₦airaland Forum

All na wash. Overhyped governor.

Please send to ogochukwurenna@yahoo.com Thank you.

Pls, I'm interested in the training. I applied but have t been invited not been invited for a test. I will appreciate it if someone will give me the HR's number. Thanks

chaircover: PPPPPPRAISEEEEEEE GOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!!!

Abeg jenny take it easy o! no lifting, no bending, no tuna, no liver, no soft cheese. . . . .ermmmmm ermmmmm no more missionary style Kpekus

Congratulations my sister. Wishing you 2 bouncing distinctions at the end of your 9 month course. Praise Goooooooddddd!!!!

Congrats Jennykadry, wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months.

Wowwww, Thank God.

Please, let peace reign.

Permit me to vent a little.

Sometimes I wonder why some people pay good with evil. Why don't we appreciate the things we have, the gold that we have until we lose them. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why am I saying all this, My husby is suddenly afraid that I'll leave him and is being so nice but his fears are written all over him. why do I have this feeling that he not going to change. Before now when I find his misplaced money, I return it back to him even though he's not aware of it and doesn't give me money.
I'm done living my life to please him or anyone else. I doubt if I'll be able to trust and love any man after these experience. I have forgiven him but will not forget in a haste but I'm still struggling to forgive myself.

Dear lord, please heal my heart.

babyosisi: Where is uredaddy
Will love to hear your progress report dear

Hi @ all,

I deyooo. I'm still in bobo's house but am not carried away with his lovey dovey, it wont work. He's in his best behavior now, gives me anything I ask for, so am using the opportunity to save up for the rainy day. I now have about #20000 hidden somewhere.

I decided to stay around for two reasons;
1. I've studied the trend of his abuse and know that he will play nice at least till January, so I'll have time to plan very well and save money.
2. I've reported him to my Pastor's wife and she asked me not to go yet which I accepted after considering no 1.

He will have to meet the ff conditions;
1. Go for counseling.
2. Stop the abuse and careless talks.
3. Apoloise to my family and meet his obligations as an inlaw especially what he did not do when I lost my dad.
4. He must give me some allowance monthly.

If he doesn't concede to this , I leave with my kids and have him pay for their upkeeeps. I already have a lawyer that'll sort this out and the church promised to make sure he does that.

I just hope ASUU calls off the strike so I can write my final exams.

Thank you.

swag queen: @ Vure,When i met my husband,the first thing he said to me was, "now that you've finished,the next thing you'll do is to enroll for your masters degree programme."

I thought he was rare as he was interested in my future! Hahaha. They do somethings just to lure you. He's prolly obsessed with you because you're a virgin.

Please DO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE!!! GIVE YOURSELF SOMETIME AND SEE AS THINGS UNFOLD.

With time,yelling may turn into verbal abuse and of course,the physical follows.

Gbam. Mine told me I'll go and study in UK after our wedding.

jumzzy448: @ vure, have you discussed your fears with him? If no, i'll advice you do that. From all what you've said it seems he's a nice person. I think it will be good you answer those questions on the article ileobatojo posted. At least with that, you'll know if you are to stay or walk away. Good luck.

Discussing your fears with him will not change anything but may only give you false hope, I'm talking from experience. Before I got married to my husband, I discussed everything with him. Infact, he told me that if a man beats his wife, how will that same man possibly protect the woman from total strangers.

You can never know an abusive man by their words but thru their actions. This man is older than her, e don see things pass the girl so he'll know how to manipulate her brain with words. Please shine your eyes.

debrief08: roject Alert on Violence Against Women (PROJECT ALERT)

Address:                              21, Akinsanya Street
                                                Off Isheri Road, Taiwo Bus stop (Behind FRSC)
                                                Ojodu - Berger
                                                P.O.Box 15456, Ikeja
                                                Lagos, Nigeria

Telephone/E-mail:      234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072
                                                projectalert@projectalertnig.org
                                                info@projectalertnig.org

ABUJA OFFICE
 26 Bamenda Street, Off Abidjan Street,
Wuse Zone 3
Telephone:                             234 -8708618


http://www.projectalertnig.org/

Thank you very much.

Thanks everyone for your advice and concern. Please if you know or have the contact of any professional in Lagos that I can contact do let me know. I have pictures of some bruises and scars he gave me. Thanks.

swag queen: @Kenya, my joy knows no bounds. Please let's take a minute and say a prayer for Kenya and all other women in these situations.

In Jesus' name. Amen. Lord i thank You for this day. Thank You for my sisters and brothers all over the world who are in situations as these. O Lord, pls forgive us our sins and deliver us.

