vicoson: My wife says she did me a favour by marrying me, so I should be happy she married me.

We've been married for 3 years with 2 kids. Prior to our marriage we dated for about a year. She even moved in with me when she had accomodation problem for 6 months. During this period I saw hell. She showed me no respect, was playing her games very openly. Her phone rings 24/7, multiple love sms.

When I talk about settling down together, she would say her parents won't agree because my place is far-I'm from Akwa Ibom and she is from Mbaise. Obviously she did not want to marry me but she wouldn't just leave.

She travelled twice to check out some suitors while she was still leaving with me and I got to know from another source. She didn't deny it but said her sister's gave her the connection. One of those guys is an illiterate drug pusher.

Finally things got to a head. I dicovered condoms hidden in her handbag, I had to throw her out of my house. Somehow somehow, we hooked again but this time I only wanted to use her. Not quite long she took in. Although both of us had earlier agreed we won't marry each other, she later claimed she has started loving me but I did not love her anymore.
I went ahead and married her. I even did elaborate wedding. From day one till today, it has always been trouble.

Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge.

Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house.

Before I forget, I am a Mechanical Engineer, she doesn't have a good O-level.

Yes, my emotions are on vacation, is it my fault?

HARDDON:


from the bolded, you had it coming, all the signs where glaring
you had all the negative signals, yet you decided to take it a notch up.

blinded your mind with beauty and married her. against, ofcos, all resistances.

now you crawl in here to cry fowl?

you aint getting nada from me.

you choose : your life your cross...gladly bear

byns:
UVE NEVA BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE

byns:
UVE NEVA BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE

HARDDON:

da heck?

your heart so open that your brains fall out?

yours love so hawt that your mind go blind?

did you know that Juliet lived and married anoda man even after jack died?

HARDDON:


from the bolded, you had it coming, all the signs where glaring
you had all the negative signals, yet you decided to take it a notch up.

blinded your mind with beauty and married her. against, ofcos, all resistances.

now you crawl in here to cry fowl?

you aint getting nada from me.

you choose : your life your cross...gladly bear

vicoson: I did not marry her because I loved her but I felt she will appreciate the fact that I married her against all odds. I was wrong. I think it was a conscience thing and I'm happy I did the right thing. Now I have to send her packing because I'm not sure I can give her what she wants. She wants romance which I don't have.

vicoson: we do talk but the end result is always another bigger problem. She turns the situation around and play the victim. When I refuse to talk to her for a while, she becomes extremely nice,sometimes she will buy me things I need but cannot get immediately because of other things I have to do. And just when I decide to open up and play with her, she turns back to tell me how bad and wicked I am and how I make her life so miserable, and that I married her just toruin her life. I just give her her things back. Now, I don't accept gifts from her again and we don't have any meaningful conversation again.

vicoson: My wife is the one praying for God to heal her marriage. She goes about saying evil things about me and people advise her to take a walk. To her , I don't love and care for her. I try my best to provide for the family. She earns over thirty thousand naira a month and I've never demanded a dime from her yet she keeps whining how I don't give her money to make her hair. Someone said am poor. Well, poor is relative. I live in a comfortable 2 bedroom flat In PH. Well furnished. Have I started too low? Am I really so poor? My salary can't take care of all the expenses in the house but I work hard to make ends meet to the best of my ability. I don't cheat,drink out, beat her. Her major complaint seem to be that am not as romantic as she wants and I can't fake it. What should I do?

peace-1:
I SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU.HOWEVER,YOU ARE THE ARCHITECT OF YOUR PROBLEMS.WHETHER THE CHILDREN LOOKS LIKE YOU IS NOT THE ISSUE,DID SHE SLEPT WITH OTHER MEN WHILE PREGNANT?YOU KNEW THESE FACTS FROM ONSET;SHE DON'T RESPECT YOU,SHE KEEPS OTHER MEN WHILE IN YOUR TERRITORY,KEEPS CONDOMS,TOLD YOU SHE WOULDN'T MARRY YOU,HENCE YOU RECONCILE AND MADE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HER.MAN WAKE UP,PRAY AND FAST SO THAT YOU CAN SEE INTO REALITY ON GROUND.ALL THE BEST.

