₦airaland Forum

A40:
You could be a virgin and still be a terrible wife, mother, person and manager of resources, you could be one and not help your man get to where he needs to in life. There is more to being a wife than virginity abeg. I don't know SB in person but from the little I've read I wouldn't want anything to do with her and no it has absolutely nothing to do with who she knacked

That's a double strawman;

I said ATBE...guess what? non-virgins can be terrible wives, mothers, and managers of resources (they've already proven the last one se? )

And yes, there is more to being a wife than virginity, I made that point quite clearly. But having a body count of >2 for a woman increases the risk factor - at the very least. And, there is no evidence of a correlating effect for men - although I would question that.

...and who "she knacked", would have everything to do with who she is!

TV

Mindfulness:
I have actually taken everything back I said about this case a day later. Go back to the thread and read it up if you care.

...which thread would that be - the woman who wanted to wreck a 23 year marriage, the Emir case or the SB issue - your belief system seems to contradict itself every time you trot it out...

Abeg return that day pass. I'm also slapping you with a 14 day ban Re-present yourself when you are able to bring some coherence !


TV

pickabeau1:


See twisting....

TV

Mindfulness:
There is no straight answer to this question. Everyone matures differently and everyone is ready at a different age.

My straight answer is NSBM. You are being hypocritical in citing the law in the SB case as you do not actually subscribe to it or a fixed age per se. As you are free to indulge your libido as you please, so should anyone else be. Ergo, unless it was forced rape, in the SB case, he has done nothing wrong in your book. It also speaks to your hypocrisy in the Emir Sanusi case.


TV

A40:
Documented by whom? Its not an exact science. A lot factors can lead to dissatisfaction in marriage and it goes beyond a woman's chastity before marriage.
There are risks involved I agree but there are a lot of other things that could also mess with your health in today's world anyway

I won't quibble, as there is no need, I caveated with ATBE. At the very least it increases the risk factor.

Would you choose SB over a similarly situated virgin? Or advise your brother to if you are a woman?


TV

Kimoni:
but you can be much nicer naa

While I won't dispute the truth in your post, I am not too sure a general statement like that can represent the norm. I think we are way better than that.

I'm not saying it's all, or the norm in the extreme, but there are few women of truly noble character - likewise for men. But I speak as a man to other men. No offence.


TV

Mindfulness:
@bold

Timbuktou has just claimed men are.

I believe Tim stated that women are the gatekeepers, no tthat they could force anyone through.

Integrity or we'll revoke your invite !


TV

Mindfulness:
By law.

Cop out...baba nla one sef

Who makes the law? Plus, even in countries with different state laws, there is not agreement.

I asked you pointedly what you thought it should be? Please give a straight answer for once.


TV

A40:
Lol. Don't mind TV, s€x is a basic and primal human need.

First, that is simply not true, the human race might not survive without it, but people will !
And it's not for "all of life"; not before puberty, or long after middle-age for most. If it was, we'd have to give it to babies.

There is a best/aspirational setting for sexual congress - that is marriage. Earlier would help.

A40:
Everyone should have a choice and deal with the consequences afterwards.

I have no problem with this at an individual level, but a free-for all at a societal level will not end well.

A40:
Indulging in it or holding body should not define a woman.

No, it won't define a woman, but it will certainly influence her as a wife - every man would take care to be considered about his own wife.

A40:
In the same vein a woman shouldn't knowingly get into relations where that independence is compromised and then hold the man responsible for her actions or inactions

You're having a laugh aren't you? Women are never responsible. They are vulnerable, naive, immature, victims ati be be lo....but never, ever resposible.


TV

Kimoni:
Looool

TV, you are not nice

...neither am I a liar !


TV

A40:
I frankly do not see the connection. Its hard to tell me that would make you a better partner, planner and mother just because you happened to be a virgin before marriage. I no believe that one rara

It's not merely a moral belief, it's documented fact. Women with anything than 0-2 sexual partners before marriage are more likely to express dissatisfaction with their marriages along a range of indicators - All Things Being Equal. Is she's stretched she'll kvetch !

And there are a whole host of other possible issues, fertility etc, simply making it a much riskier exercise.

ATBE being key; not saying a proud stubborn virgin will be better than a properly reformed "bad girl".


TV

Mindfulness:
It is not for you or me to decide when it should be allowed.

So how is your alleging statutory rape in this latest case not hypocritical?


TV

Mindfulness:
TV01 as we know him. Always trying to shame women but not the ones who, according to him, should be in power and thus carry the responsibility in the first place.

Me shame? Shaming is a womans job !

I exhort men to wield their authority equitably and effectively, and to take ownership and responsibility for their actions. Feminists want the authority of men without the resposibility and sacrifice. Fine, have your unfettered liberty and sexual freedom, but don't come whining when it explodes in your face - y'all can't handle it


TV

Mindfulness:
I am not the one propagating chastity here.

