₦airaland Forum

smileysmiles: my WORST blind date was in 2009 ASUU had dis mad strike den. i got tired of sitting home so i went to visit my maternal grannys at ekiti. thrz dis dude i was chatting with on facebook then. He was in d same axis so i felt let me just meet someone new.
All along i dint check his pictures(i was chatting out of boredom) but on the day we were to meet. i quickly browsed thru and he looked "ok"
when he called to say he was at d agreed point, i got confused! d guy in d pic was fair and i couldnt see him. next thing dis dude stood infront of me and started rapping yoruba " ahh mo ti ri e latokan, mo ti wo awon pics e pa, shori kani ese e nikan ni mori ni ma damo" meanin' i saw u immediately u got here, i have studied ur pictures on fb infact if i see ur leg alone i can identify it"
i was going to buy novels dat day and he ffd me and all thru the ride he kept rappin d yoruba, it was awkward, we took public transport and he was shouting! After d novels , i expected that we should go chill somewhr but he said we should be strolling (under hot sun)
Long story short when heat stroke wan catch me i told him to lets go sit in an eatery, he kept telling me about how his car is bad and bla bla bla.
Guess who paid for both our meals!



ME!

hehehehehe... Dat guy na mickey mouse... I'm sure u startd pissing him off aftermath of d visit

The power of love and The colour of my love by Celine Dion

pweedyuz: hahahaha
y wunt she investigate!!!eh
an unknown soul pinged u,,,u neva c dat face in ur life b4
soo u asked whu gave u my pin*nd remember i used whu cos iv neva pasted my pin anywere nt even facebuk*
den d guy says *fb*
den u tell him it cant b fb cos my pin s nt dere
den d guy starts beating around d bush

most of dem myt even tell u dat dey'v forgotten *nd dats total bullshit cos guys dnt forget were dy got a babes numba or pin.* while sum will stick to d fb story!!!
tink am nah!!!if dem no send d person from d spirit world or water,,,den y d LIE

Ur PIN pls....remember I myt be Heaven sent... Neva look down on a dude on nairaland.. Who knows if he wld be d one to tie d knot... Lwkmd

DrGroove: Societal image. An unmarried woman has no respect,no value in Africa.no matter how educated, rich she is so there is this crave for acceptance hence the rush to become Mrs Somebody, Mrs Anybody .Secondly, legitimate children. Men are Not eager to marry Cos society doesn't expect them to, they are respected without marriage. Plus age doesn't affect a man's reproductive career so a 25year old lady is ripe for marriage while for a 40 year old man,life hasn't started. Thirdly, legitimate sex.Women are viewed as irresponsible if having sex outside d confines of matrimony where as a man is allowed to have pre marital, extra marital and post marital sex with any lady and any how yet he is still respected. With these few points of mine,Matrimony here I come... SOON.

A wise lady has jst spoken.... I love wen wise ppl speak.. '' Respect ''

There's notn really wrong provided it was a mistake... As a matter of fact, it is ur personality and d image u portray dat the opposite sex wil use to decide whether to embarrass u or keep calm... My hand has touched dat countless tyms especially in my Dept, though not a deliberate attempt... Dem go jst bone lik say notn happened, as dey already knw I can't deliberately do sh*t.... Am a man of honour

xp17: which privacy? to me, it is just becos they are unimportant. have you ever seen any relevant/reputable person without his/her pictures been in display on various websites?

remember, must of them also have facebook, twitter, and instigram accounts, yet privacy ain't applicable on those.

my friend, try to reason broad next time, because review based solely on narrow assumption is a bitchh.


assume means

as's
u
me

Gbaaaaaaaaam... U av said it all

Wen u unleash d
secret of guys, it seems to be funny
and guys won't evn tak offence in dat
but wen u unleash d secret of ladies,
they wld flare up in anger, hurl insults at u and start
callin u names.... I doubt if God even
understand ladies

mencade5: my bro....thank you oooo....two days back, two ladies here attacked me verbally, they have hated me due to my post about naija ladies and their nonsense behaviour. I fought gallantly against them. Trust me na, non of them fit shake me. I go to family section to deal with the feminists there. So me i no dey shame oooo.
Well done bro

u did d ryt tin bro.... Wen u unleash d secret of guys, it seems to be funny and guys won't evn tak offence in dat but wen u unleash d secret of ladies, they wld flare up in anger and start callin u names.... I doubt if God even understand ladies

