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Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? - Family - Nairaland

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Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by stillme(m): 7:13am On Dec 10, 2012
Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Kobojunkie: 7:19am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

You and your friends probably need psychological help asap. What do you mean by family position?? What you two are doing is manufacturing stu_pidity so you can have excuses for any ills you have planned in your minds. My gosh!! What has wisdom, knowledge and understanding to do with all this B.S The Bible tells you that wisdom, knowledge, which is mostly common sense confounds the foolish man, and dude, way to go!
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by k2039(m): 7:33am On Dec 10, 2012
Op, this is plain stupidity, all that matters is the maturity and intelligence of the person I'm getting married.
For Christ sake, there is no family rank when it comes to marriage.

You and your friend need to change your thinking, this kind of thinking of both of you is outdated for the 21st century we are in now.
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by zayhal(f): 8:03am On Dec 10, 2012
What is your own position in your family? Have you got siblings yourself?
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by maclatunji: 8:33am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

20 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by stillme(m): 8:59am On Dec 10, 2012
maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired bosom milk he was fed when he was a baby.

8 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Kobojunkie: 9:17am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired bosom milk he was fed when he was a baby.

There is something that is typical with a lot of Nigerians, not just you. Rather than look for ways to release yourselves from those mentalities that have to date yielded not much in the way of progress, you look for others like you to feed you the same old BS so you can maintain the four-walls of that box that has caged you and those before you for generations.

You conveniently label it wisdom and understanding yet NOTHING in the bible suggest any of what you and your concocted in this makes sense. In fact pattern after pattern in the books shows that those who considered this sort of thinking wisdom ended up paying for it, dearly too. But, like I said, I know this is Nigerian way of reasoning and you are welcome to continue in that box of stu_pid ideas, and pretending they have to do with wisdom when even common sense continues to fly past you on a daily basis.

I am sorry you feel insulted but I have in no way insulted your person, only told you the truth about your thinking, your friend's and the fact that you are no different from the typical Nigerian out there, always looking for ways to AVOID applying common sense solutions, which consists is WISDOM itself, when trying to resolve even daily life's issues. Again, the Bible says Wisdom confounds the foolish . . . I see it daily in many Nigerians.

2 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by pak: 9:35am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired bosom milk he was fed when he was a baby.


Classic !!! Stillme 3 v 1 Kobojunkie grin grin (abeg stillme next time you want to throw that kind of knock out jab, send him a PM first. This kain yab can totally disorganize one's day, even the entire week sef)

10 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by pak: 9:36am On Dec 10, 2012
maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.


classic !! (gives a mental doff of hat)
 
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by enigmagu1(m): 9:58am On Dec 10, 2012
B.S The Bible tells you that wisdom, knowledge, which is mostly common sense confounds the foolish man, and dude, way to go![/quote]

whic of d books in d bible?? chapter verse?
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Archmed: 9:59am On Dec 10, 2012
I know some people will come here and preach maturity and love.They are even blasting the OP..Its a known fact that family position of a wife,sometimes affects d hubby's financial stand.For example, 1st female children have responsibilities of providing 4 their siblings:paying school fees...etc.In fact,its the culture in some parts of Nigeria.Whether it matters to you or not is another issue!

4 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by jhydebaba(m): 10:04am On Dec 10, 2012
Yes oh! One very important factor that must be considered. It either make u or mar u.

1 Like

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by lekibraky(m): 10:04am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired bosom milk he was fed when he was a baby.
its a good question you have posted i cant blame those who check your positon before getting married to you. if you marry a girl who is first born in a family of 7 as a guy and the family is poor they will live up to you which might be burdensome to you too but if the bride's family is ok you can go ahead without thinking twice

1 Like

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by enigmagu1(m): 10:06am On Dec 10, 2012
Kobojunkie:

There is something that is typical with a lot of Nigerians, not just you. Rather than look for ways to release yourselves from those mentalities that have to date yielded not much in the way of progress, you look for others like you to feed you the same old BS so you can maintain the four-walls of that box that has caged you and those before you for generations.

You conveniently label it wisdom and understanding yet NOTHING in the bible suggest any of what you and your concocted in this makes sense. In fact pattern after pattern in the books shows that those who considered this sort of thinking wisdom ended up paying for it, dearly too. But, like I said, I know this is Nigerian way of reasoning and you are welcome to continue in that box of stu_pid ideas, and pretending they have to do with wisdom when even common sense continues to fly past you on a daily basis.

