₦airaland Forum

This girl still have some fear of God in her, you feel you are hopeless, why are you still using her, tell her so she can make amends with her maker and find a better man that will wait and honour her body not fornicators that have no shame, abusing the temple of God.
You don't love her, all you wanted was sex.

Sebastine1994:
My girlfriend has a lot of shame about physical intimacy. I think she enjoys it, but she feels guilty afterward that we’re not married, like she is betraying her very conservative upbringing. I love her and we have talked about getting married. She thinks that will make physical intimacy more enjoyable for her. But I’m not sure. The idea of spending my life with someone who is unhappy after every time we are intimate makes me feel hopeless.

You are not on the fence, It's stupid for Married couples to leave their room for mother inlaw and girl friend for over two weeks, I can se intrusion of privacy already without having to hear from the other party. It's just simi logic. How can a wife work all tday long just to sleep in the parlor for two weeks, is she the one sqauting?
I can't treat my daughter inlaws that way even if i was treated that way.

That's your friend's (wife) part of the story... She'll definitely tell you the story in a way that favours her (that won't make her guilty). There's more to it that she may have refused to tell you. By the way, if the wife is a banker... how much is FOAM that she can't buy in order to improvise and manage pending the time her in-laws will leave? Assuming it was her relatives that came visiting, I'm sure that this kind of topic will not originate from your friend. Ladies matter is a course of study on it's own.

Even a Court will hear from both parties before advising/making necessary judgement. Unless I hear from both parties... I rather remain on the fence.

If you love yourself and your Children Please let that woman and her kids give you a break, we don't want to hear my Children died mysteriously after their mother, you didn't investigate this lady, you don't even know if she is psycho, you let you Children with her, Children love easily especially when they find new play mate. Please take care of your Children, that woman is going to kill you if you don't take Caution and control. Watch and pray. Tell her you are traveling with your Children, let her go back to her house.Go to Your parent's place, spend time with your children.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

God will not let stupid ego kill you for Nothing, Even When Abraham ran crying to God he told her to listen to his wife, most of you men die untime because your ego will not allow you to see beyond this realm, That woman is not Someone for your disaster or what nonsense you called her, learn to work with her, That's only when you will cash out big time. Even if she is Ogb....., you knew but you enter, Oga obey and be blessed.
Men that makes their wives happy live life.

OfeAchi:
BACKGROUND:

I had a decent job before I met her and I was responsible for all the decisions I took, which mostly led to favourable outcomes.
However when I met her and began a relationship, I wasn't having the freedom I needed. Any decision I wanted to take without her authorization always ended badly. For example there was a period I wanted to jointly rent an apartment with a male friend of mine. She strongly opposed this but I still went ahead to pay rent. Unfortunately for me, within four months my friend had some issues with landlord and we were both evicted from the apartment. (although I got compensated)

Another instance was when I got paid some bonuses from company and decided to invest in some crypto projects during their ICOs (in 2017). I did some market analysis of these crypto projects before my decision to invest, only for her to advice me against it. She said we should instead, use the money to start farming. I didn't listen to her and went ahead to invest. THE RESULT: the investment that was supposed to take me to the moon now became more worthless than tissue paper! I shed tears because of this.

I now decided to get rid of her, but all plans of mine proved abortive. The more I tried to get her out of my life, the more we were brought together. Can you believe that the day I finally proposed to her was the very same day I tried to make out with an old girlfriend?

A friend of mine went to consult an ifa priest, who told him that my fiance has a cloud of good fortunes around her. But I don't believe in those spiritual mumbo-jumbos! I was determined to leave her. This made me begin applying for jobs in other states and towns, but nothing came forth. I even went for interview/test but didn't scale through. Some weeks later, she told me that she wasn't in support of me getting job in another town (she says she was scared of losing me).

Did you know? the time I decided to remove the thoughts of leaving her from mind and fully accept her into my life, was the time that I finally got a better job in another city!

