₦airaland Forum

Horsesmouth:
I can neither confirm nor deny that i have issues with yoruba women.
E ti le ro ejo ju, se ko kin sun yin ni.

Lool, at least we are getting somewhere so what did she/they do to you?


Rojo ju bi ti bawo? Se ki a ma so nkan ti o n dun wa ni. Ki ni awon hundiya se fun yin.

Joavid:
you're right.

There's something wrong and I think the hubby knows but ignores it or the hubby's family are morally deficient and the hubby shares in the same family trait, that's why he sees nothing wrong with it.

Something is truly wrong somewhere.

Horsesmouth:
I am sure you are a yoruba woman with your skewed judgement of another yoruba womans nonsense story.

Have you heard the husbands side?

anyway, i dont blame you, i blame the husband dat married the yoruba woman. He is in trouble he doesnt know yet.

It seems you have something against Yoruba women, you are bringing ethnicity to an issue that is simply about values/morals

You are quick to call the story nonsense if it was you how would you feel.

The OP didn't even state her tribe.

Does it really matter what the Hubby's side has to say? What is the issue that they cant even tell the woman sorry for her hubbys death.
Who quarells and keep malice with people even to the point of death that's not fair, and it is wrong. Op may not be perfect, her parents may not be perfect, even the Hubby's side too may not be perfect but some things are wrong and should not be sugarcoated.


Even people that have done evil to you to your face you still commiserate with then when mourning.

I still say there is more to this issue than it is but whatever it may be its not up to the level of not sending condolence message to your in-law. In-law that you sat down together with during the marriage, made arrangements, collected bride price from.
Na wa ooo


And yes I am Yoruba and if you call my judgement skewed ..... you are entitled to your opinion.

I have always said nairalanders are never realistic


What kind of grudge did they have against her parents that even at her dads death they still couldn't forgive and at least call to commiserate with her mum.

Even if they have been quarelling at least not to the point of the death of the dad now.

What kind of family is that.

Who among us here will be happy that his/her in-laws refuse to call his/her mum to at least greet her about the death of his/her dad simply because the dead person and his wife didn't call them at some point when they almost had an accident when coming back from their sons wedding.


Do they hold grudges against a dead man or am I the only one reading that part of the story?

Op needs to be concerned, she should be worried, what kind of value system does that family have.


The elder brother even came and saw the bereaved woman and didn't even greet her, if not for anything at least for the death of her husband.

What if the wives family also decides to hold a grudge against the hubby that if he had driven him home and not at the bustop he may not have died at that time.

What kind of people behave like this, there's something wrong somewhere, even if there is a bigger issue, you dont quarell with people even in death or their time of mourning - at least where I come from.

I feel its quite immature to behave this way.

You should be concerned about that family really concerned and pray too.

HumbledbYGrace:
Hmmmmmmmmm

Dagr8
Anonimus
Muskeeto
Guitarlife
ATMC
Yetseyi
Uj_sizzle

I was surprised when I logged in to see 6 mentions, how are you and yours.

My phone was stolen and I couldnt retrieve that line could you please send me a Pm containing your digits.

There was even one matter I wanted to bring to this our chat box but as everyone is on sabatical leave now....

Its a Nigerian thing, we have this its not my own mentality. We have issues in this country honestly, sometimes I don't blame landlords who are harsh.

A landlord will make provision for bore hole and somehow pumping machine he fixed gets spoilt, the tenants will say they won't repair it. They are the ones that spoilt it oo.

I have seen a tenant that lives upstairs in a block of 4 flats saying she won't contribute her own share of the amount the cleaner sweeping/cleaning the floor of the compound collects simply because her flat is upstairs and thats its peeps in the flats below that should pay the cleaners.It took an intervention from another tenanat (who is also a landlord somewhere else) before she started contributing her share.I wonder where these people come from, does she fly directly to her flat.

Simple maintenance they won't do.
Some use houses as if they won't build theirs, I personally don't blame landlords sometimes.

