This Marriage Thing Sef

Marriage today is not what it used to be. Let me rephrase that: marriage is not what I thought it was. It is not what I think it should be. And no, I am not yet married.

Marriage is supposed to be a bond between a man and a woman, held by love. When you are getting married, you are supposed to be getting married to your best friend, your soul mate, your other half. For men, you are supposed to be getting married to the woman who has your rib in her, the woman who has your missing rib. And for women, you are supposed to be getting married to the man whose rib you have in you. When ‘marriage’ comes to mind, people often think of love, romance, happiness, eternal bliss, love, love, love.

A man gets married to what he considers a beautiful woman. He expects that she will undergo physical changes, especially after having his children. Her stomach might get a little rounder; her thighs might get a little chunkier; her feet might get bigger. Hmm, it will only be a matter of time before gravity descends on her breasts. So he expects all of this, but he does not foresee one of her butt cheeks to equal the size of their jumbo pillow. He does not foresee her stomach to be bigger than his beer gut. And while, he expected her feet to grow a little bigger, he did not ever think they would grow big enough to fit his shoes. And her breasts? Let’s just say it can go for miles. The thing seems to be longer every time he sees it.

They used to have a great sex life, but now she is too busy catering for the children to satisfy his needs. By the time she comes to bed, she smells of maggi cubes and curry. Her hair consistently remains undone. He is not quite sure if she is taking out the weave on her head or fixing a new one. The whole thing is a mess. Her nails are as sharp as a razor blade. He has the evidence to prove this on their bed sheets which are constantly sliced by her toe nails. And when was the last time she shaved? She has taken the word, ‘natural’ to a whole new level. Whoever told her he wants to be in bed with a grizzly bear?

Before they got married, he promised to stop drinking and smoking. He is yet to quit either. He smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. One day, he will drink himself to stupor and smoke himself to ashes. He comes to bed smelling like an ash tray dumped in a cheap bar and expects her to wear lingerie to bed? He has to be high on something.

These days, she has no interest in sex anymore. Well, she still has interest, but she refuses to subject herself to such degradation. She would rather utilize Mr. Denzel, her three-hundred dollar vibrator. He is worth every penny she spent on him. Too bad he is not tax deductable. He probably thinks of someone else while he is inside her anyway. He probably closes his eyes while he is on top of her. He probably cannot wait to burst a nut, so he can get out of her. He probably only does it because he needs to – not because he wants to. Why will she want to have sex with such a man?

She believes he is very selfish. Why else will he expect her to work several hours a day, come home and take care of the kids, help them to do their assignment, prepare dinner, and then be in the mood to satisfy his needs in bed? When she is in the mood, she is too tired; when she is not tired, she is not in the mood. And when she is in the mood and not tired, she would rather be with Mr. Denzel. At least, she is guaranteed to have his time for more than five minutes – unlike some other people she knows.

She does not know why he keeps complaining about the money she sends home to her mother. Has she ever stopped him from sending money to his own mother? Does he know what her mother went through when her father left them for another woman? There is nothing he will say that will make her stop sending money to her mother.

She works hard for her money, and she has every right to spend it how she wants to. Besides, she has always dreamt of the day she will finally be able to show her mother some appreciation for all she went through when her father left them high and dry. And now this man thinks she will stop spoiling her mother because some husband said she should? Please.

I may not be married, but having observed a lot of marriages and found in them nothing that thrills or excites me, I have realized that one problem with marriages is habit. Marriage becomes a game of habit. Who says you cannot attend a friend’s night party because you are now married? Who says you cannot spend an entire day at Six Flags and scream your hearts out on every ride? What stops you from going to a poetry parlor? Oh, that’s right. You are married now. You can only go to work, come home, eat egwusi soup, watch TV, do whatever you do in bed, and sleep. Then you wake up in the morning and repeat the cycle.

There has got to be a better way to be married because this current marriage thing sef…e get as e be oh!!

