Simeonjoe1:


Well maybe evolution of culture and societal values as a man nothing should concern you what your wife is financially bringing to the table atleast not much.
If she has all those qualities mention (that's her primary role) financial support is just secondary.

There's one thing everyman wants- a woman that can take care of the home, help raise responsible children, treat him as a lord and give him peace of mind. Money is least consideration.

Walahi if you get this kind wife you'll live long

If the sole purpose of asking a woman "what are you bringing to the table" is as described by the op, then, there is no need to ask the question in the first place.

You can see all those attributes and traits by mere observation. So, why should the man ask the woman what she's bringing to the table when all he wants are intangible ?

I'm cooking in the kitchen, you asked me what I'm bringing to the table, I replied, "emotional intelligence."

Since you were expecting me to have emotional intelligence before going into the kitchen why ask me what I'm bringing to the table?

This op is funny, and then saying you don't want to hear people make comments about what both parties have to bring to the table.

Whatever you wrote up there is mainly your opinion. There is no hard fact or square rule about how people lead their lives.

You are comparing intangible things to tangible things . Everything you listed up there that a woman should bring to the table, does not necessarily need to be between a man and his wife. All the things you listed for a woman to bring to the table are intangible.

Can you carry out successful business deals, or even be classed as humans with a purpose if you don't have those traits you listed for both the man and the woman?

You even wrote that a man should bring shared responsibility to the table.

Your colleagues, relatives, business associates, etc., cannot consistently give you money to take care of your family. Money is tangible!

So, when we ask a woman what she's bringing to the table, we are asking her to what extent does she want to contribute financially in the home.

Nobody made it a rule that men must be the sole provider in a home.

So, I'll say speak for yourself man.

She is the one that is willing to divorce him, not the other way round. The blame should not entirely go to the guy because he didn't use and dump her.

It was just a little misunderstanding that the two of them couldn't manage like sensible adults.

kelvindj98:

You can't request renewal anymore once your expired passport passes10 years. You will have to apply for a new one.

Hmmm, thanks for the insight.

Hi guys, what will someone do if their passport expired a long time ago (2010) and they wish to renew it now?

Would it be advisable for the applicant to visit an immigration office for assisted application or one can still use the DIY approach?

Obviously, it appears like the assisted application is a rip off.

Who had an experience like this recently?

Well, I think both of them have to work on themselves. They can still save this union. Whatever happened between them is due to lack of understanding.

Israel appears to be a man that don't take instructions. What Sheila had offered him was a very good advice. What becomes of him if Davido retires from music today?

Sheila too has her own flaws. She was to use petting, advice, and foresight to help him start another business. He can be a hypeman and still run business by the sides. Also, I think she thinks too highly of herself now that she has arrived.

In addition to the inputs by UyaiIncomparabl....

Prayer: If you're a christian, both of you should join the prayer unit of your denomination. Learn to pray together.

Washing: I don't think there's a rule that says clothes must be washed with your hands! I hope you get it?

Water fetching: Technology was invented to make our lives easier and to make us do things faster. At this age, we do not wake up at 4am to go fetch water from the stream. Think about it.

Jewessgratitud3:
A wrong person is a lazy man or woman not industrious or willing to add value to themselves.
A dirty and disorganized person too can be very frustrating and make you lose interest in him/her and the marriage.

A wrong person is one who disrespects you in public and in private. Worst still, public.

A wrong person is a drunkard or clubber.
A wrong person is a jealous fellow. They don't want you to be bigger or better than them.

A wrong person is a woman or Man beater.
A stingy man too. I left a very rich handsome pastor for this. Stingy man of God. I just told him to look front for his wife.

A wrong person is one who doesn't fear God.

You mean he's handsome and rich, how is he stingy?

I mean, how would you know (the characteristics of) a stingy rich man?

Merry100:

1 Timothy 5:16
If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed.

Try to be logical, in other verses including the verse 16 you quoted genders where specified, it is only in verse 8 that it was not specified. NLT is a new translation Bible, the older translations used the term "he and his" to specify in verse 8. Anyway, I won't agrue with you on this.

Personally, I don't advise women to become liabilities but it is very well known that Biblically men are expected to provide for their family.

In Exodus 21:10 Moses urged men not to stop providing for their first wives even after they marry another wife, which means men usually provide for their wives. Though in the same verse, Moses permitted marrying more than one wife because of the hardness of people's heart but Jesus explained the law better when He came to the world.

Exodus 21:10
If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

The passage you quoted above is about a daughter sold as a slave, and betrothed to the son of the master. Who provides food for a slave?

So, I will like to know. You are trying to say a woman has no financial responsibility in the home?

It's only the man that will do everything? If you believe a woman has financial responsibilities in the home, then what are her responsibilities?

