Very supprising! If he cheats then there should be something wrong with the woman? Do people really hear themselves? Anywho, at the end of the day it all comes down to the VALUE one puts on the marriage. If the guy has been brought up with the belief that it acceptable to cheat whether he is satisfied or npt with his wife he will cheat. And if the woman places mor VALUE in being married than being on your own wheather the husband cheats or not she will stay.

The poster does not sound devasted by this act hence she even stated that men are polygmous in their nature. I really do npt blame her as maybe she has been made to believe this. And many people believe this not only her if truth be told.

While men are given a go ahead to cheat if not satisfied with the wife and never encourage to seek councill with family, pastor and prayer to resolve this. Women are blamed and made to believe that they should never dare cheat but do all to get this working right? I thought marriage was a partnership that require the two people to work on it with equal eagerness?

Having said this, if you are naturally tolarent of cheating then work on him but I also know that you can never change someone who does not want to change. But of cheating is a no no to you and after forgiving your husband twice for this, he should now be clear that a lot is at stake and should be willing that the both if you work on a solution for all your problems.

As I have said before your pain threashold will determine your next step. Other people like prolonging painn others don't. All the best poster. I am wondering if you were not satisfied with him and cheated twice on him, what would be his reaction and the reaction of some of our male posters on here. Just thinking out loud.

2mch: NA WA OOH!!!

A lot of people are not mentally stable. OP, are you sure your husband has never been institutionalized before? People should pay attention to their spouses mental health before marriage. I think this is the only way i can justify all these stories on NL. Nigerian's always hide mental problems. A lot of people are bipolar or schitz, and without help they behave like this. Some people are just strange. At least if you know his mental status, you know you are not battling with a normal person. This is very strange. WOW! You married for real! . And you have accepted this even before marriage. Your mentality that all men are polygamous is a lie. You are too damaged

. Do you know your STATUS considering your different comment nd views on a marriage issue Scan nd paste d result before you reply or demonstrate here again. You tell d poster she married a mad man even so to say she is insane herself haba all she wana hear na advice she can work with why now ..? No be only you study psychology infidelity has nothing to do with insanity

Be sincere to yourself, search for your mistake and when you have correct, i bet he will stop those shit

@ poster u dont have anything to do with the ladies because the more you entertain their call the more hearthbroken you will be. You have to deal with your husband. Engage him in a serious conversation and dont compromise anything, be blunt. Dont beg but make him see reasons why he shouldnt do that again. Dont keep silent. Then report him to ur priest in the church and organize a couselling session for you both. Then pray very hard! There is nothing God cannot do.

@op since you physically met d women ask yourself what does he see in them that u don't possess. Perhaps your d naggin type 24 hrs.

R u cold in bed?or mayyb you use sex as a weapon.what wuld make a man deny his family because of fantasy. What are the things that spices up your marriage?men love adventure what special thing can yu offer apart from food and sex. Do yu ever listen to his problems or yu only bcome a dummy wen u wanna get money.

Take yourself as a single lady then ask what's that special thing in yu that a man seeks.

coogar:

if the husband wears condoms all the time with his concubines, the practical issue you identified becomes null and void!

Let him wear a condom anytime he wants to get intimate with u...that should bring him back to his senses

Birds of feathers fly together... Show me ur friends and i will tell u who you are!

@OP,ur post confirmed that ur hubby is in a clique of humanizers/adulterers( married but singles).Even if he decides to stop it, his friends will always lure him into d act again as it seems that he surrounds himself with unfaithful and promiscous friends who will always discuss about a new catch either @ d office or elsewhere and how sweet they were on bed mayb, compared to their wives.

If ur husband really wants to quit d game, he should starts avoidin all d occasions that will bring about his unfaithfulness either tru his so called friends or even work place, else he should seek for transfer or resign and look elsewhere to keep his marriage.

Then, on ur part, u should work on urself. Be very observant and find out what ur hubby always complain of about u or ur attitudes. Get ur shape back and make ur house enticing to draw him home @ all times atleast he still feels for u!

Insist on condom wen making love to him until he truely show remorse!.

Poster, that man is not right upstairs, how can a father deny he has children because of mere va-gina? Is he even involved in their care or you are the only one taking care of them? Does he contribute to their upkeep, does he interact with them? Is he a good father?
That man better be careful and stop pronouncing negative things into his life! God knows no joke.

