₦airaland Forum

Sagamite:
I still fulfil part of women's wildest dreams.

...ah! Sagamite, you allow women free reign with your £200 limit credit card


TV

Ewuro4:
You're on point about Character and commitment. In addition, going into relationship without zilch plans and financial security in this day and age is setting oneself for a long term misery. So that part when he told his wife never to invite the guest speaker to their relationship conferences again , beats me. Comparing all relationships to his is somewhat intimidating and not fair to women who for the right reasons- looking out for their future.

I re-read that and agree. I also wonder at his claiming he had "no appreciable future"? I wouldn't advise a woman to marry such a one. Even if not for herself, she has to be cognisant of the welfare of any children they may have.

Ewuro4:
That^ is the koko... I won't implore any right thinking lady to outrightly marry any man in Bamiloye's 1980s status, who has no cogent future plans in line besides Drama.

Yeah, like I said, don't want to gainsay his testimony, but it does in some ways sound like a mixed message and, could potentially confuse or mislead. Plus, I don't agree with a vision that sees career or security in ministry, I personally don't believe ministry should be a career or source of wealth. In fact, the whole Pastor led type of ministry is something I'm strongly against, and one of the few things I've opened a thread about. Long/short, they've hada good union, I'm happy to celebrate that.

Ewuro4:
I didn't read the Vision part... Gotta ask TV , did you a have a vision about Mrs prior to proposal ?

Not about her per se, but about the kind of woman I wanted as a wife - qualities and attributes. Otherwise one can obsess. My WTB did not have a name, so when it didn't work with Chi, I could easily move on, when Hauwa turned out to be wrong, nothing spoil.

I always knew my own was waiting, and every close or near miss just strengthened my resolve, and belief that it was because God had something better for me ahead. I have no reason to look back and think "oh maybe Tola would have been better, or Jiru was more suited.

Ewuro4:
You're nothing like him coz he was poor. You were gainfully employed and your fan head wasn't attached to your double bed. Like I said, posh-er version and more exposed brother (Kirk Franklin-like).

Fair I suppose. I wasn't exactly poor, but my "apparent circumstances", gave no real indication of my true status. And please, Kirk Franklin is an even worse comparisiont .

Ewuro4:
There goes the bravado again... which one is 'Jim-Jim brother style'.... Before nko. Superior value mating proposition? Hahah enu ni bi ajakara. Weak kneed kor.

Ewuro4:
How many ripe UK babe way them eye don tear pass ear, go marry a dude living in a single room?
By the way did you share a flat then or a bachelors suite?

You are right to a degree sha. I met one who kept telling me how many properties her dad had at my age, and how she couldn't show me to her family with nothing and living in a room. Someone without anything of her own or even stay !

As for Mama, I'd gotten to know her a little before she visited - although I made sure I visited her very early on, as per due dilifence na - and she scored points by cooking .

I think both those descriptions are too posh. Basically I rented a single room in a dingy two bed flat - where the living room was also used as a bedroom. It was with two other guys - Africans - who I'm not sure were even legal sef.


TV
^{...although all details remain 100% accurate, some names may have been changed in the telling of this story}

healthyarena:
The sex distribution should be good news for some females of other nationalities hoping to relocate, considering how important it would be to the Chinese men!

Possibly, but nature has a balance of male and female births. It's about 106 males to 100 females (given the grater risk to males). For China to rebalance their shortage with women of other nations, there will be a net shortage in other nations, all things being equal.

The highest status Chinese men will still get local partners. It's the lower status ones who will struggle, and it's these ones who will be less desirable to foreign women anyway.

But certainly some Chinese men will look - or even move - abroad, and they may make it easier to "bring wives in". ATBE, I'm not sure where Chinese men rank in the global desirability scale .


TV

Ewuro4:
TV01 came to mind... Only a posh-er and more exposed version of Bamiloye.

Let's leave matter for Mathias , may our aspiring broke & mouthy brothers find the flesh of their flesh who's ready to overlook their over bloated ego and self absorbing characters.

Ko easy rara... I mean dealing with them

I am not one to gainsay anybody' testimony, so I'm wishing them all the best and celebrate a prosperous union with them. That is always a joy to me.

And it must be said, Madam has a simple and elegant beauty that has aged really well. I salute the man for his efforts in cherishing and honouring her.

Having said that, I must be clear that although I have nothing against a woman marrying a man who is "situationally" or "presently" poor, she must have the expectation, demand even, that he is of high character, and has a commitment too, and plan for providing for his family.

I don't believe the message here is one of "just marry regardless". And although it all sounds very romantic, if you read the article "very well" (in my best Naija accent ), you will see where he clearly spoke of having a "vision".

