. . . i am an undergraduate in my final year in a nigerian university. I got pregnant in 2007 by a man whom i never loved(he is married with a boy ). I am not by anyway a loose girl as i barely did not know much about s, x, i got stranded with a cousins ffriend and we had to sleep in the same room over the night . . dont ask me how it happened but he had ''it'' with me. i did'nt know i was pregnant untill 8 weeks. when i knew, it was as if the whole world was crumbling, i contacted the guy but he said he was not a party to it and that i should get rid of the unborn child, i couldnt and he swore he would not take responsibility of the child. . . i just couldnt abort. The 9months of pregnancy was hell for me, a lot of people couldnt pass negative comments ,they have their reaasons.

My parents didnt like the whole situation but i was forgiven,( i told them that the guy responsible is my ''fiancee but he travelled out of the country the month i got pregnant and that he hasnt called me, also that we intended to meet his parents b4 he travelled, bt we couldnt)
i had my baby on the 30th of Dec 2007. a very beautiful girl. i had a very quiet naming, i sent a texxt to the father of my girl but he didnt reply. Though my family had been assisting me for the up-keep of my baby but for how long would i be aasking people for assitance of diapers ,baby formular ,post natal and all.?
Most time i feel so ashamed that i cannot directly care for my baby adequately withoust asking for an external assistance.

My baby is two months old and the fear of the unknown grips my heart. .i cant wait to get out of school this year so that i can fend for my baby and i .Sometimess i wish it didnt ever happen.I called the guy some time ago and he claimed he was not aware i have got a baby. . .smetimes i am so confused.

Well, the dangers of one-night stands are numerous.  Thank God it was not AIDS.  Too late to be confused now because your life has taken a definite pattern for sure. . . . . . SINGLE PARENTHOOD. . . . . .  Thank you for not aborting your beautiful daughter.  The father of the child did not love you in the first place, so asking him to be part his daughter's life is asking for too much in ma opinion.  That is his choice. 

He is now married and you are own your own.  I really see no fault in his actions.  All you can hope for is that God touches him to come and ask after this girl in the near future, but don't push him. You guys had a "fling" not even an affair. You got pregnant, not him!  You should have protected yourself knowing that you are the one who would end up pregnant. You have made your bed and must lie on it with or without a mattress.

All this is water under the bridge right now. Your main focus is to live happily with your daughter and do the best you can under the circumstances till you can stand on your own two feet.  Thank God for your parents. Please concentrate on your education and empower yourself to be strong for you and your daughter.  You are going to play mother and father till God decides otherwise. Please try to be happy ok?  Your daughter needs you and is innocent of all indiscretions. It is not going to be easy, for you must work very hard. Life is tough, even for married people.  You learn to roll with the punches! You can do it. It has been done before. 

Barack Obama was raised by a single mother remember? His father would be somewhere having some serious soul searching moments, though we do not know the circumstances of his departure from Barack's life at age 2. So smile.  We all learn from our mistakes I hope. You owe it to your daughter to teach her not to repeat that cycle of irresponsiblity. Your love for yourself and your daughter would make the big difference.

I pray you find happiness peace.  Goodluck.

YOUR DAUTHTER IS PRECIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUOS!!!! Please enjoy her.

@Almond Joy u have two thumbs up for this reply.

@Poster
But why? Why did u have to put urself into this mess? It could have been controlled/prevented. U can't force the guy to come to aid, he simply wouldn't expecially over a one night thingy, except God touches his heart. All i can say is don't wallow in self pity, get out of school & get a job. Even prior service yr u'll get jobs. Try thinking of the good life u would build for urself & ur child. Promise urself u are going to give ur child the best. Look when i'm faced with some trying times i speak positively to myself & it works greatly. Be determined & focused. Don't allow the terrible winds of life to sway u. Hold on firm to ur desires, ur goals & aspirations u'll surely achieve it. Take care girl.

almondjoy gave you excellent advice already, well done!


It's an unfortunate situation. However, it's done! What's left if now and the future. And there are not strict laws in Nigeria that will make sure the father supports his child. Even if he has 10 wives already. I just can't believe how some people cannot be man enough to take care of their responsibilities. May be it's because I love kids a lot.