My own argument is that both of them are told to provide, not just the man.

Now, you'll see how a woman should provide here: Proverbs 32:13-16.

She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.

So, what are you saying about a woman should not work if she likes?

Your man should provide for you fine, you too play your own part, just do something for your husband and family.

Merry100:

You can keep your virginity to honour God's law concerning sexual purity, you are not meant to keep your virginity for your wife at the first instance. Imagine my guy telling me he kept his virginity for me, what do I want to use his virginity for, all I want is for my guy to be faithful to me.

Whether you are keeping it to honour God, or your husband it doesn't matter. What matters is obedience to God's word, simple.

Moreover, if you have the opinion that one can do whatever they like with their body (since God will forgive them and they don't want to keep it for a mere husband), then, why were you asking me about the guy you mentioned earlier? Is this not the same thing he was reiterating?

Merry100:

But you replied me when I quoted the person that made the statement that means you are in support of what he said. You should have also quoted him if you are not bias.

If we are to go by the Bible it's not wrong for a woman to refuse to work, even widows are expected to be supported financially and in 1 Timothy 5, the term she was mentioned in some verses before verse 8 where he was mentioned, does this not imply that the message was directed to men?

1 Timothy 5
5 Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.
6 But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.
7 And these things give in charge, that they may be blameless.
8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

I really may not have time to be going back and forth on this.

However, this is another translation of the same verse you are quoting:
New Living Translation (1 Tim 5

5:8. But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

5:16 If a woman who is a believer has relatives who are widows, she must take care of them and not put the responsibility on the church. Then the church can care for the widows who are truly alone.

How would you take care of someone if you are unemployed yourself?

You said widows are even justified if they don't work. Well. Why I will not want to concern myself with that, we are not focusing on widows here.

We are discussing the issue of man and woman, husband and wife.

Merry100:

Most of you just enjoy twisting the Bible to your advantage.

Let me refresh your memories. In your first comment you wrote this "There’s a reason why your kpekus is sealed by God. It’s only for your husband."

Two can play the game.

I am not the one. Maybe it was someone else. No, you should not play that game. I've come to realise that the corruption of this world will make people who don't do it seem to miss out at the end of the day.

Imagine keeping yourself as a man or woman and you couldn't find a member of the opposite sex, who even claimed to be christian like you being chaste/pure?

Men and women keeping themselves till marriage is both scriptural and cultural.

Kobojunkie:
I don talk am tire! Not everyone is cut out to be a parent! Imagine having to deal with that kind of emotional abuse on a regular basis. Why some of dem no go turn to do exactly what you have been hounding them to do eventually?

Why you nor buy the iPhone 8 and send to the kid (no pun intended)? What emotional abuse is there when the father did not even flog her.

He only said what was running through his mind. Maybe the kid has failed Jamb several times, and the next thing she's asking for is for an iPhone?

Merry100:

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

It is God's design for man and woman to become one, and He provided reproductive organs that are intended for joint participation and not individual functioning. The reproductive organs in both male and female are needed by both genders and meant for the use of both genders, it seems God shared organs between both genders so that they can collaborate rather than giving each genders organs that will enable them to function individually. Hymen was simply assigned to women while God was doing the sharing. Its presence does not imply that the law concerning sexual purity applies exclusively to women. Its presence conveys a message of sexual purity to both genders, just as the reproductive organs in both genders functions collaboratively.

The law of sexual purity unquestionably applies to both men and women. If you believe that God excluded men from the law of sexual purity and permitted them to fornicate, who are they supposed to fornicate with?

Can you even specify a verse in the Bible where God declared that virginity is exclusively for women or permitted men to engage in fornication?

Why are you even crying? I thought you were playing a game of assumptions. Hope you know that two can play the game?

Where in my comment did you see any mention of sexual purity before wedding as a requisite for women only?

I was more concerned about you saying men are to work to provide for women. As if that's the purpose of creation of a man.

The passage you quoted says:
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

That text specifically did not say a man. I know you get why he was used in that context.

There are many wealthy women in the bible. The same bible that many women are using as an excuse to be lazy.

I also hope you know that the role of provision given to a woman is almost equal or even much more than of a man (If you need it, I'll post it here)?

Well, I support a man providing for his household, but when you say a man should "spoil" his wife, are the women also spoiling their husbands in return? Men are not robots too, they like to be "spoiled".

Merry100:

Broke guys don't deserve a partner.
There is a reason why God told men to till the ground and provide for their wives. Your wife deserves to be treated like a queen. You can't be broke and expect an innocent woman to marry you. Your financial status matters as a man!

Can you show anywhere where God said broke men should not find love? Even the first wedding that Jesus attended, the wine finished. Wine dey finish for rich man wedding?