Some landlords can also be terrible too, the house we lived in before we owned ours had a leaking roof, we told the landlord he said he would repair, and the leak was directly over a bed, after sometime we met him again and said he should let us repair it, since hes not yet ready and its inconveniencing us a lot and its rainy season he said he can't allow a tenant repair his roof. For more than a year he didn't repair it till we packed out. Its was so annoying.

Some tenants can also be very good too, that one will wish to continue having peeps like that.

Its just that it seems the good tenants have bad landlords and the good landlords mostly have bad tenants loool

I know a woman who was saying they charged 1million for her son to get a customs job. She was looking for a loan The guy got the job but I don't know if she later paid the money.

Things are happening

I wonder why people are blaming the landlord Is he NEPA that estimated the bills?

If you have dealt with difficult tenants before you will know that some tenants just don't want to pay bills. When he leaves the unpaid bills and packs away who will pay it, he bills is in the landlords name and he will be responsiveness as for prepaid meter we all know majority of Nigerians have not gotten that yet, even some of those that have paid for it have not gotten yet.
Instead of blaming the system its the landlord they are blaming or should he pay for bills he didn't use, is it everyone that is paying bills that has light.

He didn't even attempt paying something every month we all know you can always pay a certain percent of amount of that bill. Even if it was 2k every month he should have manged to do something. He is not the only one affected by economy now. He didn't call the attention of the landlord to the crazy bill, We all know even if he is disconnected the bill still comes in rolling whether there is light or not, disconnected or not.

Blame the system

If you as a landlord have had to pay of a tenenats accumulated bill before you will understand the point of the OP.

[/b]Tobium1 he has to find a way of paying the money, except you want to pay it for him its that simple. Diaconnectiin , or even writing letters to NEPA won't solve the problem instantly (it may solve for future bills).Discuss with him about a payment plan[b] Then you can write a letter of complaint to the disco (I hope they act on it)

If you don't find ways of making him pay for it you will pay by your self or the innocent new tenant will pay (Nigerians are now smart not to rent places with accumulated bills anyway) its that simple. My mum had to pay a tenants bill and it was not funny, this one was not even a case of crazy bill he just decided not to pay Nepa bills again because he was given quit notice.


As for those saying 18k is much, you need to see how much some people are charged in this estimated billing system. Some of us are of lucky we get charged fairly, other places are not .


That's how one of my mums tenant was telling me he won't pay for Lawma bills because he wants to throw his dirt personally and you know those Lawma people combined the bills of the 3flats into one bill (they charge per compound in my area) who will now pay his portion?

Some people can be difficult sef

What is it with some Nigerians and shying away from bills.

Almost all the tenants we have had are always shying away from bills when its clearly stated in the documents they signed before entry. Money that landlord is not going to collect. Na wa.


If Landlord act now they will say landlord is wicked.

Improved drastically Around 16-18 hours minimum.The last time we had light as constant as this was during the election just before swearing in,
But their bill for this month is double that of previous months and since the light is constant we gladly pay no complaints

Location: Lagos
EKEDC.

5minsmadness:
Hmmm.
Probably they meant 12 to 15 can watch thier younger ones under the supervision of an adult while older ones can be left unsupervised. I know a lot of 13yr olds are left alone in the house to cater for thier junior ones while the parents go to work. It is possible.

I am actually not of the opinion that children between 12-15 can't watch over their younger siblings, I was surprised when I saw people arguing over it. I felt maybe because this is naija and children seem to grow faster and take on responsibilities earlier than is expected of folks in other places.

It will be interesting to eat a snack prepared by a 5year old

---

One point in that list for ages 12 and above caught my attention - watch younger siblings.

I have read some arguments about that, how a 13 or 14 year old is still a child still being looked after and should not be watching younger ones.

Ujoan:
I assume you are quite new to this forum. Some of us have been here since 2006 . . so we've seen and heard it ALL. Most of us have been victims of scam on this forum, so forgive us if we don't buy the act anymore.