Exactly, why castigate what you yourself propagate? Selfish interest first, making oneself happy as a prime directive and self love. If bleeping girls gives them "the feeling", what's your beef?

Even if they demur to marry the very same girls they bleeped, or outright disparage them? Surely all the girls have to do is "heal" and become "emotionally healthy", no other fallout right?

You sound undeniably pained !


TV

^{Tell us Mindfulness, if you subscribe to sex before marriage, what specific age or point should it be allowed?}

A40:
I personally don't care if a woman I'm marrying was chaste before we met. It will not make her a better wife or mother

Actually, unless she has had a a total change of mindset & heart, it almost certainly will.


Per the ongoing theme about older women schooling younger ones you are discussing with Timbuktou; outside of close-knit blood/familial relationships, it simply won't work.

Women are generally too competitive. Competing for - the best – men, and status. And most have an almost embedded sense of where they are placed and the implacable desire to one-upwomanship” others. It’s women who shame the most, and generally disparage others for their looks bodies etc.

It even works in reverse; not only will they try to out-compete, the will work assiduously to pull others down to their level or status. A woman divorces, she will campaign for divorce, she’s a single mum, will describe single-mums as hot cakes. If she sleeps around, she will sell it as freedom/liberating. If she’s ina bad marriage , she will proffer advice likely to harm or crash others.

And they rarely admit mistakes, either rationalising them as good/learning experiences, outright lying to themselves and everyone else, or placing blame elsewhere if it’s undeniable.

T'was ever thus.


TV

Mindfulness:
If you guys have a problem with s.ex before marriage, then lead by example and stop blee.ping girls before you marry them. Or were you all virgins before you got married? Moral decadence? I guess you are all innocent.

Leaving thread.

[img]https://louisajm.files./2014/05/model-falls-o.gif[/img]

I thought your mantra was a persons first responsibility is to make themselves happy? On that basis, if "bleeping girls" - before they marry another girl - makes them happy, your pronouncement here is contradictory.

And nice shaming effort, but it never works against confident men. E get as e be !


TV

tearoses:
TV01 . .
no vex o!
Your attention is needed here as well
Thank you

...ah! See spamming, abi na summons

You have well spoken 0! I hesitate to advise outside my Christian worldview - not least because I don;t know if OP subscribes? The woman in question is at least manipulative, and possibly a certified long-throat to boot. Even of he marries her, she may well change if his situation does. And of course he is of the mind that he does not want to.

Make ample provision for your child - "your child". Extend that to the mother if required to ensure the childs well-being. As soon as appropriate, think about requesting full custody if you are able. Don'at lay with a woman you are not at least commited to marrying - with her family full consent.

Futures are ruined by the kind of careless/irresponsible mistake you made. Hope you learn from it and you continue to enjoy success in your business. You sound quite business savvy. Stop spreading loff, share the knowledge .

All the best


TV

tearoses:
TV01
Please your attention is needed here

I will start calling you into threads if you dont mind

Don't mind, but no promises

Short Answer - Yes!
He has proven he is not trustworthy, or at best seriously callow & immature.

She should however take full counsel - after disclosing all, including any other issues or doubts she may have had - from her family. If she has been upright in all of this and kept her family advised, they would probably have had their concerns - I believe there are always signs.

To call it off may take more strength than she can muster, and mean more pain than she may feel she can bear. Family support will help tremendously here - in coming, and sticking to the right decision.

Pelé dear. But it's best you suffer some temporary pain, than a lifetime of grief.


TV

netotse:
Some babe was in a relationship with the late Kogi state govs son a few years back, it wasn't a healthy relationship, according to her, he made her sleep with his friends and brothers several times and treated her like crap. They met when she was undergoing an internship where he worked years back. He was 25 she was 17. It's the usual naija thing, some people are asking her why she kept going back, some are calling the guy a rapist etc etc.

The recent rash of popularity is because she was jubilating on twitter when the former gov (and at the time of his passing, guber candidate) passed away. The gist had actually come out years ago (she blogged about it).

Hi Netotse, apologies, I’ve been busy. I’ve had a cursory read of some of the comments, but in truth, there is really no need for me to have a sound grasp of the details of this case to write generically about such instances.

I often mention having consistent and end-to-end patterns of thinking. In 2012, we had a discussion on this section about the rights of parents to demand their children remained pure until marriage, as best for them, and especially if that was demanded by the faith of the parents.

Almost everyone derided my position and claimed I was both naive and controlling. The near consensus was that there was no way I could expect young women, especially in tertiary education, not to be sexually active. The main concern was actually about preventing unfortunate outcomes, the main one being an unwanted pregnancy.