Don't worry. Just face your education and try your best for you baby. No need to be sad over anything. Kids are actually a lot of joy. I know it will be a little tough, however, I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks almond.

Girl, dont worry.
It may seem like the end of the world now, but trust me, it will get better.

I got pregnant at 18 - was still in school and working part time. My whole life was shattered (or so i thought). Girl, it was hard, ma baby was loved by me and ma family helped me out. Girl, it was hard dont let me fool you. We struggled together, i payed through ma nose or childcare, i went back to school and graduated with a degree in Accounting and HRM.

My daughter is now 9, 10 later this year, she is such a joy to ma world, i dont know what i would have done without her. She is such a lovely child, God has really used her to calm me down and am so greatful for her.

It was hard o but now by God's grace we are doing ok now - we have stuck in it and we are settling now.

Her father is really irresponsible and turns up when he wants - girl, u are gonna be ok. Make sure u keep God first, and do your best cause your daughter will ask u when she is older.

I cannot think anything more debasing of manhood
than to father a child and abscond from your responsibilities. . .

doyin13:

I cannot think anything more debasing of manhood
than to father a child and abscond from your responsibilities. . .

Oh please!  Which responsiblities? Of a "fling"?  It would be ideal for any man in this circumstance to just assume responsiblities for a child he carelessly conceived.  How does a man love a child from a lady he never loved?  That only comes with time and some serious "gettin' right with God" feeling some 20 years down the road." There is usually no love from MOST men under the same circumstances. You can only hope he has--not by force. 

A woman is different.  She gets pregnant and she carries the pregnancy and the whole sheebang.  She has no choice but to love that child after all that wahala. But we all know some women are also different and will readily abort the children without giving 2 thoughts.  What a bloody inconvenience. . . . . .abort the crap!!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmm!!!.   But guys?  he he he he he. . . . . . definitely wired differently. 

I do not blame any man for choosing not to.  It is better such children have one loving parent than 2 dyfunctional ones--constantly battling with hatred and this child in the middle without any consideration, feeling she is the result of an unloving relationship.  You do not want any child to go through that, would you?

Women get pregnant, not men.  They should take better care of themselves instead of being used as exit ramps/rest stop areas for severely "pressed" guys who want to relieve themselves or in search of cheap thrills.  It is a big lesson! I do not blame the man at all.  He saw a cheap available congo and did what he had to do. Na the woman I blame.  You are stranded in a room with a total stranger and she let him "have his way with her"? No rape ooooooooh! 

How in the world does that happen? Rohipnal?   I must hate myself really much not to even enjoy the party and let him just have "his way". . . . . .just like that?  When I am not on drugs? He is married with his own family.  He should have protected himself too.  But guess what?  Women get pregnant not men!

_{So, when you have those your lovely boxers half exposed and invitin' us all to your daaaaark room, take note! Some of us cannot resist at all.  Now I know how the poster felt. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm}

almondjoy:

Women get pregnant, not men. They should take better care of themselves instead of being used as an exit ramp rest stop area. It is a big lesson! I do not blame the man at all. He is married with his own family. He should have protected himself too. But guess what? Women get pregnant not men!

Unless its a case of the immaculate conception,it takes a man to get a woman pregnant so the man is just as blameworthy.

4 Play:

Unless its a case of the immaculate conception, it takes a man to get a woman pregnant so the man is just as blameworthy.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm! No comment!

almondjoy:

How do you love a child from a lady you never loved?

Yet women should love a fetus resulted from rape

You confuse me sometime AJ

Shame the oP's dude was in Nigeria and not here where he'd be paying child support from his damn nose.

Once again, thank God for civilized countries

It has happened my sister.
We tend to be judgemental as a people. Afterall im sure you know a thousand places you could have gone to get rid of your baby (thank goodness you didnt   )

You shouldn't have lied to your parents though. one lie snowballs into the next. It only gets harder because  for how long will you stall?
Tell the truth. That's why they are family. they are there for hard knocks and excrutiatingly difficult times. They have to know what's up.
its not the end of the world. finish your education, get your job and claw your way to the top. and hey stop trying to contact the father. what's the point? They always come crawling back for mercy (trust me on that one!)  