So for me the message to women is/should be, don't focus on present or situational wealth alone, or be taken with with inordinate bragging or "flashing". Be more concerned about Character and commitment.

I could even question the example he gave of a woman changing her mind after a year of courtship and demanding certain answers from her intended, before ending it, when he did not answer to her satisfaction.

A serious man should at all points in a relationship be proactive in - appropriately and a timely manner - articulating what his plans and vision are for his family, starting with his courtship and wedding.

She shouldn't have had to ask. I'm not saying she wasn't wrongly focused, or that he wasn't better off without her, but it shouldn't be due to his "loose game".

I primarily direct my energies towards challenging and exhorting men, but here's one for the ladies. Many women marry, for all the wrong reasons, get frustrated and label men beasts when it all goes wrong.

But even if he is a good guy, being with someone who is wrong can bring out the worst in a man. Let alone if he's not a kosher fellow to begin with. Get it right going in, and you'll have very few worries. All the best as you establish and build your homes.


TV
^{...and I'm nothing like this guy. I didn't employ "jim-jim brother" style or false piety to win mamas heart. I just presented myself, gave her a taster, and asked if she wanted to be courted , Weak-kneed, she agreed, I then got to know her, did my due diligence and outlined my superior value mating proposition. How could she resist? Although I was living in a single room at the time sha}

healthyarena:
China has decided to end its decades-long one-child policy , the state-run Xinhua news agency reports. Couples will now be allowed to have two children, it said, citing a statement from the Communist
Party. The controversial policy was introduced nationally in 1979, to slow the population growth rate.
Can someone just tell you how many children to have To me it's quite absurd

Their reasons are:
1. Aging population
2. Labor shrinkage
3. Gender imbalance

You essentially nailed it in the bold. No one has the right to legislate how many children a couple are allowed too have. So legislating for 2, is just as wrong as legislating for 1. This should not be subject to legal restraint or juridicial intervention.

Funnily enough, the issues they are facing are a direct result of the initial wrong-headed legislation. This "change" will not ultimately correct the ills engender by the initial law. Certainly not in the short term.

Meanwhile, the real ills that will result from the 1 child policy will soon start to manifest, even with really strong and harsh state controls. The sex imbalance alone. A whole cohort of men with no real chance of getting married or having families. No motivation, or focus to be settled and productive member of society.

The few women available will be in super high demand sha !


TV

Mindfulness:
This is a very good piece of advice. Very empathic and empowering. No blames, just understanding. No victimizing but an ode to personal responsibility.

I know you don't care but respect!

Happy New Year TV01, stay blessed!

HNY Mindfulness...hope it's a great one.

You are right in a sense I suppose .

And thank you.

TV
^{...this does not mark a new dawn or thawing in relations. I will still be looking to rinse or stuff you and your cohort at every opportunity - but you knew that right}

Acidosis:
Happy New Year my brother. In fact, Nairaland women, especially those I meet on this section, won't stop confusing me.

...it's why the are also known as "Confusionists" - confuse themselves and most everyone else !


TV

tearoses:
Good Morning House

Hope we are all on track

Yesterday I was naughty but thats allowed from time to time

As I said, I weigh daily so I was expecting the scales to tell me so, and it did

But I am still lighter than I was on Monday so all good

Damiso im hoping to get better at the skipping

TV01 thank you for the recipie . . .will try it minus the garlic
I dont want to be kicked out of bed due to garlic seeping from my pores

Actually the garlic doesn't seep - so no real worries there. It can be a bit strong, so if you do decide to include it, start small, small.

Did a brutal spin class on Tuesday. Evidenced by the sweat puddle. Planning a row or run tomorrow.

Keep it up y'all.


TV

Sagamite:
I dey o, bruv.

Market dey.

I made a new year resolution for 2016. My resolution is "I shall stay away from getting married in 2016".

Hail Saga, HNY dude!

Now about marriage - Saga, you know you just have to. Stop avoiding the inevitable. How else wil you give the "SagaKids" the best possible start? How can you deny some women the fulfilment of her wildest dreams !

Join us jor...I'm sure with a few "minor" adjustments, you'll make the best Hubby and Dad. I need a challenge to my undisputed holding of both those titles !

Best
TV

OYINBOGOJU:
My boyfriend, really my (supposed) fiancé, made me uproot and move to him only to leave me three weeks later.

These days there is little if any difference between a girlfriend and a fiancé. The difference is between those two and a wife. And he didn't make you uproot, you chose too.

Your mistake was to make the move without marriage, or even without it being in view. You moved as a girlfriend, and like any girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, it can be summarily terminated.

Sorry for your loss and the pain. It must hurt. Learn to make decisions based on clear and commited expectations. Learn to take responsibility for your actions. I hope you draw from this, and go on to have the fulfilling marriage you so obviously desire.

