stillwater: If you've resigned yourself to believe men are polygamous by nature, I don't see any reason why you should feel hurt. Or are you hurt because he doesn't tell his women he's married and has kids more than his intent to cheat?

Anyway I think this is the time to be practical. You should have a thorough discussion with your husband, drop the sentiments aside for now and ask your husband what marriage entails to him. Tell him to forget all the begging. The aim here is to know where you stand and have your peace of mind. Knowing where I stand gives me an idea on what actions to take. It is then left for you to decide to live with this situation or not. I hope while he's been running around, you've been saving and storing money somewhere.

this is a very mature answer.

save money but also your health

sweetcheecks:

What is sad but reallity is that a significant number of men in the continent or world even think exactly like this.

@snthesis, you are a reflection of a painful truth!

Men will always be men. Their dicks rule them and to be honest us.

do both of u go to church at all?madam, u are not a good xtian otherwise u would have known and pray over d matter 4 d ist instance even report him to ur pastor 4 proper cancelling and prayer frm the man of GOd.or u don;t do normal thing at home that make d man to run outside ?adjust urself or u become a single parent

brideprice: I have been a silent follower of the family section and am amazed at how well some issues have been trashed. This is why I have decided to reach out and share my own experience in marriage and hope that someone out there will be able to identify with me.

The problem began sometime last year, when my husband got involved with a young lady in his office. They had been dating for some months when somewhere along the line, I got to know - thanks to the young lady's conscience. She called me up one day, having gotten my number from my hubby's laptop which was with her, and she introduced herself as my husband's girlfriend. She told me she never knew he was a married man as he kept on denying it. That even his friends (who all attended our wedding) also corroborated the story, that he did not have a wife and any child (we have been married for 5years and have 2 kids). I agreed to meet with this lady in a public place. We got talking and that was when she told me she was now convinced and was going to leave my hubby alone and it was so. She managed to convince my hubby to come over, without letting him know that I was there, when he came, he was shocked to see us both and he apologized, while crying profusely that he would never be involved in such again. That was February 2011.

Yesterday, I got a call from another lady who also introduced herself as his girlfriend. They work at the same office too. She told me of how he had convinced her that he was not married and had no children and how he so much wanted to have her. She told me she got my number from his phone and was beginning to doubt his professed marital status from the manner of text messages she had been reading which was sent from my number. (My hubby never stores my number in his phones. He claims that storing an already memorized phone number is a waste of memory space in the phone). So she only wanted confirmation. I told her point blank that I am his wife and the mother of his children.

When i confronted my hubby about this new strange woman he denied and started swearing that he had nothing to do with anyone by that name. Eventually, one thing led to another, I got my sister to speak with her at length and she did not deny anything. She even told my sister a whole lot of other things. Before now, my hubby will not come home at night but will tell me he is working late in the office and will have to pass the night there. This girl however confirmed that anytime he did not sleep at home, he was with her ......

The thing now is how come his strange women are always calling me? Why does he deny his marital status and even his children? Why do his friends always pretend not to know anything about his relationships when the truth of the matter is that they are very much aware?

Right now, am lost for words as I know that men are polygamists in nature. But is it possible to trust him again?

He has begged for forgiveness again but how can I bring myself to love him again? I need help. Chaircover et. al. please I await your responses.

Thank you.

Since you asked for advice on what 'you' can do, I like to tell you some things. I don't know him, so I will be talking to you instead. I am not in anyway justifying the evil he is doing to his own home, I am only trying to suggest ways you can save your home having such man as husband.