Help miss Malikiya and uredaddy to overcome the travails of life and see them through in Jesus' name. Help us all to stay strong and stand by our decisions. See us through in these trying periods in Jesus' name we have all prayed,AMEN!!!

Amen.

babyosisi: I am glad you read my post and you already have planned to do some of the things I advised
The same things the other ladies are saying.
I'm also glad your siblings are hotheaded.that is a big asset here
They must know what is going on,I don't advise they hurt him but he should hear from them
Like someone earlier said,the moment this man realizes you have the full support of your family,he will cower down
He kept you away from your dad till he died and nobody challenged him
Water don pass garri now
All the tactics of getting him to back off you is to buy you time to finish your education and get a job
I advised the lawyer swag queen to get a job and be free,same thing for you.
Get your education,get a job and if he continues,you step
If there is a trusted older lady in your neighborhood or church,tell her
If you go to a church together tell the pastor and his wife,he may run away from that church,let him
Tell it all
Do not hide in shame any longer

No more dying in silence
Tell people that he is frustrating your education plans
That is one big line you need to hammer on
I assure you everyone will come down on him for that and he will have no choice but let you
He needs to hear people tell him how despicable it is to beat a woman

And if you ever decide to leave please do not make the mistake of leaving your kids behind.
The step mother or his girlfriends will use them as boi boi and feed them rotten food

I think the best I can do now is to separate from him until he gets help. I believe he has psychological problem and wont change just like that. I cant be another sacrificial lamb. I've written a letter to my pastor's wife and we've scheduled a secret meeting for Friday @ 12. So am just playing a good wife now.

chidyhels: Am in tears already. Uredaddy,God is ur strength.
I know your testimony is on the way.

Financial independence is the key. Its easy to point accusing fingers to people dependent on you wen things dnt go as planned.

Amen. Sometimes he doesn't understand why am still very strong and have not turned to a zombie. God strength is made perfect in our weakness.

jumzzy448: @ uredaddy, your story brings tears to my eyes. Pls u have to be strong for your kids.
What are your plans right now?

I'll leave his house for good. I don't believe he'll ever change. My family is supporting me. Thank you.

LaShawn: @Uredaddy

And I won't be surprised if your husband had a hand in your ex's wife calling and accusing you. I don't put anything past those people. They set you up and then work on your guilt yo start abusing you.

A friend of mine started receiving anonymous texts after She got married. The texts were explicit, talking of How the sender supposedly slept with her, the different positions he used on her etcetera. She told me She showed her husband. Because She didn't want anyone to blackmail her..That is How a trusting relationship should be like.

You and I know that we can Never open up like that to these abusive men. They turn around and use the info against you.

He knew about my relationship with my ex before we got married. I was very open and expected him to trust me but his excuse was that it is very difficult to separate a woman from a man that disvirgined her. I learnt the hard way not to tell him a guy is asking me out because he'll use it against me.

2s£xy:
Uredaddy, what part of Edo State? Is it Benin, Esan, Uromi,?

God forbid someone tries this with my own sister, I will match him for his strength. I don't care whether they are married or it's non of my biz.

I thank God my elder sister is married to man, a strong man who does not joke with her at all.

Benin

LaShawn: @Uredaddy

What have you decided to do about the kids? Please, don't leave them behind....

I've not decided yet. The least I can do is to leave with the youngest which is the only girl I have until I find my feet. Thanks.

If someone ever told me I'll experience in my lifetime I'll tell him to hell. Before I got married to him, he promised to set up a biz for me so that I'll have some money to myself but after our marriage, he changed his mind. Before our marriage, I told him I wanted to be a medical doctor and he knew that I love the medical field with passion after the wedding, he started telling bad stories about the medical field and that he doesn't like medical doctors as his partners. When I saw that I may end up not going to the univ, I opted for part time accounting in unilag. He tried to frustrate me out of school and he's still trying but I refused. Imagine someone with a background of physics, chemistry and biology writing financial accounting without attending classes. No tutorial, zero support nothing.

