₦airaland Forum

Ibechris2:
Go and pay her dowry only...

Then both of u should plan your wedding in such a way that would not drain your finances.

I had my traditional 7years ago.

Below is how it was done:

I had in April of that year after which we drew a plan that enabled us to work and pay for everythin in advance including food,photographer,canopies chairs,cake name it.

U can do this also,only if u could draw up your plan and work towards it.

l have this in mind ,,maybe go for introduction and pay the dowry then work to stabilize my finance,,, because l wont make mistake of going in to marriage without stable income or finance.

Nyascobar1414:
I 4 like tel you make you STFU shaa. You dont love her.. Its just based on conditions(beauty and character)...

If she looses one of her eyeballs, the lust go clear you for eye.

not true, God will never let that happened,my love for that girl is beyond beauty and character, the connection and compatibility is there ,l may fvck all the women in the world but my heart will always come back to her,,

Nyascobar1414:
Simp.. Payind a bride price for a woman that's not a virgin.

when you pay for the one that is a virgin try to present the certificate...

MediMedi:
This is not pressure, on earth every thing have it specific time.

She's 27 and getting old if you're not ready let her go.

Your 3-4 years is not a sure odd of getting married yet

Who is holding her? so 27 means she is getting old? l am writing this from a more point of concern than what l stand to benefit,, she had exes before we met, if marriage is that easy why didn't any of them take the step? things can work out even in less than a year and l will do the needful,, telling her she can go is a clear sign l wasn't even in love at the first place,, so if she love me she will wait,, if she want to continue gambling l wish her well,,

Think4Myself:
That's selfish of you, because some(few) women can give birth at that age, you now want her to wait that long? At 33 if she has a child ever 3 years she'd have her 4th child at 42

oga not few women abeg,,go and study the productive system of women, 90 if not 100 percent of women give birth in their 30s except on medical condition, we are not having more than 3 kids, so by the time she is 40 she is done with kids by God grace,, the main focus is her happiness and well being in the marriage,, if honestly she gets any man who is better and can give her more happiness l wish her well,, not all this married men she told me chasing her around.

Kingsasian:
bro, I quite agree with you but to be honest with you a woman's biological clock is far different from ours. And again, what is the probability that you will still be financially ready within the projected time frame you are talking about? By the time she gets to 31, 32 you may not find her attractive anymore. Well, it's good you have spoken to her.

fortunately for her l will find her attractive till the end of our lives,,if l can't find her attractive till she is 32,, then l shouldn't even marry her,, any way l have spoken to her just pray God give us sustainable income to end this thing well,, thanks for the advice.

WatchYourSix:
People should be allowed to marry themselves in the registry so that they dont miss their planned date of getting married .....because me I dont understand how you will want to marry with another person's money and contribution, yet will be fixing the time by yourself as if the person doesnt have a say....

what does she mean by telling you she planned to marry by 25 as if you are slowing down her life and she could have done it one her own....

.look oga.. Women will always make it look like they are doing you a favour by being with you...its their classic way of getting what they want...
even sex...they will make it look like they dont want it and that they are just giving their body to you to help you..

She can even tell you she left many guys for you this year.....all na format....

Don't do anything under pressure...she will leave or cheat you if you can't cater for her .... She probably has little or nothing to contribute to the ceremony or marriage....its all on you...

So..if you are not ready...let her see reasons with love why you both should wait....if she refuses..oga let her go... women always have plan b these days...

Thank you my brother, if l went ahead and rush things and tomorrow l find it hard to fend for us,, it is still the same her and the mother who will mock me for not been responsible, they always make it looks like they have options but the truth is that in marriage the options are limited,,most men who are financially stable are already married, school and the crumpling economy has made many men in their 30s not to be eager for marriage, some are rich and yet not even ready to settle down , so getting a man who is ready to take that step is worth waiting for,, it is good the society start normalizing women not getting married in their 20s,, so that everyone can have enough time to plan and build their lives before marriage,, l love her God knows my heart.

