₦airaland Forum

Melancholy: Yemi the comedy writer,Already more readers are on queue.Loving this story jor o!

welcome bro

suxxman: Suxx dey here

okpa or popcorn?

Swit up: @ yemi2plus..., I love you your write up... U always give me d comedy-between-the-linz thingy and me likie likie

Keep d ball rollin...

thanks dear, more update tomorrow

jchime: Takes a cold shower, on my Ac while eating roasted sweet corn courtesy of lady humbledbygrace and impatiently waiting for op.

please mynd, can I get your fb account,wanna discuss some things with you via online,two way chat.

you're welcome

"na which kind rubbish that lecturer just teach?"

"you understand wetin e teach?"

"na me you dey ask?"

"na who you want my ask before?"

"na you pay my school fee wey you go dey ask me question?"

Students asked themselves totally discombobulated after the boring lecture.

I folded my notebook and handout into my back pocket and walked to beautiful Victoria, who sat at the back of the lecture theatre due to lateness.

Victoria was a nice christian girl who helped me when I needed help the most, she was indeed a God sent angel. I sometimes wonder where I would be if not for her.

She was naturally endowed with; good height, a little above average breast size, well curved hips and crowned with a divine black beauty from above.

"what's up?!" I asked giving her one of my best smile.

"do you understand what the lecturer taught?" She answered with another question as I joined her on the seat she sat on.

How did she expect me to understand, when the intelligent students could not grabbed any senseable thing from what the lecturer said?

"but you were in class" I replied trying to avoid her question.

"I came late, I don't understand all the rubbish he said".

She was right. The lecturer was as useless as the questions he set during a test the previous class.

Imagine, a lecturer asking useless questions like; how much does brother Jero own Anope in the Novel "the trial of brother Jero?", How much is a dozen of fish that the fish seller is selling?

"I will explain to you later, I'm feeling hungry now!" I had said to her.

I was indeed hungry. I didn't eat the previous night before going to bed and before coming to school that morning.

"let's go to my house! I was cooking...." she suggested.

"that's why I came late" she stated the reason for her lateness to class.

"don't worry! I will get myself something to eat" I said pretending like I had money on me.

It was the middle March. I was really broke, I spent most of the money sent to me on Victoria. I was left with five hundred naira which I intended to pay during Nigeria Rap musical "Olamide" performance at the school stadium in some days time.

"don't talk to me again, if you don't want to follow me home to eat" she said with a serious face.

"and if I don't?" I asked.

She blinked her eyes like that of an 'ashawo' angry at her customer, stood up and angrily walked out of the lecture theatre.

"Victoria!!!.....Victoria!!!" I called.

"woman wrapper! You nor go leave this girl alone?" Chika, a male student asked.

"woman wrapper" was not my birthname, it was a nickname given to me by one of my Literature lecturer because of Victoria.

Want to know how I got the nickname? Click the link on my signature!

"you dey craze?! Na your leg I tay follow her waka?" I replied Chika.

"your father!" he fried at me.

Chika was a student who lived in "Dangana" hostel inside the school campus. Since they were warned never to fight in or off campus, they resulted in using the only abusive phrase they could think of "your father!".

"your father yansh" I fired back at him.

"if dey born you well insult my papa again, if I nor go slap you" Chika threatened.

"slap him and graduate" the class representative informed Chika of the director's saying.

"your father!".

"your father!".

"your mother breasst".

We exchanged abusive words at eachother.
The female students stood waiting for who would slap first and get an automatic graduation ticket.

"your father dicck".
Bummi, a friend of mine fired at Chika.

Chika became furious and grabbed Bummi by his shirt.

"insult my papa again" Chika dared Bummi.

"leave my shirt before I light you slap" Bummi shouted at Chika.

"I nor go leave your shirt, do your worse"

"your father right yansh" Bummi insulted.

Before I could look at the direction Victoria passed through, Chika landed Bummi two hot slaps simultaneously.

Without wasting time, Bummi replied him with a hard knock on his face. It generated into a fight. They were both dragged to the Centre of Pre-Degree and Diploma Studies to face the panel of justice.

"my phone o! Dem don thief my phone" a female student cried.

That was not the first, second nor third time a phone was stolen inside that class.

