I keep losing relatzionships and i don't know why. Each time i meet someone new i lose him immediately, inexplainably.

Let me share one of the numerous examples with you guys:

I met this born again christian in a church. we exchanged our email adresses but didn't start communicating until 2 or 3 months later. He was calling me regularly; we could talk (about general things like the christian faith) like hours into the late nights. Since he didn't officially ask me out, i wasn't sure if he was just a brother in christ or if he wanted to go out with me. I didn't ask him because of my past experiences where certain guys were very cllose to me and i thought they were interested in me and they telling me otherwise, which of course destroyed the relationships.

I was invited by this bornagain christian to spend new year's eve with him and other christian brothers and sisters. Since it's like 3 hours drive from where i live iasked him i needed a place to sleep after the celebration and if he could ask one of the sisters if i could sleep at her place. He said no he didn't need to ask aforehand since we are all christians and they wouldn't have anything against it. I didn't want to argue with him because of my past experiences with people so i trusted him blindly. And before we hung up he told me i could also spend the night at his place but i calmly refused his offer because of my past experiences

When i got there none of the sisters he was expecting came. So i then told him i would just sleep in a hotel. He said no, that for him, it's not cultural to do such a thing and that i could sleep at his place, i told him it's not my standard as a christian and also because of my past experiences. He got angry and left to speak with others. So i began to ask other guests like 2 or 3 ofthem where i could get a hotel, in that way, they got to know the story.

He was later angry with me and said he now knows me deep and who i really am. I told him not to take it like, that it's just that i didn't like spending the night at a guy's place because of my past experiences and religious reasons.

Since then he never called me and the relationship just died like that,


This is one of the numerous experiences i've had with relationships. I don't just get along with people very well. Does anyone has or has had this kind of experiences?

I have personally noticed that i only get along with people when i do what they tell me to do. The moment i dare say/do otherwise i become an enemy. I've watched other people's lives and i noticed they have many friends despite the fact they sometimes do otherwise. Especially a christian sister i know of. After the incident with that born again christian guy i told her about it and she accused him of probably having a hidden agenda. This guy later said, for him it wasn't a problem that this sister accused him of anything but that they are still freinds and i was like so it wasn't a problem that she accused him of having hiden agendas against me but it was a problem for him that i asked 2 people where i could get a cheap hotel,

Sincerely speaking, I dont think there's anything wrong with you(in reference to the story) its the "guy" or "bornagain" that got the problem. . . . . . . . . .for crying out loud, its normal for a female to feel insecure in the company of a male ! Even when its going to be 'overnight' !! .and why should he make such a big deal out of it, if truly he had no hidden agenda when its not like u're married or his sister. . . . . . . . . . . Hey dont go against your will just to "blend in" . . ' .its just a matter of time before "the real one" comes. . . . . .all those earlier ones are knock-off. . .even the 'bornagain' that couldnt understand
. . . . . . . . .goodluck

dragnet:

Sincerely speaking, I don't think there's anything wrong with you(in reference to the story) its the "guy" or "bornagain" that got the problem. . . . . . . . . .for crying out loud, its normal for a female to feel insecure in the company of a male ! Even when its going to be 'overnight' !! .and why should he make such a big deal out of it, if truly he had no hidden agenda when its not like u're married or his sister. . . . . . . . . . . Hey don't go against your will just to "blend in" . . ' .its just a matter of time before "the real one" comes. . . . . .all those earlier ones are knock-off. . .even the 'bornagain' that couldnt understand
. . . . . . . . .goodluck

well i aggree with this person. am also a guy and i tink there is nothing wrong in what u did, just be patient ur time will come .

ol babe,
take am easy o
your guy will come
dont fall for that bornagain yarn o
some of them bad pass person wey dem never even born

sorry. you do not have any problem. the so call brother wanted to do what he probably has done to other countless foolish sisters.

good things wait for those who wait. years ago i met this lovely girl through a friend at church. we were really good and looked forward to settling with her. one lovely day she came her with the gospel  of sexual compability IE she would have to know we were sexually compatible before marriage. i believed we had agreed there was nothing like that earlier. but in her books no means yes later.