I understand the scam part and that's why I am of the opinion of at least let them ask for help first, when they do then the investigations can begin.

I do feel its quite unfair when an individual has not asked for financial help and snide comments of scam are already all over the place.

Rilokiley is vexing, Bros don't let such bother you pls.

I have observed that a lot of Family nairalanders actually don't know how to advise, express displeasure, correct an opinion, educate or even post a superior arguement without snide comments or direct/subtle insults and I just wonder.

I have seen this happen several times, just yesterday I saw one of such threads.


If someone comes to post emotional issues and you make the mistake of mentioning finances you begin to read comments like "oya drop acc no"," he will soon ask for money" etc and the person has not even asked at least let him ask first.


Its really terrible, I really don't understand why people feel they must sound condescending to state an opinion.

lily12:
I'm with balash on this one. You don't need to explicitly explain something in order to discourage someone from doing it. When it comes to children, you definitely DON'T want to tell them something is "enjoyable" and then tell them not to try it. As much as this book comes off as having good intentions, I'm actually very suspicious of the author's intentions and I think it could do more harm than good.

How is this different from showing teenagers porn and telling them to be sexually pure? How is it different from giving a child a glass of some sweet dessert wine and then telling them it is bad for them, and expecting them not to try to reach your wine rack or wine cabinet to get another try when you are away? I remember one music video from a different country where it was a warning to Christians not to indulge in alcohol and sex but the thing was so sexually explicit, yet when I asked about it I was told "You will understand when you are spiritually mature."

In my view, all it takes is to tell a child "Don't let anybody touch you here/there. If ANYONE does, let me know, okay? Even if they tell you it is a secret, make sure you tell me, okay?" Reassure the child that nobody will beat them or harm them if you tell them. And pray pray pray pray. Be close to your children so that they can open up to you. All this red eye, attitude, and glaring when a child says "Mummy" will not help.

Then, it would also behoove parents of these days to monitor who their children spend time with. No offense to Onegai and those who side with her but what if their children decide to experiment on this "enjoyable" thing using your children?

We were all once children. We know these things.

For those of you who do not yet have children but trust that God has marriage and/or children in His plans for you, biko, lay hands on your womb and begin to battle. Things are bad. The world has changed. Mothers, SOMEONE will raise your children. I saw a thread here about "career or marriage?" and just shook my head. If someone has no time for their marriage, where will their children fall in their list of priorities? If you don't take time to be close to your children, they will be raised by your housekeeper, their teachers, and books such as this one. And because God has placed you as a steward over your children, you will be answerable for the way they turn out. These days it is relatives who do these things. I work with women and have heard stories. Mothers, I beg of you. Take your role seriously. Fathers, be present. I don't know who I am typing this for but I feel someone needs to read it. I rarely sign into Nairaland sef.

Oga balash, I for one am grateful that you shared this. Thank you and God bless you.

I agree with you.






By the way I believe one can always post a superior argument to inform/educate but some statements are really not necessary.

Wow Oga serubawon congratulations sir. Wishing you and your beloved the very best.

millhouse:
Hehehe... I use my bad habit to chase all form of In-laws or wifey friends away from our home.. 1.make sure am always stack unclad when am home.. I tell her it's my home and that's how I feel comfortable so if her In-laws come no probs.. So she is like abeg oo make una no dey visit u know my husband no dey wear cloth.... Or when sister in laws cone see me moving around in only pant.. They be like 'am intruding here oo' next day pack their bag and leave.

Bros no vex I just had to quote you, this is so hilarious.

"Make Una no visit you know say my husband no dey wear cloth"
The statement above made me laugh so hard.
Nairalanders will not kill some one with Laugh.

ewa20buredi100:
Please i sent you a PM concerning this I.T Intern

Thank you.

Please send the details to that mail(mintayo4u@gmail.com) I posted. just send watsap number, course and name. He will add you up on watsap

Ignore the statement I made about sending a Pm, for those who have sent me a Pm pls send the details above to the mail. I am not the one hiring.

luvablesam:
Aunty don't get me wrong o but the reason y most people aren't insulting the OP is simple. ITS HIS HOUSE(He earned every penny he used to build or rent his house) so he can choose to see anyone he wants.

