vicoson: What is this? I let out my feelings seeking for advice and you come out n give me vague advice. How do I put my house in order? I just described my wife and seek for ways of handling her, not complaining. I've read a lot of books but I'm just looking for people who have similar experiences to advise. I will continue to talk till I find solution to my problem. Dont judge me, just tell me what to do.

baby_123:
No one can tell you what to do. Every marital relationship is different. People can only suggest. You know your wife, we don't. So you are going to have to figure it out mostly. Good you have forgiven her and have stepped down from the divorce threats. . You can start by talking to someone she respects.

Ujujoan:

I already did . . . go face your marriage!
Stop wasting your time seeking advice from faceless e characters, it won't do you any good!
You alone can fix this problem you've brought upon yourself.
Quit nagging.

vicoson: you want to know my faults? They are as follows:
1 I've never cheated on her before n after marriage.
2 I help in chores without any appreciation.
3 I refuse her sex in the morning since she'll not be able to do anything afterwards
4 I take my daughter to school everyday since it is my daughter
5 I keep to myself since I don't have mouth to talk.
Am no saint. Sometimes I tongue lash her to burst her bubble with no success- girl believe so much on herself. Now I just ignore her. Whenever she decides to come down her high horse, I might look at her. Right now, the room is full so I'll just wait outside untill there is space for two.

Pataki:

Sorry to barge in on your thread, I have not read the whole length of comments posted here, but I feel I can identify with you very well on this comment of yours. It may sound crude and insulting, but this is from man-to-man now.

1. You are full of pride. You think your woman should be far below you. As an example to that, you made reference to your academic accomplishment and her not having anything.

2. You are full of hurt and you have an unforgiving spirit and attitude towards to your wife. The hurt from the past, you hold on to them like as if, they make your life happy. Why not let go of all these useless past hurt and be happy with your wife? Do you want to go to your grave carrying the unnecessary burden of hate and an unforgiving spirit towards to your wife and the mother of your kid(s)?

3. Doing chores in the house, is not a crime! In fact, you both own the house and you are both responsible for it! Mind me asking, what kind of chores do you do sir? Have you ever washed the toilet and bathroom you both have your bath in?

If you want a meaningful relationship, humble yourself, forgive your wife, and communicate love effectively with her. Pride and unforgiveness are the biggest problem in your marital life. Let go of the past and enjoy a promising and loving relationship with your wife.

vicoson: You are correct about many things you said here except pride. I thank you all for your contributions. Let me alsouse this opportunity to advise us. If you offend someone, don't be petty, Just acknowledge it and apologise. Be contented and appreciative of what you get. Once again, thank you all.

Pataki:

Let us get one thing straight and clear from your advice proffered in your comment. Sincere apology does not come because you demanded for it.

A sincere heartfelt apology only arises when you show in LOVE and good deeds towards that person. Sitting or standing at one corner and expecting your wife to come and apologise is utter claptrap.

It is well as you do the right thing to save your marriage.

vicoson: My wife says she did me a favour by marrying me, so I should be happy she married me.

We've been married for 3 years with 2 kids. Prior to our marriage we dated for about a year. She even moved in with me when she had accomodation problem for 6 months. During this period I saw hell. She showed me no respect, was playing her games very openly. Her phone rings 24/7, multiple love sms.

When I talk about settling down together, she would say her parents won't agree because my place is far-I'm from Akwa Ibom and she is from Mbaise. Obviously she did not want to marry me but she wouldn't just leave.

She travelled twice to check out some suitors while she was still leaving with me and I got to know from another source. She didn't deny it but said her sister's gave her the connection. One of those guys is an illiterate drug pusher.

Finally things got to a head. I dicovered condoms hidden in her handbag, I had to throw her out of my house. Somehow somehow, we hooked again but this time I only wanted to use her. Not quite long she took in. Although both of us had earlier agreed we won't marry each other, she later claimed she has started loving me but I did not love her anymore.
I went ahead and married her. I even did elaborate wedding. From day one till today, it has always been trouble.

Complaint, complaint,complaint. Nagging,nagging,nagging. She is at the centre of the universe, everybody must worship her, she must be in charge.