You cannot "force" him to change, no amount of shouting on him would. You can guilt-trip him and perhaps he will hide his affairs better or rather than have a stable girlfriend, he starts having one-off affairs but he will only change if he wants to.

It is yourself you need to work on, what your priorities are, what you are willing to accept or not. Your priorities will determine your next course of action. Why don't you surprise him, do the exact opposite of what he expects you to do. Put the fear of God in him.

Good luck!

And poster, please ignore the ones here that are saying it is your fault. A matured man (which obviously most of them ain't) will take responsibility for his actions. Men (well the ones with their brains intact) are not weak, they know what they are doing, they blame themselves for their shortcomings not their wife. It is a shame most don't know what being a Man is all about. We all need to go and ask our grandfathers if our fathers did not teach us well.

@OP. I think you have to be pragmatic in dealing with this issue. I suggest you give him a "hall pass". When you plead with a jumper, you give him more reason to jump. Tell him why he must jump and what the consequences are. I'm sure he'll have a rethink.

2mch: NA WA OOH!!!

A lot of people are not mentally stable. OP, are you sure your husband has never been institutionalized before? People should pay attention to their spouses mental health before marriage. I think this is the only way i can justify all these stories on NL. Nigerian's always hide mental problems. A lot of people are bipolar or schitz, and without help they behave like this. Some people are just strange. At least if you know his mental status, you know you are not battling with a normal person. This is very strange. WOW! You married for real! . And you have accepted this even before marriage. Your mentality that all men are polygamous is a lie. You are too damaged

. Do you know your STATUS considering your different comment nd views on a marriage issue Scan nd paste d result before you reply or demonstrate here again. You tell d poster she married a mad man even so to say she is insane herself haba all she wana hear na advice she can work with why now ..? No be only you study psychology infidelity has nothing to do with insanity

agiboma: @ Op go and talk to your husband and forget about family section of nairaland, most of the posters here dont have god intentions for your family.

That's a funny thing for you ro say!

I magine you must have been attacked in the past but it's wrong for you to arrive as such a baseless conclusion!

Just beacue people don't agree with you doesn't mean theu have bad intentions for your family!

@OP
Ur Husband is rather a lame player jst two chicks(-im assuming) within period and getting caught as well, taking off his ring is a big mistake- chickx dig married men more and will keep it even more discrete since they knw he's already taken. the reasons the chiics called you is cos they felt deceived, dnt fool urself that they had ur interest at heart
and to d feminist on dis thread -Fact 1 men are natural polygamist- u only try to tame us, but u cant suppress nature - the western world u try to copy are serial monogamist/divorce and remarry =Polygamy. The worse affected by this curbing of the Polygamist nature are the women, cos fewer get married (end up with married men or get knocked up by a random guy out of desperation), you give urself heartaches/High Blood pressure because u believe he's cheating (which he probably is doing) , so pls stop all dis drama- its time we openly accept Polygamy.

1. Not all men are naturally polygamous 2. Our choices in life whch are based on our value system also affect us in later life. I know of a banker friend of mine,he's handsome,cool,articulate but an incurable flirt. That runs in his blood and he took after his dad. He always remove his wedng ring each time he sees any lady in skirt and most often convince them he's single and sleep with them. Ironically,he has a devoted,faithful,obeying lady for a wife. Now i ask why does this lady had to make the mistake of her life accepting to marry this guy. I knew the lady wil come to regret having my friend(colleague at work) for the rest of his life. @ op. The solution is prayer. The more u pester him,the more he runs away 4rm home and avoid you even weeknds. Pray for him.Try to empower yourself and get busy.I'm sure u're not a full time house wife. If u are,get a job or biz and get busy. Your hubby takes u serious if u are independent. Gudluck

I don't expect much from a carnal man he is just being himself. You are even lucky you are getting calls from the ladies, but the story is even doubtful, most ladies don't have guts to make such calls. My advise is that both of you seek the Lord in prayers and surrender your lives to the Lord Jesus Christ he is the only one that can save your home.

snthesis: @OP
Ur Husband is rather a lame player jst two chicks(-im assuming) within period and getting caught as well, taking off his ring is a big mistake- chickx dig married men more and will keep it even more discrete since they knw he's already taken. the reasons the chiics called you is cos they felt deceived, dnt fool urself that they had ur interest at heart
and to d feminist on dis thread -Fact 1 men are natural polygamist- u only try to tame us, but u cant suppress nature - the western world u try to copy are serial monogamist/divorce and remarry =Polygamy. The worse affected by this curbing of the Polygamist nature are the women, cos fewer get married (end up with married men or get knocked up by a random guy out of desperation), you give urself heartaches/High Blood pressure because u believe he's cheating (which he probably is doing) , so pls stop all dis drama- its time we openly accept Polygamy.