I swear som ladies dey vex me and na
guys dey cause dat tin.... Sometimes
u post dem msgs and dey start replyin
as if dey ar being charged per
letter... Gud u ?, kul u ?, yap u ?..
Yup u ?... K n u ?... Tnx u?.. 5n u ?.. I
delete such ppl in no tym since am
pretty sure dat those u reply u dat
way av little or notn to add to ur life

mencade5: i have always bring out my real character when dealing with ladies in nairaland. I tell them the truth in their face, i dont worship them, i insult them when they offend me, i only gave one like to a female friend, just one like and thats all, i expose ladies tricks in my threads, i speak to them raw and never give them attention. If i praise ladies, i am only flirty at that moment, but still i will still insult that same lady,

i resigned from posting comments in my facebbok account because of guys useless character. I posted a picture since 2011, up till date only 3 people commented on it, my sister, her boyfriend, and a coursemate. Wtf!

I only chat on facebook and read post from eithernaijanews, goal.com, elombah, etc on facebook. I last commented on facebook in 2012. A friend i met here asked me why i have not been commenting on my facebook, i told him that is my principle up till date.

So nairaland ladies, i dont give a fvck about u, dont expect me to take it with you i will always speak raw to ladies, but guys na my pals. Unless in political sction or an unknown nigga insult me, that is when i insult them back.


#guys_stop_worshipping_ladies

I

.. Gbaaaaaaam !!! 1,000,000 likes

I swear som ladies dey vex me and na guys dey cause dat tin.... Sometimes u post dem msgs and dey start replyin as if dey ar being charged per letter... Gud u ?, kul u ?, yap u ?.. Yup u ?... K n u ?... Tnx u?.. 5n u ?.. I delete such ppl in no tym since am pretty sure dat those u reply u dat way av little or notn to add to ur life

This is notn but d truth.. I hate to see guys do dat shit.. Girls ar overrated.. I remember a tym lik dat a lady uploaded an ugly pix, I saw so angry seeing guys compliment her pretty she was., I commented and told her her pix does not in any way make sense and dat she shld delete it and upload a better one.. She sent me an inbox msg hurling insults to me sayin, I shld keep d truth to myslf next tym.. B4 I knew it, she deleted and blocked me. WTF !!! Dey ar so overrated, dats one of the reasons why dey feel it is ur duty as a guy to dip ur hand into ur pocket wen dey ask u for money... Let's say to putting ourselves beneath ladies... Some guys can't evn get N20 Paracetamol for their mothers wen she's havin headache but can spend 5k on a hungry lady... As for me, I am very nice to ladies but I treat dem d normal way I treat my guys

PlaybooyGANG: First time visits? Does that even count again? With all these Endtime Babes out there.... Sorry o sister, I go bleep d last drop of sweat for ur body! Obi ow far, light dey house?? *just passing*

hahahahaha... Lwkmd... Guy u too funny

shugabrown: Who run the world GIRLS

who run d girls ? Boys

dmcdad: Of course why would they value them? It also implies such guys don't have values themselves. If you know your worth as a man, I guess you won't be gracing the floor every chick walks on. Many guys are just so so annoying.

gbaaaaaam !!!! 1,000,000 likes

tmx21: that's why he said unnecessary want of privacy

oooh yeah I knw bro

holamiday: The thing tire me sef o. I guess it's either a result of insecurity or unnecessary want of privacy.

wat privacy ar u talkin bout ? Mind you, facebook is user-friendly dan Nairaland so wat privacy do dey av to protect here

tmx21: seriously, besides, i like your sig

.

I swear I think say na only me dey reason dat way.... I have com into conclusion dat it is simply a foolish motive behind d tin jawe... Do dey appear faceless on facebook evn if we all knw dat facebook has a huge population so wat privacy ar u talkin bout on nairaland ? Frm my 3D point of view, dey dnt upload their pix simply because dey knw dat Nairaland is a no-nonsense environment where nobody is afraid to tel u d truth... Unlike facebook whr u wld upload an ugly picture and u wld evn see a blindman complimenting on how pretty u ar.... Is hiding ur pix and being in anonymous mode d best way to portray a gud image on social network wen ur character behind d internet is notin to write home about? Al dis faceless females on Nairaland jst be lik person wey dey sleep wit several ladies without Con.dom but goes to the barbing saloon wit a private clipper in order to avoid germs..