Thats life for you, it did not work for Mr and Mrs A does not mean it will still go the same way for Mr and Mrs B. What is currently happening to married life is in line with end time phenomena where people are becoming more selfish, doing things based on egocentric as well as seeing the whole thing as modernisation. We can't get it right if we fail to go back to the root of what marriage was meant to be.

Encomium:

Thats life for you, it did not work for Mr and Mrs A does not mean it will still go the same way for Mr and Mrs B. What is currently happening to married life is in line with end time phenomena where people are becoming more selfish, doing things based on egocentric as well as seeing the whole thing as modernisation. We can't get it right if we fail to go back to the root of what marriage was meant to be.

I'm glad there're still people who think like this. there is still hope then

Speaking abt the issue, with the way relationships are overated, allow me to say "what goes up must come down"

This is what happens when the twisted and warp opinions abt relationships/marriages (guided/advocated by society and the media for monetary gain) are hardwired into people from a young age. With the effort it takes to maintain a relationshio these days (can anyone say its easy?!) and these "mindsets", what would one expect to do when the knot is tired? RELAX!!!

It is human nature. When you create a lifestyle isn't real, it's bound to wear you out. This is why it always pays to be yourself at the end of the day.

Excellent write up. But una e really get as e be. If we start to dey look am like that, we no go marry be that.

Encomium:

Thats life for you, it did not work for Mr and Mrs A does not mean it will still go the same way for Mr and Mrs B. What is currently happening to married life is in line with end time phenomena where people are becoming more selfish, doing things based on egocentric as well as seeing the whole thing as modernisation. We can't get it right if we fail to go back to the root of what marriage was meant to be.[b][/b]

But are we really willing to go back to the root of what marriage was meant to be? May God help us all. Amen.

yeah, we have got to be ourselves at all time s !

@ poster, there is hope if u ask me !
SInce, u have taken your time to outline all those beautiful points, i will also pray you to outline all other points that can make a marriage work to some very good extent and " wedlock" shall be sweet with you and for you to some large extent !
Its a fact that, marriage isnt "yam" its takes lot more to sustain ! infact, its even more challenging that, relationship !

In my personal opinion, i will say the way out is for us to be real ! we dont have to fake anything and or impress anybody ! Just be yourself and the real value of being " real" and being yourself WILL definately come to fore in the long run thereby, making the challenges of marriage to be a little bit less challenging !!

The joy of marriage to me isnt about all those "fluke" attached to when couples are just married, the joy of marriage is when u start having kids and so many ups and down, challenges, issues wrapped in fine tuned way-of-life and you both can still accomodate one another without beheading one another !

The more reason why we have to be ourselves in all that we do !

WebMonk:

I'm glad there're still people who think like this. there is still hope then

Speaking about the issue, "what goes up must come down"

This is what happens when the twisted and warp opinions about relationships/marriages (guided/advocated by society and the media for monetary gain) are hardwired into people from a young age. With the effort it takes to maintain a relationshio these days (can anyone say its easy?!) and these "mindsets", what would one expect to do when the knot is tired? RELAX!!!

It is human nature. When you create a lifestyle isn't real, it's bound to wear you out. This is why it always pays to be yourself at the end of the day.

i concur bro. u make sense no be small.
cheers

WebMonk:

I'm glad there're still people who think like this. there is still hope then

Speaking about the issue, with the way relationships are overated, allow me to say "what goes up must come down"

This is what happens when the twisted and warp opinions about relationships/marriages (guided/advocated by society and the media for monetary gain) are hardwired into people from a young age. With the effort it takes to maintain a relationshio these days (can anyone say its easy?!) and these "mindsets", what would one expect to do when the knot is tired? RELAX!!!

It is human nature. When you create a lifestyle isn't real, it's bound to wear you out. This is why it always pays to be yourself at the end of the day.

