Hey all Nairalanders! My name is Nadiyah and I have a huge problem that I need help solving. Okay, so I'm going to be 30 years old in like 2 months and I am ready to settle down now BUT I can't seem to find a match for me. I am biracial, my dad is white while my mom is Nigerian. I was born and raised here in America. I am 5'7 and I am in shape and people tell me I am pretty. I really don't have a problem with meeting guys, my problem is getting them to stay once they find out that I was a porn star. Many of you people might judge me because of the profession but it was the only means I had of survival. I graduated from university at 22 but didn't get a good paying job and I had to fend for my family being as my mother died when I was 16 and my dad was just a mail man. He didn't make enough to take care of me and my 4 younger siblings, so I took it up on myself to make the extra cash that was needed by being a porn star. So now my youngest sibling has turned 18 and entered university which means I can now stop stripping/being a porn star but my problem is that no man I have met yet wants a lasting relationship with me. Once they find out about my career, they just want to have sex with me and then leave. Will my career continue to judge my relationships?

The problem is that in this part of the world,people tend to have a P with such profession and believe me,it will be hard to find a keeper...nothing is impossible though...hit me up on venorite@gmail.com for a chat

Come one Nairalanders, 30 views and only 1 reply? Please I need you people's opinions on this issue because I am really getting worried.
@venorite I know it is hard to find a keeper, I have been looking to get into a serious relationship for some time now BUT noone wants to date me, they just want to get in the bed with me. Am I going to be doomed forever? Will I always be known as "That Hoe"? I would really like to marry and have three children at least before I am 37.

Nadiya i don't think it's ur past that is the problem here, but rather i think it's more of ur lifestyle, u say u're done with indecency but take a look at ur profile pix, if that is really u nobody in his right senses would wanna marry someone as slutty as dat. Even here in Nigeria that people have problem with that kind of a lifestyle, former prostitutes still gets married, not to talk about America which u claim. so I'll say try to get ur act together and settle down if u really want to.

badtestguy: Nadiya i don't think it's ur past that is the problem here, but rather i think it's more of ur lifestyle, u say u're done with indecency but take a look at ur profile pix, if that is really u nobody in his right senses would wanna marry someone as slutty as dat. Even here in Nigeria that people have problem with that kind of a lifestyle, former prostitutes still gets married, not to talk about America which u claim. so I'll say try to get ur act together and settle down if u really want to.

yeah,you have got a big point there,her profile picture says so many crazy things about her... @ op re u still into such lifestyle cos it see seems you still want to be reckoned as a lovepeddler,start by changing your profile picture....dont forget to hit me up

TRASH!!!!!!

Have you talked to the male porn stars? Your profile pix will attract giggolos and all dem playaz

Poster, my question to is - Would you want to marry you? Obviously guys don't want to keep you because something is wrong. You need to identify that and work on it. You might try relocating but that should be once you are done dealing with all your negative issues. I'm sure you would find someone. However, for a start take out that profile pic of yours. the image looks like a p.o.r.n star.

Repent & change ur lifestyle, start going to churches, some men hu hv played life like u r dia lookin for gud gal to marry, claim to b a gud gal and u r on ur way to married life. Bt d truth is dis, dont expect a very nice guy, cos dis a natural law....wht u sow, u'll definitely reap

@op, as a lady who's desirable of getting married and having kids, your worry/concern is understandable. I like the idea that you have a (age) target. Your case is redeemable even with your past life. I think the problem is you've not met a man who truly appreciates you. You were once a stripper and not a porn star, and i know for a fact that everyone has a past. I've seen ladies with even more terrible and wayward lifestyle and ended up getting married even to the 'most wonderful man' against all odds and beyond everyone's expectation. Your case may not even be as pathetic as some would want us to believe with their comments here. My advice is just be yourself, keep a positive mind set. You can work on your decency(dress style). Cut down on your exposure, show less flesh (put up another profile pix with a more decent pose and wear) and 'adjust' in other areas where you know or think you have 'deficiencies'. Who knows, you could just find a man who'll truly love you for who you are even sooner than you expect and you could well be on your way to living your (marriage) dream. Cheers!

You're right, most people don't really value strippers...but are you a changed person for real as you claimed?

"An old saying goes thus...you can take a man out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the man"

Can you really say that you've gotten rid of the jungle in you?

Well...if indeed you've changed as you claimed, then I would suggest that you let sleeping dogs lie...when next you fall in love, avoid bringing up that subject, until you've proven to your guy that indeed you've changed for real.

And believe me, he would have every reason to believe that you're a changed person when you eventually let the cat out of the bag...

Good luck.

pink82: Hey all Nairalanders! My name is Nadiyah and I have a huge problem that I need help solving. Okay, so I'm going to be 30 years old in like 2 months and I am ready to settle down now BUT I can't seem to find a match for me. I am biracial, my dad is white while my mom is Nigerian. I was born and raised here in America. I am 5'7 and I am in shape and people tell me I am pretty. I really don't have a problem with meeting guys, my problem is getting them to stay once they find out that I was a porn star. Many of you people might judge me because of the profession but it was the only means I had of survival. I graduated from university at 22 but didn't get a good paying job and I had to fend for my family being as my mother died when I was 16 and my dad was just a mail man. He didn't make enough to take care of me and my 4 younger siblings, so I took it up on myself to make the extra cash that was needed by being a porn star. So now my youngest sibling has turned 18 and entered university which means I can now stop stripping/being a porn star but my problem is that no man I have met yet wants a lasting relationship with me. Once they find out about my career, they just want to have sex with me and then leave. Will my career continue to judge my relationships?