Fact 1.
- Although men love to cheat, they are less interested in s3x for up to 48hours after doing it.
What you can do.
- Seduce him to action as often as you can (well, a pastor mrs suggested this at one of our women's programme)
- Avoid always demanding for 'it', learn how to make him beg for it (by your tough/action not by depriving him)
Fact 2.
- Men are attacted to varaity
What you can do
- Learn order ways of doing it (show him you are better)
- Dont wait till bed time before making your moves. start your subtle moves early and anywhere, church, in the cars, anywhere.
Fact 3.
- Women disregard their look after marriage, yet complain when their husband looks at the attractive alternative
What you can do
- Stay young
- be nauty sometimes
- Do excercises to keep in shape
- Dress young
- Make up is not a sin madam
- cupy some of the things you see on those ladies (trousers, clothing, make-ups, steps, etc)

Fact 4.
- Wives have the tendencies to mother their husband
what you can do
- Be his friend, not his mother
- be his confidant

Fact 5.
- Women tend to compete with every other things in their man's life
what you can do
- be gentle on his bad habits
- if he drinks, let him drink at home (you can control how much he drinks and even gradually stop it this way)
- Its better to show some interest in his hubby sometimes (its fun to support his team or even the main rival to his football team for example)

fact 6.
- women love to complain about their husband
what you can do
- pray for him
you can expand this.
A cheat is a cheat, but I believe a cheat can be helped out of it by a loving wife like you.

These are not theories, its what I think will make me stop cheating (I no de cheat o) if I were him.

At Op, your husband lacks self control and confidence. The problem is not his friends nor the women. There'll always be beautiful girls around. Your husband has to learn to say no his wandering privates. Meanwhile, you really need to take care of you. Get a job if you don't have one to give you financial independence. Who knows, one of his girls may not be nice enough to contact you, but actually do all she can to keep him all to herself. Oh! And the fact that you have kids shouldn't stop you from being tight down there. Just do Kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles of your pelvic floor. You'll both enjoy sex better that way.

lol this comment made my day!

2mch: NA WA OOH!!!

A lot of people are not mentally stable. OP, are you sure your husband has never been institutionalized before? People should pay attention to their spouses mental health before marriage. I think this is the only way i can justify all these stories on NL. Nigerian's always hide mental problems. A lot of people are bipolar or schitz, and without help they behave like this. Some people are just strange. At least if you know his mental status, you know you are not battling with a normal person. This is very strange. WOW! You married for real! . And you have accepted this even before marriage. Your mentality that all men are polygamous is a lie. You are too damaged

i often read on here without commenting..let's call a spade a spade..a guy that will cheat doesn't need any motivation to do so even if he were married to Beyonce and she gives him everything so let's stick to the wife's story here and forget what she left out of the story

i personally had an experience like her's..i had a really good relationship with a girl of my dream but she lived in another state..i had another in the state i resided in that was always there...Girl B being the jealous type,i had to tell her my main babe was an ex but we were still friends..she later suspected and copied her number off my phone..she traveled and called my main babe and narrated everything to her..i woke up the next day and saw like 200 missed calls from both of them cos my phone was on silent..it was when i called back that it dawned on me what had happened..needless to say i lost both relationships.

i believe her story..the man needs to appreciate what he has first over what he seeks outside and he needs to have the fear of loosing his family else he'll keep doing it and he'll become more careful as time goes on and apologize again when he gets caught...

am not a therapist but i think this issue is beyond the wife sitting him down to talk to him..he needs to see a shrink he'll be more comfortable with opening up to..that way,they can talk about things,his fears,his desires and how to get him back on track...i wish you all the best mrs and hope he turns around for good

It is gud to knw dat there are still girls who don't like to date marrymen! @poster if ur husband still deny have any s*x with them no probs! Let him be and if the girl are still callin any time ur hubby flirt with them! Gud but remember there will b a bad egg who is willin to break ur home! If it have to take u to start takin extra cash frm ur hubby u have to do for u to build an apartment for u and ur kids. Dnt let him knw and any time he come back frm work b close to him like never b4! Tell him u both shd plan a weekend outin with the kids! Some times visit he at work during laugh no all d time! Remember if u have no where to go do dis but if u have let him continue but fight for ur right no matter dnt fight the lady!

Before we lash out on the poor husband, let us take some time to know what the OP in the past had done to the husband. Most times men take out a hurt felt from their wives long ago. Moreover, staying at home with a nagging wife is like living in the desert (even the Bible says so). the more his unfaithfulness, the more she tends towards nagging and the more he finds happiness in these girls.

