Vikin:
Am sure the OP mouth too sharp .

But she has to re-evaluate her self worth.

Hubby is also telling me to relax, when the baby arrive he will take care, start up business blah blah blah....until i see the cash deposit for my account, am going back to work. I need to feed my eyes on recent happenings around me Jare. Not sit at home and watch the world pass me by!

Life is short my dear

I agree you wont allow all those years of Dy/Dx, Differential calcualus, Numerical operations to go to waste .

dayokanu:

Is this man not caring enough, He saw his wife was sick and stressed from working a low paying job and he offered to pick bills till she finished her education and possibly get a better and less stressful job

What else should he have done to qualify as a REAL MAN?

Let her get a job. You were the one bitching about housewives now we have here a woman who hates being a housewife and whose husband has refused her working and All of a sudden, he has become caring? She is not the lazy African magic wife you paint on threads?

She was only sick during pregnancy Dayo.

dayokanu:

Is this man not caring enough, He saw his wife was sick and stressed from working a low paying job and he offered to pick bills till she finished her education and possibly get a better and less stressful job

What else should he have done to qualify as a REAL MAN?

oh mine

jennykadry:

Why only do things you know your partner would do for you? Is that what marriage is all about?

Yes I would do things for a partner I know would reciprocate if she was in my shoes, I would buy a Buggati for a wife who would buy a Lamborghini if she was in my shoes.

I would give my kidney for a wife who would give her blood for me.

I wont give a TV to a wife who cant share her bottled water with me

jennykadry:
Why only do things you know your partner would do for you? Is that what marriage is all about?

that's the way humans are built!
we read the intent - if my partner is the type that does not joke with her money, why the heck would i break my back to satisfy her needs? she wouldn't do the same for me, she probably even thinks i am foolish buy such expensive stuff for her.....

greatgod2012:




awwww, sorry about that, but you know men, most of them are egostic, let him realise that he is using those words to intimidate you because of his financial status and how he stopped you from working, which is why it seems you are not contributing financially to d family. Now, that things seems to be like this, insist on getting a job, use your money to take care of yourself, always look sexy, attractive and appealing, then, we shall see if he will say that "marriage no be do or die" statement again.
Sorry, it is well with you, may God guide you and give you d neccesary wisdom required in your marriage.
Shalom!

amen, tnx

dayokanu:

I agree you wont allow all those years of Dy/Dx, Differential calcualus, Numerical operations to go to waste .

Am telling you! That's my first hubby, and I don't see myself leaving it soon...even if it means going to the office with the baby! I have sacrificed Sha, at least I accepted the office position.

coogar:

that's the way humans are built!
we read the intent - if my partner is the type that does not joke with her money, why the heck would i break my back to satisfy her needs? she wouldn't do the same for me, she probably even thinks i am foolish buy such expensive stuff for her.....

Not all human beings.

dayokanu:

Yes I would do things for a partner I know would reciprocate if she was in my shoes, I would buy a Buggati for a wife who would buy a Lamborghini if she was in my shoes.

I would give my kidney for a wife who would give her blood for me.

I wont give a TV to a wife who cant share her bottled water with me

Then why marry a woman who wouldn't do these things for you in the first place? Why marry a selfish woman who can only give you a pack of Bonds boxers? Why do some Nigerian men spend on their wives regardless

jennykadry:

Let her get a job. You were the one bitching about housewives now we have here a woman who hates being a housewife and whose husband has refused her working and All of a sudden, he has become caring? She is not the lazy African magic wife you paint on threads?

She was only sick during pregnancy Dayo.

It would be crazy to insist on a wife who was always sick during pregnancy to continue working. Some women pregnancy is like shedding hair while some its like amputating an arm without pain killers

It also depends on her earning power too. How much would an OND earn in Nigeria lets be realistic? Most OND are offered about 30k a month

If I have a wife who is working as a secretary but can take few yrs off and earn a Medical/Pharmacy degree that would make her earn $200k a yr would I insist she continues earning the 20k a yr job and forfeit the chance of making life better for our family in a few years time?

jennykadry:
Not all human beings.

then you are not being told the truth........
seek the truth and you shall find. no man would go out of his way to do his woman any big help if he's certain the woman would not do the same if the roles are reversed. i wouldn't even marry such a woman to start with, let alone buy her a car. there are other things i can spend my money on.

jennykadry:
Then why marry a woman who wouldn't do these things for you in the first place? Why marry a selfish woman who can only give you a pack of Bonds boxers? Why do some Nigerian men spend on their wives regardless

they spend on their wives cos they are somehow sure she would do the same in their shoes.........it's a no brainer.

dayokanu:

It would be crazy to insist on a wife who was always sick during pregnancy to continue working. Some women pregnancy is like shedding hair while some its like amputating an arm without pain killers

It also depends on her earning power too. How much would an OND earn in Nigeria lets be realistic? Most OND are offered about 30k a month

If I have a wife who is working as a secretary but can take few yrs off and earn a Medical/Pharmacy degree that would make her earn $200k a yr would I insist she continues earning the 20k a yr job and forfeit the chance of making life better for our family in a few years time?