I went on to point out other adverse outcomes, such as STD’s, abuse, attendant baggage etc., no takers. It was actually on a thread about a young woman whose mother wanted her to marry a set man in his thirties after graduating. But as often happens, conversations morph. I went looking for it, but again, as often happens, it was locked and deleted?

I was so gobsmacked, I repeated the question on another thread – same outcome;
https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out/19#12739295
https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out/16#12733260

My conclusion then and now;
https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out/27#12762743
https://www.nairaland.com/1084309/debrief-cotton101-those-came-out/27#12763249

On statutory rape; even in most Western countries, such laws are rarely applied in an open and shut manner, cases are typically nuanced, with the overriding principle being one of preventing exploitation.

Western countries are not actually particular about females being sexually active at a young/minor age. The UK for example will provide contraception for pre-teens and teenagers – even allowing them to undergo abortions, or give out children for adoption – without their parents knowledge.

And the adoption point I know for sure. A girl came to study in the UK, had a baby and returned to Nigeria having given the baby up. It was only discovered because the NHS sent her a letter, which was opened by someone at the address she had her mail redirected to.

We had another thread on this section - the debate of 2013 in December of that year. I recall Obinoscopy' winning final entry, it cited the research that shows youngsters typically don't reach full maturity till around 24 anyway. Notions of statutory rape are just a ruse.

Ewuro4, your message is powerful and important. Please keep stressing it. It’s not just abuse or exploitation. Without the tight-marking of parents or something almost exactly like, it’s so easy to lose focus, lack discipline, and underachieve.

Secondly, it’s odd that women are just screaming statutory rape as if that’s the be all and end all of this issue. In the instance mentioned, would what she claims to have gone through be ok if she were 18, 19, 20 or even older - and fully consensual? It’s also hypocritical, because on one hand, the cry is for sexual freedom, on the other, it’s pleading statutory rape when the freedom is enjoyed without maturity or restraint and there are painful consequences.

When you play the free for all sexual game, you can’t really legislate for foul play – and even where you do, and enforce it, the damage is rarely reversible. Plus, rights can only be expansive – which 17 year old will think it fair if she is denied what an 18 year old is – what difference does 1 day actually make? And down the age- line, as teenagers become more precocious and exposed to early sexualisation. Even if we take the girls word at face-value and thoroughly excoriate the accused, nothing will change if the game doesn't.

I am an unabashed Christian and will happily go with biblical writ without understanding why. But here we can clearly see the damage that can ensue. I remain more than happy to be labelled naive and controlling.

Pertinent to note in the two big instances of abuse/fraud we have had on here recently, a broken family structure has been evident. I will remain a firm advocate of stigmatising out of wedlock pregnancy and divorce, and counselling NSBM . Happy to be labelled for that as well.

One of the Kardashians started dating Tyga the rapper when she was 17 and he was 25. Why didn’t Feminists and SJW pursue this as a case of statutory rape? Why wasn’t he charged?

Funnily enough, most sexually precocious teenage girls have no truck with boys their own age. Someone I dated told me how after a while she started to see her – first – age-mate boyfriend like a ”small boy” and ditched him for an older “more mature” man.

Hypocrites everywhere, foaming at the mouth at the outworking of what they themselves agitate for.


TV
^{John 3 19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.}

netotse:
hey guys,

I've been reading about the sugabelly scandal and it's really upsetting if you ask me.

I see that to some extent we guys don't appear able or willing to hold ourselves to higher standards, pretty depressing stuff.

Totally missed this. Is it a ML issue? What are the facts??


TV

netotse:
So guys(and assistant guys ), I've been meaning to ask this question for a long time but I keep procrastinating:

Is there a difference between married and unmarried sex? I'm close to tying the knot and the missus and I are NSBM and sometimes I wonder.

I mean, you're married, so there's little furtive about married sex is there?(not counting when kids arrive), do you have the same thrill?

netotse:
it's a personal decision we both took separately (yep, root of the matter is Christianity), it hasn't been easy particularly because I'm not exactly a saint but it'll soon be over.

The closer the wedding gets, the easier it is to cross lines and I have at times wondered "what's the point?" but God dey sha.

Holá Netotse, I kinda missed this, so for what it's worth. Theologically this is pretty clear cut. NSBM is exactly right. When a couple agree and have the blessing of their families - and most especially when they are absolutely committed and their motivation is pure - I'm not sure the formality of actual marriage rites would make a huge physical difference.

Even the spiritual implications may be considered on the basis on which point the union actually takes place, as opposed to being formalised. In practice, I'd say wait, but that's as much for your witness to others as for yourself.

