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Xavier5's Posts

Nairaland Forum › Xavier5's Profile › Xavier5's Posts

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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:56pm On Nov 17, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:49pm On Nov 17, 2018
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:47pm On Nov 17, 2018
1.Some girls will be like: if he cannot give u morning, afternoon and night food money, him no be man..
My sister go to a motherless babies home. Ur mate dey there.

2. The only advantage of being a Nigerian is that you can piss anywhere

3. I entered Okada early today and the Okada man was singing; "if I die make una no cry for me" Is like your brain is paining you!

4. Welcome to Africa whereby if you take a bath you will be asked where you are going.

5. Glo company is like SATAN. They will give you DATA and take away their NETWORK.

6. Don't date a girl with a screen cracked phone .....that will be your first relationship project work my brother.

7. Are u tired of this country? Do u
want to travel abroad? Just put
ur phone on flight mode, stand on it
and shout voom! Safe journey.

8. All the guys who hate and Insults ladies with sagging breast I believe your testicles are standing?

9. Men go shopping to buy what they want And Women go shopping to find out what they want! Wonderful creatures

10. Fastest finger
MTN 1500
269865106543185
Don't Tell Me It Didn't Enter Because I Tried It And It Entered.

11. How relationships will look like in 2022:
Boy: Babe are you coming or I should call Caroline?
Girl: Call Caroline, I’m at Kevin’s place.

12. A slayqueen posted on Facebook
"What can I do for you?" & her little sister commented " bring back my weavon biko".

13.The way girls cheat nowadays ehn! They can even give birth to twins and the two of them will have different fathers.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:43pm On Nov 17, 2018
Instead of all these Aboki Okada riders to tell you they don't know the place you are going to, they will just call price for you. So I decided to teach one of them a lesson.

ME: Bike, Bike, you dey go?
ABOKI: Oga where I dey go?
ME: Australia, How much?
ABOKI: Kai! Oga how much I gwo pay?
ME: You tell me how much u go collect..
Aboki: ₦300 oga!
ME: Ha? Australia no far na, no be ₦100?
Aboki: I know the place oga, pay ₦200 gaskia!
ME: (try to leave him)
Aboki: Oya make we go...***Starts Bike***

For 2 hours now on bike, we are still on our way to Australia.....Aboki don drive round town and I'm enjoying the ride.

ABOKI: Oga, I neva reach?
ME: No ooo! E remain small; but you say you know the place?
ABOKI: Yes I know am Oga, I dey for front but your money I don pass ₦200.
ME: No wàhálà, I go Add ₦20 ... Just continue...

I go gist una how e end. But not now sha, we still dey road. Today, I must reach Australia with ₦220.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:40pm On Nov 17, 2018
True Or False grin grin grin

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 9:39pm On Nov 17, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:59am On Nov 16, 2018
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:56am On Nov 16, 2018
That awkward moment when the 5
Star hotel attendant tells you a bottle of
coke is #1500. You'll start explaining
and describing coke like
"I mean coke... Not the alcoholic one oo. The mineral type.. I mean the normal coke that looks like Pepsi.... The one Coca-Cola produces"

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:51am On Nov 16, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:50am On Nov 16, 2018
Nawa o, English is hard in 9ja o
Which one is
"Are u going to come?"

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:46am On Nov 16, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:45am On Nov 16, 2018
Maths be like.
A plane is travelling at 235km/hr south-west and d wind z blowing at 5km/hr south east,calculate d age of the pilot..
Maths why.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 10:42am On Nov 16, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:32am On Nov 15, 2018
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:28am On Nov 15, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:26am On Nov 15, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:21am On Nov 15, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:20am On Nov 15, 2018
Savage grin grin grin grin grin

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:18am On Nov 15, 2018
When Your Plate Number Is The Source Of Problem.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 11:16am On Nov 15, 2018
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 8:06am On Nov 14, 2018
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 8:05am On Nov 14, 2018
There are two types of SARS: SARS on the beat, and SARS wey dey beat.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 8:03am On Nov 14, 2018
Yoruba actors in a yoruba movie be like "Olaniyi the man you killed is dead".

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 8:02am On Nov 14, 2018
1. You went to
pharmacy to buy poison
for
yourself and you are
still waiting to collect
change. are you serous
at all.

2. If I say 'Text me
when u get there' and u
decide to call. U will keep
calling, until u
understand English.

3. What is nigeria
turning into, A friend
just
told me that their
father takes offering
from
them during morning
devotion.

4. Last night I had a
dream and I was
kissing my neighbour's
daughter but this
morning she saw me
and pretended like
nothing happened
Girls can pretend ooh.

5. If your parents never
told you to go and
wear your shoes and
before you come back
they were gone, forget
it, you were
adopted.

6. That Moment U
Decide To Start Saving
Money At All Cost, Nxt
Minute U See Urself
Buying Suya And Sayin
"Person No Go Enjoy
Again..".

7. Uncle, because your
crush now lives in
your area, you will now
be wearing suit to
fetch water, and you dey find
accolade
Bros Behave.