"you better forget the phone e don go be that" I told her the fact.

The phone was gone and gone for good, there was nothing she could do to bring it back.

"I keep saying it for a reason, you slap, you graduate" The director for Pre-Degree Studies said to Bummi and Chika at his office.

"we are sorry sir!"

"it will never happen again".
They both pleaded.

"yes! It can never happen again, at least, not with you two......"

"as the rule stands, you both have graduated from Kogi State University today" the director gave his final judgment.

That was how Chika and Bummi graduated with a first class degree in the Faculty of "fightology" department of "slapology" Kogi State University, Anyigba.

It was a sunny Thursday morning
in the town of Anyigba. I woke up
at around 10:00am feeling;
exhausted, tired and weak due to
a football match my lodge played
against a neighbouring lodge the
previous day.

The football match ended
Marijuana Lodge 2- 7 Supreme
Lodge.
Marijuana, that was the name of my
lodge. I moved in few months ago
with some crazy family members.
I wasn't surprised the lodge was
named after the Great Indian
Hemp smoker, Marijuana II. After all, there were lodges around
the school community named
after different people and things
like; 2go lodge, Facebook lodge,
Akamu lodge, Osama Bin Laden
lodge and even Indomie Lodge.

The landlord of Marijuana lodge
was an Igbo man from the
Eastern part of Nigeria. Yes, he
wasn't the business-minded kind
of Igbo man, rather he was an
addict smoker of "igbo" also
known as Marijuana.
He spent
days and nights boiling his blood
through his mouth with
Marijuana like his life depended on
it. Maybe his life actually depended
on Marijuana, I could stil
recalled the last time he was
unable to buy a 'wrap', he almost
run mad.

However, we, the occupants, of
Marijuana lodge were the direct
opposite of the landlord. We were
all easy-going students who minded
our businesses and studies.

"We have a football match to play
with Supreme lodge later this
evening," my mind pump out the
words. It was true, Pizarro had
informed me the previous day as I
stood outside washing my mouth.

His real name was Peter but we all
called him Pizarro. He was my
co-tenant and caretaker at
Marijuana lodge, and
also one of the best footballer at
Marijuana lodge.

I still remember our last
conversation the
previous day;

"Hope na gamble
o? I nor dey play ball without
money o" I had stated.

Since the day I dislocated my left
leg during a friendly football
match in Benin City, I vowed
never to risk my life in a football
match that involved little or no
money and my reason for that
was simple ... if I broke
or dislocated my leg or hand
during a gamble match, then, I would
use my share of the money to
treat myself.

"yes na! Before nko? You reason
me like person wey dey play ball
without money" Pizarro spoke Queen's Pidgin
English as he walked to Barrister
Tanko's house to buy water.

If there was anything that
attracted babes and even guys to
Pizzaro then it was the fact that
he was fair, handsome, intelligent,
and had a well masculine body.
His six packs were obvious and
would give most male students a run
for their girlfriends.

"na how much?" I shouted as
Pizzaro went out of sight, but
silent greeted my question.

I quickly washed my mouth, took
my bath, wore new clothes and
walked to the Faculty of Arts and
Humanities, the venue for my first
lecture that Wednesday morning.

I arrived the Faculty few minutes
later and met some of my faculty
mates searching for an empty
lecture theatre. I joined them as
the search continued, we found a
vacant lecture theatre, walked in
and settled down while the class
representative went to call the
lecturer who had refused to
lecture in a lecture theatre
dedicated to the Pre-Degree
students at the Centre for Pre-
Degree and Diploma Studies.

Minutes later, the lecturer came in. We were
well arranged, though some
students were yet to arrive.

"Good morning class!" the lecturer
greeted as the he stepped inside
the dirty lecture theatre.

"How would
the lecture theatre get cleaned
when the cleaners were always busy
gisting about life
under a well shaded tree not too
far from the lecture theatre and
enjoying the cool breeze of the
day?"....I asked myself as I tried to
dust a dirty table close to me.

Well, were
they to be blamed? I guessed No! where would
they get strength to work
when they barely had enough
food to eat? The little money most
of them had was spent on
raising their children that they
hardly had a penny for themselves.
Well, that was none of my business, I
quickly shut the thought out of
my mind.

"Good morning sir!" we all
replied the lecturer in unison.