You have no issues dear
The thing is just simple: You have not met the right person yet.
When you meet him, "I PROMISE YOU THAT HE WOULD STAY NO MATTER YOUR PAST- (AS LONG AS IT IS IN THE PAST THOUGH)"

Please don't be distraught about your age!
Its just a number

AmBeautiful:

You have no issues dear
The thing is just simple: You have not met the right person yet.
When you meet him, "I PROMISE YOU THAT HE WOULD STAY NO MATTER YOUR PAST- (AS LONG AS IT IS IN THE PAST THOUGH)"

Please don't be distraught about your age!
Its just a number

consolation price

sugar, am available.hola

Well am 25 and I can't really say much but I think its more of your personality than your profession. Would like to chat with you or better still exchange some mail so you can write me at saytoyese257@yahoo.co.uk or better still let's exchange sms 07066992384

Anyway, my candid advice to u is that are u ready to quit the job once you have found your true love? Another thing is that don't just stoop yourself too low for anyman that comes your way. Hold your integrity. When u see ur perfect match just tell him all u av done in the past and tell him you are ready to do his will. May the Lord grant you your desired and dream man. It is well with you. For further chat and counselling, u can add me on teejayderespect4real@yahoo.com

Was there no work in mcdonalds to make extra cash that you went for the allure of p.orn money?
You made your bed, so lie in it-no pornpun intended.
Do you have a collection of your movies?

Thank you for all of you guys reply, I really appreciate the input. I am a real down to earth chick so I specifically put that picture so that men can know me for who I am. I am not going to pretend to be something I am not, I really want to settle down with a man but if being something I am not is the way then maybe it isn't for me. My problem is not getting the men, it is keeping them around for long term. When a man meets me, he usually wants to be committed to me and love me, they say I have a really good personality and other ish but once they find out that I have done a couple of porn movies and have stripped, they don't want commitment anymore and just want to have sex. When I refuse them the sex they usually get angry and leave which tears me into pieces. Recently, there was this 32 year old man that I was seeing for like 2 months and I really loved him and thought he was the one b/c he knew about my career and stayed. But one night when we were hanging out at his apartment he persuaded me into having sex with him and when we got into his room, there was a lady waiting for him there, long story short i got into bed with both him and the lady and we had a three some. I did this deed because I really loved him and I didn't want anything to make him leave. So the next day, when I went back to his apartment, it turned out that the lady was actually his wife and he only dated me as a set up to get me in bed with him and his wife. You can bet I cried my eyes out and I felt ruined and used. Anyways this happened like 5 weeks ago and I have been feeling sick to my stomach and dizzy for some days now so I have an appointment with my obgyn tomorrow to see if I am pregnant for this man. I really pray that I am not b/c a child out of wedlock right now will only bring my baggage to my life in finding a man. I just pray that all these trials that I am going through will make me prevail at the end of the day. So this recent occurence is what opted me to ask for help from you NL, because I just feel stuck.

my name is OLA i am a musician and i do not see anything wrong with ur profession any way can we talk 08121680787. thanks as c text or call.

Arrrgh!!! Well after vomiting 3 times today, I decided to take a home pregnancy test. It came out negative but then I took 4 more tests because the pack came with 5, the remaining 4 tests came out positive. Oh God, I am so nervous because I don't know if I should believe the negative test or the positive ones. I really pray I am not pregnant because I don't think I can go through the trama of another abortion. Please don't judge me for the abortions that I have undergone previously. Oh well I guess I have to wait till tomorrow to find out from my ObGyn if I am really pregnant or not. God, why is my life so F*UCKED up

AmBeautiful:

You have no issues dear
The thing is just simple: You have not met the right person yet.
When you meet him, "I PROMISE YOU THAT HE WOULD STAY NO MATTER YOUR PAST- (AS LONG AS IT IS IN THE PAST THOUGH)"

Please don't be distraught about your age!
Its just a number

I would think she shouldd bee bothered about her age if she wants to have not one, not two but three kids at 37. But who knows, she could well be fruitful into hert 40s and 50s.

pink82: Arrrgh!!! Well after vomiting 3 times today, I decided to take a home pregnancy test. It came out negative but then I took 4 more tests because the pack came with 5, the remaining 4 tests came out positive. Oh God, I am so nervous because I don't know if I should believe the negative test or the positive ones. I really pray I am not pregnant because I don't think I can go through the trama of another abortion. Please don't judge me for the abortions that I have undergone previously. Oh well I guess I have to wait till tomorrow to find out from my ObGyn if I am really pregnant or not. God, why is my life so F*UCKED up

Heys Aunty Pinky, your topic seems suspect but I'll overlook it for now. You talk say you dey find husband abi? You come pose like who dey find person wey go help am comot pant, insert something for yonder. Shouldn't you be seeming and appearing reformed at the very least? Someone has suggested that you fish for a husband in your line of work and I agree, only they can satisfy you s(e)xually anyway. And as for the reason for your life being the way it is, google ''choice''.
There are so many things wrong with this thread. I'll be outside watching though.