My first son is a special need child and he denied this boy of getting help until he was 5 after much push from me becos he believes the boy's problem is demonic. He can afford to send this boy to any part of the world for treatment or therapy but no he was using his money to buy big cars, travelling round the world and boasting about it. Now the inflow of the cash has reduced and I've been labeled the stumbling block behind his progress. He's back. I'll continue later. Thanks.

babyosisi: Why do women allow this
How can a man prevent you from seeing your parents and you agree to that arrangement?
You should have defied him from the beginning and he would have adjusted quickly

Is he with you 24/7?
Why cant you go to see your supervisor when he is not around?
That man is a coward
Cowards back down when you stand up to them
You teach people how to treat you
If you let this man win,you will never complete that program and in 3 years you may have two more kids and still dependent on him financially

Now do you want me to advice you woman to woman
Here it goes and in that order

1. Besides your mother,your uncles and aunts must be told about this his violence.let him know you didn't fall from the sky but you have people that love you and care about you.there is no shame here dear.the shame is on him.

Thank you very much. I've told my uncle that stays in Lagos but my mom wants to be the one to tell my brothers becos we are afraid they'll do something very silly.

2. let that third child be your last,3 is plenty,you don't need any more babies under that condition
If you can't get your tubes tied without his knowledge,go get an IUD inserted.
If you don't have money for it,borrow.
Beats me how a man who beats up his wife will also lay with the same woman and make love but you must not get pregnant again
And don't go confessing what you did when his fake lovey lovey is shacking you ,you need to keep your mouth shut about that.

This is my last baby. I have a mirena intact (I went for this cos I believe it is more effective than Para guard). He's aware of this but recently he said I should go and remove it. My dear, after each incident, I must not show that I'm not happy about what happened or try to refuse him or else I'll receive another round of beating. He will come to have sex with me as a way of saying sorry and am not permitted to talk about what happened. If I dare open my mouth to talk about it I'll be labeled a witch with unforgiving spirit.

3. Make an appointment and go see that supervisor of yours. Tell him your situation when you meet and ask if you can do phone communications regarding any help .i advise that you go when your husband is out of town.I am sure he does travel down to the east sometimes.Do it while he is away, you have to be smart.

He's from Edo state state and hardly travels. If he try calling my no and I don't pick his call, he'll call the house or my house help and ask about my whereabout. I'll go and see my supervisor next week.

4.you need to grow a backbone.bullies do what they do and perfect it because you cower down and shake at their demand.speak up for yourself and it starts by having your family confront him.he isolated you so that you will be alone,you must refuse to be isolated.there is no shame here,you are fighting for your life.tell it all .let your people come from the east and ask him questions including why he won't allow you finish your studies.
And they warn him sternly never to touch you or hear from them.
Like all bullies he will deny doing such a thing.

This man is a chronic abuser. I tried to slap him back one day and he gave me the beating of my life. He's that kind of person that will hit you for answering his questions and also beat you for not saying anything so you don't have a choice. If he doesn't see any reason to beat you now he'll look up for excuses to do that and also make you feel responsible for the beating.

This will then buy you time to finish the degree,look for and find a job,you get some independence and if he continues in his ways,you are out the door.

If you were my sister,this is what I will tell you.

If I am not motivating enough let the pain of your father not seeing his own grandchildren till his death get you angry enough to stamp your foot on the ground and refuse to take this shait any longer

Thank you.

Thanks to everyone that have contributed to the post, I learnt a lot from here. I am in an abusive marriage too and didn't know how to go about it initially. I never told anyone, was isolated from family and friends, and was not allowed to relate with neighbors. Now to my story.

I got married @ 22 to a man 17yrs older than I was. I guess I was blinded by crazy love and was a bit naïve about a lot of things. He made a lot of promises to me, was very funny, loving and caring. He sounded like he cared so much about me, asked me about my dreams and aspirations and promised to take good care of me. He told me his dad married three wives and his mom died when he was 2yrs old and that he so much respect and care about women. He never told me he attempted marriage before and failed, but I told him about myself. I told him I dated one guy a year before I met him and was disvirgined @ 21 by this same guy. I told him I broke up with the guy becos I found out he is married to another babe.

After our wedding, he got a call from my ex's wife that I have been communicating with her husband (which was a lie). I think the guy left her. He told me he was going to do that before I broke up with him but I don't have the heart to do that to a fellow woman. Instead of him to ask me before reacting, he started beating me up to the hearing of the woman on the phone. Later, he made me feel guilty of dating a married man although I was ignorant of it and he also made sure I felt responsible about his acts and received those beating as my punishment. This was the beginning of greater beatings to come.

I have 3 kids for him(5, 3,and 2) and was beaten while pregnant for each of them. I lost my dad two years ago and the last I saw him was during my wedding @ Enugu. He wouldn't let me travel home and will not visit them either. My dad did not see any of my kids before his death. I was about 7 months pregnant with the last baby when he died, my husband was not there to support his pregnant wife.

