₦airaland Forum

Na wa ooo

Its never easy for a woman TTC.

Its not fair at all, the man didn't try sha.

It seems she doesn't mind a polygamous setting but now the hubby has said she should go I don't think she has any choice except he changes his mind ( which is being influenced by his family and mistress their eyes will soon clear its a matter of time) and even at that will she be able to cope with the tauntings and insults.

If she wants to stay by hook or by crook and can cope with all I stated above, She should try to get him to change his mind, Ignore all what the mistress and family , Hubby's family says or do to her and continue living her life which I think is very difficult.

I have seen situations like that, where the hubby brought another wifey paid the bride price even had children after some years the same way she came by the window is the same way she left they returned her bride price to her people. Messy situations with a whole lot of drama, fighting and bickering for about 7-8 years and not every one is cut out for that kind of life. One of the situations the wifey got preggy after many yearsof having the first when the hubby that had not even slept with her for a long time decided to just "secretly do the thing one afternoon" and that was it she became preggy.

If she doesn't want to leave she should strong hearted to face such situations and she should be sure there's no threat to her life physically or spiritually and ignore the mistress totally and under no circumstances should she let the lady provoke her.

They have planned it for a long time and I even believe part of the conditions the mistress and family laid down is that the first wife must go. There is a child now so I believe all of them are now happy so they can let her be if she still wants to stay.

Polygamous setting is not it at all, very terrible IMO.


Parting gifts indeed.

Death and life are in the power of the tounge, the guy just excercised his spiritual authority in his family.

Nice one.

pcguru1:
My mother's people are Ijebu ode and are good because they grew up in Lagos, but Father's people are terrible, imagine taking the husband property after his death, trying to split the Family up (taking the kids away from my mother), and also involving fetish and diabolic stuffs.

I am Ijebu ode, in fact Ijebuode squared (both parents are from Ijebu ode).

I have heared different stereotypes about my people but this is a new one, I believe the family are just the greedy type it really has nothing to do with the hometown. I have hardly heared of maltreatment of widows, its an exception to be honest but I have heared the fetish part.

I would advise you take the I don't want to have anything to do with my people from your mind. If you hear sterotypes about other towns even within Ogun state you will run finally lool

Well as for the curses/insults/yabbings I believe you should have noticed she has such tendencies before marriage, some of my people can actually yab a dead person and he/she will ressurect to be honest but its not a general thing and I believe its majorly because of the upbringing and environment.

If she grew up in a house where they call themselves 'weere' 'oloshi' 'oloriburuku' as pet or nicknames its going to be a major issue, uprooting such character is almost always difficult, I would have thought living in the US would have refined her a bit but as it is it has not, you just have to keep working on her. Its a big issue honestly for someone like me that hates it when people curse or insult anyhow so I can imagine how you feel. Try and find solutions I dunno if there are classes one can attend to help one speak properly and politely without insults over, if there are kindly enrol her and keep praying for her too.

As for the cultural adaptation, I believe she should know the culture she is marrying to. Quite a number of Yoruba families do not go to their hometown for a lot of reasons you can see teenagers or even adults in their 20s that have never been to their hometown before in Yoruba land, so that may be the mentality she is bringing to the travelling home ish.

Personally I still can't understand why Igbos have to congregate every December at the village but its their way of life and must be respected by someone marrying from there, everybody in Nigeria knows you guys must travel in December so I am surprised it is being an issue.


Maybe you have not told her before now, let her know its your culture to go home in December and see our people and that's when all of you see those you have not seen in a while.

I also hope she's not feeling insecure because she doesn't have a child yet and that's why she doesn't want to go to the village, I had a cousin whose wife didn't come for family get together until she had a baby that survived ,people have different approach to things.

When children start coming hope there won't be war with names, naming ceremony like someone mentioned earlier, omugwo etc etc.

By the way we would like to hear her own side of the story.

Its nice you acknowledged she's not a dare devil at all times.


This too shall pass

HumbledbYGrace:
Happy boxing day to everyone on the thread, missed the Christmas cookies.