More so, where is it ever written that a man should till the ground to provide solely for his wife?

Dexy4yah:
Every living soul in Nigeria is fukin selfish....tueeh


Wahala for who carry marriage matter for head sha

I think I just discovered this. I think marriage is about the smartest person now.

No more sacrifices, compromises, help, support, love, vision, determination, friendship, and defense again in the institution.

"Taking care of me" is the only motive for today's marriages, and you know the gender that's pushing it!

Jewessgratitud3:


Any man whos not ready to bear responsibilities should stay on his own now... Abi Dem dey force una?

Okay, the men understand.

Jewessgratitud3:


Anyhow you see am.

I see, I understand what you mean. You mean, if a man got married at 30 and dies at 95. If he had two kids. He would have carried the responsibilities of four people, plus his aged parents, plus the responsibilities of his siblings, plus that of his inlaws (including the siblings of his wife) all alone?

You see why we say women are inconsiderate. You think it's only the wife's responsibility he wants to carry?

Sixty-five years of toiling to keep smiles on the faces of some people, without any form of appreciation, support, motivation, reward, and all?

What would it take you to support him with just a few amount monthly as a partner?

Jewessgratitud3:


Anything that makes you see a woman as stingy means you're relying on her money or depending on her for one form of survival or the other and that is why you can even know she's stingy in the first place.

The example you gave even defeats your claims because someone at the point of death is highly dependent on anothers financial assistance. so....however that's not the point I was trying to make. All I'm saying is, never put your hopes on a woman's money.. as in...let her ability/inability to spend for you not be your reasons for marrying or not marrying her. if she can have money, you too can. Period!

This is the funniest piece I've read. So, a man should not consider if a woman is stingy?

He has all the money so, he won't notice the woman is stingy, because he is blind, his brain is half-dead, and he is a machine whose responsibility is only to provide till he dies? Okay.

NoToPile:


Honestly at bolded, the way they keep pushing that narrative which is one sided is concerning.

It's common sense if all you are providing is money why should someone provide money plus the other things.

Nature has shared the role and if there has to be an adjustment for whatever reason it has to be on both sides but iro oo, it's only the woman that must adjust to add making money to her own role, the man should keep making money only, what is he adding to the money making, you say it they keep quiet or they say kini big deal, well homemaking is not big deal blehbleh bleh and they can't survive 1 hour with 2 children under 5.


Women are already making money it's an indisputable fact let the NL men be useful for something else apart from making money if they want bills to be shared.


2nd bolded answer is Money only according to Nairalanders.

The 2nd scam that is being pushed by women these days is that it is when you share bills your husband will respect you, some have nicknamed it sense of responsibility I laugh when I read such posts as if they are not aware there are women who are even bread winners that being ridiculed, disrespected, beaten and cheated upon by the same man they sponsor.


All na scam.


Gbogbo wa la ma wa alright

Well, if one looks at it from the perspective of inputs in marriage, the woman will feel cheated if she has to do *all the house chores* while also sharing in the bills.

Abroad, the home responsibility is shared. In Nigeria, a man only calls for support because of the dwindling economy.

So, let's assume the woman only contributes about 5-20% of the shared responsibilities.

The man should be able to do an equivalent amount of house chores.

Also, when their children become adults, the chores will no longer be in their dictionary (except probably cooking).

So, an African woman should not believe because she contributed 5% of shared bills, house chores will be shared 50:50. Just my take.

BloomingDale:


Toxic ke? She is working and splitting the bill 50/50 and yet you want her to do all the housework by herself so she can grow old before her time while you ditch her for a younger model. What a selfish human being you are. Ladies you better wise up.

So, women don't see men as tools?

Also, how is a woman a financial tool to a man? You said she has her own money.

Given that she claimed the money as hers alone and she doesn't want to split bills, how does her money become a tool to a man?

Blitzking:
This simple but very important rule is everywhere but if u aren't observsnt u won't realise it even women reveal it unconsciously. The holy book also speaks about it.

This is wrong! The holy book also instructed women to love their husbands. Titus 2:4-5.

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

advanceDNA:


?? I nor understand you...
This one wey you dey hyperventilate dey mention people.... .try rest small ooo b4 u burst a vessel

Been wondering what's going on here o. Just one man complaining about his fiancee not wanting a court wedding, and the ladies here are taking it as something else.

Does the opinion or experience of one man determine that of other men in the country?

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

Well, just wondering.
Who earns more income or owns more assets between you and her?

Hathor5:
All the women you know are jobless?

The fact that a woman is working means a man should assume that she will support him?

Most times, women tend to avoid discussions on the topic of finances before marriage. Once a man starts talking about finances and responsibilities, they assume he wants to push his responsibilities to them.

