₦airaland Forum

Dislike hearing that a lady stayed with a boyfriend for 5 years and aborted for him. What does your hubby benefit then? He will always have to mend the damage your ex caused simply cos of your silliness. See if a guy dates you for more than 2 years and he isn't planning a marriage to you, leave.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.
I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.
I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.
I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.
If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.
But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.
Please advise

If you have the money, why not try therapy. The truth is most of us need therapy. Don't make a decision set in stone until you give this one step a shot. I would be doing the same soon, hopefully. The fact that you are considerate of your unborn kids itself says you really want to be good at it and I think that's a testament to your good nature. We move , yeah? Theraphy.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

If you have the money, why not try therapy. The truth is most of us need therapy. Don't make a decision set in stone until you give this one step a shot. I would be doing the same soon, hopefully. The fact that you are considerate of your unborn kids itself says you really want to be good at it and I think that's a testament to your good nature. We move , yeah? Theraphy.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Lol, just say you don't want to be in a marriage anymore, but don't try to pretend like it's because of the 2 a year argument. I saw you posted your pastor hasn't argued in 40 years, you really believe that?

Don't rush this decision, talk to someone, not a pastor, but a good woman, who is married and can counsel you properly.

ThatsONYI:


Yes please

There's some prospect, but I'm not sure you can eat with it yet. There is a lot of growth to be made. So you should juggle it with school at least.

ThatsONYI:



All my songs on YouTube were made with my ITEL phone on bandlab, I do hip hop. My remix to Eminem Detroit Vs everybody is dropping real soon, you can follow up if you want to. Thanks

Found your channel.
My review?

ThatsONYI:



All my songs on YouTube were made with my ITEL phone on bandlab, I do hip hop. My remix to Eminem Detroit Vs everybody is dropping real soon, you can follow up if you want to. Thanks

What's your youtube page, equipment does not matter, talent shines through all the time. Scared?

If you are so good, put a link to your music and we can tell you right now if you will thrive or not. Otherwise, you are most likely making a big mistake you might regret in some years IF you don't make it and trust me, 99% of people don't.

For every oxlade, there are millions of people in the studio.

My advice, do both, get your degree, and do your music at the same time.

rajiolawale:
I sent you a mail pls

I'd send you an email with the WhatsApp link immediately.

emmanwandud:
In line with the news of Nigeria banning flights of UK on 14th Dec , what danger does it pose to those who has gotten thier visa and wishes to travel?

You might have to actually do the Benin Republic, Ghana or rwanda or whatever route on time and get out, quarantine for the 10 days, do your covid test i.eprotect yourself to get a negative test result. Don't delay at ALLLLL. Pack your bags and move quickly, everyone is shutting their doors. Contrary to popular hopes or opinion, I think UK might maintain their stance on the 20th, omicron is increasing exponentially.

Mikool101:
I want to print my bank statement tomorrow, Dec 9, 2021. I am printing from Nov 9 - Dec 8.
Please is this 29 days or 30 days. I hope am safe or it must be 28 days.

Use this to calculate date range

https://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html?d1=25&m1=2&y1=2014&d2=&m2=&y2=&ti=on&

slim147:
I’m interested 0705&458586

Bro, Your number is not appearing to be on WhatsApp at the moment. You could just PM me so I send you the invite link

Kels4real:
Please add me 07039181995

Sent you an invite

Megabreeds:
I'm going please. Sent you a mail. Kindly respond.

I just created a group, you can send an email to join, I have sent it to some other people I found to be attending SHU in January. We can share information

danjide:
It won't be a bad idea if we can come up with one.......

I created one. You can send an email, if you have connected with any other person you can let them know about it too.

EBUNME:
Pls am heading to Sheffield Hallam University too

Hi, Is there a WhatsApp group for SHU people?

Mikool101:
Hello brother, Please can you kindly attend to my request above about tackling my past refusals. Ejo nitori to ri olorun.

Hi bro, I just saw your post, I have not been refused for the USA, but if i were to advice, I would suggest you change the "I did not prove that I was qualified ....." to something like "to the best of my understanding, the consular was not convinced I qualified for a b1/b visa at that time.".

The way you put it makes you too culpable.

Hopefully, you find some more guys who have had US denials to help. But don't take the blame entirely for the denials though, you are giving them too much reason to repeat it if the almighty USA saw reasons to deny you in the first place.

bemagnify:
Lols..... Refund ke

This one is a yahoo-yahoo email. Yahoo boys need to learn to speak and type proper English. You should disregard the email, or call the school.

azingo:
Hmm additional avoidable expenses�

Can you send me the link to this?

Mercychen:
Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

He won't marry you. Truth is he wants more than one kid (Most men do), so you telling him all these things is surely a deal breaker and he is only hanging around because he is still intrigued. You might want to re-evaluate your stance on that one kid policy because you automatically disqualify yourself with many men. Why do you think men work as hard? To just enjoy? No we are trying to build a legacy, a dynasty.

Plus you have proven that you are not agreeable, a modernized woman (Which is alright), just not alright for men who want more kids. I'd hope the guy makes his decision and move on to someone who is more flexible or willing to have more. Forget vasectomy for now.

Please, does anyone know the recent covid rules for UK travelers? I am fully vaccinated, so do I still have to do the PCR test? I am getting disparaging reports.

Mikool101:
Congrats. Please were you told to add employment evidence in your CAS Statement? My last study was 9 years ago. On my part I was only told to add neco, transcript and certificate in my CAS statement. I have my past employment reference and from your advise I can request for my current job reference with my net salary monthly on Monday, even though I already have a work reference i requested from my boss when I was applying for admission.

I think if you have left school for that long, get your reference letter and resume ready to submit alongside the others. If you want to submit your net salary thing you can, but I don't think it is important, really. I hear that sometimes they send an email to ask for these things hence delays, so Is it better to just get the whole thing in at once and get your results fast enough.

Gladesh:
Congratulations to you, we shall all testify.

Amen.

shawn55ng:
Congratulations! Uk will favour you.

Amen. You too!!

Visa Alert!!!
Visa Alert!!!

I give glory to God for this. It has been a long wait.
I felt my application was not too strong, but God came through. Been refused once about 13 years ago but there was no mail from them concerning it (Also traveled a couple of times after that without any type of extensions). So to help someone else as it's the culture here;


DOCS UPLOADED

Passport Photopage (And actual passport during biometrics, of course)
Statement of Account (I did 29 days).
BSc Certificate
Transcript
WAEC (Photocopy, meaning I had only a black and white copy).
CV (Complete resume since I left Uni almost a decade ago).
Reference Letter from my company.
* I forgot to submit my CAS, but it's advisable to submit your CAS because its an academic sponsor evidence. Some say the CAS number suffices - indeed it does, but it's better to have more pieces of evidence than less, I guess.


TIMELINE
Visa Application – Nov 19th (Priority)

Biometrics – Nov 23rd

Application moved to VAC – Nov 30th

Collection Mail – Dec 03

Passport received – Dec 03

I thank God for this, I also thank @scobyy2007. He encouraged me to go ahead and apply in spite of some of the fears I had.
God bless you all here, and may we all have more to celebrate. Wish you all the best.