Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! - Romance - Nairaland
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| Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Gracious10: 7:40pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
I have been dating my guy for almost a year now. He is 15 years older than me. I am in my late twenties. This guy is super nice but i have issues bothering me about him. 1: He never introduces me as "his girlfriend or woman" ( he calls me baby when we are alone and my name when people are around) 2: He never returns my call promptly, he returns calls in 48-72 hrs and when i demand explanation, he gives excuses of being too busy and would call back when he has time for it! He also accuses me of insulting him and i still apologise. I have never used a curse word on him cos i understand what respect is. 3:we cant have a conversation without him rubbing his age on my face. I am literally scared of showing displeasure in his attitude towards me cos i dont wish to labelled rude and insultive. 4:He loves to ignore me for days no matter how worried i am of his welbeing. 5: He is stingy. If i dont ask for anything, he won't bother doing it for me even if my hair looks nasty. I dont ask him for money because by the grace of God, i can comfortably take care of myself. I have never being[color=#770077][/color] a financial burden cos i know everyone has bills. And i believe a man should provide for his woman the way he can no matter how little. A good woman will appreciate that. I love this man to bits, i have been completly transperent to him and to my commitment to God. The more i try to reach him, the more he appears to be invisible. Recently, he treated me his normal way in public, practically avoided me and sneaked out of the event without informing me of his exit. He later asked me to join me in a resturant, i refused to go. He appologised but i think this guy has been planing to leave me. So i decided to stay away for a while and since then, he hasn't called. I have peace within me, I believe i shouldnt force anyone to be with me. Relationship is a two thing. I believe he has his own side to the story. Apart from what i have mentioned, this guy is nice.....But with what i have presented, should i still hope he will come back? I am not dating anyone and dont wish to date till i understand what went wrong here and how i can fix it moving on. Thanks for your help. Your comments would be highly appreciated. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by slimyem: 7:45pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
you know everything's not fine and you still want to remain in this relationship?  Smh! . . Stop bothering you head trying to understand or figure out what went wrong or how to fix it.. The guy doesn't want anything fixed! Move on already.. Hian! 5 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by UyiIredia(m): 7:51pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
slimyem: you know everything's not fine and you still want to remain in this relationship?Agreed OP, I say you should leave this guy. Like, is this how you would want to be treated when you are married. Don't settle for less than the best treatment from the man who wants your love. 1 Like |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by pendo89(f): 7:57pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
late twenties.am assuming hes 43 and above. I felt tired reading through your post cz it's exhausting what you are doing,please try and find yourself. How long have u two dated and what were you hoping for because it's easy to tell when somebody has given up on you. Sad that you are clinging on to a man who left in the mind and is trying to get meassage across through actions. Quest: What do u think could happen to you if you let go? will your life end? will ur dreams fall apart? yeah start believing that he's gone and pick yourself up cz he could be dating another. 1 Like |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by JallowBah(f): 8:01pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
Why do you want to be with a man that treats you like this? 2 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Gracious10: 8:02pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
pendo89: late twenties.am assuming hes 43 and above. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Acidosis(m): 8:17pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
Your man is not ready for marriage @ 40+ and your still bothering yourself with a boyfriend/girlfriend play. Its like you need some as. s-whipping 4 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by pendo89(f): 8:24pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
It hurts Gracious but you know what? at times we spend too much time looking at a door which is closing that we fail to see the one opening on the other side. You need to value yourself and stop being at the mercy of a man cz a real man values a woman who values herself. We 'ladies' tend to lose ourselves when we fall crazily in love.We lose our goals,our plans and focus and immerse ourselves into the man's goals and life. We think that is what it means to fall in love.We want to be in his plan diary even become his oxygen. When the relationship breaks, we feel lost because we lost our minds completely and have nothing to fall back to.Men do not do that. The age gap is big, although it's not a big deal.Meaning you still have time to collect yourself and mend things. Start by letting go.Do not seek him out.Retreat and focus now.Do you value yourself? Do you love your life? are you happy on your own? You see if you are disatisfied with your life you can never make another person happy or be made happy by another. Please Don't go about hating men either.The sooner you get over this, the sooner you will find a caring man who will treat you right because you value yourself. The ball is in your court.Good thing is you are not engaged or married. 12 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by honeycandy(f): 8:31pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
I almost thought you were dating my boyfriend until I checked the age again. I used to go through something like this with him. Let me give you a simple advice. Let him be. It's up to him now. You've done your part as a loving girlfriend. The problem is I think you're forcing yourself on him and he's taking advantage of that. Just leave him the h.e.ll alone. He'll respect you more. I ignored my boyfriend for about 2 weeks when I realised what was happening. Just let him be my dear. And another piece of advise, while you're waiting for him to come back to you, make yourself available to other guys. I wish you the very best. 5 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by nikkyshyne(f): 8:52pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
@Op, your bf is probably married! 10 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Tolaaaaannni(f): 8:56pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
The message is written all over the wall, HE DOESN'T WANT TO COMMIT!. I don't see how clear it can get than that. 1 Like |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Nobody: 11:36pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
JallowBah: Why do you want to be with a man that treats you like this? Let me guess. Ahh THE SEX IS TOO GREAT. No limit to what women will endure when the sex is great. This man is seasoned. He knows what he wants. And it isn't you and maybe not any other girl for that matter. He is not worried about you because he knows he has conquered you with his di**ck. The thought of what he does to you will always make you go back. It is left for you to free yourself. You will be doing him a great favor when you leave. 5 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Gracious10: 12:12am On Aug 24, 2012 |