Cut to the chase, she is not pregnant now and wants to work. She does not want to be a housewife, what do you suggest she do? Don't you get it? Some people are not happy staying at home and doing nothing? I can't believe you right now, you and coogar argued on that housewife thread. Some people don't work for money, they work to keep themselves busy, so 200k or not means nothing to them.

jennykadry: Then why marry a woman who wouldn't do these things for you in the first place? Why marry a selfish woman who can only give you a pack of Bonds boxers? Why do some Nigerian men spend on their wives regardless

Some men spend on their wives because they know the woman doesnt have if she has she would give equally.

Its not a defect like that. Some people dont joke with their money at all and its not a bad thing you just need to understand her.

If she cant give her pin, she shouldnt expect a blouse. And we are ok with it, I dont give and i dont take.

The bad thing is not giving but expecting and demanding to receive.

Some people can give their last card even when they are starving while some with 1m cant even give a beggar 2kobo

coogar:

then you are not being told the truth........
seek the truth and you shall find. no man would go out of his way to do his woman any big help if he's certain the woman would not do the same if the roles are reversed. i wouldn't even marry such a woman to start with, let alone buy her a car. there are other things i can spend my money on.



they spend on their wives cos they are somehow sure she would do the same in their shoes.........it's a no brainer.

You need to visit naija more often

jennykadry:
You need to visit naija more often

i visit naija all the time - maybe you should visit more these days that naija men are now the gold-diggers and not the other way round. naija men spend because they are sure the woman would do the same or even more if they had the opportunity. the truth is most naija women are very nice, even when they don't have cash to give, they would render the service and that counts for something to! in that wise, it's not unusual to see men spending on their partners in nigeria.

jennykadry:

Cut to the chase, she is not pregnant now and wants to work. She does not want to be a housewife, what do you suggest she do? Don't you get it? Some people are not happy staying at home and doing nothing? I can't believe you right now, you and coogar argued on that housewife thread. Some people don't work for money, they work to keep themselves busy, so 200k or not means nothing to them.

So you think a woman should conitnue working a 20k a yr job when she can go to school and earn a degree that would earn her 150k and make life better for all Just because she wants to work?

Dont forget her husband is paying for her school, Why do you think he is Paying for her school fees, 80% chance so that she can earn more and contribute more

JK lemme ask you , you are a Doctor in Nigeria, emigrate to Austalia where Docs earn like 300k a yr but you need to read for exams and pass before you can do that which might take 2yrs, but in the meantime you have a babysitting job which wont allow you to read and pay you 15k a yr.

What would you do or suggest your brother in such situation do with his wife?

Its a no brainer in most cases

Sisi_Kill:

Dayokanu. . .will you call a woman like this lazy?!

Definitely she cant be called a Lazy woman. She is studying. and after studies probably get a better job.

Someone going to school is worlds apart from Nollywood watching "alabodos"

Im working a security job, but I can quit face school and earn times 10 of that. If I have someone that would pick my bills in the interim its a very straightforward decision

dayokanu:

So you think a woman should conitnue working a 20k a yr job when she can go to school and earn a degree that would earn her 150k and make life better for all Just because she wants to work?

JK lemme ask you , you are a Doctor in Nigeria, emigrate to Austalia where Docs earn like 300k a yr but you need to read for exams and pass before you can do that which might take 2yrs, but in the meantime you have a babysitting job which wont allow you to read and pay you 15k a yr.

What would you do or suggest your brother in such situation do with his wife?

Its a no brainer in most cases

We are back to the same issue. Some People do not work for money but for satisfaction.

Thank you for this example, thanks thanks thanks. There were these two Nigerians that migrated from Botswana in 2008. Both of them are medical doctors, the husband got the license to practice but his wife had to sit for exams. She was working as a carer in aged care while preparing for her exam. She did not have to work cos the government was paying their rent and bills for them. They also gave them a car. She was practicing in Botswana and has always been a busy person. A typical naija like me would question her decision to work in the aged care when all she had to do was sit back and prepare for her exam.how much did they even pay her compared to what her husband earned? She did not have to contribute a dime but she worked as a carer.