[size=13pt]That is sooooooooooooooooooooooo CORRECT.[/size]

u shud not go into a marriage, thinking dat da person wud changes jus 4 u. my advice is dat marry someone with all da qualities n characteristics u want, so dat wen u get into the marriage u wont ave any probs trying to change dem or dem wanting 2 change. i just pray dat we all find wat we want in man/woman. and GOD will provide us the BONE OF OUR BONE N FLESH OF OUR FLESH

Vikiviko,
Many cheers for bringing this interesting piece to the attention of Nairalanders for their elucidation and reading pleasure,However you have failed to credit the original writer of this piece.This constitutes plagiarism. This piece was written for the Nigeria village square by Vera Ezimora and published on the website on the 2nd of April.
Going Forward, Lifting of any intellectual material without according due credits/nor having the author's permission to reprint,publish,express their ideas(wholly,in part)or otherwise could land you in hot soup. Please take heed to avoid our beloved Nairaland facing charges from aggrevied writers.

Nice write up, If we begin to look at marriage so critically it'll be very hard for anyone to want to get married, in as much as we want to marry a man with the characteristics that we want  most times we don't get that. We always HOPE to change the bad qualities or rather blind ourselves to it because we don't want to lose the person, sometimes we just don't want to focus on it.

I hate it when women get married and just fall back on everything that they use to be, she stops going to the gym, hanging out with her old freinds(not neccesarilly going to the club), just doing things she used to love to do.

I would love to see that man that would tell me not to give my mum(parents) what she/they rightfully deserves from of me if i choose to give her things CONSTANTLY, regardless of the fact that he does or doesn't do the same for his mum(parents).

Since you feel so, please don't marry o

Like I have stated in the past. . . marriage is not for every body.  If I happened to be single. . . and happy. . .I would consider it a blessing than to be married and unhappy.

Many people have no business getting married because they do not even love and respect themselves not to talk of getting involved with another for a life time.

I would rather be a Goldie Hawn with a darling Kurt Russel (25 years) or a Susan Sarandon with an adorable Tim Robbins for (20 years) and counting. . . .than be a Whitney Houston living in bondage with Bobby Brown!

Both Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon were both married before and would never contemplate such a madness. . .Like them I believe it is a journey you only take once in a life time.  I believe in solid companionship marked with mutual love, respect, honor and consideration.  Not a bloody paper sham!

Where ever you can find love. . .grab it.  Same sex unions or whatever. . . go for your happiness.  It is your life and no one will live it for you.  While people are talking their rubbish as usual. . . you are fulfulling your life's dream. . . to be happy and live a wonderful life. . . while they keep gossiping and wallowing in their misery and sufferhead till they enter their graves from depression of gossiping about others out of joblessness!

Find your happiness!  If it is not working, get out of it as soon as possible. . .they may be someone out there just waiting for you.  But if you never get out of your jail. . .you have no chance of even meeting him or her.

I just love movies like "Sleepless In Seattle"!  I love Oyinbo peopel. . .they can never compromise happiness even if it take them 100 times to try.  Till they die. . .they never stop searching for that special someone!  Never limit yourself!  You deserve the best!

The fact is that like its said we are more selfish - and am so sorry God for saying this, the church itself adds to the wahala at hand. Lots of people are confused, they dont know what they are getting themselves into - its just heartbreaking.

People have their minds set - omo its just bad and people just dont get it

almondjoy:

Like I have stated in the past. . . marriage is not for every body. If I happened to be single. . . and happy. . .I would consider it a blessing than to be married and unhappy.

Many people have no business getting married because they do not even love and respect themselves not to talk of getting involved with another for a life time.

I would rather be a Goldie Hawn with a darling Kurt Russel (25 years) or a Susan Sarandon with an adorable Tim Robbins for (20 years) and counting. . . .than be a Whitney Houston living in bondage with Bobby Brown!