D-reloaded:

Yet women should love a fetus resulted from rape

You confuse me sometime AJ

Shame the oP's dude was in Nigeria and not here where he'd be paying child support from his damn nose.

Once again, thank God for civilized countries

Think woman okay not man. What women go through in life is very different from what men through.  The man has done his job. The woman has to suffer it all----for the longest time.  We go through the motions.  When you carry a child for 10 months you will understand what I am saying.  So don't worry!  All these discussions we are having on Nairaland will soon come to roost someday.  I say do not worry.

Now, there are some women who still terminate pregnancies after havin' like 3 or 4 children too.  How they do that?  Don't even ask me.  The beauty of PROCHOICE.   Hmmmmmmm!  I guess some are braver than others.

A fetus from rape is half you! If you love half yourself, you will love half the child.  If not, too bad!  My opinion.

Is child support everything?  I would rather have my fathers love than his monthly payments. If I could choose I would force the men to love their children and keep their money.

Men are different from women.  The only love a child can need from any parent is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  If the poster's dude does not have it, he  needs to stay away.  Because like I said, things are bad enough! This mother and this child do not need any distractions right now.  Give the man time.  Hopefully he would come around. I have lots of friends I grew up with in secondary school and Universites in Nigeria with this kind of family set up. It is not pretty. They were always so sad. Even when some got married. . . . . their fathers were still no where to be found to give them away.

almondjoy:

Think woman okay not man. What women go through in life is very different from what men to through. The man has done his job. The woman has to suffer it all----for the longest time. We go through the motions. When you carry a child for 10 months you will understand what I am saying. So don't worry! All these discussions we are having on Nairaland will soon come to roost someday. I say do not worry.

A fetus from rape is half you! If you love half yourself, you will love half the child. If not, too bad! My opinion.

Is child support everything? I would rather have my fathers love than his monthly payments. If I could choose I would force the men to love their children and keep their money.

Men are different from women. The only love a child can need from any parent is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. If the poster's dude does not have it, he needs to stay away. Because like I said, things are bad enough! This mother and this child do not need any distractions right now. Give the man time. Hopefully he would come around. I have lots of friends I grew up with in secondary school and Unviversites in Nigeria with this kind of family set up. It is not pretty. They were always so sad. Even when some got married. . . . . their fathers were still no where to be found to give them away.

Isnt the baby half HIS, so why is he allowed to not love it because he didnt love the mother but the mother is expected to lovethe child because it's half hers despite whatever the situation it was conceived from?

Btw child support is NOT everything but it's the least he can do. When he sees 60% of his paycheckl being removed, he'd think otherwise next time.

D-reloaded:

Isnt the baby half HIS, so why is[b] he [/b] allowed to not love it because[b] he [/b] didnt love the mother but the mother is expected to the child because it's half yours despite whatever the situation it was conceived from?

In your own case, I think you choose to be totally dissociated from yourself and you look for solutions outside of you. Keep looking in the man's direction.  I choose to internalize my problems and find solutions from within, with or without the man's help. My life is programmed to go on, with or without anyone's help.  I am not even looking in the other direction. Women should learn that, only because in this day and age, it is going to become more common. Single parenthood is here to stay--the days of killing babies for the fun of it is becoming a thing of the past. Because at the end of the day, you might only have YOURSELF to deal with. Ask the poster. Just thank God for her parents. It would have been a whole different ballgame.  She will not even be here typing even her 2 posts.

As you can see, the poster is one HER OWN, while you keep looking for the dude!  Dude[b] is married [/b] and living his life. Go and find him for her.  Na dane gun im go take pursue all of una from im porch!

DID HE GET PREGANT

Im sure her family can step up and take care of the child but why would a man deny a child he knows is his?   we've seen this scenario playing out over and over again. when the child is older and conscience has pricked him to kingdom come he comes back haggard and ravaged begging for time with the child.  You cant trifle with people's emotions like that and surface in your own good time.

spoilt:

we've seen this scenario playing out over and over again. when the child is older and conscience has pricked him to kingdom come he comes back haggard and ravaged begging for time with the child.