Evestar200:


Two to four is a lot.

I stopped anything relationship since 2021.

The society is too full of heartless and selfish people.

Everyone is just after profits without considering the feelings and mental health of others.

What can one term as selfishness in both sexes. Like, what could make a man selfish?

Jeon:



If wishes were horses again.

make I follow you laff small.




Men do pay for sex in many ways.
1, Money .
2, Career.
3, Life.
4, Destiny.




No one don dig me, so stop using the wom3n you met to satisfy yourself in my discussion.


And do you want to know why relationships is hard again?

It's because most people can't respect their private parts. After hoeing around they wanna settle down with someone that secured the temple of GOD and denied himself /herself the explore.

Meaning say " Nah you want better thing because the other person not get sense ".

Your last statement is sooo true.

Can you explain what you mean by men pay for sex through career, life and destiny?

I chose the family thread to create this topic because I feel I can get matured advice here.

I think the society needs to have a redefinition about the roles of men and women in marriage.

So, I've been thinking lately why there seems to be many toxic relationships and marriages.

From my findings, women only want to bring prayers, advice, and fertility to the marital table. I think this is wrong. How do married men even cope with this idea?

1. If prayer works like the women themselves opined, then, every woman on earth should be rich. Isn't that what they have chosen as their purpose?

Why look for a readymade man when it's your prayers that will make your husband rich? Why not marry a random man and let your prayers make him rich?

2. If a man became wealthy as a bachelor; let's assume our bachelor has a networth of 80 million naira before meeting a lady with less than 300k naira as her total networth.

This lady believes the guy should marry her so that she can give him pieces of advice as her only contribution to his life?
I'm kind of lost here.

This guy made his money without getting any piece of advice from you.

Why would you believe this is what you are bringing into marriage?

2b. When a woman meets a rich man, she expects him to marry her even with a court wedding. She expects them to automatically become joint owners of his properties merely because she wedded him. I'll leave this at this.

3. It takes a fertile man and a fertile woman to make a baby. Even if you go to sperm bank, or you are using artificial means of insemination, you still need a fertile sperm.

So, why should a woman bring only fertility when the man is also bringing his own fertility?

So, I believe the idea of marriage should be redefined. Women should at least know how important it is to earn an income and support their families.

Making money is hard. If not so, everyone on earth should be using either a Ferrari or a Rolls-Royce.

This is entirely my opinion anyways, but this is why I think marriage needs to be redefined by the society.

Married folks in the house, please how do you deal with these?

emmaodet:


Exactly what I wrote.
People underestimate the effect of poverty on marriages.
So many many marriage have been stretched to the limit due to poverty. So many are the brink of collapsing due to poverty.
Have seen typical traditional so called good African women open up after been pushed to the wall by poverty in marriages claiming they wish to exit the marriage if not for stigma.
Have heard this statement from my mom, my aunt who is my mom immediate younger sister, my sister in-law married and struggling in marriage, many FWB and Ex etc
Most of them are scared of what the future holds for them if they leave, the stigma and shame to their own family, what the pastor and church will say.
Religion really plays a big role while most are staying. Likewise African culture but both are wading away and we are seeing the rise of women who are not culturally inclined and don't give a damn what the society will say.
They pack out without looking back, they multi date many men without caring who talks, they do so many horrible things without caring whose horse is gored.

I just had to comment here. See, this will continue to happen. A society where the women believe the only thing they should contribute to the life of a man is prayers and fertility. I sometimes wonder. If prayer so works why are the ladies not rich themselves? Why is it that no struggling woman has been able to pray a struggling man to wealth? Why do ladies look for made-men since it's their prayers that is making a man rich? Isn't it funny that the women you mentioned up there want to leave their marriages and look for another man ( a made-man) to marry? What had happened to their prayers in their first marriages?

pocohantas:


Exactly what you should have understood before your initial mention to save everyone time.

You are the one not understanding me. You are equating being young to provision. How would you equate them?
I understand that choices are choices, but being young (the requirements for a woman) cannot be equated with being able to provide (the requirements from men).

pocohantas:


Neither is anything wrong in a woman looking for a provider male. She shouldn't just marry any old, struggling or unproductive man. Thank you

Why not? She should continue looking for her provider male, and the male looking for a younger woman.

pocohantas:


Yes na. Unto non-transactional love. Any small thing they will throw in "transactional" all in a bid to guilt-trip women. Like they weren't transactional while looking for young submissive and homely women. We draw the line on provision.

Maybe there's something I am missing here. But, what is transactional about looking for a young, homely, and submissive woman? You mean a man should marry just any woman, or a man should marry an old, defiant, and unwelcoming woman?
What is transactional about being young? Everyone was young at one time or the other....