"Today, we're going to treat a
new and different topic....." he
started his ever boring lecture.

The lecture went on smoothly. As
usual, the lecturer introduced
some new topics and books, then
asked us to look-up for more
information on the internet.

"That will be all for today, see you all
next week" he said as I mimiced.

That sentence had always been
his last word in each lecture we
had from him. I gazed at him as
he picked up his files and
majestically walked out of the
lecture theatre.

Obinnau: try to paste the link here. I couldn't find the page even after searching? And try to notify Mynd.

https://m.facebook.com/DonfrankoFanPage?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C2040971399
I have informed Mynd already

underage: Thank you so much.

you're welcome.

Dear Readers,
I believe we all noticed what happened at the end of "2go Love story", I had to rushed and summarized the last two updates because some of us didn't abide to the agreement we had, thereby not adding some of the events that happened.
This is a short story, I will try my best to make it short as possible, I will only update once each day.
Please bear with me.
Thanks,
Yemi2plus.

underage: Ofcourse you aren't. I'll update you soon. Please bear with me, I am a wife and mother, I guess you know it isn't so easy coping with these two. Thanks

Yeah! I understand, I saw your other thread, am really happy for you and your baby.

Dear Mynd, the story "As Deep As The Sea" is been copied to this facebook page
https://m.facebook.com/DonfrankoFanPage?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C2040971399

Dear Author,
Did you grant permission to a facebook page (Franklyn Peter) to post the story on his page?

Mynd_44: ?

what do you care for? Okpa or popcorn?

Reserved

Kogi State University, located at Anyigba, is the University of Kogi State, Nigeria. It was established in 1999 by Prince Abubakar Audu, the former governor of the state. At the time of its establishment, it was known as Kogi State University, It was named Prince Abubakar Audu University(PAAU) in 2002 and later renamed Kogi State University in 2003(KSU).
Professor S.K. Okwute (Professor of Chemistry) was the pioneer Vice Chancellor (2000 - 2005) and currently back to University of Abuja. Professor F.S. Idachaba (OFR) Professor of Agric-Economics, took over between 2005 to 2008 and has now retired to work in his foundation (F.S. Idachaba Foundation for Research and Scholarship). The incumbent Vice Chancellor is Professor Hassan S. Isah (Professor of Chemical Pathology), from Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, took over in October, 2008.
The University commenced academic activities in April, 2000 in six Faculties. Namely; Faculties of Agriculture, Arts and Humanities, Law, Management Sciences, Natural Sciences and Social Sciences, presently comprising about 30 Departments. The University has commenced the establishment of Faculty of Medicine with the officeand laboratory complexes under construction. The Centre for Pre-Degree and Diploma Studies was established under the present University administration to run diploma and pre-degree programmes. Students of the pre-degree programme could gain admission into degree programme if they are successful in the internal exams and need not write the Post-UTME exams but most have at least 180 JAMB cut-off mark.
The University offer many courses such as Microbiology, Biochemistry, Geology, Physics, Mathematics, Computer Sciences, Law, Public Administration, Business Administration, Accounting, Banking and Finance, Theatre Arts, Islamic Studies, Religious and Philosophy, English, History and International Studies, Sociology, Mass Communication, Economics, e.t.c. About 90% of the courses offered in the university are accredited by the Nigeria University Commission (NUC).
The Institution started with a student population of about 700 which as at 2009/2010 admission exercise has grown to about 9,000. It admits qualified students who choose it as his or her first choice of institution and pass its post-UTME exams. Its cut-off mark for candidates to be qualified for the Post-UTME examsis 180.

Kindly re-edit the work so we can read it.

Only 11 words?

Foxy_Flow: Dies!!!

I would have loved to update now but I'm kinda busy and down, both emotionally and physically.

Una sorry abeg....

make i help you update then. Typing....

mcfynest: IN FEW WORDS DESCRIBE NIGERIA IN YOUR BEST OPINION.

Nigeria is a country in West Africa

yunfazz: Up till now, this topic that a lot of ppl want ensure its opened so as to stop this online piracy is still not passed to the fp....haba mynd. We waiting ooo

www.nairaland.com/1404197/content-theft-information-nigeria

how i wish this thread can make front page, but the ogas at the top has the final say