KenGali:

I see how everybody is telling you that you are an angel. Like you said earlier, you brought her close to to use her then ended up marrying, means you were both playing each other.
And truth be told, she kept coming back to you - means she loved you, but you where lacking in some areas(I doubt its finance, cause she does not sound to be a candidate for a filthy rich man either). The other side is that you kept accommodating her excess - stop deceiving yourself, you loved the girl.

I do not think love is the problem, rather, you both lack in each others expectations, right from time of dating. You want a submissive wife which shes is not, she wants a romantic man which you are not. Minding that no one will perfectly match what you want, why will you guys not compromise? You guys have not learnt how to manage your expectations of each other.

Oh I know the answer already, the faultless you, you will compromise but she won't. So why don't you lead her to what you want? Oh my gosh, that will involve you being romantic, and least I forget, you just can't be, you are too stiff to tell your wife "I love you" often or spare a Friday to take her out, or buy her an outfit you choose yourself and ask her to put it on so you can see. (I myself, only recently learnt how much a woman craves to hear you say how much you love her)

Come on man, ride your horse, Its not just by whipping it. Sometimes give it sugar to lick. And its 21st century, are you really sure your want a slave for a wife? Someone who has no mind of her own, cannot say a word to you. Say yes to everything you say. Am wondering, are you not the daring kind. Do you not like having a woman that can stand when you are away. That close confidant you can whisper your plans to at night and she would see some dark side you did not think off. As long as your wife is not cheating on you, but making demands of you she has not disrespected you.

Am not putting blame on you, am saying that you are not leading. Something basic you need to understand is that people love you for something. When you stop doing those thing, their love becomes agitated. You have stopped doing all the things your wife love you for ( thats apart from footing the bills- which is important)- why?

Let me also add that your mind set is scaring, you took a lady to her parents for them to tell her how to relate with you! If you cannot marry this woman, am not sure you can marry another (marry: the act of caring, leading, loving, guiding, interesting, sexually exciting, intellectually exciting, admonishing, emotionally blackmailing, as well as protecting your wife).

vicoson: we do talk but the end result is always another bigger problem. She turns the situation around and play the victim. When I refuse to talk to her for a while, she becomes extremely nice,sometimes she will buy me things I need but cannot get immediately because of other things I have to do. And just when I decide to open up and play with her, she turns back to tell me how bad and wicked I am and how I make her life so miserable, and that I married her just toruin her life. I just give her her things back. Now, I don't accept gifts from her again and we don't have any meaningful conversation again.

jidewin:
And why must he the one to go seek REFUGE when the hoe in his house is the culprit.ABEGI, ARRANGE ANOTHER ROUND OF MEETING FOR HER PAPA HOUSE BUT ENSURE YOU HAVE HER LUGGAGES PACKED QUIETLY. AS YOU REACH THERE DROP HER AND HER BAGS AND ZOOM OFF.GOOD RIDDANCE

vicoson: My wife says she did me a favour by marrying me, so I should be happy she married me.

We've been married for 3 years with 2 kids. Prior to our marriage we dated for about a year. She even moved in with me when she had accomodation problem for 6 months. During this period I saw hell. She showed me no respect, was playing her games very openly. Her phone rings 24/7, multiple love sms.

When I talk about settling down together, she would say her parents won't agree because my place is far-I'm from Akwa Ibom and she is from Mbaise. Obviously she did not want to marry me but she wouldn't just leave.

She travelled twice to check out some suitors while she was still leaving with me and I got to know from another source. She didn't deny it but said her sister's gave her the connection. One of those guys is an illiterate drug pusher.

Finally things got to a head. I dicovered condoms hidden in her handbag, I had to throw her out of my house. Somehow somehow, we hooked again but this time I only wanted to use her. Not quite long she took in. Although both of us had earlier agreed we won't marry each other, she later claimed she has started loving me but I did not love her anymore.
I went ahead and married her. I even did elaborate wedding. From day one till today, it has always been trouble.

Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge.

Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house.

Before I forget, I am a Mechanical Engineer, she doesn't have a good O-level.

Yes, my emotions are on vacation, is it my fault?

Santi222: 75 likes, Gbam!!

byns: @kengali,
shud i stay with my fiancee, she has similar traits

vicoson: I took her to their people in January and lodged complaints to her father. All her in-laws were around. They all leapt to her defence and faulted the way I presented the matter that I was too blunt. The complaints were:
1. She doesn't respect me
2. She is not submissive
3. She is lazy and the house is always messy
4. She is rebellious.
My father-in-law said he was so disappointed for me to come complaining so early and a lot of other things. I grew upset and told them to keep their daughter and left. She was there for a week and people prevaied on me to bring her back. The church stepped in and ordered her to come back to my house. I've not heard from her people since then and i've refused to go see them.

KenGali:
I am not sure what traits you mean, asking your husband to love you is not a trait. Love here means showing it.

If you mean the other issue about being faithful, I do not think the OP wife is unfaithful, else she will not be complaining. she will rather give him a false sense of peace. If your fiancée is unfaithful to you, I do not think it is right to go on. But you must be able to differentiate un-faithfulness from keeping her options open, After all tomorrow you may decide not to marry her, so she will have other male friends (not lovers) its normal. But she will always treat you differently and with preference.

If you are talking about confident women, not submissive. Its a personal choice. Me I prefer women who are not afraid cause am a risk taker. I do not have a huge ego either. But you should be able to establish a slight dominance with your woman without stiffling her.

byns:
i mean she actually is stalling, indecisive and refusing to be committed, meaning she is keeping her options open, playing me, which totally infuriates me, cos i'm totally dedicated to her and shes taking it for granted

byns:
bro, i aint married yet, but my fiancee acts the same way, i left her 3months ago, now she wants to get back, shud i give her another chance or am i foolishly setting myself up for a miserable marriage

50calibre: How the hell did you manage to get ensnared in the trap of an mbaise woman, an illiterate one for that matter? Haven you heard the saying " if you get caught between a snake and an mbaise woman, kill the mbaise woman first" mbaise women are like leeches, they contribute nothing positive to your life, apart from sucking you dry.

Gather your thoughts together, make plans, go to a marriage court and dissolve the marriage. Nigeria is dysfunctional, with money you would get custody of the kids. Take your kids and go drop them with your people, they are better off there than with her.

KenGali:

I see how everybody is telling you that you are an angel. Like you said earlier, you brought her close to to use her then ended up marrying, means you were both playing each other.
And truth be told, she kept coming back to you - means she loved you, but you where lacking in some areas(I doubt its finance, cause she does not sound to be a candidate for a filthy rich man either). The other side is that you kept accommodating her excess - stop deceiving yourself, you loved the girl.

I do not think love is the problem, rather, you both lack in each others expectations, right from time of dating. You want a submissive wife which shes is not, she wants a romantic man which you are not. Minding that no one will perfectly match what you want, why will you guys not compromise? You guys have not learnt how to manage your expectations of each other.

Oh I know the answer already, the faultless you, you will compromise but she won't. So why don't you lead her to what you want? Oh my gosh, that will involve you being romantic, and least I forget, you just can't be, you are too stiff to tell your wife "I love you" often or spare a Friday to take her out, or buy her an outfit you choose yourself and ask her to put it on so you can see. (I myself, only recently learnt how much a woman craves to hear you say how much you love her)

Come on man, ride your horse, Its not just by whipping it. Sometimes give it sugar to lick. And its 21st century, are you really sure your want a slave for a wife? Someone who has no mind of her own, cannot say a word to you. Say yes to everything you say. Am wondering, are you not the daring kind. Do you not like having a woman that can stand when you are away. That close confidant you can whisper your plans to at night and she would see some dark side you did not think off. As long as your wife is not cheating on you, but making demands of you she has not disrespected you.

Am not putting blame on you, am saying that you are not leading. Something basic you need to understand is that people love you for something. When you stop doing those thing, their love becomes agitated. You have stopped doing all the things your wife love you for ( thats apart from footing the bills- which is important)- why?