MARRIAGE
We got married in 2019 and I was of the mindset that since she may be an ogbanje, therefore things would work in my favour and I would become a millionaire very quickly, but that's not the case.

Since marriage, any decision I take without her approval always leads to disaster!
I wanted to invest in a partnership deal and told her about it but she disapproved and said I should save the money instead. I went ahead to invest and I lost 400k! Same for other decisions in the house, the outcome was always negative whenever I don't heed her advice.

I hate all this! I'm a full grown man. Why should my life be based on the decisions of a woman? I feel like I'm no longer in control of my life.
I'm about to take a car loan from my company in order to escape this constant public commute and trekking but she has vehemently disapproved, that I should instead save for another year or two before buying car. But I still won't listen to her! If the loan ends in a disaster, I have decided that I would abandon this marriage and relocate to another country. A country where voodoo and religious mumbo-jumbo do not exist, so that I can be in full control of my life!

.......PS: we have a year old baby girl. Maybe I could be sending monthly upkeep from this new country I intend to relocate to.

Able readers, is my final decision a good one?

Imagine you were not born, this senseless post won't have come to be.

ibedun:
The children are no longer necessary!

Poverty is What's making a lot of People think this way, Who takes care of your seed(Children)? Who nutures and care for them?
The reason why we have alot of Children that lacks home training is because there are no parents to train, both parents are in the labour field。 The Man and woman gain companionship that you can never find outside marriage, there is God's blessing and It's God's institution.
The woman usually stay back so the man attains great heights for the family. Please see a responsible elderly person That can council you in the right way.

Escabado:
If you say s. ex : currently s.ex is the cheapest commodity you can buy now as low as N500 to N1000

If you say a child : how can a woman have sex with a man give birth , and she seats back waiting for the man to bring money for feeding, clothing , house bills . Which is called financial slavery

If you say been responsible : how can only a man be responsible for the children, and a woman who is a grown up adult . We're as both of them are supposed to be responsible for there family expenses.

Have u noticed when a man takes up all the financial responsibility of his home till the kids grow they only buy gift and cars for there mom.

Have you also noticed when a woman bear financial cost for raising her child , she will spoil there minds towards there father and make them see him as evil .have u ever seen a single mother that speaks good of his baby dady ? We need to use our head here .think very well men



So tell me exactly what a man stand to gain in marriage .

Righteous2 has given you the best advice, befortified both spiritualy by the Lord Jesus and physically by the police or Army.
If really all this is true, It's Not your fault.
Be wise and Your Boss Should compensate the family well.

James4358:
My nairaland family, i jst want to bare my mind here.

Matured responses will be sincerely appreciated. I'll try to be brief & straight to the points.

Precisely in 2019, I helped my then boss who was transfered to Abuja to get a maid from the south south part of the country, calabar to be precise. She was 18yrs at that time. Later that year, my boss who was nursing a kidney ailment needed transplant urgently. Out of love, this girl opted to help donate one of her kidneys. Personaly I kicked against the idea when she told me, but she was strong-willed. I took the matter to her parents and they threatened to hold me responsible if anything happened to their daughter. After much persuasion from her, her parents gave in reluctantly. We carried out series of tests & she was certified fit to donate. My boss contacted a German hospital that later did the transplant. I work for a para-millitary agency as a cadet A.S.P & i call him My boss because he was heading the command i was first posted to. More details below...

Living on the fast lane you said, You are only digging a fast grave, When you flee from strange women you will understand that he that finds a good woman finds progress, with this your moralless mentality, Please don't marry, because any which way you will still die young if you still do those things you mentioned.

