₦airaland Forum

isotonic:
Nigerians and religion smh, what exactly makes the act silly? Is it because the hypocrites in society say so? "Confess to your pastor bla bla bla." See the way people are condemning as if they're perfect, sanctimonious holier-than-thou self righteous hypocrites!!

If your friend wants to stop because he wants to stop then fine, he can try weaning himself because habits are hard to break. He'll need time and patience, in the meantime, let him love himself and stop caring what hypocrites think.

God loves us and the evidence of that is in the blood of Jesus, your pastor is not your God. Best of luck to you both

agoadiv:
a girl i had been admiring since 2014-11-5 till i finally asked her out on 26th December last year , she delayed the reply
n was like I WAS HEART BROKEN BY THE ONE I LOVED MOST,I CAN'T TRUST U' this made me feel so sad but i never lost hope,she has a sexy body,greatly endowed and this girl the formmmm...before she told me that she was hrt broken i had to take her out to a bar....she shakes her bombom wen she de waka for road ehhh!
she finally accepted me on 30january wen she saw i was serious to love with both cash n hrt



SUMMARY:::: i went to their house day bfor yesterday n dat was the first time cos she said her parents traveled n were gonna b bak on 10th(today)..she has a lil sis dat is 9years n am fond of her..i called her that i was on the road n she said OK..i went to their house,de sis opened door for me,immediately i stepped my foot in,i was greeted by SH!T SMELL in every corner of the house,it was so much bt i managed to stay,initially i thought twas her sis that mayb POO on her pant oo...little did i know dat my shody POO na im de smell so!
her sis told me IFEOMA IS IN THE TOILET LET ME GO AND CALL HER FOR YOU' mehn it dawn on me that na this girl the pollute this air oooo,quick quick,i tear race cos i was embarrassed n ashamed n i felt like vomiting... I NEVER KNEW A GIRL AS BEAUTIFUL AS IFEOMA DO SH!T SEF TALKLESS OF DE poo SMELLING....
FEAR GIRLS!

now i cnt even call her again cos am disappointed,i never knew girls also excret faeces..... gosh! n they shake that bombom like its only for servicing n lapdance....WHAT DO I DO NOW? WILL I EVEN HAVE THE MIND TO CHYKE ANOTHER GIRL??

PLS HELP

Gclan:
A thread of this nature was trending before the infamous attack on NairaLand, so let us continue from where we stop.
For your privacy, you most not use your real name
No insult from anybody please.

lalasticlala:
Check out the hot gist that came with this photo, guys! Baba T, for his big wedding that brought the big stars - Davido, Patoranking, Big Brother Tayo Faniran and Lilian Afegbai to Warri today rocked a 3 piece suit that was hand made by Ermenegildo Zegna and worth £17000 (N4,930,000).

Pictured below is him and his beautiful bride and Warri billionaire Ayiri Emami who was his best man. N4.9m for just the suit! That's some people's entire wedding budget!!

http://www.lailasblog.com/2015/01/photo-warri-mogul-baba-t-rocked-n49m.html?m=1

luigiajah:
If you are a boring guy, sorry, your woman
might end up in the arms of that silly, funny
dude...just because he is funny. Read
reasons from below..


Why is it when girls are asked what qualities
they look for in a guy, most say a sense of
humor?

There’s just something about a guy who
makes you giggle like a little schoolgirl, and
there’s a reason Seth Rogen never fails to
steal our hearts in every movie.


Funny guys have a charm and electricity
about them that is hard to deny. Below are
the real reasons why the silly man will
always have you hooked:


He never fails to entertain you

Dating a guy with a good sense of humor
never gets boring. He is spontaneous and will
pull almost any stunt for a laugh. It makes
things exciting because you have to be quick
to keep up with him.
To be funny, a guy must be witty
and creative: plus and plus!
If you ask any writer what the most difficult
genre to write for is, he or she will most likely
say comedy. Sure, anyone can tell a good ol’
fashion fart joke, but it takes a certain type
of a genius to nail a punchline that will make
you laugh until your belly hurts.
To be on his game, he must be quick on his
feet and original. If your guy is truly funny,
he probably has a vast knowledge of peculiar
facts and an arsenal of voices to share them
in.


He knows how to handle social
situations

Nothing eases up an awkward moment better
than a good-hearted joke. He has made
enough inappropriate wisecracks to know
when the time is right to tease and when it is
better to keep his mouth shut.
You no longer have to cringe about leaving
your guy in a room alone with others. Part of
being funny is knowing where everyone else
is coming from. Building off others, he can
find something in common that they can all
chat or even chuckle about.