All the best. Wannaweds please take note.


TV

Acidosis:
consent /kənˈsɛnt/

meaning: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something

My kind of marriage is not defined by words like "MY", "MINE" or "ME". Once she agrees to marry me, then we have become "OUR." MY Mother would immediately become "OUR Mother"

So seeking her opinion about getting a car for OUR MOTHER cannot be done without her knowledge or agreement. Perhaps, she might suggest something different, e.g. a house.

In so far as she's alive and healthy, na she go even select the brand and the colour.

If it takes 1000 years to find such a woman, I will wait. No need to marry an alien or a 'stranger' when I can get a companion.

Acidosis HNY, you are trying on this one 0! But with many, and especially many women, they will just not get it. Read the last 3 female posters; to a man , they have all stated that the womans, at best questionable action, is all due to the fault or a flaw of the man?

Female solidarity, and wont to stroke their feelings is very hard for them to get past. That inability to see things logically and clearly is the reason why men lead, should be prepared to lead, and always hold their stance as leaders. And most importantly, marry a woman who is worthy and respects his leadership.


TV

Behira:
Creative

...very! There's even a skidmark !


TeeFee
^{...no offense pliss!}

Sagamite:
To be frank, I think it is a honourable thing you are trying to do and I know TV01 would be ecstatic with your approach.

...maybe not ecstatic, but on balance I see it as a good thing - even if it only "balances" the deluge of "marriage gone wrong" stories we hear daily in this place.

How market ? We eagerly await you sharing your own "story" - with pics following and even a video sef.

"Not just sharing a story, but living a dream" - TV01.

tearoses:
Oga TV01 don land
This guy is the Tim Peake of diet and fitness o!
Awon guru
Hold on to his every word like CNN

Btw please what is your recipe for the detox drink?
I will like to try it
Thank you

I had to google Tim Peake...so embarrassed . Errr...I was probably at the gym (or NL ) when it came on the news !

The juices my wife makes. I do the blending. So it's various combinations which she is perfecting as she goes. We typically use things we don't blend - beetroot, pineapple, celery, cucumber, apples, pears, lemons/limes, ginger, kale, and of course carrots.

The HGL - honey ginger and lemon drink, is something I've beed doing for years. It's as much a tonic as anything else. And I make it all the time, not specifically for fasting, althoughI always have it then.

It's basically 1 lemon, about 3x1 inches of ginger (a lot), and a very large spoon of honey. A few years back, I started adding about 4/5 cloves of raw finely chopped garlic, and now I also chop up about 10-20 mint leaves. Add boiling water and leave to stand (sometimes overnight), before sieving and drinking - hot or cold.


TV

damiso:
Thank you TV01 all your suggestions are very much appreciated ..will probably stagger it like you said and I love Zumba.

...no probs.

damiso:
As for your questions , I tend to work out in the Mornings and occasionally evenings depending on childcare arrangements. Depending on the WO intensity attached would be an example of what I would have in the morning. This was my breakfast this morning and my session this morning was Shaun T25 focus.Some days I have a smoothie some days oats sweetened with dates,almonds and various seeds. And done days fat free yoghurt and fruit.try to mix it up a bit .On Saturdays I tend to have eggs and vegetables .

As long as you are full, and getting a good range and combination of good whole foods, you should be fine. Diet is a whole discourse on it's own. Again just keep abreat of news and tweak to fit.

damiso:
For lunch I would have something like sweet potatoes steamed veg and fish . And dinner would be more veg/protein eg spinach or broccoli and maybe grilled chicken . I would have green tea with breakfast and lunch and another type of herbal tea for dinner eg camomile,red bush(something caffeine free ).

This sound fine to me. It actually looks like you have room for a little indulgence (oya fess up already ). Do you eschew sauces and dressings?

damiso:
You are right my goal is have a toned body and ribbed abs my tummy is not big but I have this annoying wobbly bit (Gradually going sha ). My husband says am getting obsessed and he does not see what is wrong with my tummy for someone who has has had 2 kids but I know he is just trying to make me feel good ..

If you can see the improvement, just keep on doing what you are doing, with tweaks here and there. Bearing in mind that you want to be fatigued, injured or overworked.

Mixing it up is good so that you don't become bored, overwork certain muscles, and have all round strength and fitness. The run I did last Friday hurt so much, and for like 3 days after. Just 25 mins in the park 0, but I haven't run for like a year.

All the best as you work towards your goals. Please keep sharing and help motivate others. I'm impressed!


TV

damiso:
TV01 can you help with suggestions?