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright.....
Marriage na scam i swear.....
A real niggarrr won't do that shit.....baby mama sure me die....too many problems and wahalar in marriage
A real niggarrr will now be in the same roof with one particular pussy for God knows how long
The thought of that shit scares the hell out of me
Coupled with the fact that she won't be allowing me to live my life on the fast lane anymore...she won't allow me smoke my weed, bang other pussy, drink enough bottles.
Not to talk of the fact that my dickkk won't be getting excited for her anymore because my dickkk is used to her already...the love will no longer be there...but we will continue to be pretending that we still love each other probably because of our kids and what society will say
She go dey quarrel and advise me like a mother, sister and wife make i stop those things like alcohol, smoking weed, banging other pussy or make i reduce am..if i nor hear she go come go report to my mum or daddy..or probably person way I dey fear pass for my family...those ones go come call me for family meeting...see wahalar

Oh...lord...help a real niggarr...because with the way he is thinking now..he be like say na baby mama sure me die
Damnnn.......mmmmm...he who finds a wife..finds real dope problem and wahalar..and he doesn't know what he has put his hand into

Tell her but be wise about it, I hope she can stand alone financially, Make sure you have concrete evidence. It's up to her to make the final decision, tell her never to confront the husband, she should gather her evidence and begin to save seriously for her future. The man might stop caring for her when he finds out that she knows and some might be crazy to request for a divorce. Let her be safe, if he apologize, she should forgive and be sure he has repented else leave and move on with your life before deadly diseases stop you. Above all commit everything to God in prayers.
If you find a God fearing partner, you are very lucky. Speaking from experience.

You will definitely be played, he is not a descent guy, stay away.
If you go after him, it's very obvious you are naive. Protect your body from illegal use. It's the temple of God. If you go on and say yes to such guys, regret knocks at your door.

Dorcas23:
There is this guy I just recently started talking to. He's very good looking and intelligent and dresses well. He is my type and we have so many interests in common. I'm already falling in love with him but I haven't told him. I'm still trying to take it slow. I have not had sex with him yet but I want to. He told me he is in love with me and I was so excited to hear it but I hid my excitement because I'm still confused about his intentions.

The problem is that whenever I try to become vulnerable with him like texting him early in the morning to ask how his night was, he will ignore my texts for days and then call me out of the blue as if nothing happened. But other times he will call me multiple times and talk on the phone like we were dating.

Yesterday after ignoring my texts for over 24hrs he called me and said I should come over to his place. I've never been to his place before. I was already on my way when he called me to tell me that a lady visited him and she is spending the night at his place. He apologized and told me not to be offended. I acted all cool and told him some other time. He hasn't texted or called me since. I'm confused. I know we aren't dating but why would he even tell me this?

Tunjingwu:
So I met my childhood friend yesterday at lekki.
He is still the elegant young man he has always been.

We spoke at length.
Nothing much has changed about him.
He is still very enthusiastic about life. An Engineer who after working with a firm is now on his own. Things are not very rosy but he can still hold his own.

We started talking about family since we all are married abielt for few years.

Here is the gist.....

He is contemplating having a girlfriend.
His wife hardly have sex with him.
Sometimes it takes 2 months for them to make love once. Nothing appears to be the problem other than the wife complaints of tiredness and not being in the mood for almost every time.
They have two kids(twins).

He had come to tell me to either approve or disapprove his strong intention of keeping a lady by the side since he can afford it comfortably.
I felt for him.

I disuaded him though I know how it feels to stay without sex with your wife under the same roof for months.

You pay all the bills yet you don't eat from the goody bag to your test.

Since yesterday, I have been a little worried for him. I do not know whether to call him and advise him to go ahead with his plan but try and be careful.

It's a dicey situation especially when the wife is not ready to change.

l


Don't advice him to go out, out there is extremely dangerous, if he doesn't get physical diseases, he will get spiritual diseases, he can never escape any. Tell him to communicate with his wife.
Sometimes the men are not sensitive, it could be stressful to take care of a child not to talk of two. He should try assist more if he doesn't, take the children to your parents or siblings, so the both of them can have quality time together.
Join her in kitchen, be lovely, do the thing there buy her cake, comment on her appearance positively, telling her what you like on her, be kind, do this for 3weeks and don't give up. Let her get cleaner that will come and go if she says work is too much.