He is naturally very observant


How is he going to poke fun at your “Hunger
Games” poster unless he’s taken a moment
to observe your room?
The reason comedians are so good at what
they do is attributed to their keen sense of
what’s going on around them and ability to
find the absurdness in it. A good way to one-
up his witty remarks is to thank him for
noticing.


He makes you a better person

You stressed out too much before he entered
the picture; now he teaches you to laugh at
life and yourself.
Your safety wall melts away when he is
around, and when he makes a fool out of
himself, you feel more comfortable to do the
same. What is a sweeter love when you can
both truly be yourself around each other?


He gets along with your friends

He goes out of his way to impress your
friends and show them a good time. He feels
the need to perform and does not mind
taking the stage.
Your friends like him because he is the life of
the party. Whether it’s wacky impressions or
dry sarcasm, they find him a riot and like
seeing you so smitten.


He doesn’t feed into drama

Goofy guys usually do not let their temper
get the best of them. He tends not to take
life too seriously or any dramatic person for
that matter.
If there is another funny friend in the group,
he sees it as a faceoff. They are more likely
to exchange punchlines instead of punches,
making it even more fun for everyone else.


He radiates confidence

It takes a secure guy to poke fun at himself
for your amusement. Even if he does not act
super confident in front of everyone, it is
obvious when you two are together.
Maybe it is something about having you on
his arm, but anytime you are together, there
is a chip on his shoulder that you find
charming, yet playfully challenging. Just
keep it light and avoid a low blow because
underneath every funny guy is an emotional
one.


Pranksters are secretly sensitive

Let’s face it: The class clown was never the
smartest guy in class or the biggest jock in
high school. He made others laugh to get by
and was easily able to hide his emotions
behind his jokes.
Unlike so many guys who seem one-
dimensional, funny guys have a beautiful
complex to them. When they are comfortable
enough to reveal their sensitive side to us, it
is a special and intimate feeling.


Most importantly, he never fails to
bring a smile to your face

It is impossible to stay upset for long with
his cute little smirk in front of you. He knows
exactly how to make you laugh through tears,
and it’s both a blessing and a curse.
If you laugh at all his funny antics, you
probably have a crush. If you also laugh at
his failed one-liners, you, my friend, are
already in love.


http://elitedaily.com/women/10-reasons-will-always-fall-funny-guy/640574/


Cc
ireneony
Cc Unibenstudent
Cc kristina1
Cc marieolae
Cc Pasqal09
Cc Kingtom

freeman191:
Source: http://top10ng.com/10-expensive-cultures-marry-nignoeria/

lalasticlala:
Following the recent reports of dating trailing Nigerian singer, D’banj and South African beauty queen, Bonang Matheba, a South African blogger is not happy with the way Nigerian tabloids are reporting the story especially the fact that most reports simply refer to Bonang Matheba as ‘D’banj’s Pretty South African girlfriend’.

A very angry Sibongile Mafu took to Twitter to address the issue saying: ‘Bonang is referred to as D’Banj’s ‘pretty South African girlfriend’ by these Nigerian tabloids. Do they not know our queen?’

For those who don’t know, Bonang is South Africa’s favourite media personality. A radio host, TV presenter and style icon – she is known for her electric personality, husky voice and magnetic smile.

A global brand ambassador for Revlon Cosmetics, this award winning entertainer is also SA’s number 1 social media queen.


http://thenet.ng/2015/01/south-african-slams-nigerian-blogs-for-improper-description-of-dbanjs-new-girl/


Pix of Dbanj's new babe below

ebbymayox:
Man wey naked no dey put hand for pocket

loose translation:You can't do somethings if there are no certain conditions.


Chicken wey run way from borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup

loose translation:You Can't Run Away From Your Destiny


Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap

loose translation:Keep calm! Nothing last forever


Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef

loose translation:Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don't rush!


Akara and moin moin get the same parent na wetin dey pass tru make dem diffrent

loose translation:How you start doesn't matter,what matters is how you finish.


Wetin consign agbero with twitter handle,or malu/cow with face cap?

loose translation:Mind your business.



If life dey show you pepper,my guy make pepper soup from am

loose translation:Make something good out of a bad experience



I get am before No be property

loose translation: stop living in the past and start living in the present.