I'll try !

damiso:
I tend to eat more complex carbs i.e. sweet potatoes, yam, brown rice, whole grain cous cous etc in small portions .. Completely cutting out carbs makes me feel dizzy/very weak especially as I do some form of working out ( running ,skipping ,HIIT,kick boxing, weight training etc ) about 4/5 times a week. My dilemma is I don't eat any carbs after 6pm. So if am on a fast and breaking the fast at 6pm I would tend to not want to have Carbs.

1. You appear to be cramming in a lot of sessions per week and at the same time restricting intake? What would you have after 6pm? In terms of type of food and amount?

2. Fasting can of course vary, but I typically do full days, be that water only, or water and juices. TBH 6 to6 is not a real struggle for me - unless I'm trying to exercise hard as well - I often skip meals or have no more than 2 a day.

damiso:
Do you advise I totally abstain from working out during the fasting period ( which I don't want to) or do less demanding exercises.

My preference is to do one or t'other, not both. I have to confess, I've had liquid weekends and gone running on both days. But that was a long-time ago, and not something I would recommend. Even if one does both, I would advise slowly building up capacity/tolerance

I can exercise up until the day before - I went running on Friday morning - then 2 days liquid - then a day of eating before resuming exercise on Tuesday. Not both. And not with your total workload and responsibilities.

damiso:
I was going to incorporate some more weight training this year anyway( bought some heavier weights over the weekend) and do less cardio but don't know how my body will react to working full time, fasting and still working out at the rate which I normally do.

Switching to weight training, or more of it, will demand a more comprehensive look at your diet and what you hope to achieve. So for example, a man looking to bulk up would have a different program from a woman looking to tone up.

Whatever the regime, or the aim, I would always have basal considerations of rest, injury avoidance, and feeling good. Right now, for me, fasting is an occassional boost to relax, meditate, detox and allow the digestion to rest. Say once a quarter. I used to have a dedicated weekly fast day, and have of course had more specific spiritual fasts.

I would consider doing both extreme, quite extreme in fact. Especially if you are not competing. As a boxer, I used to do extreme things to make weight, but I don't see why that would be called for in your case.

I don't see the point in overloading oneself. It defeats the purpose, can be demotivating, lead to injury, fatigue and burnout. What is required is commitment to a solid regime - which you have. Tweak that for gains/efficiency - which it appears you are aiming to - but please don't overwork yourself.

You'll find a balance, be that 2,3,4 or 5 days a week, plus a dietary regime. Proper and L/T gains come from a solid commitment. Don't miss sessions, don't stray to far from clean eating (bar any allowed indulgences). But rest if you feel unusually fatigued, or any niggles.

damiso:
Any low impact exercise suggestions(apart from walking ) would be appreciated. My working out buddy suggested Yoga but never really gotten the whole yoga thing.

Pilates isa good. I have done Yoga in the past, but the whole Christian taboo thing meant I opted for Pilates in the end. Wifey incorporate Pilates, and Zumba as well. If you do a lot of sessions, mix up some lighter ones. I row, which is low impact, as is Spin - baba class!

damiso:
Happy New year to you and yours by the way. May It be a blessed and fulfilling one for us all by His Grace

HNY Damiso, Amen!


TV

tearoses:
Tearoses

PREPARATION
Okay so we officially start tomorrow (Jan 4th 2016)
Tv01

Holá CC, HNY. Good start, good effort. A detox/fast is always a good start. I used to do them regularly, but haven't for a while now.

The timing this year was good. Feasted on the 1st, and then fasted over the weekend. Two glasses of home juice both days, along with two glasses of my special lemon, garlic, ginger, mint and honey concotion. With as much warm water as I liked.

Great light and clear-headed feeling this morning. And yes, about 3kg weight loss, which is a bonus, considering I'm quite lean, and don't actually need to lose weight.

Please don't rush into or over-indulge in this. If you haven't done it before, take baby steps of 1/2 or 1 day first. Plan in advance, as it does take mental prep, and make sure you have clear days, where you are doing nothing or very little.


TV

HNY all.

I wouldn’t advise anything when choosing a life partner, neither would I rule out anything. I personally eschewed the internet, but I’m sure it’s worked for some. Recommendations can certainly work – and work well. Be that “soft” or more formal types of recommendation.

Traditionally recommendation via family/community networks and contacts was how it was done – and still is in many places. Many tightly knit – for example some Jewish traditions – have specialist matchmakers, with excellent results. I had a “soft” recommendation when meeting my wife.

One of the issues I see with random recommendations, is that people tend to match any “singles” they know, without much thought to the individuals themselves. Often, the “recommenders” have a vested interest. Beware.

I had a few of these myself. They never went past 1 date, and always had me thinking “whose idea was this?”