This story.The more she comments the more I doubt,for now I reserve my comment.

pink82: Arrrgh!!! Well after vomiting 3 times today, I decided to take a home pregnancy test. It came out negative but then I took 4 more tests because the pack came with 5, the remaining 4 tests came out positive. Oh God, I am so nervous because I don't know if I should believe the negative test or the positive ones. I really pray I am not pregnant because I don't think I can go through the trama of another abortion. Please don't judge me for the abortions that I have undergone previously. Oh well I guess I have to wait till tomorrow to find out from my ObGyn if I am really pregnant or not. God, why is my life so F*UCKED up

Have you heard of contraception, possibly even condoms? Not judging here but there seems to be some sort of self loathing on your part. Otherwise, you'd take the required precaution against pregnancy and STD's. Common girl, you are not a kid anymore subject to whims.
I'd say forget about mingling for a bit and concentrate on yourself for a bit. I get the impression that you see yourself as a sex object first and a person second which is flawed. You are letting your past actions colour your view of yourself and by doing this, it will impact your future negatively. You must first be happy with who you are before you can be at your at best in a relationship and command what you feel you deserve. Even if the relationship doesn't materialise, you would still be happy with your own company and hence won't make rash decision or settle for less than you deserve.
There is someone out there who will love you but first you have to love yourself. Look to the future as a chance to start afresh. If you need to speak to a sister, just to vent even, let me know. Good luck.

My dear, it pains me to know of what u passing through. God can give you a new life that you'll be happy with if only you'll believe and trust Him.
There's nothing impossible for God to do.
Find a church to begin to attend and be commited, I assure you, things wld turn around for you.
Just take this step of faith dear.
Jesus loves you.

This girl (or guy) OP is having fun leading you guys on.

Many fake id's on nl playing with people's minds.

rubbish

Why do I feel the op is here just to have fun?

For those of you that think I am making this up, tell me what will I gain from fabrication. I have always been an open and honest person so maybe you guys think I am lying because of my openness of my problem. I started this thread to seek advice and help because I just feel like my life is not going the way I had planned. If you believe I am lying then that's your opinion and I won't argue with it because that's just not my type of person.

And to those that are offering advice:
I have tried dating men within my profession but it never seems to work out. Guys in my profession are usually players and don't want to settle down. 5 years ago I wouldn't mind dating them, but right now I am looking for someone that I can be with forever.
I love myself, I have no self loath or anything but sometimes I just hate my dead mother for putting my family through this, I know it's not good to feel like that but if she hadn't died then I wouldn't be in this predicament right now. I would be a physical therapist with a husband and children but instead I am just "the hoe that nobody wants to wife". Don't get it wrong, I love my mother, I just wish she didn't die.
I know about STDs and protection but sometimes you can never be a 100% safe. That faithful night, the man used a condom but I guess the condom broke and since I have stopped using contraceptive pills because I wanted to stop being intimate with men, that's why I might be pregnant right now.
A lot of my fellow girl friends that are in the same profession as me are also not married but have children, the ones that are married stopped the profession early on but I couldn't stop early on b/c I had my family's responsibilities on my shoulders.
It really hurts that my younger sister that is still in university is already engaged to her high school sweetheart while I am still single, but I am keeping my fingers cross that one day I too will be engaged. Pray for me guys!

Op let me give you the benefit of the doubt and believe your story.
First of all, I am sorry that you have to go through all this, it really does suck.
Secondly, are you ready to change careers? If so, then I suggest you quit now and go look for a better job and stay single and concentrate on yourself for at least 1yr. After the 1 yr is up then maybe you can go and start dating, atleast by this time you will have a better job and no man can judge you because of your career. You are a very pretty and down to earth female so I am sure finding a man isn't a problem. Don't give up hope, your time will come.
Thirdly, as for the unwanted pregnancy maybe you can carry the baby till term and if you really don't want the baby then give it up for adoption. I am sure there are many couples waiting in line to adopt children.
Be strong dear and never give up.

@Candie
Thank you for your advice. You asked if I am ready for a new profession and I said in my post earlier that since my youngest sibling is now in college then I am ready to look for a better profession. Actually right now I am in the process of applying for to physical therapy schools being as I have always wanted to be one. By God's grace I should be in a program by next year.

common nairaland, this is a set-up story, a fairy-tale, either by owner , mod or wateva, this account was just registered 2day, she's not even followng the story accordlny, 4rm lukin for partner to pregnancy,stds and all sort of crap.. Common spare me dat,,,, u beta go n write anoda story, becuz dis one has turned to viewer discretion....... Is d kinda bushy area u see d likes of , pendo89, candieangel12 AmBeautiful(f) .. ---Slimyem , frecocoa and many other NL celebrites, will soon arrive..


Damn!!!