If person too tey for party e go follow dem wash plate

loose translation:Don't outstay your welcome



Rolling stone,ofcourse na person push am now!

loose translation:There is always a reason for something



Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be wahala

loose translation:Easier said than done



No matter how hot your tempa be,e no fit boil beans.

loose translation:Calm down,your temper won't solve the problem



Every mallam with em own kettle,every aboki with em own radio.

loose translation:Every man for himself



You no need cutlery to chop slap

loose translation:You don't need my translation to understand this,lol



Opolo eye no be open eye

loose translation: Having Big eyes doesn't make you civilised,lol



Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus.

loose translation:Give everyone what they deserve.



Bring suya, bring suya,.......na cow body dey suffer am.

loose translation:Every action has a consequence



E go better e go better,na im make ibo man still dey Kano

loose translation:When there is hope,there is Life.

The different between kpekere and plantain chips na packaging
loose translation:Don't judge based on appearance alone

Escort me, Escort me, naim slave trade take start.

loose translation:Serious things sometimes start like joke



[b]Na from play play dem dey form PLAYER

loose translation:Serious things sometimes start like joke


Pikin wen use agbada take stat guy go talk wetin e go wear wen e old.

loose translation:Slow and steady wins the race



The water wey dem use take make eba can never be recovered back.

loose translation:Don't cry over spilt milk
Which is your favourite?


Source:

http://www.tlkdrum.com/18-nigerian-pidgin-proverbs-that-will-surely-make-you-laugh/

oziduru:
[b][/b]


Source: http://dailypost.ng/2015/01/04/god-anointed-lead-revolution-islamic-jihadists-oyedepo/

ethylene:
Men do a lot of things to try and attract women. Some of them work, and well, some of them crash and burn. The problem is that most men really have no idea what women find attractive about men. This is what leads them to shooting in the dark and hoping for the best.

To really get your attraction levels soaring you have to know what women actually find attractive about men, all the time, not some time. Take the guess work out of attraction.



1. Dominance – Women absolute love dominance in a man. Now this doesn’t mean you walk around like the best thing since sliced bread and chain your woman to the stove, but it does mean you are in control. You take control, you command control and your control is incredibly attractive to females.

2. Confidence – Similar to dominance, confidence will make women swoon over you. They adore the alpha male that stands in front of the line. You can’t be the little puppy that just falls in line. Be sure and proud of who you are, confidence in yourself and what you do is what will reel women in like the catch of the day.

3. Relax – Women really like it when you seem calm and relaxed. Now this doesn’t mean you need to pop a Valium before talking to a woman but it does mean you need to take a few deep breaths and just cool it. When you appear relaxed women will take notice at how cool calm and collected you are.

4. Hygiene – An incredibly important and yet overlooked part of attracting women is hygiene. Yes, appearances are important, they are what shows the world how you care for yourself. Poor hygiene shows that you don’t respect yourself and that DOES NOT attract women. It’s also important because I don’t know a single time when two people met eyes across a crowded room and said “Wow he looks smart.”

5. Be Fun – When you are the “life of the party” everyone INCLUDING women want to be around you. They see fun people and automatically assume they will have fun being around them. Now being fun can be anything from being a social butterfly to always having a good time no matter where you go. No matter which suits you BE FUN and women will respond.

6. Be Positive – Being happy will really attract great attention. No one wants to hang out with a gloomy Gus, so if you’re moping around you are not going to attract women, in fact it will be the antithesis of attraction. You will push people away. You will find them turning and walking the opposite direction rather than engaging you.

7. Be Generous – Being giving is a good way to get female attention and it will be very positive attention. This doesn’t mean kill your bank account trying to be the cool guy that gives everything anyone asks for, but it does mean you shouldn’t shy away from offering drinks, food or something that will help them at that moment. Giving will make you appear to be the care taker and women love when men take care of them.

8. Be Chivalrous – As much as people say “Chivalry is dead” it doesn’t mean it can’t be revived. And trust me women will eat it up like the last box of Chunk Munky ice cream. Open doors for them, pull chairs out and be all around a knight in shining armor. Chivalry is NOT dead and it will win women over time and time again.

9. Be Spontaneous – Spontaneity shows excitement and women don’t want to be a part of a humdrum life. Women love spontaneous acts of passion and romance. They love it when they are surprised and when you keep things interesting no woman will be able to resist.