The other is pressure from friends or family if they are aware. I had one introduction where the “friend” that introduced us kept pressuring me to commit, regardless of the fact that I was not certain. And not just pressure, but no concern about my misgivings, instead questioning my manhood.

My main concern about your post is this;

BlessedFellow01:
Do you reckon it is worth trying or too risky considering the fact that I may not have more than one or two physical contact with

Absolutely "too risky". I do not think that is advisable. You simply cannot know someone properly, let alone enough for marriage, without spending adequate time with them.

Phone communications and fleeting visits leave too much room for non-disclosure and outright deceit. In the last experience I mentioned above, it took just one day of my second visit for the whole tissue of lies she had constructed to collapse.

However you meet your wife, you have to know each other thoroughly and build your own rapport/relationship. I don’t even recommend distance relationships, unless the relationship was established prior to the distance coming into play.

Are you a Christian? Entreat the Lords favour. The Lord does for good or bad. Humble yourself,it’s what saved me from the ghastly mistake I would have made by marrying that woman.

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

Proverbs 19:14 Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.

And yes, good single independent ladies still exist. All the best in your search. Please return with good tidings and pictures .

Mutaino7, thanks for the mention


TV

Acidosis:
To counter the common Nairaland misinformation concerning a wife’s submission to her own husband, we should carefully note the following in Ephesians 5:22–24:

On-point and succinct submission Acidosis. Especially the point about misinformation. There is no gainsaying what the biblical commands for wives and husbands are - stated repeatedly . I wonder why there has been an inordinate amount of effort to deny that and even twist it?

No one is forced to live the Christian life, or it's outline for marriage. If one is unable or doesn't wish too, fine. But really, are clumsy and ignorant efforts to re-interpret the scriptures necessary? Just do the honest thing - as many do - and reject Christianity and the bible, if you find it's instructions unpalatable.

I also liked this; It's why I focus on marriage at entry. Very well said.

TooNoisy:
I think this is a good summary. God demands that a wife submit to her husband without any pre - conditions.
But I will add that women should marry men they can submit to. Some people will soon come out and ask - what if the man is irresponsible, useless or uneducated? My answer is - why should you marry a man you deem irresponsible , uneducated or useless? Why not wait for a man that has most of the qualities you want? As you lay your bed, na so you go lie on top am.
And submission does not mean you become a house help. It only means you honour, respect and protect him. It is ok to disagree with you husband and voice out your opinion. Nothing wrong with disagreeing with him. But please, don't go around bad - mouthing and gossiping about him. Don't insult or curse him to his face or behind him - that is not submission.

Funnily enough, no one disputes the injunction for men to love their wives? Or could it be that the incessant wrangling over submission simply stops the discussion from progressing that far .

It's also telling that it was Christianity that enjoined men to "love their wives". At the time, that was nothing short of revolutionary. Women were generally considered little more than chattel, and to actually love and treat them as equals, would have been unthinkable.

Also noteworthy is the fact that save for a few exceptions, wrapping the complementary distinctions of male and female, whilst at the same time treating husbands and wives as equals, is something that is only embedded in historical Christian societies.

Sadly, it is many of these societies, having essentially become "post-Christian", that are moving away from this creational sexual difference to something termed "gender-equality". We shall see how that goes, but some of us trust Gods word in the Bible and wish to live by it.

Here's to happy, solid, joyful, fulfilling and God-glorifying Christian marriages.


TV

Onegai:
Mystikal888, toss the list.

Exactimundo - hear this along with the rest of the post.

I was determined to build a varied CV for my son from early days. Started him swimming a few months in. After 3 years I could see that he was increasingly lacking any real appetite, and it was becoming a real struggle. So one day I simply asked him "do you want to do this?" and he gave me a totally convinced "no". We still take his sister, and still ask him occasionally - it's still a firm no.

In fact he's going through a phase were he's saying no to pretty much everything, including activities at parties. So now we do this;

baby124:
Don't force them. Just encourage interests.

Funnily enough, I'm a coach, I should know to let him lead, and sometimes simply stimulate his curiosity. We still keep a tight reign on the basics like reading and writing, and conduct. I was totally bowled over by the fact he could read before 3 and sight read by 3 and a half - I figured it would be much later, so I'm much more relaxed than I used to be and I think that's best for all involved.

I know his mum still dreams of him playing for Arsenal, and I have every intention of tactically introducing old videos of me boxing at some stage - but no pressure .

All the best with nurturing the wonderful human beings I'm sure they'll turn out to be. Makes you wish there was a tried and tested roadmap doesn't it?


TV

...ok J, because it's you.

Ewuro4:
TV, you hurt my feelings but I forgive you coz that's what Jesus would do. You posted right after mine hence the 'struck chord'

There was no intention to hurt anyones feelings, not least yours. I stand by what I wrote, and will explain further, but ma' binu jor

Ewuro4:
1. True, You didn't refer to anyone in particular but your blanket statement where you made reference to posters ( myself included) as Christians without deep convictions and Faith, did.