8. U wear high waist
trousers during
pregnancy now you're
asking why your
baby's head looks like
frying pan.

9. MACCA: Where are
you going to?
Girl: To commit suicide..
MACCA: Then why all
these make up?
Girl: Idiot, don't you
know I will be in
tomorrow's newspaper
and Gossip?
Fada_lawd

10.This girl kept
swearing "if am the one
that stole the money
let my sister die;
After much
investigation I found
out she is the only child.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 7:56am On Nov 14, 2018
1.) Fine girl fine girl next 25 years they will be calling u fine mama
nothing last forever shey u grab?

2.) Some girls barb their hair to look like Chidinma but they end up looking like Emmanuella.

3.) 60% of girls with big eyes are so cute! The other 40% look like surprised frogs.

4.) Girls, Apart from let me help u put it before u hurt me. which other motivational quotes do u know?

5.) Do we still have ladies that says. Baby if you don't tell me how you got this money, I will not take it from you?

6.) IPhone X IPhone X IPhone X What if I buy this IPhone X and Angel Gabriel blows the trumpet?
Is it not vanity?

7.) If a lady without a profile pic sends you a friend request on Facebook.
My brother, reject HIM, I repeat, reject HIM.

8.) Don't feel bad if you have a small dick
everything happens for a reason, maybe it won't reach deep into where STD and HIV are kept
Kai (Ade perrie) WISDOM will not kill me.

9.) Early this morning, I saw one gay vomiting some white sustains.. Boom he is pregnant.

10.) Stop taking pictures beside people's car, your village people will kill you for nothing.
11.) you will buy coil to kill mosquitoes and dey will smoke it like shisha
Den come to ur ear and be singing watin u gain.

12.) Having sex with an uneducated village girl using a Condom is OK until you hear her sharing the experience with her friend like this ...."His penis is brand new, the waterproof is still on it!!

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 7:54am On Nov 14, 2018
1.) Lagos traffic will make you think you're
hardworking because
you always get home tired.

2.) How many men here beat their chest and
say "I am faithful to only one lady."?
Thunder get ready to strike...

3.) Imagine after sex in your room then you
hear someone saying behind your open
window:
" This video go trend wella"
What will you do at that spothuh?

4.) You Can't Spell WEATHER Without
Eat Her
If You know You know.

5.) Sex is sweet... But have you
tasted hot bread that just left the bakery?
I swear you will forget about sex....

6.) I was slapped by a solider
today for stepping on his foot,....
I wanted to hit him back, I just remembered
Exd: 14 vs 14 ,
"the lord shall fight for me and I will hold my
peace"


7.) I just told my mom she is invading my
privacy and she responded by saying I came
from her privacy.. African mother's are
something else.

8.) My wife's mother visited us. We were all
in the sitting room chatting. My wife felt
hony but could not tell me directly so she
stood up and pretended she had developed
a terrible headache. She went to the
bedroom and I followed her shortly. We had
sex and when I came back to the sitting
room, I forgot to zip up. In the sitting room;
Mother in law: "How is she now?"
Me: "I've given her panadol. She is now
sleeping.
Mother in law: "That's good my son, now
please CLOSE THE PHARMACY."

9.) So you mean Satan was in the garden
alone with Eve who was naked and all he
could think of is to deceive her to eat an
Applehuh?
That nigga is gay!!!

10.) Continue saying all men are players until
you finally marry their coach.

11.) You won't know that you have Kung Fu
Skills, Until Cockroaches Run All Over ur Body.

12.) What Do Men Want?
The Small Girl you Chased To Go Wear Her
Panties 10 Years Ago Is The Same you Are
Chasing To Remove Her Panties.

13.) Slay queens, if you like filter your pix as you
want, you cannot filter bad attitude and
body odour.

14.) My brother go and see how your
girlfriend is seriously defending the fact that
you're her junior brother to her sugar daddy
life is sweet.

15.) I sold out my industrial standing fan
because of my slim girlfriend
how will I put on my fan and it will be
moving my girlfriend wherever it wishes
nonsense!!!

#Xavier.

TV/Movies › Re: Stan Lee Is Dead by Xavier5(m): 7:17am On Nov 14, 2018
RIP to one of the greatest superhero mind, the brain behind Marvel, Stan Lee. Well he died at a good old age. 95 years no be moi moi for this age.

#Xavier.

TV/Movies › Re: Marvel Cinematic Universe by Xavier5(m): 7:14am On Nov 14, 2018
RIP to one of the greatest superhero mind, the brain behind Marvel, Stan Lee. Well he died at a good old age. 95 years no be moi moi for this age.

#Xavier.

Christianity Etc › Re: Canaanland Ota In Pictures by Xavier5(m):
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Christianity Etc › Re: Canaanland Ota In Pictures by Xavier5(m):
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Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 1:04pm On Nov 11, 2018
blesssingtime:
Well keep it up
Thanks Bro. I Truly Appreciate.

#Xavier.

Jokes Etc › Re: Chronicles Of Jokes by Xavier5(m): 1:03pm On Nov 11, 2018
Hello, Fellow Nairalanders, followers and Viewers of this thread "CHRONICLES OF JOKES", This is to inform you all that you are free to post any Jokes, Funny Memes (pictures), Funny Videos and Funny Audios here to keep the thread moving.
And don't forget to leave a comment, hit the like and share button when you visit or view the thread.
THANKS.

#Xavier.

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