I have read all the posts on this topic and am finally convinced what a relationship is all about. Its not about love, sex, romance or happiness. Its all about money, ambition and success of a man for a woman to l fall in love. No money no love. A woman only appreciates a man when he has got a job, nice car, nice flat and can buy her the finest things of life before she thinks she loves him. People have been advising the poster to run because her biological clock is ticking just because he has no money or job. But if he was mike adenuga's son, the girls on this forum will be telling the poster that she would be foolish to remotely think of leaving him. Its all about money, money and money and that's why i dont blame men for leaving girls when they are succesful because they deserve to be dumped based on their warped sense of thinking.

Women talk about feminism all day and the need for equality but deep down, they still like to cling on straws and the arms of a man who can support them. They are so selfish and think only of themselves and wellbeing and equate material success with love. How do you think the guy is feeling that he cant match up with other guys in terms of his financial standing? Staying with the poster for 7 years despite all his ups and down is enough for her to know that if he ever gets his footing someday, she would definately be the reciepient of the favours. A lot of rich people today who made it in life always stay with the one that suffered with them. The MKO'S, JIM OVIAS, THE IBRUS, THE ADENUGAS and likes of this world.

Women only want the immediate things of life right now to boast to their friends or families that "their bobo lives the yahooze dream" but never for once picture how 20 years from today will be. You talk about prospective toasters who want to marry her all because of the money and in 5 years time, when she's single, lonely, divorced and with 2 kids alone, the women on this forum will be shouting "Men are dogs" as if they werent the cause of their own misfortune or disaster in the relationship.

So my advice to you is if you really believe in your man's potential in the next 5 years and not today, stick with him and help him out. Behind every successful man is a woman and most men dont forget that. Dont listen to all this university girls that are all about the paparazzi now that in 5 years time they would be irrelevant, useless, lonely and divorced. They are only pushing you to join their club of chop today, cry tomorrow. Look inwards at your mans potential and reap the fruits with him. You never can tell, he could be the next governor of his state and there would only be one first lady then which is you. As for this goats advising you otherwise, trust me, your husband will be married to you and be fucking these bitches in future and throwing them #5,000 compensation while you own the house, the life, the key to his heart and the ring.

@lawyer, that response was from the heart! I feel you bro.

well said lawyer but dont blame her , kinda see where she`s comin from?10yrs is a lotttt!!!

well lawyer you said a lot but then you cant blame our women my mum stuck to a guy like dat and today she supports the whole family including the guy,see the thing that stood out for me in the posters post was he has no feasible plans i.e he isnt even appearing to do anything about his situation ,fine i met my girlfriend when she was in a situation like this and i told her honestly while scoping her that the best thing to do for the guy is to leave him -not to improve my chances of getting her(which i did) but its the truth is when a guy realises he has to keep wprking at it to keep his woman he stays on his toes we men can get so lazy knowing that 'after all she aint going no where' today the guy is doing very well and he still wants her back cos he knows she is a good woman,as long as you let him know you are doing whats best for the future of both of you and you have been good to him he will always apreciate you for it even if he may not show it he will respect you and in most cases will want you back,what if you marry him when he gets a job and then he looses the job later then what do you have to deal with then? however your leaving him now sends him a message and he will make adjustments to himself look at it sef whats the worst that could happen you find someone better and he also finds someone better and everyone is happy rather than both of you being unhappy cos of his ego,omo leave but let him know subtely that you still love him but you need to see him up and doing else, now i dont have a job and my girl is not woeking too but she knows am up and about and she isnt running to meet the now rich former boyfriend and am really open to her leaving me but i wont let it happen cos i will work my bones to keep her but if i were lazing about then i deserve to be left,now my mum complains everyday that she should have not married him, that they warned her ,and this and that but she saw the signs and didnt heed them, whatever you decide to do girl go for a win - win solution your happiness is the most important thing,take care

Funny enough knowing black men, when and if he ever becomes successful he might leave you for another woman. He's probably only with you because you support him and no other woman will. Quite frankly marriage is all about responsibilities, sacrifice and building. So get married to a guy who is responsible, has strength to resist temptation and is promising in lifestyle, attitude and manner. Who you know is secure and can provide. Love will come later. And remember prayer changes things.