Let me also add that your mind set is scaring, you took a lady to her parents for them to tell her how to relate with you! If you cannot marry this woman, am not sure you can marry another (marry: the act of caring, leading, loving, guiding, interesting, sexually exciting, intellectually exciting, admonishing, emotionally blackmailing, as well as protecting your wife).

vicoson: If I marry fifty times and all fifty women said they did me a favour by marrying me, I'll divorce all of them. I give love to only those that deserve it.

vicoson: If I marry fifty times and all fifty women said they did me a favour by marrying me, I'll divorce all of them. I give love to only those that deserve it.

KenGali:
I am not sure what traits you mean, asking your husband to love you is not a trait. Love here means showing it.

If you mean the other issue about being faithful, I do not think the OP wife is unfaithful, else she will not be complaining. she will rather give him a false sense of peace. If your fiancée is unfaithful to you, I do not think it is right to go on. But you must be able to differentiate un-faithfulness from keeping her options open, After all tomorrow you may decide not to marry her, so she will have other male friends (not lovers) its normal. But she will always treat you differently and with preference.

If you are talking about confident women, not submissive. Its a personal choice. Me I prefer women who are not afraid cause am a risk taker. I do not have a huge ego either. But you should be able to establish a slight dominance with your woman without stiffling her.

Mr evildoer:



SPECIAL ADVISER

KenGali:
Every woman did a man a favour by marrying him lol. Yours is not the first. It is the man that marries the woman, not the other way round.
It is the man that goes wooing the woman, convincing her that he is her best. Women will always say that to emphasize their feminine pride. In the case of your wife who got pregnant before marriage. Reverse psychology should tell you that she holds out on the possibility that you only married her cause of the baby, doing her a favour. That's why she will reverse it to make you accept that she did you a favour, not the other way round. . . my guy its called a woman's pride.

You have spent very little time around women. they often do things in reverse. Indirectly. Right from childhood, women are taught that they do not rule, so they device and perfect indirect control. you have to understand this to relate with them. That's why a woman that wants you badly will only be telling you how she does not want. Their was this guy recently on nairaland that spent a night doing his best not to touch a girl with whom he was discussing the evils of sex on first date. in the morning the girl dumped him.

The more i chat with you, the more i see you do not understand feminine poise. Nothing do your wife. She is not even cheating on you, else she won't be complaining so much. Try to learn more of how to handle her emotional side. Reassure her, she has insecurities about how you feel about her, a woman begins to assert herself when you treat her bad or she feels she has lost respect. Treat her right, she will be singing your name every where and people will be wondering how you manage to get into her mind. Shower your wife with love she will never remember she was a rebel. it takes very little to please a woman.

KenGali:
Every woman did a man a favour by marrying him lol. Yours is not the first. It is the man that marries the woman, not the other way round.
It is the man that goes wooing the woman, convincing her that he is her best. Women will always say that to emphasize their feminine pride. In the case of your wife who got pregnant before marriage. Reverse psychology should tell you that she holds out on the possibility that you only married her cause of the baby, doing her a favour. That's why she will reverse it to make you accept that she did you a favour, not the other way round. . . my guy its called a woman's pride.

You have spent very little time around women. they often do things in reverse. Indirectly. Right from childhood, women are taught that they do not rule, so they device and perfect indirect control. you have to understand this to relate with them. That's why a woman that wants you badly will only be telling you how she does not want. Their was this guy recently on nairaland that spent a night doing his best not to touch a girl with whom he was discussing the evils of sex on first date. in the morning the girl dumped him.

The more i chat with you, the more i see you do not understand feminine poise. Nothing do your wife. She is not even cheating on you, else she won't be complaining so much. Try to learn more of how to handle her emotional side. Reassure her, she has insecurities about how you feel about her, a woman begins to assert herself when you treat her bad or she feels she has lost respect. Treat her right, she will be singing your name every where and people will be wondering how you manage to get into her mind. Shower your wife with love she will never remember she was a rebel. it takes very little to please a woman.