Some women also relax all those S3Xy things they used to attract their husbands before the marriage (some will even tie wrapper under armpit for 2weeks and the husband wont even remember that his wife used to have a large bottom he once cherished) because they have won the battle to the man's heart.

this is not in support of the man's childish behaviour but a pointer to possible causes of this already gone case.

the so called strange women in his office too should not be commended, girl number didnt knw he is married and so does girl number 2, i mean....

Sit back and u will clearing see where u both are erring. thanks

Men and women are born not to co-exist but to have uncountable replicated children!! When I see people having marriage problems, I shake my head with sigh that marriage is not a bondage zone where you have to live in the same circle of lies thinking he or she might change!! A lot of donkeys just walk into marriage this days with no knowledge of how it works!!!

I love the western lifestyle, you live ur life freely, no family hassle, no friends hassle, they always respect for your decision.

Listen madam, let no little skank lady come and lie to you and break your home! Most women who date married men yet pretend not to know actually did from the start but lied about it. It is not difficult to find out if a man is married especially if you work in the same place or at least live in the same town. How do u date a guy yet not know where he lives?

From experience most ladies who call the wifey after enjoying her hubby often do so in revenge after the guy dumps them or gets a new catch or to onsit the wife cause her to take silly actions then plan to take her place. In most cases they even went out to seduce the guy in the first place despite knowing his true marrital Status. Their aim through the phonecall is to ruin you guys, cos they think there are not enough marriagable men to go around.

Nigerian women try too hard to save their marriage, and as a result,they is so much unhappines in their life.... Leave hs home or lock him out, something like that, reporting him to outsiders would make him hate you more...

Nice post.
Bet op has been entertained so far.

The extent of tear party/advice/ bashing has been extensive too.

But let me highlight some issues here.

No girl/lady will go meeting another unless the former is sure the latter is throwing spanner to her Works. Dat can only happen when someone's hubby have been intimate wt wifey's single friend, and d said friend wants to come clean.

2ndly, affairs is a whole lot of ball game to one 9t stand/or 'f*ck buddy* relationship. A woman who is *f*ckbuddy* to a man, wouldn't go to d extent of meeting and discussing her escapades with d man's permanent number.

3rdly, in d affair chapter, I want to believe the man doesn't want to jeopardise his family in any way with his BS outside: and that spells certain things...

1. From the op, he has never been caught in d act, till d alleged gfs calls.

2. D point above shows d man hv been careful to relegate dem to the background.

3. Since his family and family life wasn't partakers in d wooing contest, why advertise it when he knows he is having affair? Note that a single lady will only query ur status when a male has passed all her perceived tests, and has already fallen over...then d 64m dollar question...are u married? Same for the males too.

4. The man being an experienced woman-b*nger, will then has sensed dat d kill is ripe for eating - then why spoil all d hard work?

5. D above point will now show, if true, dat the hussy have classified his wife IQ to a certain range, and thot she can never understand or appreciate or even disprove what happens at his level.

6. But all dis doesn't make the man evil. In d economic times we are facing, no matter ur level of income, no male will keep a wife and 2 kids + d attendant inlaw stuffs comfortably, and deny dem for just a dip. He may be aware of his attractiveness to d female folks out there due to his position or affluence in d establishment he works for; and from what I read steadily, single/married women folks are willing to throw d sex thing as a leverage for 1 or 2 favors (not all, I MUST STATE HERE) and he feels, it all comes with the job-kind-of-thing.

7. Maybe if op can enlighten us about the kind of man her hussy is privately, at home before all d revelations, we would know more. But I'm sure this man didn't deny them as she alleged for just a dip, he may have done so to keep his BS biz out of his family, and gfs are sour grapes dat didn't get what dey bargained for and went ahead to seek ways of payback.

Now I know dis is lenghty, but hv u imagined DJ jimmy jatt line of work? Or a mgr of a high class brothel being a male? Or a top selling music/film artsite? All this are kind of pple that will want their family not to be seen in d same light as what they do.

My N5000 note.

lord have mercy.