Your Christian walk is just that, yours. Although in this case there are two journeyers, so as a man it's good to hold to what you agreed - for your credibility - even if you feel somewhat differently. If you do/have your conscience will be a fair judge.

The only other practical consideration is if for any reason the union is not formalised - i.e you part ways - then what would one term the act? And of course if the union is not formalised and there is a pregnancy? Fulfilling righteousness, as opposed to being righteous, may mean erring on the side of caution mens you won't go far wrong.

I may sound a little jumbled here, or perhaps not adequately expressed the nuance I see .

All the best for your forthcoming nuptials, most hearty congratulations to the blessed couple. May your union be fruitful in a way that touches everyone around you and glorifies our God and Father.

Best
TV

Mindfulness:
No. When you feel connected to God, you feel great. There is no better feeling.

Hi Mindfulness,

My initial request was for you to answer some questions. That would be in order to grasp a better understanding of your beliefs and how you came about, live and /apply them.

I am yet to gain the sense of a coherent belief system. You’ve retreated to that place of asking instead of answering, using unexplained jargon, being otherwise cryptic or non-specific, and also rather defensive. Any slight probing and you seem anxious, the most innocuous questions seem to cause discomfort.

You are happy to reference my family, and even declare the basis of my desire, my motivations, contrary to what I myself claim, yet an innocent question and you wobble?

You have a footprint here. Issues you’ve waded in on, calls you’ve made, as well as what we know of you. If you are confident and secure in your beliefs why do you get so jittery? Simply outline them.

At best, you’ve presented something based and motivated totally on “feelings”? And contrary to your beatific posturing, you’ve been weirdly judgemental. Sounds like a therapeutic style spirituality that appeals to the emotional, weak and self-serving. Feelings gba ni!

I also looked up Eckhart Tolle, needless to say, nothing new there, so in a sense, no surprise. Enough said.

So once again, a pointed “thank you for your time”.


TV

Kimoni:
Loool...the story of Samson and Delilah comes to my mind.

...you see, if the brother had read my "young run man run" series, he for no jam. He went with his feelings


TV

Mindfulness:
Yes, I do have a "template". Anything that disconnects humans from their divine core within them is wrong in the way that it violates their most natural desire , which is well-being.

Please explain this divine core further, and perhaps the notion of well-being. Perhaps there is more than I am hearing, or I may be hearing it incorrectly?

Mindfulness:
Define objective truth, please.

Truth not based on feelings or individuals desire for their perceptions to constitute truth.

Mindfulness:
What is the nature of the divine? Which morals are universal?

Who can fully know God or grasp Him in His totality. We can but employ words, which are themselves limited by our finiteness. But some things make sense, like love, justice, etc.

Probably a whole list; I would imagine faithfulness - especially in relation to vows is a good one.

Mindfulness:
It is based on the knowledge that EVERY living being desires to feel good. This is the most natural trait that all humans and possibly animals and maybe even plants have in common. It starts and ends with our connection to the divine. Whenever there is a disconnection, there is a disconnection from well-being.

Feelings? And a desire to feel, and a desire to feel good about oneself, and this desire being satisfied, is evidence of, orthe actual connection to the divine? Help me here please?

Mindfulness:
You took these vows and you made the commitment and investment because you desired it.

You appear to place the desire above the commitment? The desire may change or wane, should the commitment change because of that?

Mindfulness:
It feels good and right to you and this is why it works so well (I have the impression that it does based on your submissions). You derive pleasure from taking care of your wife and children and I imagine that they enjoy and appreciate this care immensely - but you and they wouldn't - if you didn't come from a place of joy.

It comes first and foremost from a place of commitment, I get joy from keeping the commitment and seeing the outworking.

Mindfulness:
You should stress the pleasure and joy you derive from your family more than anything else. I think that this is the most effective way to advertise successfully for marriage and healthy families, which is what you are trying to achieve here most of the time, don't you?

Stressing the joy is fine - and I certainly convey that - it is not based primarily on the joy or feelings, and they also redound as a result.

Mindfulness:
If I may add, I have the impression that you often miss your goal by focusing too much on the negative. Your latest submissions on this thread had a good intention but the good was clouded by a huge amount of negativity. You chose the heading "Run young man, run" and then directed the young man's attention to the unwanted which brought him / them to a long description of women you wanted them to avoid. It would be a much more positive and much more effective and aim-oriented approach to bring them to the wanted by directing their attention to it instead of directing their attention to the unwanted, one-sidedly. You could have written about the desired traits in a woman because you cannot get to the wanted by focusing on the unwanted. In this way you would have helped them to look for the "right" traits in a woman, the only way to find them.