Opiosko: I no finish u oo! u still remain gan. All of us must learn one way or the other. I'm sure u dnt dull for that kind tins again na

dull ke ?....dat was a tin of d past

Opiosko: Jehw guy of the 1st order ur own nobi here oh! Pls wait for a thread asking guys to narrate details of the most stwpid act of their jehw guy days..... She invited u to sleep with her nd u 'wanted' to respect her...meanwhile she's burning inside. Guess u were especting her to strip nd beg u bfor u gat her msg. Mitcheww!

hahahahahaha see how u sef com finish me

Let me add dis... Those who sound too raw and those without profile picture and gender buh claiming to be females are mostly male

I guess it is rightly wrong to try dat shit on first visit but wit d happenings dis days and d way our ladies claim to be wiser warrant guys to mak move at first visit.... During my OND days, I met a lady and d pace at which we got into each other was faster dan d pace at which Hussain Bolt takes off during 100m race..., I sometimes passed my nyt in her villa though she had a room mate... There was a day her room mate went out and informed her she wldnt return dat day... I go to her place and we slept together as usual but I respected her and felt I shldnt touch her as it was our first time sleepin one-on-one... Fast forward to few months later.... I was talkin to her room mate and jokingly told her I was cold and wished her frnd was ryt beside me to tak off d cold, d next tin she said was, evn if my friend is unclad in ur presence, u don't av d liver to do anytn... Woooooow !!! At dat instance, it was as if d ground shld open and swallow me up

In my own 3d view... Both sides hav somethin to lose but in a more realistic way, dat ladies av much to lose is on the high side if placed on a scale of rank.. Am talkin bout reasonable and average responsible ladies oooo ( I no dey talk abt al dis yeye slut wey dey claim classy babe up and down oooo)... As we al knw dat it is appointed unto men to chase ladies and we all knw dat men ar polygamous in nature... However, ladies ar alwz conscious of protecting their dignity and as we knw dat men dnt rili av any dignity to protect... Men ar not rili ashamed of flaunting ladies around while ladies ar alwz very careful and selective cos wen a lady changes bf lik 5tyms a year, she's tagged a slut... So dats y d rate at which dey ar afraid of guys is more dan d rate at which we ar afraid of dem simply because dey knw dey ar d losin side by default.... So lemme throw dis question to mak a stance... Y is it dat wen u promise to marry a lady and wen u eventually turn her down, she wld feel as if her world has com crashing down... Y is it dat in the recent time, ladies do not rely only on church weddin but wld also want court wedding ?... Y is it dat the marriage certificate is given to a lady ?... Al dis happens cos ladies ar on d losin side and al d afore-stated points ar done in favour of ladies so dat men wld be on d losing side

Try mak a conversation dat has to do wit health stuffs wit her, den try ask her wat time she normally av her dinner, if she tells u, den try ask her if she normally brush b4 goin to bed after her dinner and if she says no, den form a story tellin her u ar now havin germs in ur tooth which causes pains lately and dat a dentist u consulted told u it's as a result of rotten particles in ur gum and dat he told u to develop d habit of takin care of ur teeth using anti tooth-germs drugs.. Also tel her d dentist prescribed som drugs for u... Try to advise her also to develop d habit of brushin b4 she sleeps and she shld alwz try to brush by regular intervals so dat she won't be a victim of such... Wen u get d drugs, mak sure u use it in her presence and hand over d one u bought for her

Naetochukwu: Ok I grew up with the mentality that short people are aggressive people, and ready to pick a quarrel anytime.
But signing up on NL before it crashed made me realize that almost all NL's are short people especially with the way they reply Threads , talk about ladies and attack anybody Whose views differ from theirs...
Everybody seems to be aggressive here so please I just wanna know if we have tall people here who are slow to anger.
Thank you
Btw am 5'11 and an easy going person

u ar jst so funny....I don laff so tey my belle dey pain me

odzey: Lol. No mind dat babe jare, I didn't even know that was her plan earlier, I wouldn't have showed up assuming I knew. But you know not all ladies that are like dat, some or even most are actually decent and responsible.

u did d right tin bro... Am sure she wld start callin u names for embarrassing her visit evn in d presence of her frnds