I didn't make a blanket statement, I said "most". I couldn't have made a blanket statement, as I referenced and agreed with bennyrazz' post, and any in a similar vein.

The "he is deceiving you and using born-again as an excuse" is an obvious possibility, but I suspect he really has made that change and felt the conviction. How easy is it for a Catholic to become a Pentecostal? If it is deceit, there are easier ways to go about it. A true change may actually means he sees AO as a source of sin, so will likely avoid, or even "dislike" her as a result.

Ewuro4:
2. Again, I already posted prior to your post in question. So it got to me.

I honestly didn't notice. I saw the thread when it first went up, but was occupied with home runs and dealing with Coco and co. Cococo . Because of interruptions and distractions, it can take a while for me to put together a post and submit it. I actually did'nt notice you had posted, let alone before I did

Ewuro4:
3. My relationship with God doesn't have anything to do with my reaction to comments that questions my Faith. I have the right to react to any inappropriate statement(s) about my relationship with him, I'm only human.

The views I post are of my faith, and how I understand Christianity. If they are contrary to anyone else's, they can be ignored, countered or challenged.

I am not PC enough to couch my beliefs so as to not offend, especially if it means being anything other than clear. Like I said, if you are upset because you feel I targeted you, no I did not, but no vex (my targets know who they are . If you are peeved because you don't agree, I can offer no more solace that to ask that you take it as a difference of opinion.

From the personal to the doctrinal

Ewuro4:
Why was Transformation required? ...

In short, because that is exactly what Christianity promises - and demands.

Ewuro4:
I don't know. Maybe you can shed more light to that aspect of different kinds of Christianity.

I don't see "kinds" - and I'm not a denominationalist - what I referenced here and the way I see it, is more a question of degree. At one end, you have those who may well label themselves Christian, but in reality conduct themselves no different from those who are not, and on the other, those who live and breathe their faith - and not by agidi, but by grace and the transforming power of Christ.

I have a mantra - "I don't judge because I cannot justify, and I don't condemn, because I cannot save". But judge in the sense that I know final judgement lies with Christ, as does Salvation.

But that does not mean I cannot give judgement (an opinion if you like) on a situation. Two people having sex out of wedlock is fornication. That's bible. Adulterers, it goes on to say, will not make the kingdom of heaven. If anyone is uncomfortable with that, they can speak to the Editor !

That is not an eternal judgement or condemnation to hell. Have I even said I believe in eternal torment? I have no idea how or where they will end up. Indeed, I know that God is not willing that any should perish". His mercy is boundless, but not to be taken for granted.

Ewuro4:
And how born again Christains are superiors and guaranteed Heaven recipients. While others aren't fit for heaven because they didn't renounce their sins and accept Christ as their personal Lord and saviour in church.

Here you've lost me, but I hope you take my point about degrees? Whether termed born-again, or conversion, or repentance of/from sin, whether immediate or gradual, there will be a transformation. Chief amongst them a distaste for anything sinful, or to put it another way, anything that displeases God.

And whilst I'm sure it can happen in church, that was not the case for me. I wouldn't even think that an actual declaration is required, rather a heartfelt acceptance and belief. And yes bible scholars, I know it says "believe in your heart and confess with your mouth", but I believe the confession may and can be ongoing

Some people see the terms as meaning the same thing. I don't. I see fully born-again at the end of the journey, and salvation at the beginning, hence the degrees I spoke of, with a danger of falling away in-between. Hence, I don't really subscribe to "once saved always saved, if born-again is placed at the start of the journey.

Ewuro4:
My spouse was born into baptist and still is, that doesn't make him non-born again.

I believe being born Christian is great and a distinct advantage - but at some point one has to make a personal decision or acknowledgement. I am not, in my belief, prescriptive about how that happens. John 1:13

Ewuro4:
RCCG, Lutheran , Catholic, CAC, MFMite, Alliance, Pentecost... Let God Almighty be the Judge of whom will enter His kingdom , or isn't that what we (believers/ Christ followers) Seek and thrive for?

Like I said, I am not a denominationalist - and I agree, I doubt that God is either. The bible says "The Lord knows those who are His". It ends thus; “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”

Ewuro4:
Lutheran & Catholic Churches don't preach cohabitation/sex before marriage so Mr.A just postulated Yeye grounds to dissolve the relationship instead of changing his immoral way of life with his girlfriend and move on.

I moved this as it speaks to the OP. Like I said, Belonging to a denomination, or enunciating a creed, does not mean one is living the Christian life. A has now undergone that conversion and wants to - is convicted to - live it more fully, it's that simple.