If the situation was a turned one and the woman owns everything do you think she will even let the man talk in that house talkless her mum-inlaw? The reason y most people talk or comment negatively when a Woman complains about their mother in law visits is simple. In most events its her Sons house,(he had all the money before yu married him), she lived already with him or was a constant visitor before you met him. I hope yu catch d drift?. @OP you no dey try at all. Tell her simply that you would love it if she stops her constant visits. If she doesn't put your gateman on the spot.

Besides do you know y she ended up a single mum?

Lool ooo

Nairalanders no go kill person.

Kikiki.


See advice from the male folks - be rude to her and her daughter, stand your ground, pack out of the house, ignore them etc

A friend asked me to post this.

Please an IT student is needed at a company

Student of sciences (FST,Biochemistry,microbiology, Chemistry)
Pay is 20k
Should be ready to spend 6 months or minimum of four months.
Should be ready to work 8-5pm
Preferably male
Location Lagos apapa osodi expressway.
The person should live in Lagos.

Please send a PM, containing your watsap number, please no CV or application letter to mintayo4u@gmail.com .

just Name Course and number .

very urgent please.

hUmaneOne:
That has always been dangote's strategy.
Smart Bastard

Sell goods lesser than the competition in order to outsell them out of the market. He does this by taking a loss.

After outselling and possibly crippling and completely crushing the competition and establishing monopoly,he hikes his price and by then we have no choice than to patronize him.he them makes his profit. BUA cement comes to mind

This is eventually dangerous for the economy,but of course hunger cannot let most Nigerians think clearly.
We will continue selling our birthright for initial gains

Of course the ipad generation can not know this cos they don't read.

Exactly the way I view him. I don't like his business strategy at all. Some one mentioned how he was not really helping us in the totmato paste thread and Nairalanders almost came for her head

I dislike his business strategy.

Pheww thank God its a man that is complaining this time around not a woman.

When wives come around to complain of similar matters the replies the men give is always is the line of you don't like your mother In law, what do you mean by she should give you space, women are their own enemies etc.

The comments from the males here are quite interesting to read. Did I just see an operation flush her out from a male Looool oooo
Hope you can allow your wife to flush your mother out if she's like the Op's MIL.

Things are really getting out of hand, to what extent will these people go to make money ehn, using the church as a front to do evil. Why hiding under missionary work to do evil. God will so judge some people.

These people bring ridicule to the church of God.

Missionaries haba.


People are desperate sha.

Acidosis:
.

I. No[b][/b]No one bothered to mentioned the root causecause[b][/b], in addition to the fact that her courtship was very short.

It is true there is no official school of marriage, but key lessons from the home cannot be learned outside the home. The fact that her husband had the effrontery to abandon his new family for visa shows he had no regard for the woman and his parents. The fear of a father-in-law and mother-in-law won't allow some men attempt such.

The bolded was what I saw in your post that made me counter it. You stated how her parents polygamy was the root cause, I was still trying to link how a parents in-law marriage can make a son in law behave like such, if she was the one that misbehaved and you made that statement I may have agreed with you.(although I am part of those that think parents marriage state is not a factor in any of these issues)

Now you have stated the reason why you inferred such and it sounds somehow

I quite agree that the short courtship could have affected.

Now you are saying that if her mum and Dad are together there is a possibility that he wouldn't have done this.

Are you saying most of a lot of those whose husbands misbehave have their parents in law separated or they practise polygamy?



Just wondering.

Acidosis:
The number 1 problem is that you hailed from a polygamous home.


95% of people from polygamous homes transfer the chain to their wards. It is sad, but that's the reality. .

Its not her fault she hails from a polygamous home and how is that a problem or a factor in determining how her marriage turned out. Is it her background in polygamy that made the guy marry one person and impregnate abother .