Good luck and God bless you baby gurl.

Every relationship should be judge on its own merit. Because someone else had a bad experience doesn't mean the wall should be painted red. We should learn from other's experiences and be wise when dating.

Love tips at: Dating Love Marriages

7 years? Aba!!! By the way how old are you last year? 2008 is another year. what do u want from this guy? Probably he's too good on bed. Think twice, for marriage is a life investment. No FEASIBLE PLAN Gold digger good for nothing guy, they are everywhere but they have their own area of specilization (SEX MACHINE)


Be Wise!!!

chic what in God s name are ya waiting 4, look 7 years is a long time 4 any guy to realise dat he needs feasible plans to succed in lie, and he s waiting on you dats rubbish, dnt drive every man dat cums 2 u entirely am not saying dat u should outrigtly dump the guuy, am just saying dat u seat him down and ask him what plans he has 4 himself and u , if they are not satisfying then chic get moving, people study medcine in 7 years, and dats too long , \

And as 4 u lawyer its not abt the money, there has been no money 4 7 years and she stuck wit him so let it go ur long epistole isnt helping.

I really feel this topic. . .I know some1 wit a similar situation but the difference is the guy in dis case has a drive, a vision,a dream. But still, nothing seems to be coming out of his efforts. It's like as he tries something, almost at its peak, it crashes again. D girl on the otherhand, has tried her best to help the guy wit alot of things. . .I mean both of them have really tried everything possible (prayer, fasting, investing, sowing et al) same stories, nothing happens. They love eachother and believe in his future, but for how long can they eventually wait it really saddening and breaks my heart, if God will just turn situations around 4them.

I know God hears and i believe in patience, but my dear, in a case where one (man/woman) lacks a drive/vision (@least something to hope on), d best u can do is forget every form of relationship and help him find himself, help him 'retrieve' his childhood aspirations . . .be patient with him. U might eventually move on but leave him a better person!!!

All d best. . .1luv!

You people are very funny somebody said there is fire on the mountain dat u should run
well as for me u really have to pray about this issue on ground 7years of relationship so u mean u people were just friends all these while.
somebody said can he read or write at all l agree with such and we should ask u are u sure if yes let us know . u really have to pray very well l wont deceive u prayer is the key to this problem on ground best of luck

Like that ur guy has no good plan for himself, let alone u. for ten years, with the tone of ur message, there was no progress that assures his capabilities or that could warrant going to the next level with him, i think u both of u need prayer!

2 things are involved, if u believe in him and his capability to progress, marry u and take care of u, pray and go ahead. but if there are no indications in these perspectives, please pray and seek to quit for good.

Marriage appears to be a big accomplishment for most ladies,sometimes at the expense of happiness.Seriously if this guy makes you happy and yu love him,I will rather you sit with him and discuss realistically the prospects of your future together.Does he have some skills he can apply,is he educated,things like that.You don't need a house to be married.I agree you need a job but definately not a house.The wedding does not have to be grand.

I remember my some years ago,a man told us how when he married his wife they were so poor and he was still in school struggling.His wife stood by him.This man is now a SAN and was a former minister.He refers to his wife as his "rock of inestimable value"

ayettymama:

lawyer,your full of rubbish, did you not read that the guy has no feasible plans? that means he aint goin nowhere unless he wins the lottery! Men dump women when they are successful because they are ungrateful, selfish, ignorant pigs.
Listen to yourself do you make sense? If a woman stays with a man when he is poor only to get dumped when he makes it, then you will blame her thinking for being warped when she stayed with his broke ass!
Dont come on here women bashing, if you met jezebel then thats your problem but your talking complete jazz. Now gerrout!!!!!!!