- Even in nature, danger is instilled first. Knowing what to avoid, is the first step to knowing what you should be looking for
- If you avoid the undesirable you have all to play for in seeking the desirable.
- If you jam the undesirable, you may seriously hinder your chances of ever finder the desirable
- Even if you do, there may be pain that will linger for generations
- You assume I'm done on that? - I typically say make yourself worthy", or "find a worthy spouse". I realise some may need greater depth.
- And in a sense, they are flip sides of the same coin.

Mindfulness:
You have freely, consciously and - I believe - joyfully made the decision to take on some certain responsibilities and this is why you stick to it. Your joy is the most important factor in the success of your marriage. It is your motivation. This is where an important lesson can be learned for all of those who are not yet married. Some people consider marriage a sacrifice when in fact they desire to enjoy marriage. The only way to a long lasting marriage and a healthy family is the pursuit of exactly this desire.

First sentence kinda right, second totally wrong, I don't necessarily stick to it because I "get joy", in fact, more because I give joy. And it is a sacrifice of sorts, I have less resources to myself, but I consider that a worthy sacrifice - and I still enjoy it tremendously. I don't have to put myself first to be well, healthy or joyful.

Mindfulness:
As for the rest, your wife would have every right to feel whatever she would feel in such a situation - be it sadness, resentment or hatred. The question is, would it help?

Feelings don't come because they help? Does grieving help?

Mindfulness:
If you stayed with her even though you felt unhappy, and even though you didn't fancy her and considered her a burden and annoying, do you think you would give her anything that would serve her? Is it what she truly wants? A man who stays with her even though he resents her?

You are reaching. All women are a burden and extremely annoying. it why they were put on earth . But whatever scenario you paint, and however I feel, it does not void the commitment I freely entered into.

Mindfulness:
She is not supposed to do anything, I would just recommend for her to find ways to soothe herself because this is what she has control over. She can't control you but she can control they way she feels. I don't consider people who feel sadness emotionally unhealthy. This is not what I said.

As above

Mindfulness:
This is where subjective truth sets in. I have a totally different image or concept of the divine. I don't share the notion that God is someone who created humans evil and is punishing them for the mistakes he made even though he is almighty. Is he a psychopath? He is responsible for the creation and yet others have to be punished for the way he made them?

I don't share that notion either. Neither the one where you seem to be implying claims "makes mistakes". One attribute of the divine is perfection.

Mindfulness:
By living life's lessons of we reap what we sow. I believe that humans are intrinsically good. As a father you actually know it.
And yes human beings are capable of self-healing because we always learn and develop.

1. As a father I know that human beings are not intrinsically good, that if left devoid of boundaries, they will incline to things that are not good.
2. You didn't answer my question about your being a mother - what basis do you have for your claim?
3. Learning and even developing does not necessarily change character - people do wrong despite knowing it's wrong, and what they ought to have done - and typically they do wrong based on "feelings".

Mindfulness:
We need to evaluate and re-evaluate our choices to find ways to achieve what we want to achieve. This is what we came here for.

For self-actualisation? And how do we know what "we were meant to achieve?

Mindfulness:
If I don't feel good in the first place, there is nothing I have to offer. If I feel love, joy and pleasure in abundance, I can share it and give people what they need. This is why I love the following Bible passage so much 'Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.' It means that we need to love ourselves FIRST. If we succeed, love for others comes naturally and unstoppably.

At least share how you get the feeling in the first place, instead of simply predicating everything on it.

Mindfulness:
As above, if you don't feel good, there is nothing you can do for others that is of greater value.

Maybe you need to define "feel good" to boot?

Mindfulness:
I don't need my spouse to feel good but I love sharing my happiness with him. I also cherish the times when he reflects to me that I am not in a place of unconditional love because it helps me practice unconditional love and it helps me connect with God.

What a spouse brings is something that you cannot find alone or within yourself. And I repeat, if good, is good, is good, with or without a spouse, why would you need or desire one?

Mindfulness:
People should take marital vows, which suit them best, and do it out of pure joy.

I see this as totally odd. Marriage is by definition, if people can make marriage what they want, then it becomes meaningless. If you can call any pet a dog, then the word dog loses all content. People can have any kind of relationship they want (with caveats), but that does not make that relationship a marriage.

Although the way the world is going with it's feelings based legislation and it's "legalise it because it makes me feel good" narrative, I guess your thoughts may hold more sway in society than mine in this respect.

Mindfulness:
What is the traditional concept of marriage?

Lifelong monogamous union of a male and female

Mindfulness:
You are a father, you know what unconditional love means, words can't express it.

My own is conditional - good grades in school and 1st team premier league player by 18 or else

Mindfulness:
His name is Eckhart Tolle. He was a university teacher with a very promising academic career but suffering greatly from depression. He was about to kill himself due to the unhappiness and discord he was feeling within himself. In the midst of his most profound suffering he discovered that it was his mindset, his way of thinking that led to his suffering. He discovered that his source of unhappiness are his thoughts and the identification with them. He found ways to stop this unbearable flow of negative thoughts and found peace.