jerseyboy: It's really appalling to know that in this 21st century, some people are very shallow minded! I can not Belive that someone will actually show how untamed, ill mannered they are in public. No gentleman will use ur choice of words in public. My r/ship has been sex free cos I understand the consequences of fornication. We choose it that way cos biblical principles must be followed. Sorry, there are r/ships that are actually sex free. I respect the man cos only few men will accept that. And if he chooses to walk away so be it cos am not compromising my principles for any reason! If all women are loose or sexually driven then you met the wrong one. Mark my name properly, I have ZERO tolerance for people who are loose with words. If you don't know what to say, just use the exit button or better still close your eyes. Kindly don't comment on my post anymore cos I may not be this nice next time! 13 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by ikekings(m): 12:26am On Aug 24, 2012 |
@op are you crying while creating this thread? |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by spearman(m): 12:27am On Aug 24, 2012 |
Gracious10: STORY |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Nobody: 12:34am On Aug 24, 2012 |
@Gracious10 From what you've written, I don't see how he has been *super-nice* to you. Are you dating him out of pity or gratitude of some sort? Is he a divorcee or a widower? Please clarify. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Gracious10: 12:48am On Aug 24, 2012 |
fluid26: @Gracious10 Nope, he's none of those.( not a divorce or a widower) Guy is well accomplished both financially and academically, he's just stingy. He's a nice man cos of things he's done in the past. He has his flaws and I also have mine. This r/ship started going south 3 months ago. And am yet to see a man who will wait till marriage to have sex. He's just an exception, for that only, he's nice. 1 Like |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Nobody: 1:03am On Aug 24, 2012 |
It appears there are other shortcomings (yours & his) that you are not willing to reveal. Perhaps they are too personal? Or just too distorted for public consumption? If you can be more daring and reveal more details on the goings-on in your relationship with the dudeman, then we might be better positioned to deliver sound judgement.  |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by RealBitch(f): 1:08am On Aug 24, 2012 |
@op You ARE desperate. My advice,when starting another relationship, cos obviously you should dump this guy or get dumped,try to allow the guy do the chasing. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by 190theclown: 2:04am On Aug 24, 2012 |
5: He is stingy. If i dont ask for anything, he won't bother doing it for me even if my hair looks nasty. [color=red]Must this one be among you Nigerian women complaints ha! una nor dey taya - wetin sef  |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by kunlery911(m): 2:50am On Aug 24, 2012 |
u being use thats how we guys act if we using a girl we only call when we want it. trust me he doesn't love or care about u thats y he can go 24hrs without returning ur call |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by ronkebp(f): 3:07am On Aug 24, 2012 |
I really do not understand how you can see all the signs of "i don't love you" or "you bore me" or "you are not the one" and still be asking for advice. Like, really ?? |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by timilehing(m): 3:35am On Aug 24, 2012 |
How lucky- u just escape a gallow!! Are u sure he's not even married sumwher? A man over 40? Read this & sleep-pls |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by djeezy(m): 4:12am On Aug 24, 2012 |
nikkyshyne: @Op, your bf is probably married!Yeah, I think so too. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by MrWaters: 4:37am On Aug 24, 2012 |
He was neva ur man so your loosin notin |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by mspookie: 4:56am On Aug 24, 2012 |
This man is Married or has a serious relationship and can't compromise B STRONG  |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Onegai(f): 5:13am On Aug 24, 2012 |
Well, comprehension skills have dropped dramatically. The OP said she's not sleeping with him, yet you're all saying "itzz the sex, itzzz ova!!". I'm begining to understand why Dangote sees graduates as drivers. OP, is this his usual behavior? If it's not, something big's up, and just stay away, but remain friendly (and distant) if he calls. Then get a life. No calls, nothing, date others. Don't wait for him. If he contacts, smilingly reply 2 hours later. He has to miss you and realise you're important to him, or he has to see that you two are over and it's time to move on. But do nothing in anger, I know you're hurt. It's time to act like a big girl. He's sounds like one of my bros, good guy, serious issues. He got married at 39 to 27yr old, who put up with his crap. This doesn't like you did stuff wrong, it sounds like someone with mad issues or is married. 2 Likes |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by cindyrella(f): 5:13am On Aug 24, 2012 |
MrWaters: He was neva ur man so your loosin notinMy thoughts exactly. Op, it is obvious that he doesn't love you,he is probably married or in a realationship.. leave him while you still can. The right man for you will surely come.. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Nobody: 5:27am On Aug 24, 2012 |
I think he may be married. Why would he leave an event without telling you then ask you to come and meet him in a restaurant? He probably saw someone he knew and didn't want the person to know he came with someone else. Just my thoughts though. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by Fourcade(m): 8:17am On Aug 24, 2012 |
Just let go! It's high time you move along.You are in your late twenties and you don't want to date till you fix this. hmm! annnd you have strong moral principles...tik! tik! tik!  |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by tashanja(m): 9:40am On Aug 24, 2012 |
nikkyshyne: @Op, your bf is probably married!You took the words out of my mouth. |
| Re: Help! Am Loosing The Man I Love! by deniyor: 10:00am On Aug 24, 2012 |
Your boyfriend is probably married or has a very serious relationship. That explains the following actions: 1. He is very loving in private but never introduces you as his woman in public. He can't cos the moment he does that, he loses his real woman. He probably tells everyone you are his colleague. 2. He goes days without calling you or returning your calls. Do i really have to explain to you that he is with his woman? 3. he is not having sex with you. It's probably not what you want to hear but it's true. The only reason a very sexually active man will accept that kind of proposal from you is cos he is getting it from someone else. Based on the above, you are just an emotional release to him. You are the one he runs to when he has problems with his wife. He is emotional cheating on his woman with you. Well i can't call hit cheating in full since no sex. You can't lose something you don't have. Quit the relationship and go get a real bf to marry cos I assure you, it's never going to be the married one you have now. 7 Likes |
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