Kingsasian:
Oga let her go. A woman's time and that of a man are not the same. At her current age, 3-4 years of waiting is too much.

bro l am not holding her o,,l only gave her a sound and reasonable advice,, leaving me is not an assurance she will get a man who will pay her bride price in 2- 3 months ,, if she leaves and the man she meets disapoint her the circle continues,, in 3- 4yrs she will be 31 or latest 32 and we will settle down and at least have something to fend for our self and the kids,, the "woman time" is a lie orchestrated by the society and nothing more. women in their 40s and fifties are given birth talk more of a girl in her 20s and 30s,,if she decides to go and gamble l will wish her well,, l am just bothered because l love this girl and she is a very good person,, so l am not holding her back..

Extratyre01:
Give am Belle.. Na sure odd be that, she go wait

bro the thing weak me,, all l am asking is for her to be patient,,

Good day nairalanders,,
l met a beautiful and excellent girl during my Nysc, honestly she is everything l need in a woman,
We finish our service last year and started life in Abuja, she live with her sister and doing her own business while l live alone in the same town,, The problem now is that this girl mother is already pressurizing her for marriage,, she is 27 yrs and the mother is already making her looks like she is too old for marriage,, yesterday she came to my house looking all moody and worried,, when l enquired she told me her mom is asking her when the man she is dating will come home for introduction,, l took my time to explain things to her,we can't go into any marriage without been financially stable,l have a business l am running and l am looking at stability of that business in 3-4yrs time,,l told her l wont give you any specific date on when to come see her people ,,but l assured her if she stick with me God knows l wont think of any other woman during marriage,,, she told me her plan is to get married at 25yrs and l told her things dont always work out the way we plan them,, honestly l dont want to lose this girl and l also dont want to rush anything,, what do l do nairalanders...

justmondris:
The girls in your former lodge did not disrespect you because you were jovial but because you did not respect yourself and you did not know your boundary. Respecting yourself does not mean you should not talk to others.

l was too jovial that is a different thing, try behaving like me in ur own compound and see the results,,they touch me , they smack my buttocks a times too , and makes a lot of sexual jokes with me,, l didn't touch anybody sexually as l wasn't even sexually attracted to all of them but few,, so who is respecting boundaries here, if they dont touch me will l touch them,

[quote author=justmondris post=114722062]The girls in your former lodge did not disrespect you because you were jovial but because you did not respect yourself and you did not know your boundary. Respecting yourself does not mean you should not talk to others.[/quotel

tamdun:
Mumu of the house, always available for every bullshit, they will never respect you,ur num one mistake was trying to please everyone(making everyone laugh like u call it)

l swear bro,l learn in a bitter way.

Theo51:
In your former compound, you were jovial (I.e you fake life).
You decided to switch personality in this new compound (I.e another fake life).

So what do you do now?

Oga sit your ass down, stop faking it to earn respect, and live your normal life.
I mean your real self so can earn genuine respect and have peace.

l am not faking anything,, right from my childhood l was a born extrovert, a sanguine precisely,, the issue is that l took it to the extreme,,now l am more mature and reason better and u talk of fake life,, so let me ask you, are there not things u do before that u no longer do now,, does that mean u are faking ur life?

blackboy:
My guy, check urself. The girl mad that nah u out of everyone in the compound she wan slap?

I have been working since I left school. Are you jobless or your job no stress you out after a long day.

When i wake up i fetch my water n have my bath n go work n wen i get back i greet anyone i see in the compound n enter my room to eat n sleep. If compound meeting dey i will attend.

Mind my business and face my front but greet everyone i can. Im sure if you follow this no wahala. Even for campus that is how i live in the compound. School is my work. Im in school till late from morning. I go school read not to let school pass through me who e ep . I have never had wahala with anyone in the compound n dont care if they like me or not. I stay my lane.

geeshh that was the past man,how una dey take read abeg?