my take on this matter is this.  it is not about sex. it is about the love for God and your body.  my mum God bless her soul always told us the God you so blatantly disregard in sleeping with everything that moves will still be needed to have a good relationship.  

my personal believe is like Paul said there are false brethren and you have to be carefull.  you are a woman and i believe God will not disappoint you for standing by His standard.

most of these buy 1 get 1 free boys are not worth it. you may be a minority but you are a great and respected minority dear sister.  better be lonely than put yourself into bad relationships just to keep up with the Jones. if he cannot respect His God and a Christian sister wonder when he will respect you.

most women know the lets do it afterall i will marry you brigade is loads of rubbish. dont fall for it

enjoy being single.  if you can lay hands on  Derek prince book  God is a match maker go read it and be blessed.  you are only single once.  enjoy it until God places some wonderful brother in your life.

@ joshjosh
how do you do? Howz the weekend?

@poster

there is nothing wrong with you please.The right one will come when you least expect it.

I cannot stand born again brothers. They always try to cover their sins in the name of God. I dated a so called born again brothers 2 years ago. He always made me feel bad that I was not strong enough in the lord. If and whenever i had a problem and go complain to him . . .he be telling me that its becos i don't pray enuff or fast in the lord.

at the end of the day, I found out that this stupid born again brotha got someone pregnant and when i comfronted him, wat he say?"he was using her to get his green card" . . .that is from a born again brotha oh.

@glorina,
there is nothin wrong with u. . . do not belittle ursef cos u wanna make friends or becos u want pple to like u. be ursef and sooner or later, u will find someone that likes/loves u for u!

That is just life, u meet pple that come and go but life goes on and things happen at their appropriate time.

nice advice Busta

forget this his_grace fellow, he's a jester.

Don't lower your standards for anyone, maybe you need to change the folks you roll with. If you always need to 'obey' whatever a man says for you to be happy in a relationship, how long do you think that can go on for? You'll always be wondering if he will leave you the moment you disagree with something he says.

I'm sure there are level headed men out there who are not just looking for someone to take advantage of, men who will love and cherish you for who you are. The so called 'born-again' manipulative ones like the dude you mentioned are the worst! Trying to get you to sleep in his house?? What rubbish, I hope you reported him to his pastor .

I advise that you keep yourself away from such men and hold on for the right man to come along, he will.

@ his grace how is good old hackney? hope you are not in pembury estate? don't get all those naija girls there pregnat ooo.

have they turned it to pakistanis and indians estate like other things in that part of the world? anyway be nice to your sisters okay. it is a duty you owe at least you dont pay tax to naija govt. no more


oboy life is better being nice than being rude. we ned to applaud girls like these in our society.
do your duty

There is absolutley nothing wrong with you.

When you look yourself in da mirror, what do you see? Do you see a defective woman?

Well there you go. . . . . there is no damn thing wrong with you!!!!!

_{***i really hate when girls allow some farm animal that don't know whats up tp tell them who they are. NONSENSE!!***}

Busta:

I cannot stand born again brothers. They always try to cover their sins in the name of God. I dated a so called born again brothers 2 years ago. He always made me feel bad that I was not strong enough in the lord. If and whenever i had a problem and go complain to him . . .he be telling me that its because i don't pray enough or fast in the lord.

at the end of the day, I found out that this stupid born again brotha got someone pregnant and when i comfronted him, what he say?"he was using her to get his green card" . . .that is from a born again brotha oh.

@glorina,
there is nothin wrong with u. . . do not belittle ursef because u want to make friends or because u want people to like u. be ursef and sooner or later, u will find someone that likes/loves u for u!

That is just life, u meet people that come and go but life goes on and things happen at their appropriate time.

Word.

Glorina, why worry over little thing like this? There is nothing wrong with you at all. The issue remains that the so called guy is a wolf in sheep cloth, he is not a real born again Christian as he claims to be likewise he needs a true repentance. Always wait for God's appointed time, the right guy for you will come cos what is for you will surely get to you. keep on praying for the right person to come. Goodluck!!!

unfortunately, for me it isn't a small matter. I'm always alone. I don't have friends; if i don't call people they hardly call me. It even came to a point where i was always calling certain people and they indirectly told me to stop calling them. I feel so isolated.