I have read your rubbish ayettymama and i can safely say, your a classic example of how not to be a woman, why men should use people like you and dump you, why it would take you donkey years to find the man that would remotely even think of taking you to the altar and if by some fluke of nature you actually get hitched, the signs are there that you would complete the statistic of the club of lonely, depressed, divorced and single mothers. Since your all about today and the money that boys would flash for you now, it shouldnt be a problem for you. Just remember that potential and aspiration that you see in your so called man is not actually for you but for a more decent and well deserved woman like the poster in future.

You lack decorum and intelligence in suggesting that i am pouring out my frustration for having bad experiences with women when in fact i neither mentioned any thing about my past, present or future relationship in respect to the issue at hand. If you have remotely attempted to use a fraction of your half witted cotton wool that you call a brain to read my post carefully, you would have discovered that my opinion was based on her trying her best to help her man succeed in life since she actually confessed that they are both in love and behind every successful man is a woman and most men dont forget.

Even if there are a handful of men who have betrayed that trust, it doesnt mean that all men do that and history has shown that a lot of successful men pay tribute to the women that stood by them despite all the years of frustration, poverty and stress.

I know your a mascot for men to sleep with and dump: and you 100% deserve it and even more until you purge yourself from such caterwauls and idiocy about me bashing women because of my so called frustration with women. Women have given their opinions about men and how horrible they have been to women, why cant a man come out to defend the boy since every body is bashing him left right and centre. Dont worry, you have many more weddings for you to attend as a bridesmaid but you being in front of the altar any soon is not going to happen because you would always be second best to any decent, responsible and focus worthy woman such as the poster.

!

jazzy:

And as for you lawyer its not about the money, there has been no money 4 7 years and she stuck wit him so let it go your long epistole isnt helping.

You just confirmed what i said earlier on in my post. Women dont believe in love, its all about the money and nothing more. She neither said that during the 7 years she has been with him that she doesnt feel affectionate about him anymore or he beats her or cheats on her. She neither said he hasnt proposed to her because he is broke. What stops him from leaving her and looking for a sugar mommy if he is all about making money. Despite his ups and downs, he still cherishes his girl friend.

The poster neither said when they started dating, whether they were still kids or in high school or met in the university. Your all assuming that she should be 29 or above 30 and she cant wait no more. Money doesnt fall from the sky and if you actually work, you should know that no employment gan guarantee you instant successful salaries for a life time. All the guy needs is a big break and if he messes that up then you have a point. I know a lot of ppl that made it late in life but happiness in a relationship has always been their cardinal principle in life. So its not about the money. Love supercedes anything if she really cares for him.

ayettymama:

Funny enough knowing black men, when and if he ever becomes successful he might leave you for another woman.

with all due respect, you make no sense here whatsoever. I may as well say "funny enough knowing black women, she may not even be as beautiful as to waste 7yrs to be with".

ayettymama:

He's probably only with you because you support him and no other woman will.

I think after 7yrs of being with the guy she would know a lot better than you if that was his only reason for staying with her eh.

ayettymama:

Quite frankly marriage is all about responsibilities, sacrifice and building.

Quite frankly you have no idea what marriage is all about. If marriage is about sacrifice and building then why are u suggesting she leave the guy simply because he is broke? Do you make "sacrifices" and "build" only with a guy that has money?

ayettymama:

So get married to a guy who is responsible, has strength to resist temptation and is promising in lifestyle, attitude and manner. Who you know is secure and can provide. Love will come later. And remember prayer changes things.

Typical opportunist attitude of the black woman. It is all about what they can get from you. And you were talking about knowing all about marriage a few mins ago.

We don't even know the age of the poster.If she was 15 or 16 when she met her man,she will still be around 22 or 23.It all depends on how old she is.