Women are easy it's most men that are insensitive, that skill you want to use out there, use it on her first.

Nbotee:
These are the types dat would tell U dey won't marry any man who's mother is still alive

If you meet a good mother in-law you may love her more than yours but you see here in africa most moms feel entitled to their Son's life. Those that don't fear God are home destroyers.

I hope you won't use your hand to destroy your home, Your mom will surly depend on you to take away her loneliness and if she is like those bad ones in African magic, she would want to marry you o. You girlfriend is stating her fears, it's not just a talk, what about companionship?

You have coomon sense, When you have bought the land, let your siblings know about it, since he has failed has a father and husband. Build the house and become your own tenant so he can still pay else you will remain in the cycle, but be prepared in the future when he finds out, make him understand you had to plan for the family's future.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

This man has ego problems, just pampam it and save 20% of your savings as someone suggested, else you may live to regret if you don't save.
Let him work harder or get a better job to help his family, that's what men do, not living on you and blaming you for his life. He should ask the God he serves for directions, instead of wasting time blaming and sinning in anger.

Nna17:
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Lol, most times husband's part is that the wife doesn't love his family, no lady can love a controlling mother in-law and a mother in-law that's bad can go any length to influence their sons lifes negatively. I've lived with mother in-law, her daughter and her grand daughter, they almost killed my son out of hate for me, even my husband's lawyer told me to take my son away from there. They crushed my husband's business, I was luck to have a good job, I moved my son out. I have brother and our mom never come into their marriage. We really need the direction of the holy spirit in marriages and parents should let their married children be.

Munzy14:
Until ur son is ripe for marriage,then u will revisit this ideology.
No rules nor template for successful marriage.
If it will work, it will.

The issue at hand is one sided, we cant conclude until will here the hubby's part.

Reference:
Poor quality or non existent courtship. For those who take it lightly particularly the ladies, this is the product.

There is no substitute for knowing the person who you will be spending the bulk of your life with indeed. No time or treasure is too precious to expend on this quest especially if you are not a person of faith and so donot have the Holy Spirit to subsidise this quest.

As for the man. The die is cast. He has bought into life long troubles and only regrets will be his dividends. Just watch how things begin to implode around him. The story is far from ended. The lady might as well be in the lifeboat right now. Who knows.

Very true, they may end up losing everything they worked for.

This is so sad, the said in-laws and Co might have planned coming for a long time, invasion of privacy. If the mother in-law came alone and stayed a short time due to her health, the said lady might not have had issues. What happened to therefore a man shall leave his father and cleave to his wife?
They didn't wait for the marriage to go 2 years before destroying it. If she has begged and sent elders and all bit the man refuses due to his controlling evil mother, then she is free. No woman should feel life can't be great except with a man. I hate divorce but the abuse on both sides in the name of culture is evil. Tell your friend to pray and move on with her life if the man doesn't respect any elder but since she contributes to the house and according to the law, those people have no right to be there.
[i]She should go to Alausa to make a complain, I hope she finds help. Don't keep silent and be taken has a fool.

Good morning everyone, I made a transaction late last Night and my Card was billed this morning. When I checked the dollar to Naira rate, it was N359.50 to a dollar. I made a lot of single transactions, so I called the customer service line to know whats happening, she was angry and cut the call on me. I tried calling back but no one is picking my calls till my credit got exhausted. I wonder why the backs are allowed to steal from the customers why the CBN seem to give them same dollars for a very ridiculously low rate. I am so angry with this evil system. you can't make good profit with this evil, when you think about the factors that is ready to milk you dry.
This is on of my transactions, I had to sit and recalculate when the naira value my suppliers gave was not same with the bank. Bank changed the dollar for almost N370