Vaguely familiar - I look him up.

Mindfulness:
I am connected to God, there is nothing I can't do.

Clear this space of scammers and reveall all those who present themselves and their lives falsely

Mindfulness:
I value some of the Christian values.
Christianity in the real sense? What is it? Why are there so many different churches if there is Christianity in any real sense?

Many variants does not mean there is no true one.

Mindfulness:
I am not here to change your views but I do hope that you enjoy the interaction.

If indeed you could, you haven't with this effort. Thanks for your time.


TV

...what happened up there ?

BoboYekini:
Brings me to the next question... Can you fight? I mean really fight and knock someone tha fùck out. How many of us can really fight and put the fear of God in that assailant? This is a necessary skill brothers.

How topical, just watched a recording of the Cotto vs. Canelo bout with my big bro'. Trained to fight, which is the key, not just the willingness to engage in a fight.

Amateur boxing background - all of us brothers actually. The only sport I ever had a real passion for - loved the training die. They retire you at 35, so I transitioned to a regular gym. Maintain an exercise schedule which keeps me on pretty much the same shape - except for actual fight prep - but with a more muscular frame.

Also eat pretty clean. Blend, juice and close mark my dietary intake. Why are you asking? Are there some MWF that need a few rounds of sense pounded into them !

But seriously, love the feeling of being in shape and the alertness being trained and honed gives. I'm very conscious, very aware, and almost move with a fighters gait.

In this time of random terror attacks it helps to be aware and know how to react under pressure. Not that I'm necessarily looking to engage anyone, but trained reactions in dangerous situations might make all the difference - in all sha', God is our hope.

They called me "2 Sweet"


TV

^{...please any naive young girl or tingle seeking old bird who starts to juice at my post, no pm me 0! I no wan face kangaroo court - plus I'm God fearing, happily married and solvent}

That's it? Almost 10 days, multiple threads, hundreds of posts, thousands of man hours, and attempts to smear people who asked innocent questions and point out proper due process? A scam by scammers to cover up for other scammers - and play on the intelligence of the NL community whilst doing so?

Godless and shameless bunch. I did a disservice to fannies when I called you MWF.

Seun, I've been here almost 10 years, never bothered you or your team. Never made a fuss. However, I really must ask what action you will be taking here. Justice must be done and seen to be done, or you implicate us all.

I'd really appreciate it if you could make it known. I applaud what you've done here, but this must be addressed.


Thanks
TV

Gamesmart:
The people that coordinated the negotiations were coogar's friends.

It was no court. It was a sort this out exercise, which the complainant agreed to basically because she saw it as her only way of getting her school fees back. Paying back what was owed seem to have been seen as an achievement and truce by some of the moderators as the complainant has agreed with coogar's friends to withdraw her complaints.

Unless some other victims come out now, there is no complainant they can assist now.

Is he a scammer? Hell Yes! It appears a psychopathic one as well or someone so deep into in and dependent on it, he has no choice than to be defiant.

There is enough principles to ban his moniker but I doubt there is any evidence if there is no complainant, and the only one that provided it is withdrawing it. Maybe they are hoping he would play a Sauron in shame and disappear.

If you or IlekeHD wants to report him to the Old Bill, by all means do.

IlekeHD:
Take all these points to the court. Thank you. When the time comes, una wey get evidence will be asked to present it. I'm not the judge, don't try to convince me.

I'm not trtying to convnce you, on the contrary, you've convinced me to speak out. I'm not party to what transpired here and was only alerted by one of them visiting the family section.

I am not one of the self-arrogated judges, or party to anything that has been said or done, I want the law to run it's proper course, as I sensed you do - hence my question. I normally wouldn't bother, but I didn't like the cowardly attempt to hound you out of here.


TV

In the UK we have due process, we have the rule of law. If there was any evidence implicating the accused, it should have been handed to the authorities and the law should have been allowed to run it’s course.

Instead, a kangaroo court – with a panel of at best, shady characters - was convened and the accused was summarily arraigned before it - "for our viewing pleasure".

Point 1 –if indeed any of the allegations are true and there is evidence to prove it, evidence which you have seen or handled, you are all now accomplices to a crime.

Your court has zero jurisdiction and even less credibility. The moniker is not even banned from NL? And a purported hardened criminal is still free to scour for prey and make more innocents victims of his nefarious activities – on and offline

Point 2 – what of all the other victims whose cards and credit were compromised, who gets justice for them?