@davidylan



thumbs up for a brilliant post and actually exposing the idiocy of ayettymama and her ridiculous points!

Lawyer

I totally agree wth you.

@ davidylan

great post

@ lawyer

good analysis



@ every one

b4 we continue to kill the guy, lets take a look at the other line of the sentence

though I'm not happy cause he is not happy.

b4 u crucify the guy that he does not have feasible plans u could see from the single phrase that he is not happy tha the does not have a job and probably that is a result of searching for one and have not yet gotten one

the girl is confuse now because there is confusion along the lines, some other interested parties with more money are showing up, but u know life is not all about the money

except u have never had money, u would get to a point in life with all the money ur not happy u then begin to ask ur self wats the use wats the value of the money if i cant be happy

if the guy has made u happy for 7 years, then continue to enjoy it , u r on the edge of a miracle if u leave him now u have done the biggest mistake of ur life

i had a friend like that after graduation he was dating the lady right from university for 6 years no job he could not ask her to marry him, almost about when the girl was planning to leave he got a great job that each month salary equals all the 5 years of waiting

what ur man needs now is support from you to make him believe that he can do it and overcome the situation probably he has to change his methods of searching and thats why ur there to support him.

so encourage him and pull him up and stop contending to leave

u can see the advice of some greedy girls in this forum, i wonder if they indeed understand wat luv is or is it all about the BENJAMINS

enjoy

@baba4life

sorry if i am sounding insulting, tell ur mom to stop crying over spilt milk.

she should learn to enjoy the good of the union and learn to enjoy the children from the marriage if not u would not be here

or is she regretting to have u also for him??

and to stop complaining she saw the writings and she decided to

LAWYER AND THE OTHER GUY, IM NOT MARRIED AND I'M RATHER MATURE AND SENSIBLE SO I WONT EVEN BOTHER READING YOUR CURSES AND RIDICULOUS COMMENTS. WHAT YOU PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND IS THAT ALOT OF WOMEN STAY WITH MEN BECAUSE OF THIER OWN INSECURITY. IF YOUR CHILD OR YOUR SISTER BROUGHT A LOW LIFE HOME WHO US OBVIOUSLY LAZY, WILL YOU SAY
"OO CHILD I SEE YOU LOVE HIM MARRY HIM AND I'LL PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING AND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!"
WHEN THEY GET MARRIED SHOULD THE WOMAN SUPPORT HIM AND THIER KIDS WHILE HE SITS HIS LAZY ASS AT HOME ALL DAY AND CALLS HIMSELF A HOUSE-HUSBAND!
IM FROM EKITI, AND MEN FROM MY STATE ARE SMART RESPONSIBLE AND HARDWORKING SO MAYBE I'M A LITTLE NAIVE FOR THINKING ALL MEN SHOULD BE THAT WAY!
SHE HERSELF IS OBVIOUSLY WORKING SO HER LIFE IS IN ORDER!

A MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO BE RICH TO BE PROMISING AND WELL MANNERED, YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDNT UNDERRSTAND WHAT I WAS SAYING. FOR A MAN TO BE ABLE TO SACRIFICICE IT MEANS HE WILL BE FAITHFUL. IF A GUY MAKES YOU HAPPY AND IS A WELL MANNERED AND RESPONSIBLE PERSON I THINK HE IS HUSBAND MATERIAL. I DON'T NEED TO WAIT 5 YEARS TO GET A LOVE FEELIN THATS ONLY IMAGINABLE.PRAYER 1ST LOVE GROWS!

ANYWAY EVERYBODY HAS DIFFERENT VIEWS ON MARRIAGE AND I HONESTLY RESPECT THAT BUT YOU GUYS HAVE NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN IF YOUR UNHAPPY THATS YOUR CALABASH! THERE ARE ALOT OF FAITHFUL WOMAN OUT THERE. MEN HAVE NO REASON TO DUMP WOMEN THAT HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL TO THEM OR HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, THERES NO JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT!

