COME AND GO. ENJOY WHY You ARE HERE.
BY THE WAY WOT IF LAST DAY NEVER ARRIVED, THIK OF ALL THOSE BANGINGS You WILL MISS?

You need Jesus more than banging.

Now, that's a laugh!!!!!!!!!

Lol, did you fart while laughing loud?

Verbal abuse is in yoruba culture but not part of the culture abeg unless it's part of your dialect.

if men won't go to heaven then women have't got half a chance. it's say freinds with benefit, so take the benefit and leave the pains to someone else. abi i dey lie?

At least we got a chance. The crime men commit against women, abuse, neglect, rape, assault etc will be a stumbling block  for them before God. Who am I to judge? we shall see on the last day.

what do you know about people? Very little from what i can garner so far

I seee, you can bang her but she's not good enough to be your wife abi? Men? will they ever get to heaven?

This is coming from a man who initially claimed his family and him have high moral principles and are monogamous. Double speak I'll say.

Hmm, I have a few friends that are into the whole 'Friends With Benefits' deal but me personally, I will never do it

may his soul rest in peace,he realli did try to make the yorubas speak with one voice and he suceeded,the whole problem started when he got too sick to co ordinate

True, except for the greedy likes of Arisekola Alao, Adedibu and Some Egba men, it would have remained that way.

Maybe your own family don't keep its history alive, but mine does!!!!!! As much as some were kidnapped, some were as well sold. Nothing to be proud of, but my great, great grandfather partook in it, my father told me so. Why should he lie? To boost his morale? I don't think so. The fact is that slave trade was banned in the West but Nigerians still thought it fit to sell their brothers to smugglers, whether you like it or not it's the truth.

Well, knock yourself out. My people or town or even state never sold their brothers into slavery.

RIP daddy.

NADECO Chieftain, Abraham Adesanya is Dead


NADECO Chieftain, Abraham Adesanya is Dead
Chief Abraham Adesanya, the vibrant leader of the National Democratic Coalition (NADECO) and a prominent leader Yoruba socio-political organization, Afenifere is dead.

He died in his Lagos home shortly after breakfast on Sunday at the age of 85.
Pa Abraham Adesanya was born on July 24, 1922 in Ijebu-Igbo,Ogun State in Nigeria’s Southwest region.

http://www.saharareporters.com/www/news/detail/?id=588

That's what I'm saying - genetic engineering is not good. That's like another topic for another day. . . . . .I know they can be bred though.

Will you rather we forget modifying our foods genetically and stay hungry? We can create a 70% modified and 30% organic food state so that if you are rich enough to buy the organic one, good for you but if you can't afford it, go genetic and make sure food dey belle as long as NAFDAC is updated to forestall those that will try to sell GMF's in the name of organic foods.