I am sorry you feel insulted but I have in no way insulted your person, only told you the truth about your thinking, your friend's and the fact that you are no different from the typical Nigerian out there, always looking for ways to AVOID applying common sense solutions, which consists is WISDOM itself, when trying to resolve even daily life's issues. Again, the Bible says Wisdom confounds the foolish . . . I see it daily in many Nigrians.


ds kind longgggg write up not even a single psn click d like botton..u no y e no make sense..no vex say i talk am o!!!

3 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Nobody: 10:08am On Dec 10, 2012
NA WA OO!

just passing abeg!
lipsrsealed
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by omiobo: 10:09am On Dec 10, 2012
maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

Perfect!!! Great advice from a matured mind.
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by omiobo: 10:11am On Dec 10, 2012
enigmagu1:


ds kind longgggg write up not even a single psn click d like botton..u no y e no make sense..no vex say i talk am o!!!

GBAM!!!grin

1 Like

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by jhydebaba(m): 10:13am On Dec 10, 2012
k2039: Op, this is plain stupidity, all that matters is the maturity and intelligence of the person I'm getting married.
For Christ sake, there is no family rank when it comes to marriage.

You and your friend need to change your thinking, this kind of thinking of both of you is outdated for the 21st century we are in now.
I can't blame u for ur post, it shows u are not married. If u understand what the OP is saying u won't be talking like that.

Take for instance u have a job that can hardly take care of ur nuclear family. Don't forget u have siblings, parents that u'll squeeze urself to cater for coupled with ur inlaws if they are not that okay. Now if ur wife is the first born in a family of 7 for example, don't u think u will have to cough out something irrespective of the fact that ur wife is working.
Look at it from the financial aspect and not just because u love ur wife. I tell u finance make or mar marriage.

2 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by AtheistD(m): 10:14am On Dec 10, 2012
Kobojunkie:

You and your friends probably need psychological help asap. What do you mean by family position?? What you two are doing is manufacturing stu_pidity so you can have excuses for any ills you have planned in your minds. My gosh!! What has wisdom, knowledge and understanding to do with all this B.S The Bible tells you that wisdom, knowledge, which is mostly common sense confounds the foolish man, and dude, way to go!

The guy has a point. When you marry a wife you take on her burdens. If she has a lot of siblings that are being supported then you take on their burdens too. Where is the time to build your own nest when you are too busy supporting others?

3 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Gabbylovesyou(m): 10:14am On Dec 10, 2012
Well,its of ur opinion. I believe dt if d money is there,i dnt tink family position will pose a gr8 threat. Get d money n Get d world!
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by honeric01(m): 10:14am On Dec 10, 2012
Archmed: I know some people will come here and preach maturity and love.They are even blasting the OP..Its a known fact that family position of a wife,sometimes affects d hubby's financial stand.For example, 1st female children have responsibilities of providing 4 their siblings:paying school fees...etc.In fact,its the culture in some parts of Nigeria.Whether it matters to you or not is another issue!

I share your sentiments and that of the OP, thank God i no be 1st and the person i am seeing is also not the first, so i am safe. grin
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Doyensky: 10:17am On Dec 10, 2012
na wao, so, its now a crime 2 be d first female 2 get married in a family.... som naija guyz dnt jst think straight, is it nt som1 dats gonna get married 2 dem or wen has position bcom a problem

1 Like

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by tunapawizzy: 10:18am On Dec 10, 2012
YES O....as a matter of fact when setting p...i try as much as possible to avoid first born ladies with more than one sibling...i cant come n die being a responsible in-law
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Abali1(m): 10:20am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme:
My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.

My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

OP, as an African, a Nigerian and a Igbo, your question makes absolute sense. We still practice extended family relations where I come from.
The saying "when you marry, you are married to the whole family" comes to mind in this situation. Infact when you get married you automatically become a son/daughter of the family you married into. The position of you spouse counts, unless you want alienate yourself from the family.

If you married a first daughter, it is only understandable that the younger ones will see you as a big brother who they can run to in times of need (though some abuse this situation). On the other hand if you marry a first son, know that your husband's siblings will only see you as a big aunty whom the expect to get gifts from time to time, cos they will think "it is our brothers money" (also some families abuse this).