Both Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon were married before and never would contemplate such a madness. . .Like them I believe it is a journey you only take once in a life time. I believe in solid companionship marked with mutual love, respect, honor and consideration. Not a bloody paper sham!

Very true

yeah plagiarism at its worse. original article written by Vera Ezimora (www.verastic.com , vera@verastic.com) and available here: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/vera-ezimora/this-marriage-thing-sef.html

vikiviko you be f*ck up

Marriage is over-emphasized, overrated and done for the wrong reasons nowadays

Some people just do it for the glamour, the freebies/prezzies, pressures they are facing and politics

I dont have to marry a woman to have piece of mind or eat good food or have sex on tap or be someone in life

Has anyone ever wondered why divorce rate is high, infidelities and adultery are rocketing?!

True marriage is not for everybody, i would rather have kids and stay un-married

Marriage is a FRAUD!

dee02:

Marriage is over-emphasized, overrated and done for the wrong reasons nowadays

Some people just do it for the glamour, the freebies/prezzies, pressures they are facing and politics

I don't have to marry a woman to have piece of mind or eat good food or have sex on tap or be someone in life

Has anyone ever wondered why divorce rate is high, infidelities and adultery are rocketing?!

True marriage is not for everybody, i would rather have kids and stay un-married

Marriage is a FRAUD!

People usually speak from their experiences.
Some of us who have 2 loving parents that are still married and love each other after many decades see marriage as a blessing.

Marriage is not a bed of roses. It is NOT easy. Nowadays, couples need to work hard to stay married. Re-commit yourself and think of ways to please your partner before you please yourself. Just doing this alone will lengthen any married ordained by God.

Get married first before you become jaded for other people. Haba!

Very true to those as follow has said it all at below:

@AJ
@dee02
@techzone
@nwando
@adeboo

Marriage is not for EVERYONE! Blessing my parent and their 42 years faithful marriage both hard times and happy times I have been witnessed all those years.

Since you are not married yet,you are not an authority on this area.I have to contribute since i read it,growing up i said that i would not marry because of the married people around me,especially my parents.I admired people like Onyeka Onwenu for been a single parent but all that changed when i met and married my best friend.We've been married for almost 6yrs now,and i haven't for one day regretted our union.It is left for a woman to take care of herself after having children by watching what she eats and exercising,taking a shower before going to bed.Your happiness does not depend on whom you marry it is a matter of your choice either to be happy or not.You can't change any human being ,if a man smokes when you met him he is not going to change because of you after marriage.It is very important for women not to be totally dependent on a man,have a career,hobbies,your own friends.Sorry guys this is sounding like a marriage sermon,but remember who a virtuous woman is:proverbs 31 .Yeah this is long.

Thank you tyna1 for adding a positive flavour to this otherwise very negative topic.
Life is what you make of it. That includes marriage.

tyna1:

Since you are not married yet,you are not an authority on this area.I have to contribute since i read it,growing up i said that i would not marry because of the married people around me,especially my parents.I admired people like Onyeka Onwenu for been a single parent but all that changed when i met and married my best friend.We've been married for almost 6yrs now,and i haven't for one day regretted our union.It is left for a woman to take care of herself after having children by watching what she eats and exercising,taking a shower before going to bed.Your happiness does not depend on whom you marry it is a matter of your choice either to be happy or not.You can't change any human being ,if a man smokes when you met him he is not going to change because of you after marriage.It is very important for women not to be totally dependent on a man,have a career,hobbies,your own friends.Sorry guys this is sounding like a marriage sermon,but remember who a virtuous woman is:proverbs 31 .Yeah this is long.

I totally agree with you. You have said it all!

@ Poster, nice speech but don't you think you should at least get married first before crucifying marriage the way you just did?

One of the problems with the society nowadays is using celebrities as role models when it comes to marriage, relationships and so on. Whatever happened to looking up to our parents or grandparents relationships and learning or taking a point or two from it and adapting it to our lifestyle.