This was never motivated by a desire for justice – that much is clear. Indeed, it was not even in the least bit transparent. Cutting deals off-line and then returning here to gloat about your great triumph. Why was R321 “expecting cougar to post his mugshot”? Because it is evident that in your secret talks the accused threatened to do so - and probably other dirt.

All the bloviate about hating crime, detesting fraudsters and the like was just that, a crock. This was about puny men being spun because they wanted a day of glory, or a total ruse to let a criminal off the hook. What a pathetic shame; on the pack of you, and on NL, and your country.
Like I said, men with fannies. If you like quote me and get yours.

I was going to leave this unposted as I didn’t want to be sullied by the corruption so evident here, but the sheer class of IlekeHD and the way you have cowardly tried to smear her means I am compelled to speak out. Airmark ko, Skidmark ni.

IlekeHD, please, how would you like to proceed? And is there anybody else not cowed by these losers and willing to demonstrate that there is at least a seed of goodness in Nigerians?


TV

MizMyColi:

If you would, I'd prefer I answer questions directed at me.

Thanks and Good Evening From Nigeria, TV01.

No problem Miz, it may be better 1 on 1. Greetings from the "just turned really cold" UK.


TV

Mindfulness:
I ask a lot of questions to acquire a deeper and profound understanding. I was very neutral on one of the threads, which I think you are referring to here, until I was confronted with a huge amount of bias, which I felt needed some balance. Whatever the result of all it was, I had a lot of fun and I learned many things.

I can understand learning about specific situations, issues or topics, but where there is a moral call to be made, does your belief provide a ready made answer?A directive say or perhaps a template?

Mindfulness:
That's the problem and that's the reason why so many discussions end in insults or long-lasting hostility. People defend their positions like they know it all and like they are in possession of an objective truth.

Are you saying there is no, or no such thing as objective truth? I believe truth is eternal and unchanging.

Mindfulness:
It would be more fun and more fruitful if we were able to accept the fact that our opinions are just opinions, which are often based on our very subjective experience and perception.

To some degree perhaps - but some things are fixed. Some objective and undeniable. Truth cannot be based purely on experience and perception.

Mindfulness:
We should also remember that we are evolving beings, who continuously learn and therefore should feel free and be open-minded enough to change our views. I don't think anyone here has the same views at the age of 25 or 30 that he or she had when they were 14.

Even if we as humans grow, if our understanding develops, that does not mean that objective truth evolves with us.

Mindfulness:
This is why I love children and teenagers so much. They are so much more open-minded. They don't have extremely rigid opinions but their brains are also much more plastic - which is why it is easier for them to acquire new knowledge and therefore to change their perspective.

True, but this speaks nothing to the nature of the divine, objective truth or morals. May I ask, do you have children of your own?

Mindfulness:
Everyone has the right to pursue happiness. The rest of the statement is taken out of context and I wouldn't subscribe to it unconditionally.

And where is this right derived from? On what principle is it based? You've said it's not unconditional, where does it start and end?

Mindfulness:
Nobody is responsible for someone else's happiness.

Is this also conditional?
In as much as I am not expressly responsible for my wife' happiness, I owe her a duty of care, not least because of the vows I took, the commitment we made, how much we have both invested into the relationship and our shared responsibilities including our lovely children.

I discharge my duty and obligations as best I can and don't prioritise her happiness per se, but if I fail in my responsibilities, she has every right to be unhappy.

If I were to abandon our home and kids for a younger, fresher, sexier version - and there is always one - just because it would make me "happy/happier", have I done no wrong, am I within my rights to pursue happiness? does she not have the right to feel aggrieved?

Is she supposed to remain happy with the burden I've left her with, the loss our children will suffer, or else be considered "emotionally unhealthy"?

Mindfulness:
I can judge behavior but I don't want to judge or condemn a human being.

I agree with this, judgement is not ultimately with me, but I know who it is with. And I don't believe un-repented wrong-doing or behaviour will go unpunished. I can't gloss this over with "go and heal". It's "repent of your ways" or "go and sin no more".

How does one heal of bad behaviour or a wicked character? Are human being intrinsically good,or capable of self-healing?

Mindfulness:
Emotionally healthy people surround themselves with people and things that are good for them. I don't want to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do

So why judge behaviour then?

And how do you reach out charitably to those in need, hurting or fallen, if you are only concerned with surrounding yourself with the good,and for your own sake?

Mindfulness:
but it is possible to be happy regardless of conditions and circumstances. It has been a very liberating lesson for me to understand that I do not need anyone to feel good

Ok, as a Christian, I have joy and hope whatever, but how I feel - good or bad - counts for very little.