Truth is we all have grown up, we don't seek what we were seeking here anymore. We don't need the companionship we were hungry for four years ago.

Some got married, started families and there is alot going on than thinking about being on a faceless forum wishing upon dreams. That said, it is very ignorant of those who were the foundation of this thread to just walk out of it, we are way too mature for that. I know we don't know each other but we are brothers and sisters in Christ and should hold on to that no matter what. Let us not get our denomitions get the better us, let the truth from the Word of God lead us.

Let us do it this way, how about a what's up group? Its on our finger tips, that way we can get in touch with each other easily?........Just a suggestion.

@ Vickyrotex thanks for keeping the fire ablaze, keep up the good work beloved.

@Julivas we are all ears.

@Moshesheseaka o tsoa o le kae?

Well yeah, a lot is happening to everyone.

The watsap group seems to be a great idea, a lot of us interact on watsap individually already. I did make good friends here oo

I just think even if its once in a while we can just post some things for all of us to learn, also discuss some things from the Christian perspective once in a while just like old times.

Some people just don't respect boundaries sha

Now I understand why you were adamant they come along in your previous thread.

What kind of woman reports her husbands friend wife to the man that she didn't eat her food.

Some people sha

HumbledbYGrace:


Did someone die here? What happened to us?

Dagr8
Mintayo
Anonimus
Yetseyi

Everyone?

No body died naa, all of us left the thread and you all don't wanna come back. You can decide to bring the peeps back , I tried it sometimes last year they all came back only to disappear again. I miss the discussions sha.

Merry Christmas everybody on the thread

Vickyrotex thanks for the verses and the boundless love lyrics

Hello everybody

Acidosis:
One thing I have noticed is that "ego" only dwells amongst the poor and the average.


I can assure you that Zahra Buhari would give up anything to live with the Ndimi family.

Really

How sure are you Zahra would give up anything to live with her husbands family? That statement really caught my attention

Besides do you really want to compare a billionaire family house where almost everybody will be minding their own business and the inhabitants of the house may not even see them selves in days except if they want to or during meals or even during prayers with an average family that most likely has a different mindset/interpretation of the word "wife" , living in a flat where friction is almost impossible, and having someone indirectly monitor what you do, who visits you what you buy etc.

The circumstances are different.

As for the OP, If your wifey doesn't want to stay with your mum, save up and get a permanent place in a location where accomodation is cheap and let her complete her hairdressing apprentiship, extract a promise from her that she has to finish the course this time around or let her continue her teaching if she's qualified. You travel for your business and whenever you are back you stay with your family at your place.

If the sisters did all that then they are truly indisciplined.

Why struggle with security?

People and church security should be very observant in church .

On Friday a man just came and picked up a child in a church at a particular estate and was walking away, it was the guest pastor who saw him walking with the child and accosted him, after Interiewing they got to know the child is not his, then the police etc were invited.

Maybe this is the new trend.

What if the invited pastor didn't see him.

Syncan:
No point being sentimental about it, I laid out points. Are they true or do you have any thing to counter them?

Well they are not true and you didn't comment on my veiled question,
Are there other materials or books you classify as scriptures ?

There's no right or wrong answer, some in-laws will take it very personal if they call for children photo and you as a wife or husband to their child you stay back , those kind of families will interprete it as you not seeing your self as a full part (Sonor daughter)of the family now this should be the norm but .........
I guess that's the type of family paperlace is married to.

Some families seperate a wife or husband from their children which seems to be more common that's why people are saying she's not respecting boundaries etc etc.

Its not as if either cases are right or wrong but its the way the families view things and reason.
I think the OPs case is more obvious because the wife was the only in-law present.

Its not something to sulk over IMO, she should have known the orientation of the family she's married too, now she knows better.

Ubenedictus:
Actually d op made a fine point, nowhere is it written in scriptures that the bible should be the only basis for every christian conclusion. if u have such a passage provide it.