Midas01:
So what is paining you is that their boyfriends are knacking them while they are not interet in you ?

yes, l was doing it because l have interest in some of them or is anything wrong with that, l felt been a clown and making them happy will ignite attraction but l was wrong,l learn my lesson and moved on,, so can u comfortably provide a solution to my present predicament or u want to keep judging? some Nigerians are just terrible,l highlighted a story and the wrong approach l made and the reason for my change of attitude, and most of u focus on the pass,if l was proud of my actions l would have continue been a clown as l was in the formal compound.

Stephengee4all:
Secondly, na poverty de do you, just pack go to self contained or one bedroom flat and know peace.

Just step up bro

since l dont have money to step up and you that have stepped up dont also have to give me ,can we let this one slide.

lordswill03:
So technically you left your previous compound be ause you tried to touch a 20yrs old girl?? She prolly wouldn't have threatened to slap you if you weren't trying to "clown" on her.

did you even have clear iota of what l am driving at or u just want to blab? what is wrong in touching a 20yrs old girl,, is she a minor? dont she touch me too? when u say touch you mean l wanted to rape her or what ,,how can some of you be this judgemental,, we played a lot,she touches me more than l do,l held her hand and draw her closer in normal playful manner we use to do,,before she spill out those words,it might have been their normal mood swings,but she try to apologise when she noticed how l withdraw from her and went to my room,,my anger wasn't even about her,but how l reduce myself to nothing with my playful nature,, now instead of people like u to face the topic u are been judgemental for no reason,, so her touching me is not assault but me touching her is assualt? if l slap any of this girl in this my present compound now for touching me fools like you will still blame me,,

RPG2020:
Op make we dey tell each other truth

You be wan touch her breast milk na make she be wan give you hot slap

this is not true please,l wasn't touching her sexually, l just held her hands before she told me dat,,she must have been on her mood swings,, she even try to apologise after that but l was done,, it was the leverage l gave her that prompted such words.

khreus:
you too give a damn Bleep about those things which is unhealthy to even yourself. I'm sure you've been asking them out which warrant the disrespects they dishing out on you. STAY YOUR LANE n STOP PLAYING HOME GAMES(its bloody).

That l have done a long time ago can this ones stop getting on my nerves for choosing to stay by myself.

deavicky:
u don't emphasise on the past yet u brought it tour topic. Both of u talk and play with ur mouth not ur hand. You must have touched her inappropriately that's why you were warned. Just because she is ur playmate doesn't warrant u touching her. She for slap u as I said before.

you are a fool l swear,thank u for ur advice, you can skip my thread.

Jazzman01:
Lol, I have experienced this type of shît before, I eventually left the place to rent a self-contained apartment. I never had issues with the guys but the ladies.........it appears as If women are naturally wired to behave like that especially the immature ones. Ignoring them completely usually pains them and they will look for every means to get back at you and force you to talk.

You can charge at one of them whenever they start talking trash again and give them a stern warning. This will aggravate the matter at the first instance but just maintain your cool and walk out of their presence because they're going to dare you to do your worse and you can't fight with a lady. They will get your message and trust me they will never disrespect you again.

Next time you move into a new compound with lots of girls, don't ignore them completely, you can greet/reply them while keeping a straight face. And keep all conversations formal with No jokes and they will give you your respect.

Thanks bro, l have never ignored any of their greetings,, l am not having anything against them,but the gisting part is what l dont want to start, if u start gisting with them the day u want to be serious and focus they will you as forming,, besides l am in a serious relationship,l dont want to give my gir any form of doubt by been too close to any female neighbor,she have respected me in that aspect and l should also do the same.

jclassiq:
Your problem is that you are vascillating between two opposite spectrums. On one hand you want to be the court jester, the compound clown, but still retain respect. On the other hand you want to be the over-serious, mean prick who thinks too highly of himself but still want the people to respect you.