Yes we cannot follow their footsteps completely because some of their ideas are awkward. But the simple things in life such as giving the relationship your all, not thinking i might as well do it well he/she will eventually do it to me, eating meals together, praying together, going places together and i don't mean family get-togethers. Simple things like this goes a long way.

Celebrities are also people and they get things wrong just like we do. The only difference between yourself and them is that they are the focus of the media today. It could be you tomorrow, does that mean you are ready to be a role model?

To the author of the thread, i understand your concern but as i was trying to explain. Him helping out around the house will probably have given the lady a couple of minutes extra to make herself presentable before it's time for bed. She not trying to change him and just accept what she married will probably reduce the fights and increase the love

There is hope for happiness in marriage. It's not easy but it works and you will enjoy the fruits. It's the second best feeling after children as your accomplishments in life

@poster, the fact that this is the scene u see all around u everyday doesnt mean all marriages are that way.

marriage is what u make out of it. good marriages don't just happen, u work it out.

besides, since u know all about how marriage shdnt be, then i assume u should equally know how it should be! so u can get married and make urs a happy one just like u know how it should be.

lastly, please quit whinning!

people,wot can we say! i want to believe dat marriage is truly wot u make of it, its either a bed of roses or bed of thorns.am
married and i intend to make d most of it.If others dont work,mine must surely work.that shld be d spirit

One of the major problems, we have with marriage these days is that a lot of us(including myself) went/go into marriage without proper understanding of the institution.

I believe we need to go back to the original manual for marriage ( for me the Bible). We don't think carefully about the consequences of marriage on our lives, we feel we just want to be married at our age because 'my biological clock is ticking' or all my friends are married, I must be married etc.

To be married and remain happily married, you have to be ready to compromise on a lot of issues, not to the extreme though as the consequence of this is unhappiness. If you compromise to the point that you are doing things you dont believe in, this is dangerous.

A lot of dating couples, do not actually sit down to talk about a lot of issues before getting married, eg finances, plans, goals, sex life, children etc. It's funny that before we buy a car or a house, we would do so much research, but not so with marriage. Some of us don't know enough about our partners and just go ahead to marry them, or we have this nigling feeling at the back of our minds but ignore it because we are 'in love'.

There is the issue of pride which a lot of us indulge in. We no longer have patience, which you need bucket loads of when you get married.

My point is, we have been short changed and deceived by the world that marriage is all honkey-dorey, the truth is you must be prepared to work hard at it, accept the other person (faults & all) and accomodate each other.

Before getting married people should ask themselves if they are ready to make sacrifices, because essentially that what marriage is. Instead of chasing after Slim and volumptous breatedyoung women you are saddled with the same woman who is getting fat, and who only tolerates you to do it. MONOTONY Instaed of a woman hanging out with her girls she is is either in the kitchen cooking or washing diapers, and the guy has to pay for every ones whims before thinking about himself. Either partner must come home early, check with the other person before doing anything, etc. And when the children comes it might be when you guys are hot for each other that junior will start crying and fouls up the thingy.

There are ofcourse lots of joy in marriages, a good marriage that is-someone to talk to, share with, laugh with, face challenges with, romp with and lots more. its a matter of accepting responsibilities and to keep working at it. Dont hide anything from your partner, you can tell her what she looks best in, she can do same, cook together, settle your misunderstanding quickly, and try to do things to just make the other person happy. Spike up monotonous things like sex, prepare for it, read together about it, watch films together listen to music, dont try to choke, take stroll and talk as you walk, hold each other and show each other love.This is my own recipe

Call me a Pervert if U like.
Ther are guys who see marriage as just having a standby Pussy to fall to anytime, their numerous hoard of "BABES" disappoints them.

I have friends who wives complain to me in such direction, so I know what am saying. Its not as if the women are trying to dis or accuse their Hubbies wrongly. I walk with this guys so I know what goes on.

I can't wait to get married!

Thumbs down for ur negative lifestyle