Good choice of word. Prick. . . . .that should describe the man in this story.

spoilt:

I'm sure her family can step up and take care of the child but why would a man deny a child he knows is his?   we've seen this scenario playing out over and over again. when the child is older and conscience has pricked him to kingdom come he comes back haggard and ravaged begging for time with the child.  You can't trifle with people's emotions like that and surface in your own good time.

Did you read the poster's story at all?  THIS WAS A FLING!!! A HALF-NIGHT STAND!!!! Or should a say a "split second" stand!!!! What do you expect?

You can only pray the man looks in that direction.  I say I have a few friends who even when they found their fathers, the dudes NEVER even bothered to look in their directions. You cannot force love out of a person. You can only hope and pray.  Till then, na the woman go carry everything!

4 Play:

Good choice of word. Prick. . . . .that should describe the man in this story.

Hmmmmmmmmm!  I say no comments!

You're ignored my question and went back to defending the man cos after all "he didnt get pregnant"

anyway sha whatever. Hopefully she uses her degree for good and cater for her kid cos it seems like the in thing for Nigerian girls is to get a degree and put it in the backburner then bring it out ONLY to show that because of that paper her bride price should be higher

D-reloaded:

You're ignored my question and went back to[b] defending the man [/b] because after all "he didnt get pregnant"

anyway sha whatever. Hopefully she uses her degree for good and cater for her kid because it seems like the in thing for Nigerian girls is to get a degree and put it in the backburner then bring it out ONLY to show that because of that paper her bride price should be higher

I did not ignore your question. I have made it clear that by virtue of the fact that women get pregnant, not men. . . . . . .women have themselves to blame if they allow themselves to get knocked up, without any back up plan.

Defending the man? You just don't get it!

If she likes let her not make good of her career opportunities, who loses? With a daughter to raise with no father around? Like ma darling mom will always say: You never tell a deaf man that there is war in town. When he sees all the commotion and people running all over the place, he too will join the crowd and head in the same direction without asking questions.

No body will have to educate the poster about what "responsiblities" are. Some people have made positive things out of the experience and others have gone to make even more terrible mistakes. We see it all the time. Only time will tell.

his_grace:

see your mouth - u got stranded in a room and next thing u begin open yah leg abi? u open am wide, even raise am up, they ride bicycle for air when the guys pumps your obo like air pump, abi? Look - u never hear about CONDOM before? now u come get belle - the guy come dey deny? look - if na u wetin u  go do?

My advice, lure this guy back to your bed and use sharp ogbonger knife cut him prick off - fiam - then revenge is 100%.

Please have mercy. The deed is done. The man also did the same thing, but is married now and living his life.  A total stranger?  Please we have passed that shock. We are now in the "damage control" phase.



I think your advice is the last thing on her mind right now.

In hindsight im sure she realizes its the biggest mistake she has ever made. The baby was the only good thing that came out of the union.

if you ask me just write him off as dead. dont forward your new addresses to him. move on with your life.find happiness for yourself in different ventures.  he will definitely find you some day by then you'll be calling the shots!  

the hazards of womanhood. Get on with it . . . the fellow probably assumed you shld be old enough to take care of urself and prevent a pregnancy. Tough luck.

the moment you put your   into a woman without a condom you have given your consent for her to have your child. why assume she's on the pill? what if her method of contraception fails her? you have to do your part. and last time i checked with contraception a woman can still have a baby. the moral of the story? dont lay with a woman when you have no plans for fatherhood cos its a possibility.

and to those judging her i hope you are without sin.

adeboo (f)
Republic
Posts: 1048

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  Re: I Am A Single Parent And . . .
« #5 on: Yesterday at 10:21:50 PM » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl, don't worry.
It may seem like the end of the world now, but trust me, it will get better.

I got pregnant at 18 - was still in school and working part time. My whole life was shattered (or so i thought). Girl, it was hard, ma baby was loved by me and ma family helped me out. Girl, it was hard don't let me fool you. We struggled together, i payed through ma nose or childcare, i went back to school and graduated with a degree in Accounting and HRM.

My daughter is now 9, 10 later this year, she is such a joy to ma world, i don't know what i would have done without her. She is such a lovely child, God has really used her to calm me down and am so greatful for her.

It was hard o but now by God's grace we are doing ok now - we have stuck in it and we are settling now.