Whether you like it or not, this things happen in marriage and if the couples don't sit down and discuss the issue of extended family, there is bound to be some misunderstanding in future and some times it has led to break up of marriages.

6 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by omiobo: 10:25am On Dec 10, 2012
Kobojunkie:

There is something that is typical with a lot of Nigerians, not just you. Rather than look for ways to release yourselves from those mentalities that have to date yielded not much in the way of progress, you look for others like you to feed you the same old BS so you can maintain the four-walls of that box that has caged you and those before you for generations.

You conveniently label it wisdom and understanding yet NOTHING in the bible suggest any of what you and your concocted in this makes sense. In fact pattern after pattern in the books shows that those who considered this sort of thinking wisdom ended up paying for it, dearly too. But, like I said, I know this is Nigerian way of reasoning and you are welcome to continue in that box of stu_pid ideas, and pretending they have to do with wisdom when even common sense continues to fly past you on a daily basis.

I am sorry you feel insulted but I have in no way insulted your person, only told you the truth about your thinking, your friend's and the fact that you are no different from the typical Nigerian out there, always looking for ways to AVOID applying common sense solutions, which consists is WISDOM itself, when trying to resolve even daily life's issues. Again, the Bible says Wisdom confounds the foolish . . . I see it daily in many Nigerians.

My kobo for you. Your comment above smell more than lawma station. If I were you I will keep off this thread because you have no idea of what this thread is all about. No beefing!

3 Likes

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Dygeasy(m): 10:28am On Dec 10, 2012
Doyensky: na wao, so, its now a crime 2 be d first female 2 get married in a family.... som naija guyz dnt jst think straight, is it nt som1 dats gonna get married 2 dem or wen has position bcom a problem
to think that with the above few comments coming agumentatively, you still can't understand what the OP is trying to say, I must tell you straight from my heart, you are a certified learner!

@topic, nothing more can be said better than what the few people who reasoned with the topic.... As for the one quoting biblical passages which I find no correlation to the OP's question, I'm sorry to tell you, the OP is actually saying something true and realistic in the Nigerian marriage setting. So quit blabbering babies!
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Dygeasy(m): 10:29am On Dec 10, 2012
Doyensky: na wao, so, its now a crime 2 be d first female 2 get married in a family.... som naija guyz dnt jst think straight, is it nt som1 dats gonna get married 2 dem or wen has position bcom a problem
to think that with the above few comments coming agumentatively, you still can't understand what the OP is trying to say, I must tell you straight from my heart, you are a certified learner!

@topic, nothing more can be said better than what the few people who reasoned with the topic have said.... As for the one quoting biblical passages which I find no correlation to the OP's question, I'm sorry to tell you, the OP is actually saying something true and realistic in the Nigerian marriage setting. So quit blabbering babies!
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by duffles(f): 10:30am On Dec 10, 2012
I understand what the OP is talking about and I believe it's a vital element to consider before marriage...

1 Like

Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Dygeasy(m): 10:31am On Dec 10, 2012
omiobo:

My kobo for you. Your comment above smell more than lawma station. If I were you I will keep off this thread because you have no idea of what this thread is all about. No beefing!
I'm telling you!
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by Gabbylovesyou(m): 10:32am On Dec 10, 2012
THUMB'S UP 4YOU![b][/b]
Re: Should Family Position Of Your Partner Be Considered Before Marriage? by vanstanzy(m): 10:33am On Dec 10, 2012
stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

I DIDN'T CONSIDER POSITION OF MY WIFE BEFORE MARRYING HER, BUT THANK GOD SHE WASN'T THE FIRST DAUGHTER. AS HUSBAND TO THE FIRST DAUGHTER IN A FAMILY ESP. IN THE EAST, U'LL AUTOMATICALLY BE MADE TO WEAR THE CROWN SHE ONCE WORE. MEANING MUCH RESPONSIBILITIES, AS THOUGH U AINT GOT ENOUGH OF THAT AS A MAN, AND MUCH MONEY ISSUES WILL BE REFERRED TO U.
BUT GO AHEAD AND MARRY WHO U WILL, FIRST DAUGHTER OR NOT, GODS' ALWAYS ON OUR SIDE.

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