At Op, try to remove your mind from the fact that your hubby bought a car for u , in his name.. The bottom line is , he bought a car for u to conveniently move around, take the kids to crèche or school without hassles. It's natural for one to buy his or her spouse such gifts, and not placing the receiver's name on the receipt..it's his money..that shouldn't bring up doubts abt his trust or love for you. Haven't u seen some homes, the husband will have fleet of cars but the dares not drive any, and they still live peacefully . Secondly, stop exchanging hot words or replying with snide remarks, when talking or laying yur ideas across. For your husband to say , all these... He is getting tired but that does not mean he wants to quit or that u shud quit.. He simply wants u to realize that he gradually turning his back and that u shud change some certain attitudes u cud av displayed at home.. All he wants, is for u to change your attitude at home and stop doing irritable things.
Think back, how u were behaving, while courting..and the things he use to mention that he admires abt you... Think back and retrace your steps..
Then about getting a job? Leave job out of it, due to sexual harrassments.,I will say buisness is better, like learning a skill alongside , the degree u av . A skill that will be compatible with your home, like dressmaking, interior decor, making of hairstyles etc. I know lots of housewives that are into these skills, packaged it in such a way that will make your hubby, friends and society at large proud of u .. Sell the idea of any of these skill to your husband and let him how serious u r and how u can be able to manage your home , kids with him.. Without anyone suffering.. Then with prayers , his heart will soften...
Best of luck, I hope it works.

coogar:

i visit naija all the time - maybe you should visit more these days that naija men are now the gold-diggers and not the other way round. naija men spend because they are sure the woman would do the same or even more if they had the opportunity. the truth is most naija women are very nice, even when they don't have cash to give, they would render the service and that counts for something to! in that wise, it's not unusual to see men spending on their partners in nigeria.

Lol, there are women who tell their friends in their husbands presence that they should have waited a while longer before getting married, the society ladies..... I will stop there. Trust me, visit naija

jennykadry:

We are back to the same issue. Some People do not work for money but for satisfaction.

Thank you for this example, thanks thanks thanks. There are these two Nigerians that migrated here from Botswana in 2008. Both of them are medical doctors, the husband got the license to practice but his wife had to sit for exams. She was working as a carer in aged care while preparing for her exam. She did not have to work cos the government was paying their rent and bills for them. They also gave them a car. She was practicing in Botswana and has always been a busy person. A typical naija like me would question her decision to work in the aged care when all she had to do was sit back and prepare for her exam.how much did they even pay her compared to what her husband earned? She did not have to contribute a dime but she worked as a carer.

How can a trained medical doctor be satisfied working as a carer its like saying a Petroleum Engineer is satisfied working as a Bouncer. Those are economic decisions if they had their way they wont be doing it.

Her decision would be proven to be wise or foolish if she passes her exam. If the carer job gives her time to read for exams and pass well then its a good decision.

If her carer job doesnt give her enough time to study and she keeps failing what do you call that? Sticking to a 20k a yr job at the expense of a 200k a yr job. Absolute foolishness

Some people can study for exam in a Night club and pass while others need serenity to study and pass

dayokanu:

Her decision would be proven to be wise or foolish if she passes her exam. If the carer job gives her time to read for exams and pass well then its a good decision.

If her carer job doesnt give her enough time to study and she keeps failing what do you call that? Sticking to a 20k a yr job at the expense of a 200k a yr job. Absolute foolishness

Some people can study for exam in a Night club and pass while others need serenity to study and pass

She failed twice but persisted and passed. Some of her friends from st Lucia who re the sit at home mums are still waiting to pass their own exams. Listen, some people learn in different environment, I read and understand better whilst listening to loud music like Rihanna's diamonds, or pit bull or pink. I have been known to stand and start dancing to a music with a book in my hand. My parents thought there was something wrong with me. My husband on the other hand prefers a quiet area. I read whilst eating lunch at work and with people talking around me. I prefer to read in the park on weekends with people around me so I could relate to this woman when said she had to be busy for things to sink in. I personally told her when she failed not to work but concentrate on the exams but for where?


Tell me to stay home and read and trust me that's the worse punishment ever cos I will be so bored and snore in the study room, but take me to work and see if I won't grab things into my head in just 15 mins

jennykadry: She failed twice but persisted and passed. Some of her friends from st Lucia who re the sit at home mums are still waiting to pass their own exams. Listen, some people learn in different environment, I read and understand better whilst listening to Rihanna's diamonds, or pit bull or pink. I have been known to stand and start dancing to a music with a book in my hand. My parents thought there was something wrong with me. My husbanding the other hand prefers a quiet area. I read whilst eating lunch at work and with people talking around me. I prefer to read in the park on weekends with people around me so I could relate to this woman when said she had to be busy for things to sink in. I personally told her when she failed not to work but concentrate on the exams but for where?


Tell me to stay home and read and trust me that's the worse punishment ever cos I will be so bored and snore in the study room, but take me to work and see if I won't grab things into my head in just 15 mins

So how is what you have posted different from mine?

dayokanu:
How can a trained medical doctor be satisfied working as a carer its like saying a Petroleum Engineer is satisfied working as a Bouncer. Those are economic decisions if they had their way they wont be doing it.