Sorry to disappoint you but you will get no respect in both cases.

I suggest you just be a normal mature and respectable human being and not try to be what you are not. You will be bitter all the days of your life in that compound until you can't take it anymore and pack your things and run away!

stories! the word bitter you use is really quite exaggerating,, you really think l go on with my day to day activities thinking about those girls? a house l leave as early as 8am in the morning and comes back 8pm? read the post well l didn't say ignoring everybody in the compound,, there is one married woman there we relate and greet well,, all the guys there, we greet and relate well, the young spinster in the house whom l am not ready for their dramas were the one l politely ignored, l am not pretending to be whom l am not this is me ,l have grown and learn,, besides this new attitude of mine is bringing a lot of girls to me, even in my business place l dont joke any how

BluntCrazeMan:
Dem go soon call you GAY sef..

l swear bro >:

dragunov:
Na ya attention they want. The more you bone, the more they get crazy. If you want to kukumba finish them, bring your girlfriend home at weekend and flaunt her. But make sure you do not bow to their pressure no matter how constant. Don't get sucked into any verbal confrontation with any of them because they will set you up for that.

my girlfriend comes regularly bro,, am sure they sees her all the time,, the idea that l am the only guy who don't simp around them maybe the cause of their anger,,

deavicky:
why would u even touch the girl? U get luck she warned instead of straight slap.

are u blaming me for something that happened years back or you are focus on the present topic,, why is it that some of you just like typing out of point,, so she can touch me and l wont touch her? did you even read were l emphasize we do play and talk a lot,, that means atimes she hit my back and jump on my body,, even before l sight her so what is wrong if l touch her? sorry to say this you are a daft,,

ford101:
let me advice you as an alpha male.you don't have it is that you don't have it.that manly composure that makes you stand out on ur own level.you don't no who u really are.or were you are from.iv had such experience as an under graduate.even till tomorrow I keep to my self.i relate to only people like you who would go out of there way to be funny to attract my attention.i love clowns like you cos u are friends to everyone.your type would definitely update me on the happenings so I don't have to go out of my way to talk to anybody in the compound.

lol l am a clown before o,, in fact those that know me before keep wondering what changed,, l am more selective with the type of friends l keep both men and women,, l have boundaries now and l dey change am for anybody wey cross that boundaries including my girl,, so l am no longer crown

Dorakay93:
How old are you self?
U can still relate with them and still earn your respect. It depends on your brain and maturity.

guy must l relate with them? how old are they that they can't sense when a person want be himself? l dont want to relate is it by force? do you go about infuriating people that dont want to relate with you like they are doing?

lendahand:
haa no wonder!! Face me I slap you na normal wahala be that, see finish must enter. Kneel down and pray to God to upgrade your life then work hard and find your way into a self contained apartment at least

l just finished service last year bro,, the business l am doing by God grace is paying well,, so is a gradual process

Ijaya123:
Don’t you have work? Are you always home 24 hours? Stay in your apartment and mind your business.

l have worked,, this incident occurs the little time l stays at home,,,

dragunov:
Guy, they are looking for your attention at all cost. That girl that came to attack you is like their sentry. They are "testing the waters" to see if you're solid as you're portraying. The way you held your calm was the best. Just keep ignoring them but hold your self intact.

Thank you bro,, in all honesty l am not romantically interested in any of them, l have a shop, l go out in the morning and comes back in the night except on Sundays so l wont even have the luxury for Idle talks,,the constant effort to aggrieved me any time they sees me at home is becoming something else,,

KristaPretty:
You are the one who has a nasty attitude, more like who they call a busy body or notice me

If you are a busy boy, you would not look or even notice that anyone is giving you attitude, however it clearly shows that you derive joy in getting attention that would lead to Insult eventually

Some of you just type nonsense without thinking,, so me been quiet and minding my business is busy body ? so if a person is deliberately trying to provoke you ,,, you wont notice it? l am not that daft like you.