Very funny!

Ujujoan:

Very funny!

but true

snthesis:
but true

Not really . . . . more like a joke!

The guy has a problem and what pains me is the act of denying his marital life and children just to sleep with a lady and the support he gets from his friends. my advice, wake him up by 4am in the morning and ask him why he denys his wife and children just to have fun. Tell him that before he sleeps with you, that he must use condom to avoid giving you HIV and expose your children to opharnage. Then please do not answer those calls from those Ladies and never meet with any of them again and then focus on God with prayer to restore fidelity to your marriage.

@ op
You are a foo.lish woman putting your life at risk,playing russian roulette with your life....Do you want your children to become orphans...I really have nothing more to say to you

Ujujoan:

Not really . . . . more like a joke!

feminist

coogar:

You know that pic is so fitting, totally applies to my life, in so many ways you cant imagine. But that's for another day and certainly not to be discussed on NL. LOL

snthesis:
feminist

Chauvinist!

OP, you get mind sha. Going to meet strangers just because they claim they are fvcking your husband. See you see sick kidnappers and ritualists.

I would advice u c a professional social worker to gt expert advice nd nt a quack person such as frnds,parent e.t.c nd probably of d same faith wt u.gt closer to God thru christ d way,truth nd life

snthesis: @OP
Ur Husband is rather a lame player jst two chicks(-im assuming) within period and getting caught as well, taking off his ring is a big mistake- chickx dig married men more and will keep it even more discrete since they knw he's already taken. the reasons the chiics called you is cos they felt deceived, dnt fool urself that they had ur interest at heart
and to d feminist on dis thread -Fact 1 men are natural polygamist- u only try to tame us, but u cant suppress nature - the western world u try to copy are serial monogamist/divorce and remarry =Polygamy. The worse affected by this curbing of the Polygamist nature are the women, cos fewer
get married (end up with married men or get knocked up by a random guy out of desperation), you give urself heartaches/
High Blood pressure because u believe he's cheating (which he
probably is doing) , so pls stop all dis drama- its time we
openly accept Polygamy.

What is sad but reallity is that a significant number of men in the continent or world even think exactly like this.

@snthesis, you are a reflection of a painful truth!

jennykadry:

Nope. I don't agree with your posts 99.9% of the time. You are just lucky I agree with this one.

I laugh in Chinese, you just proved my point.

sweetcheecks:

What is sad but reallity is that a significant number of men in the continent or world even think exactly like this.

@snthesis, you are a reflection of a painful truth!

yep, so ladies shud brace up and swallow d bitter pill

sweetcheecks:

What is sad but reallity is that a significant number of men in the continent or world even think exactly like this.

@snthesis, you are a reflection of a painful truth!

Yep, what he spewed is what is happening in the real world. Most peeps live in their illusion and lie to themselves but the truth/reality is that 90% of Naija married men have girlfriends or engage in extra marital affairs. We are just lucky that naijas have good acting prowess that cover up for their deception and pretense.

Cuddlemii:

Yep, what he spewed is what is happening in the real world. Most peeps live in their illusion and lie to themselves but the truth/reality is that 90% of Naija married men have girlfriends or engage in extra marital affairs. We are just lucky that naijas have good acting prowess that cover up for their deception and pretense.

i disagree with localizing it Naija ppl, its all over d world, Black, white, Chinese, recall Monica Lewinsky,

Sista, pls go and get tested for STD and HIV. Know your status.

As a man I will advise you to take a cue from each posts, but ignore those that advise anything close to divorce. call your husband and his friends together and tell them how they are all hurting your family. Spend quality time with him, try and pamper him all the time, make sure he meets you at home everyday, remove his socks anytime he comes back, smell him for women fragrances and TRY TO FORCE HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU EVERYDAY you will see how well he can change.