The way nairalanders arrive at these statistics is seriously alarming. Is there a statistical data to back up your claim. 95% really? So you are saying g for every 10 persons that hail from a polygamous home, 9 or some times all the 10 end up in polygamy/ have children from different fathers/mothers.

I can also come out and say 95% of people from polygamous homes don't end up in polygamy simply because most people I know that are from polygamous homes have one wife/husband


Bros 95% is to high pls.

An0nimus:
See as you decimate the whole argument

Honestly I saw the question being rephrased in another format which has been used over and over again in all these kind of threads which is simply lumping a particular category of people together and making an assumption. Its just that this time around its the born again Christan ladies that are on the radar.

Its as good as asking..

1. What makes ladies with good/high paying jobs unattractive for marriage?

2.What makes fair ladies unattractive for marriage

3. What makes ladies with big cars unattractive for marriage.

4 What makes non born again Christians unactractive for marriage( At least I know non born again Christians get married)




Some even say dark ladies get married easier than fair ladies because men think fair ladies are high maintenance, at one point it was virgin ladies talk that was reigning.

Some even say "ugly" ladies (I don't believe anyone is ugly) get married faster than the "beautiful" ones because of their good character does that now mean that beautiful ladies don't get married or there are no beautiful ladies with good character.

Are we now saying that ladies with these characteristics do not get married at all

Can we now say all those getting married in church are not born again since the born again Christians are un attractive for marraige

Maybe its because I hate generalization that's why I am thinking like this.

.The way the question was asked made it seem like there was a statistical backing to that statement.

Mfm and Deeper life still conduct weddings for their born again sisters.

Woged2005:
..normally, women wed in their husbands church

That's a very wrong assertion, maybe you should say most of the weddings you have attended or how is is done in your place, those that I have seen practise this are 99% of the time from one part of the country and I have also seen them (Ladies from that part) getting married in their own church.

Its not a "normally" thing pls
Sorry I just needed to object to that notion since its not true

The same church you see single ladies is the same church that will conduct weddings every Saturday so I don't think its a church thing.

Born again sisters from SU churches get married every Saturday, Born again sisters from less conservative churches get married every Saturdays. Non christains and atheists also get married every saturday, Same way you have singles of marriagable age in all those groups that are not yet married. Prostitues, ex runs girls too get married and some are not married yet


Unless you are saying that church has never wedded any female member. We really can't say that this its because of this or that reason that ladies are not married because for every category you try to classify as the reason be it religious, former lifestyle, character/attitude, age, whatever at all you will find people with such characteristics that are married.

Also there's a difference between being religious and being born again but non of the two is a factor preventing a lady from getting married.

Flexherbal:
It is not her fault, our religion and tradition teach us to obey our parents, [/b]no matter what.[b]

How about persuation for them to come over to your side. Parents can also be wrong you know, If you are sure you are on the right track why not bring them over to your side, it may take time though and some parents can be difficult.

I understand your point anyway.

tomquest:
Very intelligent comment. But I think a lot more focus should be on our transport system and how unsafe it has become. Ghastly auto crashes every week claiming so many young, vibrant lives.

Yeah you are right about that too. The whole system needs to be worked on honestly but at least accidents are not planned but hospitals should always be ready.

Why is nobody talking about the main reason he died which is our healthcare system. Since he got to an hospital alive I thought serious scans would have been done to ascertain any level of internal bleeding. Our hospitals seems to be fond of that - an accident victim comes and they just treat physical bruises not checking if something is happening internally, anything could have happened inside now.

Thats how someone I knew had okada accident, hit her head on the express and the hospital only treated the bruises she had on her body. It was months later she died from internal bleeding from that same accident and I was like couldn't the hospital have recommend them to do an internal check just to be sure, its not like she fell from the bed to the floor.

Well maybe no equipments

Orishirishi

You don't love girl A and you got her pregnant.

Issorait.

I also think passport pictures are not always fine, maybe it depends on the shape of head.