Syncan:
At bold...because Jesus did not leave us any scripture as our basis of conclusion when he established the way.
...because it isn't in the scripture that only the scripture is our basis of conclusion
...because it actually contradicts scripture to claim that only the scripture is our basis of conclusion.
...because the scripture contains only a part of what is known as the Christian tradition, hence cannot be the basis for all conclusions.
L

[quote author=Ubenedictus post=51987568]Actually d op made a fine point, nowhere is it written in scriptures that the bible should be the only basis for every christian conclusion. if u have such a passage provide it.

God bless you.[/quote]Seems there are other stuffs you guys refer to as scriptures apart from the bible but if not I just observed that the 3 of you are still using the scriptures as a reference in this discourse


I really can't believe what I am reading, The Bible cannot be used as the sole authority in faith conduct or our Christian life? traditions seem greater than the Bible? Issorait.

May the eyes of our understanding be enlightened Amen.

God bless you too.

FMary:
2

I have just given you 2 Scripture verses to teach you that it must not be in the Bible for it to be the truth as revealed by the Holy Spirit.



So I wonder even where it is written that the Scripture MUST be the basis of every Christian conclusion.

Did Jesus not tell us that He will send the Holy Spirit after He left this world? HE specifically said that He could not tell everything to His disciples but that when the Holy Spirit comes, He the Holy Spirit would lead them into all TRUTH.

What would the Holy Spirit be teaching us again if all the basis of our discussion has been written down

Hello, I am not really interested contributing to the discourse itself I was just reading through as usual and I saw these set of statements and I was . I couldnt just let it pass.I have not read the comments after this post yet.


Why shouldn't the scripture be the basis of every Christian conclusion , If its not biblical then its not right. In fact the holy spirit will NEVER contradict the bible and that's one way to be sure its the holy spirit that is speaking.

So Yes the bible should be the basis of everychristain conclusion .

By the time the Landlord takes a drastic measure , you will begin to hear people say all sorts, as if Landlords are not humans too.

COdeGenesis:
y u modify ur post. cant believe u believed that word exists

Yeah I did because I think its insensitive, Of course it doesn't exist but that's how words/slangs are formed , I won't be surprised to see a nairalander use it another time to express something similar.

COdeGenesis:
which word?

It's obvious now

I learnt a new word sha

misspicy:


My point is, it has happened, Op needs a solution on how to handle a polygamous home, so the essence of these insults is what I don't understand.....

This is exactly how I feel, I still don't understand the insults.

That's how someone came to ask for advice on how to design a house to accommodate 2 wives with as little friction as possible and then unnecesary statements follow. Advice for house design turned to something else.

Hmmm, they are looking so so nice

The 2nd picture ... me likey.

The NPF needs to rebrand , serious rebranding .

Nairalanders sha

I still wonder how people can't advise without attacking.


OP, polygamy is not the solution at all but your wife will be extremely hurt sha.

Since the bride price/trad is the previous day let it end there, take your pictures and all.
Next day after church do your normal reception , non trad decor, non-trad cake, non-trad attire.shikena

Does marriage cure sexual addiction? Or does addiction have another definition.


Op please go for counselling, therapy or whatever it is you can do to overcome it , it may (most definitely will) take a while but keep at it. And since you are a Christian I guess you should also talk to a Christian counsellor or talk to your pastor or even go for deliverance (If you dont know where, walk into any MFM branch and ask when/where they run deliverance programs) it may b spiritual.


Please make sure you overcome the addiction before you get married. Getting married won't solve it.

Addiction to anything is terrible .

ojuolu:
i completely agree with you on this point. When my mum was alive, she use to ask us to pray about everything including job offer, house for rent even course of study. This has been a practice in my family till today. The first house i rented in Ibadan was a very beautiful house. I did not pray about the house at all. The location seemed okay. A new house, rent as far back as 8 years ago was 250k for a 3 bedroom, but because i was financially comfortable at that time, it was considered cheap. I took it, but did not complete 1 year rent circle in the house. Within one year, a neighbor was killed in the house in the presence of his family,( nothing taken from him), other serious incidence i dont want to mentioned here, but to cut the long story short, I was robbed 3 times in the house within a year( please note that i was not flamboyant at that time, i own no car and i lived normally among the people, no obvious display of riches by any tenant) . I lost my wife, almost my life too, Thank God for my late mum's prayer. After the last incidence being the demise of my late wife,I moved out, prayed and got another accommodation. The story that followed this new house is that everybody that packed out of the flat or house always move to their own private house among other although the owner is very strict. Believe me honestly, within 7 years 3 co tenants moved to their own houses, one relocated abroad and i moved to my own house in September this year. Please note that nobody ever packed out without reasonable land breaking achievement. I think the Op should pack out, pray and move closer to God, get a good accommodation under the inspiration of God and trust Him for full restoration...my opinion based on experience. Those who think there is no spirituality in everything should have a re think...Aye o ti se won ri ni o...lol.