odzey: [/color][color=#990000]
Woah. I had so much fun and laughs reading through all the pages of this thread. I almost didn't want to comment initially but I think doing that won't be a bad idea. I just hope my comment is not coming in late.
Well, I have seen it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. I've had quite a few blind dates; 2go, Eskimi, Facebook and most recently WeChat. On Nairaland, just one, I'm sure she would have read this thread, and she's been a very good friend of mine since we've known each other. In fact, she's actually my best friend, even though she probably doesn't know that yet. Thanks for always being there for me, S.
Back to my blind dates. I'm just gonna share the one I experienced recently. This happened some weeks back when I was in Abeokuta. I actually met her on WeChat, we've been chatting for some weeks, and she's pretty okay, at least I saw her pictures and she was exactly what I expected when I eventually met her. I wasn't disappointed at her apperance, the disappointment was at something else. On the day we were to meet, I called her and she gave me a description to drop at a particular eatery around Oke-Ilewo in Abeokuta, for those that are familiar with the Rock City. I gave her a call when I got there, waited for about 15 minutes before she showed up. On seeing her, she asked that we enter the eatery, we were still having a little discussion before going in when I heard voices behind me, nd lo and behold, I looked back and saw two of her friends. I just smiled. She introduced me to them and then said we should go in. I simply playfully told her that we should do this later in d evenin that I had to go and pick ma brother from his school and that I wasn't having much cash on me, even though there was an ATM machine beside the eatery. Just had to make up an excuse so as to escape her "mission-to-chop-ma-money". As I was about leaving, one of her friends then called me back and said hope I wasn't angry that I couldn't even tell her that I was leaving already, In my mind, I was like "wetin concern me with u, na me bring u cum here" but I just politely told her that I had things to do that I'm gonna call her friend later in the evening nd re-schedule another meeting. The look on her face as I was leaving made me to realize that she knew already that she won't be seeing or hearing from me again and I didn't disappoint her.
Let me just stop here, the others will have to be a story for another day.

Broda nice walkaway jawe... Dey ar gluttons

Anoda one happened to me some years back den wen I was in S.S 2... There was dis pretty female junior who happened to be in J.S.S 3, I had wanted to date dis babe but I was not opportuned or shld I say I had little or no toastin ability den... Each time dis lady passed my hrt wld alwz beat in fear ( I guess u al knw dat feeling ).. So on dis fateful day ehn, we were playin football on a pitch very close to my street.. She passed and evrybdy gazed at her.. I decided to approach her wen returning cos I wanted to prove to my frnds who alwz laughed at me dat I had no courage to approach a girl....Fast forward to 10mins later, I sighted her comin and I already positioned jst lik a lion waiting for a prey, as soon as she walked past us, I hurriedly walked towards her and approached her... I startd talkin bla bla bla... I noticed she was not responding so I looked at her inquisitively.. She looked at me for few seconds and d next she said was '' do you knw u ar very very stupid ''' wooow !!! It was as if somebody hit hammer on my head... I thought I didn't hear her response well so I foolishly said.. Ehn ? And she repeated the same thing.. At dat instance it was as if d ground shld swallow me up cos I cldnt stand d yawa.. While I was thinkin of wat to say next, she zoomed off... As I turned back, I saw virtually evrybdy on the pitch lookin towards my direction.. I walked confidently jst to cover my Bleep-up as I presumed nobdy heard her response.. As I got close to them one of dem said, '' y dat babe com use u wash lik dat ''.. Woooooow !!! So dis ppl hear sef, AM FINISHED... Ppl use me laff so tey to com field sef na problem

[quote author=]My own happened around 2010 the day my grandma was buried. Chai! I regret that day ehn..
The very the my grandma was to be buried.. I swear give my friends them say I go drink till I drunk... If my elder brother tell me make I go bring pami(palm wine) I go carry the gallon of pami take like 5cups b4 I go carry im own go give am... I drank all sort of alcohol till I was finally intoxicated.
As eye come the turn me..na so my ppenis come the stand. My ppenis stand ooo till I no no wetin to do again.
I come see one girl when I been like since.. She bin come to pound fufu(apku)
Chai! Naso I carry my madness go meet her, I com d tell her say I love her.to cut d long Tory short.
Around 1.00am when every body don sleep.. My ppenis com stat to stand again and that time girls bin d sleep for my room since visitors plenty and every where don full.
I com jump enter 4 d bed when girls d sleep, I com feel one girl with big nyansh choi! My john Thomas come stand erect pass army man.. I come carry my finger jack the girl her skirt up so that I go put my ppenis 4 her bottom.
As I d try to put my ppenis naso the girl come notice am, she come carry her Nokia torch lite point 4 my penis when don stand come the shout. She shout sete my papa commot come on the ceiling lite.
Na that time my eye come clear me.
To my greatest surprise... Na my aunty nyansh I bin the romance since.

Chain I won't say the rest.[/quote]chaiiii. I feel 4u bro.... Ur popsy go first whoozz u slap

noskeybaba: ***Mine***


Back then in school, I have graduated, defended my project and was done with clearance. What remains was NYSC. Our names were out and we were to get our original Statement of Result from the office of Exams and records cos it's a requirement from NYSC. We were given a date to come and get it.