10. Show Commitment – Before you freak out and have a heart attack this doesn’t mean you should get down on one knee and ask the girl to marry you. It just means you need to show her you are capable of commitment and you don’t shy away from it like most men. Women love when men can commit and showing her you can, will lock in your position at the top of her list.

thekingsmen:
(The OIC Project)
What follows below are excerpts from various weighty articles from academia. They are words not to be taken with any levity, I leave you to contribute and expand the knowledge bank, research further and make up your mind. Its chilling stuff, read on:


http://nigeriaworld.com/feature/publication/omoruyi/0307001.html

http://nigeriaworld.com/articles/2010/dec/171.html


http://www.jsd-africa.com/Jsda/V12No5_Fall2010_A/PDF/Religious%20Politics%20and%20its%20Implications%20for%20Sustainable%20Development%20(Familusi).pdf


http://nigeriaworld.com/feature/publication/omoruyi/0307001.html

lordmayor2013:
https://thedisneyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/2014-wds-movie-slate-500x317.jpg

The Great year 2014 has truly come and gone but it
was quite a news-maker year, wasn't it?
The last 12 months have yielded a tapestry of highs
and lows that have set the tone for 2015, changed
the landscape of the technology business, and — in
some cases — fundamentally altered the way news
is made and reported. Ebola Virus found its way into this great country, Political issues were not left out as politicians exchanged blather of words, some
famous Nigerians passed to the great beyond, Boko
Haram Insurgent continued from where they
stopped in 2013 and lots more.


It is 2015 now guys and I know some of you might not wanna do this, probably
because 2014 was not that rosy. But, Let me tell you
why you should put it out there;
You see, sometimes when we speak out about life
issues, we realize suddenly, how much we need to
change, develop or stabilize our current situation.
It's sorta therapeutic in a way, letting it out there.
It wasn't all doom and gloom as another year is
already here.



So guys, please tell us, If Your 2014 Were To Be A
Movie, What Title Would You Give It?

rasojie:
I've been following up this gal for sometime. Came back home for the xmas holidays, and things started getting real. We did hang out yesterday and she has agreed to visit me @ home anytime this week. Now the problem is , she told me her Dad is a native doctor.

According to her, she does not like what her father is in to and she is not a part of it. But deep inside me, I'm afraid. I come from a strong christian family and my mind is telling me this is the unequal yoke talked about in the Bible.

She's fun and adventurous and sex might happen. I don't want to miss that tho. Any advice or experiences?

saintopus:
I went to buy Suya this evening at a junction along my street. I saw many guys and babes waiting for their turn to be served Suya by the Aboki. I noticed the following kinds of people:

1. 'Give me test' Aboki
These persons take seriously in collecting a small piece of Suya from the seller. They hardly know that it is part of their own suya they are eating.

2. 'Put More Onions'
These persons are onions addict, they like oniins. They will tell, the Aboki to make sure that more onions are added to their suya.

3. 'Aboki Put Jara'
These class of people like to be given something more to what they paid for. They do not mind if they buy only N50.00 worth of suya.?

4. 'People Who come to Smell the Suya.'
These are the "long throat " class. They follow friends to just feel the smell of the suya, in some cases, they are the ones that will shout "Aboki the suya too small "

5. 'The Big Boys'
They come usually remain in their cars and order the Aboki to put suya worth N2000.00 in five places and that means many people have to wait for a long time.


Please add your experiences

eminikansoso:
this country is sick

eminikansoso:
this country is sick

Kachisbarbie:
number9 u buy airtime for

Her she flash you and u call back have u seen #yes-thank you # ok bye//////////THAT'S
Not love

TheRealMrStan:
[url]http://www.thecable.ng/dss-parades-davis-associates-boko-haram-impostors [/url]| TheCable

lefulefu:
the one wey u dey talk about is hermaphrodite.difference b/w hermaphrodite and transgender

Abbey2sam:
Please what's transgender

killjoy:
readers discretion adviced: this is a long post. get a bowl of popcorn and your glasses. turn off the TV , you don't want to get distracted. if it took me time to write such a lengthy post, I wonder why you should complain about reading it. below are the reasons.

1. We're too different to live together: women love people and relationships, men love objects (like cars, houses, gadgets, game consoles etc), a man's lot is his career, a woman's is marriage (according to the curse after the fall of man), women are indirect, men are always direct, men want sex before they develop feelings for women, women can't have sex without emotional attachment first(unless they r who.res, even if they are who.res lolzzz), a man wants to hv sex, a woman wants to make love (I swear she doesn't even mind just cuddling), men see having dinner as a time to quench hunger, women see having dinner as time for bonding, let me continue? A married man without money feels unfulfilled, a wealthy woman without a man feels similarly, I can go on and on! But no time, my point, you need a lot of patience, tolerance, understanding, endurance, compromise etc to survive in marriage. But life is too short, stay single and be free to be urself or get married and spend the rest of your life struggling to be another person. Continue reading, this is just one of seven.
Then what are the importance of not getting married# if woman break ur heart go fix am no com here dey yarn rubbish
2. Love doesn't exist: if you intend to stake your future with a woman on an emotion as erratic as love, then you need to have ur head examined. Love is an emotional convulsion which, like other sicknesses, are recovered from with time. Experience has thought me that a woman's love is only skin deep, but you can accentuate it with money. Ohhhh how women react to the smell of cash. Bleep love and go make some muller.