People tend not too take some things serious, people should learn to ask questions from those living around , be observant and make spiritual enquiry before moving into an apartment.

Observation will make you notice strange symbols or patterns in designs of a house. You see a landlord that owns many houses and uses an occult symbol on all those houses and you think its a coincidence or it doesn't matter? I would rather pass. And there are some blessed houses you live there and things go smoothly.

Some of us think renting an apartment is just about the physical aspect, there's a lot more to it than that in this Naija , especially this Lagos.

Our former landlord had to tell my mother face to face that " You are the first tenant that will ever move to their own home" we were shocked with the accusation, it was an accusing tone he used according to my mum and after that the jinx was broken, other tenants began to move to their own houses.

May you find the peace you seek

eleojo23:
OP, get ready for some comments that would really piss you off.

Seeing this your post reminded me of the similar thread you opened..... and the comments.


Op may you find what you seek

Interesting thread.

Although in the OPs case I don't think his case has to do with the house but I am more surprised people think stuffs like that don't happen.

I don't know if its the same Nigeria we live in.

I don't think I will ever rent any apartment especially if its not these estates without making investigations in fact I will ask questions for patterns that seems to trail tenants living in a house, there are houses you pack to and you go out empty and with debt. By asking simple questions around you can know much about some apartments .


You want to live in a house built by an occultic person or from ritual money and you think the house will be okay( or will we say we don't have occultic people or there's no blood money again). Some houses are even creepy once you enter you just feel an uneasiness in your spirit even though the house looks tastefully designed.

Its better to avoid such houses, the prayer I will pray for protection in that kind of apartment, I will pray for other things instead and save myself unnecessary stress.

Strange things are happening, still wonder why people think there's not a spiritual side to a lot of things.

There are good houses one can rent jare.

Ironically, no one has countered the OPs claims which suggests there's an element of truth there

All I keep seeing is apostate, apostate, are his claims true? That should be the point.



All I know is the Bible is the final authority in all matters of faith and conduct. If its not biblical then its false.

Lilimax:
I beg to disagree cos being literate has nothing to do with this. It is even the literate ones that are the culprit in adulteration.

Sadly you are right, if only Nigerians know what they are consuming from our manufacturing companies we would rather eat our raw foods at least we are sure of that.

The professionals create/formulate methods to produce foods with similar mouthfeel and physical appearance to the real ones and we won't even know the difference when we eat them.

Things are happening on this thread oo ;

4tunebest:
Seek God's direction. When it comes to the issue of choosing a LIFE partner, we need the leading of He who sees the unknown and isn't limited by human wisdom.

The above is my own advice. Like someone said and I can also deduce his issues with his degree seems to be your major concern because you think that is what will guarantee his potential.


You never can tell.
Follow 4tunesbest advice, God knows in the realms of the unknown and sees in the realm of the unseen.


I can never forget a quote by a nairalander
Potential is not a guarantee it is merely a resident possibility........ Ihedinobi 2014

Olanna45:
People who are not in the system will never know what its like.

After an ugly incident with a parent in my school, i decided that i will never in this life bat an eyelid if the child going astray. Since i don't know what its like to give birth to a child. And gradually, the girl is exhibiting what she will be in future. only divine intervention can save her.

The teacher went to far if actually he flogged her till she bled like they said. Don't ever trust Nigerian press.
but arresting the teacher is not the way out.

Yep, total hands off seems to be the solution just teach the child let parents handle disciplining their children themselves and let's see what will happen.