I got beaten if I don't pick his calls, was not allowed to relate with neighbors, keep friends, visit family members or leave the house without his permission. He goes to the market to buy stuffs in bulk so I don't get to go to the market so I wont have money. He makes sure I don't have money on me and he will never give me any allowance for my personal upkeep. The highest amount he gave me was #20,000. He accuses of flirting around with guys, goes thru my phone and threatens me at every instance.

I started a part time programme @ unilag but he wouldn't let me attend classes (thank God am blessed intellectually blessed my CGPA is 3.37 and I hope to finish a 2:1). Am now in my finals and have been stuck with my project cos he wouldn't let me go and see my supervisor. He calls me a witch that I'm a stumbling block to his progress and I want to kill him and he relates same to his people.

After reading thru this post, I've made up my mind to leave him. I've told my mom about it and she's in support of my decision but my only fear is that I cant carry my children along with me. I cant leave them with my mom @ Enugu knowing that I cant support them in Lagos while I finish my course @ unilag. I'll get back to the post he's back.

Wu Zetian: It happens to the best of us, it's important that these ladies are aware of the nature of domestic violence and ways to gather the support and strength from friends and family to leave the abusive relationship.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNJjEZoRKqM

Thanks for the link. It was very inspiring.

I don't know why people find it difficult to come to terms with the truth. Fashola is working my foot. Maybe he would've done better if people like B A T are not hanging around. Lagos is in serious debt that's a fact. These guys borrow money in the state's name to execute projects that have been awarded to their company, the revenue generated from these projects enter their pockets while the debt is in the name of lagos state.

Please lets face the fact, since this second administration what has Fashola achieved. These people are busy hoarding money for themselves.
I pray that another party takes over come 2015 then fowl yansh go open, all their atrocities will come to limelight. Tinubu will run away from naija.

Oyo state residents and indigenes need to seriously pray and cry to God. It seems they are exempted from enjoying the dividends of good governance and democracy. I was in shock the day I went to Ibadan. the place is not developed at all.

VisaOfficer: I would wait until she applies. Embassies and Consulates get so many letters and e-mails that it's easy to misplace or ignore ones that aren't associated with an active application.

Thank you very much, we appreciate what you are doing.

VisaOfficer: Greetings! Let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly. There seem to be two issues. One, your friend married her new husband although she was not legally duvorced from her first husband, and two, she has a passport with a false name and date of birth that she has used before (so it's in our system, associated with her name and fingerprints). Is that right?

If the visa she's applying for doesn't have anything to do with her marital status -- if she just wants to be a tourist -- we're not going to want to verify her current marriage. That would only be an issue if someone was petitioning for her as a spouse.

Name and date of birth... Once again, I think she should just be totally honest with the visa officer. It's only going to be an issue if she tries to hide it. We only care about misrepresentation if it's material misrepresentation, that is, if the lie would have led us to make to a different visa decision. From what you've written it doesn't sound like the misrepresentation was material. So if she comes in and says "This is what happened," and is up front about it, most officers will give her the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, if she tries to hide it, we'll see the record in our computer system and wonder what else she's not being truthful about. Truth is always the best policy.

Thank you for responding.
It was her husband that was once married and was not legally divorced from the first wife and secondly, she has a passport that she has used before in your system associated with her name and fingerprints.

Do you think it is necessary for her to write to the embassy an explanatory letter with copies of both the old and new documents since she may not be applying for a US visa now or wait until whenever she intends to apply say in two years time. She feels the earlier she can correct this, the better for her.

Pls I need your advice.
My friend's husband was once married to someone in 2004 whose birthdate was in 1978. They separated one month later becos the girl was caught with charm meant for the husband but they were not officially divorced. They've both moved on with their lives both married with kids. He got married to my friend in 2007 but prior to this time, he has travelled to several countries and have applied for visas with the marriage certificate.
Her husband told my friend to use the name and birthdate in the marriage certificate for her passport and visa applications becos he felt it was the best thing to do since he had other visas with that name as his wife. In 2009 my friend applied for a visit visa to the US but was denied. My friend's actual birth year was 1985 and she looks younger than this age even with three kids. She wants to get a new passport with her real age and real name. She feels guilty each time she sees the passport and have not used it because of guilt.
What will be the best way to correct this? What will you advice her to do?
The husband may not agree to get a divorce on the previous marriage becos of his travelling documents but if he does, will sending the divorce letter, photocopy of her new passport and a detailed letter of explanation help correct this. She doesn't mind being denied a visa but wants to set her record straight.
Pls note that the first marriage was a court wedding while the second was a church wedding.
Thank you.