Her father is really irresponsible and turns up when he wants - girl, u are going to be ok. Make sure u keep God first, and do your best cause your daughter will ask u when she is older

May God bless you!

Join the club! My life started at 19. Hmmmmm!  By 24 I had shot out[b] 4[/b]. . . . . . till NYSC!!!! He just kept coming back for more gooooooooood stuff, and I kept giving him those lovely presents   Na God save ma arse say the boy gree marry me, after like 3 years.  Boy! Was it rough or what? We both finally graduated with a lot of phocking in between!


. . . .No where to run to. No where to hide.

The mumu guy na student like maself and only 2 years age difference----me 19, he--21,-no job!!!!. Instead of studying in the University we went a-phocking around the campus, partying!!!

Chai!!!! Things dey happen I swear!!!!!

But we can all smile now.  The reason I am having such a good time in my life right now.  Been there, done all that.  I can afford to do/say whatever the heck I like--nothing more to do. Came out strongest and more loved. I was determined to make something of my life despite it all---with or without him. At this point, nothing to lose anymore, only to gain.  It can only get berrrrrrrrer.  Thank God for OUR parents, especially my mom and his mom! Their financial support helped a lot and they loved those babies. If not, only God knows how life would have turned out. Thank God sha!!!!

See, poster. . . . . . .there is hope. Hang in there. It does not kill! If the dude comes back again, you know what to do. You have ma permission, whether he is married or not! You guys started that way, you might as well end it that way.

almondjoy:

May God bless you!

Join the club! My life started at 19. Hmmmmm! By 24 I had shot out[b] 4[/b]. . . . . . till NYSC!!!! He just kept coming back for more gooooooooood stuff, and I kept giving him those lovely presents Na God save ma arse say the boy gree marry me, after like 3 years. Boy! Was it rough or what? We both finally graduated with a lot of phocking in between!

hehehehe. . . .

I wonder how many times you went for Scripture Union at school.

doyin13:

hehehehe. . . .

I wonder how many times you went for Scripture Union at school.

I have never done such a thing.  For what? Do I look like I need it? The ones that go, see how they are or how they end up. Depressed and sleeping in church, looking for answers.  I say a no need am.  God has taken care of that part!

Sorry darling, I had too much to do with ma time as I have told you!

No regrets at all baby! No regrets at all!

It is all gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!! Not a care in the world!

almondjoy:

I have never done such a thing. For what? Do I look like I need it? The ones that go, see how they are or how they end up. Depressed and sleeping in church, looking for answers. I say a no need am. God has taken care of that part!

stop making noise. My parents went to SU while in school and turned out fantastic.
Because you were lucky to escape with a life of debauchery is not an excuse for u to thrash the lives of others.

4Him:

stop making noise. My parents went to SU while in school and turned out fantastic.
Because you were lucky to escape with a life of debauchery is not an excuse for u to thrash the lives of others.

hahahahahahaha . . . . . . . . .OMG.

David na wa for you.

Too much opinion

bros e just tire me. See people who got knocked up at 19 having the guts to poke fun at others.
abeg make dem go siddon for bench o jare.

Dejike, you should look into your daughter's eyes everyday and cherish her. Children are such a precious gift and they make every struggle worthwhile.

It's funny how things work out. One day - you are all innocent and stuff, the next day - circumstances are forcing you to grow up.

I loff "badushery"!!!!

4Him:

stop making noise.

My parents went to SU while in school and turned out fantastic.

Because you were lucky to escape with a life of debauchery is not an excuse for u to thrash the lives of others.

I escape well well!  Na SUs dey inside "debauchery" now!  If you are not careful, your frustrations will lead you to worse paths. Make you dey speak big big grammar for here!

Make una see me see trouble with this "Benjamin Netanyahooooooooo" oh?

Davidylan, why can't we be friends on this Nairaland?   Anywhere you see ma arse, na so bodi go deey pepper you?
What is the problem?   Just tell what you need so I can "Stand Up and Deliver"!!!

4Him:

bros e just tire me. See people who got knocked up at 19 having the guts to poke fun at others.
abeg make them go siddon for bench o jare.

You should commend me for not killing them like most have done here.   Including the SUs!!!!!!!