It's not about what any church preaches, it's about what an individual practices, based on their beliefs. To be clear, I do not believe being a Catholic, Lutheran etc. does not in itself save. And as much as I would never be a Catholic, and strongly disagree with some of their doctrines, I honestly believe The Lord knows those who are His within the Catholic church. Same for all other denominations.


I hope this has clarified somewhat. Didn't want to get too theologically heavy. Happy to discuss further if you'd like.

Off to the gym, will be back on in 3 or 4 hours.


TV

Mindfulness:
Ignore mode. Come back when you finish licking your wounded ego.

You took the time to dig up months old posts to misinterpret them deliberately? Your feelings must be very hurt.

How can you ignore me - you get all tingly when I rinse you As for wounds, do you mean the ones you gave me yesterday when you and your cohort could not answer a simple question or 3 !

And let me give you a hint - no need to trawl posts, just type mindfulness, Christian and Nairaland into Google, and voilá. There are loads of your quotes where you tried to give the misleading impression that you are a Christina of sorts . I guess you could be considered a "fake unbelieving Christian"

Any answers yet? Or are you still discussing with your cohorts


TV

Ewuro4:
Calling other posters' submissions that aren't in sync with yours an unbeliever somewhat struck a chord.

Taking trivial 'concerns' to my God is what Christains without deep convictions & Faith do.

You have a good one!

That still seems odd for a number of reasons;

1. I was not referring to anyone in particular, but views that reflect no evidence of, or do not acknowledge, the transforming power of conversion.
2. You hadn't actually posted when I wrote, so why should it resonate with you?
3. You claim to have a relationship with God, why should what I have to say about my beliefs on true Christian practice bother you?

You are free to believe, say and practice what you feel. I also have that right. And I choose to exercise it without paying lip service, or being mealy-mouthed so as not to cause offence; that's exactly what the gospel is, offensive.

You may well feel that everyone that calls themselves Christian is one, or that calling oneself Christian sanctifies anything one does. Fine, but I don't. I call it as I see it, and fully appreciate that judgement is with God, hence my point about taking it to Him. I don't justify or condemn, just state my beliefs.

A was a Christian/Catholic before he became born again right? So why was a conversion/transformation ever required? AO is a Christian/Lutheran no? So why is there a problem.

Apologies for the long post, but to be clear to those reading. And I never called anyone an unbeliever.

Godspeed


TV

Mindfulness:
People I meet online are not so important to me that I would have to prepare for them.

...empty barrel...barely 2 months ago you were pretending to be a Christian of sorts, quoting the bible like you actually believed it. The same God and bible you blaspheme with impunity...well, whatever "makes you happy"


TV

Mindfulness:
No, I am not!

Mindfulness:
I am not a Christian in the traditional sense but I love this Bible passage, which is very true:

Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.
Matthew 13:12.

Are you prepared for today's stuffing?


TV

Ewuro4:
TV01 okay oh .. 'Not a Christian of deep conviction and faith' . Thank Godness this same God we both serve answers my cries & requests whenever I call upon his name. Lobatan Compliments of the season.

...why did this strike a chord with you? Quite odd, most especially since God answers your cries and requests? If you had any concerns, the obvious thing to do would have been to take whatever struck you to Him, no? Compliments of the season.

To buttress my earlier submission;
Both parties in this were ostensibly Christians before any of this transpired, no? He a Catholic, she a Lutheran. I know of no Christian sect or denomination, or even a plain reading of the bible, that teaches shacking up and pre-marital sex are fine, let alone Christlike.

AO herself confessed she had not been living her beliefs. And A had never taken her to worship, almost certainly because his conscience convicted him that their situation was wrong. Call it what you will,that is cultural, conditional, but certainly not convictional. I'd be remiss if in order to please, I made a lie. Let everyone who claims Christian search their own conscience

If there are any posters who identify as Christian, and who believe their situation was scripturally permissible, I'd be most interested in hearing why. Other than there may be grace for a time immediately post-conversion, quite quickly, the sinfulness of the situation would be clear and he would have to take steps to rectify the situation, or conviction would set in.

AO asked for input from those who had a "similar experience" - and whether termed born-again, repentance (of/from sin), or conversion - this experience comes with strong conviction and transformation. Previously, they were at best culturally Christian, after his epiphany, he became a Christian of conviction. It's elementary.

In Nigeria, as everywhere actually, there are a range of people who identify as Christians for any number of reasons. However, their actions, reasoning and utterances are far removed from what could be considered orthodox Christian belief, let alone a Christianity of deep conviction. The Bible itself says as much - repeatedly. Everyone who calls on the name of The Lord departs from sin.