Encomium:

Glorina, why worry over little thing like this? There is nothing wrong with you at all. The issue remains that the so called guy is a wolf in sheep cloth, he is not a real born again Christian as he claims to be likewise he needs a true repentance. Always wait for God's appointed time, the right guy for you will come because what is for you will surely get to you. keep on praying for the right person to come. Goodluck!!!

glorina:

unfortunately, for me it isn't a small matter. I'm always alone. I don't have friends; if i don't call people they hardly call me. It even came to a point where i was always calling certain people and they indirectly told me to stop calling them. I feel so isolated.

huh that's a little more serious than i thought. Have you no friends at all in your church?
Maybe you shld take a serious look at how you relate to others. At the same time i would not advice that you lower your standards just to get others to like you, commit it into the hands of God and let Him do the rest . . .

Be patient dear . . . if you force friendship there will be wolves waiting to take advantage of you.

@Glorina,

whereabouts are u?

glorina

There's nothing wrong with you but from your second post you are afraid of being alone and in some ways, you are attracted to the wrong kind of men, You need to check yourself, I mean your attitude towards people and how you relate to them. If possible take out a piece of paper and define who you are.   From your post people tend to see you more as a pain than a friend, I'll advice you stop calling these people. Work on yourself for the meantime and build a self confidence. I've found out that you don't have to talk or be loud before people notice you. There's an aura that comes out of self confidence, that beats even beauty hands down
I understand the no friends part, because I'm kinda like that but I don't go calling people. Get engaged in any of your passions, if you have any, like music, novels, i mean something you really like doing. It helps. Cheer up girl.

@Glorina
Thanks for sharing your story. One way to have friends is to be a friend yourself i.e do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You could just study those who seem to have all the friends and see what you can learn from them.

I was once in a similar situation where I was upset that people would walk past me without greeting me or come into my office and not say a word to me. Meanwhile one of my colleagues always got a smile, a wave or a greeting from any and everyone in the company. I decided to study her and found out that 90% of the time she had a ready smile for everyone, a word of greeting, a compliment. She always looked approachable, was willing to help out when she could and was often the first to offer a greeting. If someone seemed to ignore her she didn't assume it was a deliberate snub. She would just call their attention and say hello. She was just so friendly,

So I learned from her and loosened up. I am not quite like her because it isn't second nature to me, but I don't get offended anymore. I know it takes two so I just look friendly and say hello first, more often.

A few things to think about: When you call people, what do you talk about? Do you spend all the time talking about yourself and your problems, asking for favours or generally being a nuisance? Do you talk to people about what interests them or call to find out how they are doing? Are you a good listener too or do you tend to monopolize conversations and do all the talking?

If all else fails, post often, here on nairaland. You will find friendly "faces" here and who says all friends need to be physically known to each other?

Above all, Glorina, love and accept yourself just as you are and believe me, as a previous poster said, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Hugs!!

I remember this babe.

You again?--

Let me go and dig deeper. Will be right back.

glorina
Posts: 24

Offline

  Penetration
« on: June 11, 2007, 12:09 AM » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am/was a virgin and lately i met a guy and we decided to have sex but my vagina was too tight so he couldn't penetrate. He tried it several times like over an hour that i began to feel sorry for myself. What can i do about that? And do you think i can get pregnant without a penetration or should i still take the pills?

he he he he he he he he.

I guess if your vagina has remained too tight, most of the guys will keep running away.  Is this still the cause of the problem?

I am not trying to be nosy.  I just wanted to see how I could better assist you.

Tender thoughts!

Gloria?
There is something wrong with you. Please don't look at issue from one side. Romance is not defined from religion angle.

I repeat, THERE IS A LOT WRONG WITH YOU. I would have to meditate on you to find out what is wrong.

One thing I can tell you in all certainty is that EVERYBODY CANNOT BE ALL WRONG at the same time.