Her decision would be proven to be wise or foolish if she passes her exam. If the carer job gives her time to read for exams and pass well then its a good decision.

If her carer job doesnt give her enough time to study and she keeps failing what do you call that? Sticking to a 20k a yr job at the expense of a 200k a yr job. Absolute foolishness

Some people can study for exam in a Night club and pass while others need serenity to study and pass

We reason in a similar way only that you are in Southern hemisphere where the world is upside down, if you were here people would think we are twins in thought pattern

dayokanu:

So how is what you have posted different from mine?



We reason in a similar way only that you are in Southern hemisphere where the world is upside down, if you were here people would think we are twins in thought pattern

Shebi you said a woman shouldn't do a 15k per yr job while waiting for a 200k one and I am only telling you that people don't work for money, they have their reasons, I am currently a living example

jennykadry: Shebi you said a woman shouldn't do a 15k per yr job while waiting for a 200k one and I am still telling you that people don't work for money, they have their reasons, I am currently a living example

I said she shouldnt do it if the 15k job would interfere with studying for the 200k job and most likely full time schooling in Nigeria interferes with working

In the OP's case. if she works 9-5pm as a secretary earning 20,000 Naira a month, And she has to attend classes between 9-5 also How does she balance this?

In some courses failure to attend 70% of classes means automatic failure even if you scored 100% on the exam.

JK would you continue working your job if you are not told you wont be getting paid for it? Honest answer for me to know you dont work for money?

Or you would be rewarded by allowing you watch TV instead of salary

I don't only volunteer I work for charity Dayo. My husband is very able. Good night

victorian:
Then about getting a job? Leave job out of it, due to sexual harrassments.,I will say buisness is better, like learning a skill alongside , the degree u av . A skill that will be compatible with your home, like dressmaking, interior decor, making of hairstyles etc. I know lots of housewives that are into these skills, packaged it in such a way that will make your hubby, friends and society at large proud of u .. Sell the idea of any of these skill to your husband and let him how serious u r and how u can be able to manage your home , kids with him.. Without anyone suffering.. Then with prayers , his heart will soften...
Best of luck, I hope it works.

Please do you mind explaining the highlighted?

Thanks

jennykadry: I don't only volunteer I work for charity Dayo. My husband is very able. Good night

You volunteer after you have made the megabucks if your husband is struggling financially at home and you spend 40hrs a week working charity. Then that get as e be

Vikin:

That's what they always say, after they start whining like little babies, sorry to burst your bubbles, insist on getting a job on your own.

How do you feel asking for money for everything...feeding, money for fuel, fish to make jellof rice etc. even if you earn 30k, it's something...

After your studies, go get a job, dress very smart and classy-sexy to work, let see if he will tell you marriage is not a do or die affair. (Even if na 25k you collect as salary)

i love this.Op,discuss with him again.tell him u want to start something no matter how little.men like their ladies looking sexy.come on dear,r u sure u r not losing ΰя looks?though it can be threatening to them but sincerely they love it.

Chaircover Abeg what's your take on this?

victorian: At Op, try to remove your mind from the fact that your hubby bought a car for u , in his name.. The bottom line is , he bought a car for u to conveniently move around, take the kids to crèche or school without hassles. It's natural for one to buy his or her spouse such gifts, and not placing the receiver's name on the receipt..it's his money..that shouldn't bring up doubts abt his trust or love for you. Haven't u seen some homes, the husband will have fleet of cars but the dares not drive any, and they still live peacefully . Secondly, stop exchanging hot words or replying with snide remarks, when talking or laying yur ideas across. For your husband to say , all these... He is getting tired but that does not mean he wants to quit or that u shud quit.. He simply wants u to realize that he gradually turning his back and that u shud change some certain attitudes u cud av displayed at home.. All he wants, is for u to change your attitude at home and stop doing irritable things.
Think back, how u were behaving, while courting..and the things he use to mention that he admires abt you... Think back and retrace your steps..
Then about getting a job? Leave job out of it, due to sexual harrassments.,I will say buisness is better, like learning a skill alongside , the degree u av . A skill that will be compatible with your home, like dressmaking, interior decor, making of hairstyles etc. I know lots of housewives that are into these skills, packaged it in such a way that will make your hubby, friends and society at large proud of u .. Sell the idea of any of these skill to your husband and let him how serious u r and how u can be able to manage your home , kids with him.. Without anyone suffering.. Then with prayers , his heart will soften...
Best of luck, I hope it works.

tnx a bunch

jidegirl12: Chaircover Abeg what's your take on this?

Yejide, Abeg what's your take on this?