You've either had it or you haven't. And yes, I appreciate that the experience and the journey can be markedly different for each person, but the conviction and transformation will at some point be apparent. If he is not indeed playing her for any of the reasons repeatedly stated on this thread, and his deepening faith is real, then this cannot just be treated as a relationship issue. His faith is now his primary motivator, not his feelings.

Are these quotes from Christians let alone Christians of conviction?

ronald4lif:
Transforming to a born again doesn't stop one from barring their woman to spend time with them nor living together.

BuddhaPalm:
If a man really wants you, he might not care if you worship Baal.

Miami11:
no church, nor salvation makes one dump someone because of renewed faith Or salvation

Judge for yourselves.


TV

^{Matthew 7:21 [ True and False Disciples ] “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.}

AnnaOyibo hi, sorry to hear about your plight. And even sorrier to have to say, that like many have said, you really do need to consider letting this go - although I disagree with the pre-dominant reason given. More on that later

Having said that, there is a glimmer of hope, but not sufficient to warrant your believing you'll ultimately get what you desire from this relationship. Again, more on that later.

Bennyrazz was IMHO closest to the mark; https://www.nairaland.com/2826088/oyinbo-girl-seeking-advice#41389827. And you did well to discern that and respond accordingly.

In your OP, you asked to hear from any who had been in a similar situation. Many who have responded, if termed Christian at all, are not Christians of deep conviction or faith. Nigerians can be cynical and harsh, and in some cases rightly so. That is what you've felt here. Sorry for that also.

A true conversion experience can be very deep, and bring with it a stark realisation of sin. I appreciate your relationship was full and intense, but from his new perspective, it was one of fornication. You must understand that, and why he does not want to resume where you left off. Don;t be upset, or beat yourself up over it, it is what it is.

Indeed, the deeper he journeys into his faith, the more what you had will be anathema to him. All the things you think made you a great person, and the two of you a great couple will not play as well in his new mindset, especially if those qualities do not come wrapped up in like belief.

If his is a true conversion, you have not been duped, neither is it about race, or his tribe; the truth is, the more cosmopolitan Nigerian families are more about class and background than tribe. I am Yoruba, and how many Nnamdis and Adaobis do we have? Let alone names from tribes I can barely recall? The whole tribal thing is more a hallmark of the proletariat.

On conversion, "old things pass away, all things become new". And therein also lies your slim hope. If you tread the same path, there is a chance you can once again become a couple. And although in a new way and with totally different parameters, your aspirations of marriage and children will still be possible, and if anything, fuller and more promising.

But even becoming born-again, and attending the same church is no guarantee. Indeed, if you do become born-again, you yourself will see what you had differently and your paths may diverge even further. And becoming born-again solely in order to rekindle your relationship will at best bring you back to the beginning of this paragraph and at worse, present a whole new set of issues.

All the best, but I really feel it is "as The Lord wills" from here on in.


TV

Mindfulness:
TV01 at his best!

Au contraire - my best is simply not required to deal with you and your cohort. If you saw my best, your blasphemy would become idolatory. My worst sef is too good !

Mindfulness:
He will swiftly sacrifice and betray his coherent belief system - a religion that has unconditional love, even for one's enemies, at its core in order to give vent to his massive resentment because of some strangers - he only met online - who don't even care whether he is dead or alive.

The resentment is all yours - for lacking anything that can be rightly labelled a faith, religion or belief system. Only feelings - "butterfly religion", the gospel of "catch a feeling" !

And unconditional love - not that you have a clue what true love actually is - does not mean agreeing with, or celebrating everything anyone choses to do or say. Catch up and quit dulling the convo with your scanty knowledge of Christianity and the Bible .

Mindfulness:
Dear TV01, I don't mind, not even all the name-calling, as long as it gives you some sense of relief. I want everyone to feel happy. You will get there slowly and gradually.

Believe me, I derive great joy - at little cost - from "mindlessly" bashing you and your cohort - and although it's tantamount to criminal abuse, I can't get charged with DV when I do it, as it's consensual ! Perfick!


TV

Mindfulness:
You won, you alway win.

Do you feel better now?

Be quiet. When you think you are on the ascendency, you form fighter. When you get your behind handed to you - gift wrapped for Christmas - you start to claim lover.

Where is the she-beast Bukatyne, let her come and answer the questions, or clearly state what she meant.

Oshi koshi gbo-gbo - stuffed like turkeys .


TV

Mindfulness:
I am a lover not a fighter.

Shift jor, empty barrel. Go and muster your cohort and come and answer the questions. But of course, you can't, non of you can. If na love 0, weda na fight, you lose - as always !


TV

Mindfulness:
Fortunately it is not for you to decide.

...and the response you boasted of? Spiritually empty barrel .


TV

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