Mindfulness:
and that my spouse's presence or absence is not necessary for me to feel great. From this place, I can love my spouse unconditionally even when the person leaves and I am so full of happiness and joy that my spouse loves to be around me. I do not place on anyone the responsibility and burden of me feeling good and satisfied. Whatever you do for me, you do it freely and if you can't do it from a place of joy, you don't have to do it at all. I, for my part, have a lot of love to share.

In all then, why do you need a spouse if you feel great regardless?
Why take marital vows and commit if they can depart - with your blessings - if they no longer feel it?
What are your honest views on the traditional concept of marriage?

Mindfulness:
My ideology is that it is good to be selfish and that by being selfish I have a lot to offer. My theology is that we are all Gods / Goddesses.

This would be a good place to revisit what you define as love - not self-love though, that's already quite cler

Mindfulness:
It is my pleasure to share it with you as long as we can remain friendly and respectful. MizMyColi, just like I, discovered a great spiritual teacher along the beautiful journey called life and this is what we have in common. However, my beautiful, spiritual journey didn't begin and end with this teacher and I have taken the whole thing a step further meanwhile.

More on this teacher andtheir teachings please - even if only briefly

Mindfulness:
I feel honored.

You should - but the expectation is high.

Mindfulness:
It doesn't have a name. It is a spiritual journey but my personal one and not bound to any particular school of thought, philosophy or ideology. I am notorious for cherry-picking. I am in love with Buddhism as a life style and I embrace many of the Christian core values, as I understand and interpret them, but I am neither a Buddhist nor a Christian. I am a divine and eternal being and I believe that everyone else is, too. Even those who irritate me at times.

I can't speak for Buddhism,but if you value Christianity as you personally interpret it, its not Christianity in any real sense.

Thanks for your responses so far. Nothing surprising or to change my opinion thus far, but at least I have not left that opinion unquestioned.


TV

What to say? Funnily enough he agreed with the submission? But went on to have a hissy fit about the premise being "fallacious"' Just to be clear and to give him the benefit of the doubt, I clarified - clarified something that was clearly implied throughout - further.

Not sure how he even found his way here? He seemed very much at home amongst the men with fannies (MWF), who seemed to be in a state of orgasmic delight publicly haranguing coogar over something like 7 days, 4 threads, hundreds of posts and what seemed like multiple sleepless nights. You'd think they'd give their hands some respite . They are probably still there now. Families, jobs, life nko

And most of them were at best hypocritical to boot; a convicted felon, an adulterer and someone who claims to eschew all moral imperatives and religious strictures - taking the moral high ground. The sheer hypocrisy of it all. And the effrontery of one both amoral and irreligious to not only do that, but to accuse me of "moral posturing"

I was however more perturbed by the rumours about, and nervous twitching of some of our resident females. Differences, beefs and past wars aside , I'm quite fond/protective of some of them, and wouldn't want to think them capable of some of the things claimed or insinuated. Perhaps I need to reconsider? I can be so naive sometimes.

5minsmadness:
Someone posts a very reasonable comment here on how to make choices in life concerning the opposite gender, and a male rushes in like voltron, like he gets paid to lay off his own gender. And there are more examples like this all over nairaland. It baffles me no end.

there is something someone said about francis here while dissing him that made me think though. Is it possible that more boys are being raised by single moms and in the process these same single moms transfer their hatred of the male species to thier male kids hence emasculating them? I mean, women are vindictive, its the kind of thing most of them can do, raise a child to hate all men because of what one man did to you.

Then again is it because they so desperately want the V? I have seen young men do extremely stupid things just so they can gain favour with the female folk so as to get into their pants. I understand that hustle but I wonder dont they have any male pride in them? Dont they have any shame at all?

Most guys I know will always stand up to defend a woman, dont get me wrong. Its the simpering weakling approach and insisting that a woman can do no wrong that bothers me.

TV

The whole world - with the possible exception of large parts of Iraq and Syria - are gradually becoming femcentric. One of the outworkings of this is that instaed of men' identity being formed primarily by males and the masculine tradition, they are being formed in a way that caters to the service of women.

It's can only change the dynamic of the relationship between men and women. Is that a good or bad thing? I guess we'll see, but we can see some evidence of it not being all good. And funnily enough, women don't particularly like the kind of men that are raised with a feminine imperative .

5minsmadness:
Why are there so many "feminised" males on nairaland though. Is it so in real life?

ApexTitan:
It's bad everywhere; real life, nairaland, mainstream media, everywhere. Too many men who go out of their way to appease women at the expense of their own dignity, it's sad to watch.
Just five minutes ago before I logged on here I was trying to watch a tv show (The Newsroom season 3) but I had to stop in disgust - all the male characters who were supposedly reasonable men were absolute simps or buffoons. I come online and see all kinds of excuses men make for women and I begin to wonder if there is any hope at all. Everywhere you turn there is an emasculated man singing the same song.

TV