I dont think u have probs,
trut is relationships are based so much on SEX nowadays,some pretend about it some go to d point.
Infact its gettin weird,jus lik girls want money from the guys,guys want sex.I dont mean you cant see some guy that will take you for who you are,but it can be hard, goodluck

gal,
nuthing is wrong with u,
i belive that u are a born again 4 real?, n that u aint fronting?, cant understand why u are attracting the wrong types to urself, sumthing is wrong somewhere!!!,
try n join a dept in ur local church, choir/ushering, etc, be more friendly too,
n dont get too carried away by religion that u 4get to keep ur self attractive/trendy,
no sane man wants to have an unattractive lady 4 a wife,

n above all ,,,,,,pray

@poster, after going tru ur profile,

i now understand why the wrong guys are attracted to u

seems u are kinda drawn in 2 diff ways

I am sure a lot are wrong somewhere. Reading her post is enough to conclude she is the problem.

olanajim:

I am sure a lot are wrong somewhere. Reading her post is enough to conclude she is the problem.

Ah ah?


Mr. Olanajim. You used to be a whole lot more sensitive than this. I am trying to be like you are becoming more like me. Wetin dey happen?

@glorina

I tried to read how many times you mentioned Christain-this and Christain that? In Christ this--in Christmas that.  Who are you trying to impress? People like you are making the religion very unappealing.

Why don't you try being yourself, and relax for a change instead of faking it.

True Christains do not go about broadcasting the kind of mentality they have--it glows!!!!

You are trying to hard to be what you are not.  People can usually sniff through all that.

Almondjoy,
I am still sensitive. But I had learn how to vomit the bitter truth even at the risk of losing face. I let my intuition work out something while commonsense prevails.

I quite understand the poster. It is not that she delibrately hurt herself. She is being haunted by the past. That is number one problem and her biggest problem. Her being born again has nothing to do with her disappointment. The real issue lies in her.

My favourite quote is that of James Allen:

"not what he wish and pray for does a man get. His wishes and prayers are only gratified WHEN HARMONIZED WITH HIS THOUGHT AND ACTION.

I have not doubt in my that behind her repeatition of "due to past experiences" phrase, we would find the real reason why she is drawn to guys with sex instinct. I can also not rule out the possibility of the guys trying to eat their cakes.

The question is "why must they be born agains?" and the answer is that "most of those born agains guys and gals are not real. Even pastors that baptized them fornicate when opportunity present. Most of the so-called born agains are first class candidate to Hell.

What is the way out? That is another issue on it own.

Almondjoy,
I am still sensitive. But I had learn how to vomit the bitter truth even at the risk of losing face. I let my intuition work out something while commonsense prevails.

I quite understand the poster. It is not that she delibrately hurt herself. She is being haunted by the past. That is number one problem and her biggest problem. Her being born again has nothing to do with her disappointment. The real issue lies in her.

My favourite quote is that of James Allen:

"not what he wish and pray for does a man get. His wishes and prayers are only gratified WHEN HARMONIZED WITH HIS THOUGHT AND ACTION.

I have not doubt in my that behind her repeatition of "due to past experiences" phrase, we would find the real reason why she is drawn to guys with sex instinct. I can also not rule out the possibility of the guys trying to eat their cakes.

The question is "why must they be born agains?" and the answer is that "most of those born agains guys and gals are not real. Even pastors that baptized them fornicate when opportunity present. Most of the so-called born agains are first class candidate to Hell.

What is the way out? That is another issue on it own.

almondjoy, haba !! . .dig digging . .dug. .
ABEG wetin dey my past o?? .dont go diggin out my sins on any important thread abeg

almondjoy, haba !! . .dig digging . .dug. .
ABEG wetin dey my past o?? .dont go diggin out my sins on any important thread abeg

@poster

You have nothing wrong with yourself. From reading your posting, it sounds like you are easy person attracting hypocrite false born-again guys who are vultures seeking for virgin or Christian fantics girls like her.

I used to be just like @jandbaby's similar situation and abi @jandbaby has said it all. As a result, I made lot of friends myself.

I am not that kind of type person who is easy like @poster let vultures get me---God forbid! Easy to read their body language that turned me off instantly despite of my deafness. Lot of vultures men are quickly embarrassed get caught by me knowing what they are doing wrongly to me. Few warned other men not to mess me around---I am too smart for that.

trust in God and pray.