stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired breast milk he was fed when he was a baby.

stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired breast milk he was fed when he was a baby.

maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

stillme:

God's given wisdom is far better than wisdom acquired through books. Maclatunji, you are endow with wisdom to understand my question. It's absolute a waste of time going through the first above 3 comments. If they don't desist from their one way thinking they will live to regrets their lives.
What I posted up there,was just a question,it doesn't warrant abuse. Kobojunkie,sometimes I reason with your comments,but this time I believe your brain is on vacation. I have nothing to say to K2039 because he suffers from shallow thinking as a result of expired breast milk he was fed when he was a baby.

Kobojunkie:

There is something that is typical with a lot of Nigerians, not just you. Rather than look for ways to release yourselves from those mentalities that have to date yielded not much in the way of progress, you look for others like you to feed you the same old BS so you can maintain the four-walls of that box that has caged you and those before you for generations.

You conveniently label it wisdom and understanding yet NOTHING in the bible suggest any of what you and your concocted in this makes sense. In fact pattern after pattern in the books shows that those who considered this sort of thinking wisdom ended up paying for it, dearly too. But, like I said, I know this is Nigerian way of reasoning and you are welcome to continue in that box of stu_pid ideas, and pretending they have to do with wisdom when even common sense continues to fly past you on a daily basis.

I am sorry you feel insulted but I have in no way insulted your person, only told you the truth about your thinking, your friend's and the fact that you are no different from the typical Nigerian out there, always looking for ways to AVOID applying common sense solutions, which consists is WISDOM itself, when trying to resolve even daily life's issues. Again, the Bible says Wisdom confounds the foolish . . . I see it daily in many Nigrians.

maclatunji:

I understand what you mean perfectly. There something called Role Set. This means I as an individual may have many roles- a son, husband, father, brother, boss, subordinate, teacher etc. The same thing applies to you and your spouse.

What your wife is experiencing is Role Strain. Performing the role of elder sister is putting a strain on her role as a wife thereby creating problems in her marriage.

If you the husband decide to put pressure on her over this matter, Role Conflict may occur. This means her role as elder sister has become antithetical to her role as your wife and she has to choose one.

I suggest that you don't allow this to happen. Support her and help relieve her burden not add to it.

You are right we singles should recognise these and other issues and figure out how to manage them before getting married.

enigmagu1:


ds kind longgggg write up not even a single psn click d like botton..u no y e no make sense..no vex say i talk am o!!!

k2039: Op, this is plain stupidity, all that matters is the maturity and intelligence of the person I'm getting married.
For Christ sake, there is no family rank when it comes to marriage.

You and your friend need to change your thinking, this kind of thinking of both of you is outdated for the 21st century we are in now.

Kobojunkie:

You and your friends probably need psychological help asap. What do you mean by family position?? What you two are doing is manufacturing stu_pidity so you can have excuses for any ills you have planned in your minds. My gosh!! What has wisdom, knowledge and understanding to do with all this B.S The Bible tells you that wisdom, knowledge, which is mostly common sense confounds the foolish man, and dude, way to go!

Archmed: I know some people will come here and preach maturity and love.They are even blasting the OP..Its a known fact that family position of a wife,sometimes affects d hubby's financial stand.For example, 1st female children have responsibilities of providing 4 their siblings:paying school fees...etc.In fact,its the culture in some parts of Nigeria.Whether it matters to you or not is another issue!

stillme:
My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.

My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?

Kobojunkie:

There is something that is typical with a lot of Nigerians, not just you. Rather than look for ways to release yourselves from those mentalities that have to date yielded not much in the way of progress, you look for others like you to feed you the same old BS so you can maintain the four-walls of that box that has caged you and those before you for generations.

You conveniently label it wisdom and understanding yet NOTHING in the bible suggest any of what you and your concocted in this makes sense. In fact pattern after pattern in the books shows that those who considered this sort of thinking wisdom ended up paying for it, dearly too. But, like I said, I know this is Nigerian way of reasoning and you are welcome to continue in that box of stu_pid ideas, and pretending they have to do with wisdom when even common sense continues to fly past you on a daily basis.

I am sorry you feel insulted but I have in no way insulted your person, only told you the truth about your thinking, your friend's and the fact that you are no different from the typical Nigerian out there, always looking for ways to AVOID applying common sense solutions, which consists is WISDOM itself, when trying to resolve even daily life's issues. Again, the Bible says Wisdom confounds the foolish . . . I see it daily in many Nigerians.

Doyensky: na wao, so, its now a crime 2 be d first female 2 get married in a family.... som naija guyz dnt jst think straight, is it nt som1 dats gonna get married 2 dem or wen has position bcom a problem

Doyensky: na wao, so, its now a crime 2 be d first female 2 get married in a family.... som naija guyz dnt jst think straight, is it nt som1 dats gonna get married 2 dem or wen has position bcom a problem

omiobo:

My kobo for you. Your comment above smell more than lawma station. If I were you I will keep off this thread because you have no idea of what this thread is all about. No beefing!

stillme: Mehn! To me it is not easy but with wisdom,knowledge and understanding there's always a way out. It never occurred to me until now. Not quite long that I got married,I never knew it's one of criterias to assess before getting married. My wife is third in the family of seven and the second to marry. It is not easy coping with her siblings expenses and carelessness attitude.
I heard one of my friends saying he can't marry first child of the family due to some reasons best known to him.
My question is, should one consider the position of his or her partner before getting married?