3. You don't need a child: the world will remember you by the kids you left behind. That's a big fat lie!! You don't need a carbon copy of yourself roaming the earth after your demise to ensure your immortality. Instead, the world will remember you by the feats you surmounted! Obama will be remembered not as the father of, I don't even know his child's name and I don't give a fvck bout it! But as the first black US President. Mother Theresa never had a child, Einstein's legacy is not his kids but his discoveries. My point! You are not remembered by the kids you had but the records you set. But if you badly want a kid, adopt one, or get a baby mama and impregnate her but never, never get married just to have kids. marriage is too great a price to pay.

4. There is absolutely nothing new marriage has to offer you: just be honest with yourself. A family? You already belong to one (or do you think you just appeared out of thin air?), love? Your mother loves you like die, trust moi. A woman to manage your home? Get a maid! pay her well and she will manage your home without complications like disrespecting you, PMS, etc. Sex? Gone are the days men marry for sex ooo!!! Sex is damn cheap, you don't need marriage to enjoy it. By the way, what makes you think getting married entitles you to sex when you want it, ie, if at all?? U never jam female Hitler. Continue reading, I'm not even close to the end.

5. Marriage is expensive: a woman's problems end when she gets married (at least on financial level), while a man's problems just begin. Most ladies don't have plans of making money(some stop after getting married). for a woman, after graduating from uni, a husband is top on d list above a job ie, if a job is on the list. Guys, stay alone and worry for one. Apart from financially, marriage drains you emotionally. You have to deal with a partner suffering from PMS five days in a month for life (by the time she reaches menopause, you'd be probably dead) and when she ain't suffering PMS, its worse cos she is pregnant!! Don't forget regular mood swings, test games, among other complicated female emotional ailments. Plus wait till you get divorced before you know how much financially and emotionally expensive marriage could be. That brings us to...

6. It may end up in divorce: possible causes of divorce. She gains weight, sex with one person for years gone stale and boring, the love (or whatever dumb ass name you call it) fades, you want a new woman, (men are polygamous by nature, hard truth. Deal with it), she is no longer the woman you married, (true, women do change after marriage for many reasons, that is story for another day), you cheat on her, she cheats on you, many many more. Don't scar yourself with a painful divorce. Stay single and happy.

7. You get to focus on your dreams without distractions. Like I said earlier, a man's career is his lot (or curse). As s man if you haven't got a successful career, you will probably die unhappy and unproductive. The compromise you have to make to keep her happy will retard you from achieving your dreams to the fullest. Pleasing a woman and pursuing your dreams are mutually exclusive. don't get married.

disclaimer: its ironic when people say honesty is a virtue yet can't bear to hear (or read) the truth.

nota bene: I am not prejudiced towards women. I hate all equally.

zik4ever:
Borno State deputy governor, Alhaji Zannah Umar Mustapha has said that no northerner in his or her right senses would vote for PDP in the 2015 general elections owing to what he described as the party’s inability to demonstrate good leadership in the country.
According to him, the Jonathan led PDP government was nothing but an empty vessel, which cannot give Nigeria the needed leadership, particularly at a time when the nation was facing serious insecurity challenges.
The deputy governor, who was speaking on Monday, at the Maiduguri Government House during the distribution of vehicles to supporters of the All Progressive Congress, APC, also told the gathering that if the Jonathan led government and the Nigerian military could not retake local government areas in Borno state, which were currently under the control of the Islamic sect, Boko Haram, the Borno state government would mobilize youths and necessary equipments to win those local government over from the insurgents.
“Any northerner who votes for PDP in the next round of election is not supposed to be called a northerner because such a person is a disgrace to the north. We would do everything within our power as government to ensure we retake local government areas under the control of insurgents since the military and the Federal government has failed to do so”, the deputy governor said.

http://dailypost.ng/2014/12/10/2015-northerner-votes-pdp-disgrace-borno-deputy-governor/