That faithful morning, I dressed up, looking fly and bouncing with swagger( as per say intending corp member nau). I got to school, went straight to the Exams and Records office to get the result. On getting there there were a lot of people, clustering the office to be first to get. Many at the door many more through the window. I saw many friends and departmental colleagues. We exchanged pleasantries and waited for our turn while gisting to wind down time.

When it got to my turn, I got in, there were three persons left before me. I noticed one strange thing, the man incharge was taxing every man there, he would tell you to drop something before he hands over the result to you (it wasn't by force though, he was doing it in a friendly way). People were dropping things for him(who wouldn't? Where you are happy to be done with school). And if what you gave him was little, he would search you and if he finds money on you, he would take what he wanted. Everyone laughed about it and moved on.

Before my turn I agreed on what to give to him so I removed any other money on me and gave to my friend who have already collected his. What was left in my wallet was what he would see if he searched me.

"Big boy how far? Wetin you bring for us?" He said as I approached him. I stretched my hand squeezing a 200 Naira note to him. He looked at it and looked at me and said this is too small nau. I told him it's all I had on me now that I would see him tomorrow with better something (I lied) but he isn't buying that. Before I knew it, he dipped his hand inside my back pocket and grabbed my wallet and started searching. Of course he didn't find money but he found something else.

Condoms!!!! He shouted and brought them out showing everybody that was there. A lot of persons there burst out laughing very hard, girls especially. I felt very ashamed and embarased. "What are condoms doing in your wallet" he asked. People there still laughing, those that were far came close to know what was happening, they ended up joining in the laughing party as he was waving the condoms to them. That time I wished the ground would open and swallow me.

"What are you using these to do" he continued. By then I was being filled with rage and anger because I didn't see why he would embarrass me like this, I already gave him money like others, why can't he free me. But out of the anger I answered him, "pls sir condom is not a dual purpose commodity, it has only one single use. So that question you are asking me is not necessary". My answer didn't put him off, he now went on to the next level of his "embarrassment mission" on me.

He started calling one woman from the next office(a coleague of his). "Madam Faith!! Come oo, come and see what I am seeing. Come quick". One middle aged woman appeared, dressed like Deeper Life women with no earrings. He showed her the condoms and narrated how he found it on me. (Mind you this guy was taking this as a joke all these while cos he had other students laughing at his jibes at me. I wasn't finding it funny though). This woman looked at me "pityfully" like someone who was lost and asked me to follow her.

We got to her office, she asked me to sit down, I did, she now brought out a magazine and handed it to me, also brought out her bible, that was when I knew I was in for a long session of preaching and counseling. She preached and preached, telling me the dangers of premarital sex and the rest, quoting bibles and making me to read them myself. I was very calm and only one thing was was on my mind, REVENGE!!! "what evil will I to do that silly man, I need to make him feel what I felt". After the preaching session with the woman, she collected my number and said she would be calling me and texting me detail of their church activities, she wanted me to be attending them for spiritual upliftment. (who go attend? Me? I never see Wetin I go do with my time), I said to my self.

I thanked her and headed to the "silly" man's office to collect my result and get the hell out of there. When I got there he looked at me and noticed u was very angry, he told me that he was only joking that I shouldn't mind the woman that preached either. I didn't even respond to him. He brought our my result, looked at it, and maybe trying to impress me or to right the wrong he did to me, he shouted at the woman, "hey madam, do you know that the boy is brilliant? He made a good result wow!" I didn't even smile let alone responding. He handed my result to me, I collected it, putting it at my arm pit, I stretched hand to him requesting for my wallet and condoms. He gave them to me, everyone was watching. I took them looked at them and shouted back at him, making sure that Madam Faith heard me loud and clear. "Where are the rest?" I asked him. He looked at me in shock. "Where are the rest of my condoms!!? They were four, I'm seeing only two". Everybody there burst out and started laughing. They were dying in laughter, even more than when he did his. The man still shocked, but I wasn't done. "So you want to use it abi, that's why you hid it. Guy man. Anyway you can have it, cos I don't think I will need it again after the preaching, take the rest" I dropped two comdoms on his desk and walked away smiling. His face now changed I guess she was very angry too. But I no send am. I don do my mind. I left on a very high ovation, people were laughing really seriously at the man now.

I met my friend outside who hailed me and exclaimed "WHAT A COMEBACK!!" We left feeling very happy at what I did. As for the man, I knew he wouldn't get me anywhere again as I have graduated and that result was the only thing he could use against me but u already got it.

***the eND***

Nice one bro... U got me laughin on a movin Okada... Wat a humiliating comeback