@ ayettymama

This is a much more sensible post and well noted

LAWYER AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE HAVE CONTRIBUTED WONDERFULLY TO POST OF THIS LADY. WHAT I WILL ADVISE HER TO DO IS BASICALLY BELIEVE IN THE GUY AND CONTINUALLY PRAY 4 HIM COS THINGS CAN CHANGE 4 HIM WITH GOD. MY FATHER IN THE LORD, ALWAY SAYS HIS FAMILY IS D POOREST IN THE WORLD WHEN HE WAS MUCH YOUNGER, BUT DESPITE, THAT MUMMY G.O STILL MARRIED HIS WHEN HE WAS NOBODY, BUT LOOK AT HIS TODAY, HIS VERY GREAT AND CAN ALSO SITS AMONG PRESIDENTS OF THE WORLD. YOU MIGHT THINK HE DOES NOT A PLAN, BUT HE MIGHT BE PLANNING SOMETHIN GOOD FOR BOTH OF U. DONT RUN, STAY WITH HIM, THE BEST IS COMIN TO HIM AND YOU WILL LAUGH.

you people have not even read the post, this has nothing to do with rich guy poor guy, this is to do with shine ur eye well well!!!!!
He has NO PLANS hes not gonna break through UNLESS he changes. she cant marry him unless she wants to be unhappy for the rest of her life!

Lawyer, you're quite a bitter jerk.

Anyway, what a boring thread.

Obviously it doesnt bother you that even just after a year your guy never bothered to improve himself, yet you continued to be there for over 7 years. Took you that long to wake up?

Have fun then.

Not even gonna bother giving advice esp since the OP hasnt returned to this thread to reply any of the comments. Probably something she lifted from Hints or Hearts.

I dated my ex for 7 months and left when I saw no improvement. Even today I am still mad at myself because I should have left after realizing it the first month.

Once you smell shit, move on. Don't wait! Things can get better or worse, but it's likely they get worse.

This is entropy for you. 

@kaecy5

no offence taken my mum is ok and she enjoys her union but i only cited it as an example to learn from am not complaining at all, even better she enjoys us the children and her husband is he husband,its just that we learn everyday and i have a balanced view of what will work and what will not, do you?

7 years? Aba!!! By the way how old are you last year? 2008 is another year. what do u want from this guy? Probably he's too good on bed. Think twice, for marriage is a life investment. No FEASIBLE PLAN Gold digger good for nothing guy, they are everywhere but they have their own area of specilization (SEX MACHINE)


Be Wise!!!

@baba4life

like i said i am sorry for mentioning ur mom

take care

My best response to you is that you should look before you leap. Make hay while the sun shines. Without the basic necessities of life he may not be able to support you, but then the question you should be asking is does he have the potential, does he have a plan?

If the answer is yes then give him a chance, and let him know what your concerns are. If he truly loves you, he would want to fulfil your requests.

SegunTX:

My best response to you is that you should look before you leap. Make hay while the sun shines. Without the basic necessities of life he may not be able to support you, but then the question you should be asking is does he have the potential, does he have a plan?

If the answer is yes then give him a chance, and let him know what your concerns are. If he truly loves you, he would want to fulfil your requests.

What part of "he doesnt have any feasible plans" did you not understand?

sit him down and ask him, do we need to get married or not, hope his not into your ass.!! how many times you guys has had sex?? may be thats all he is all about, girl you need to know the real fact, does he always go out 2 seek 4 job?? i think u shd know his mind more than us, if he has no plans for you, girl stand on ur feet n move on, something about guyz, they seems to be there self when there is no cash, as soon as his alife(money speaking) then you'll know the real man u've been fucking with for 7years, dont waste yor damn time feedin,clothing, this jobless ass, since aint kids between u guys, find out the real truth abt wat he got on mind for u, if he got no plan of getting a job or taking care of u, bullshit him n take care of ur self with ur salaries