Trust me, with this pride I made sure she wields zero power in my house.

Before I forget, I am a Mechanical Engineer, she doesn't have a good O-level.

Yes, my emotions are on vacation, is it my fault?

vicoson: Man, are you serrious? Which concept is this? So the offender is now justified simply because the offended is upset? Well, I've read somewhere that forgiving someone is not the person's right but just a priviledge, so I don't know how to reconcile this. Do you care to explain?

Pataki:

Sorry to barge in on your thread, I have not read the whole length of comments posted here, but I feel I can identify with you very well on this comment of yours. It may sound crude and insulting, but this is from man-to-man now.

1. You are full of pride. You think your woman should be far below you. As an example to that, you made reference to your academic accomplishment and her not having anything.

2. You are full of hurt and you have an unforgiving spirit and attitude towards to your wife. The hurt from the past, you hold on to them like as if, they make your life happy. Why not let go of all these useless past hurt and be happy with your wife? Do you want to go to your grave carrying the unnecessary burden of hate and an unforgiving spirit towards to your wife and the mother of your kid(s)?

3. Doing chores in the house, is not a crime! In fact, you both own the house and you are both responsible for it! Mind me asking, what kind of chores do you do sir? Have you ever washed the toilet and bathroom you both have your bath in?

If you want a meaningful relationship, humble yourself, forgive your wife, and communicate love effectively with her. Pride and unforgiveness are the biggest problem in your marital life. Let go of the past and enjoy a promising and loving relationship with your wife.

Pataki:

You are a proud person. Whether you choose to divorce your wife and keep someone else later in the future, this same proud attitude of yours will spring up.

I am not even going to bother to explain anything to you. Forgiveness is a privilege - in this case, for your wife? I strongly pity your wife.

Nigerian men sometimes - pffffffff!

Siena:

Wow. Where do I start? I'm not sure what you want to hear.

Unlike some, you had the advantage of living with your wife for 6 months, before you eventually tied the knot. 6 months of hell, disrespect, cheating, nagging etc. You knew all this, yet still went ahead and married her. Why? This beats my imagination.

You say you're a Mechanical Engineer, and your wife "doesn't have a good O Level". So she's less educated than you are, so what? It's not like she deceived you she was a graduate. I think you're trying your hardest to put your wife down, very poor. This is the mother of your kids, remember?

Well, you're stuck. There must have been a lot you loved about your wife, while you were dating. Those qualities and quirks are still there, so what's changed?

Make it work. That's all I can advice you. Obviously, you're a grown man, and free to make your own decisions.

Good luck.

Pataki:

You are a proud person. Whether you choose to divorce your wife and keep someone else later in the future, this same proud attitude of yours will spring up.

I am not even going to bother to explain anything to you. Forgiveness is a privilege - in this case, for your wife? I strongly pity your wife.

Nigerian men sometimes - pffffffff!

vicoson: Man, when you offend someone,courtesy demands that you apologise, when someone apologises, courtesy demands you forgive. That's how it works. For a relationship to remain healthy, the people involved must learn how to say SORRY and THANK YOU. Anything short of that is an ABUSE! Get this into your thick head. You are on a public forum, teach people good manners!

donchris999: Oboy, am beginning to think ur a lunatic. You didn't read the guy'z post and your spewing this gibberish. SMH...... What is wrong with this pataki that sees no wrong in women even if they are at fault. In your quest to please all this married women on this forum for whatever reason, you are making yourself look stupid and dumb. Boy, how old are you? Married women is not the key oo. Be objective and stop this your blaming men in all the threads in this family section even when it is clear that the woman is at fault. Since you didnt read the guy'z post as you claim, why bother to insult him just to please women with this your evil intention. Pataki or whatever u call yourself, grow up and leave married women alone.

Pataki:

Thick head? Are you equally having a form of mental delusion?

When was the last time you appreciated your wife in the house? When was the last time you even surprised her in the kitchen? You think leadership in the home is by demanding and sulking inside your own house? Leadership in the home is by example. I am not perfect, but I prefer to go by biblical instructions when it comes to husband and wife matter. Learn to forgive someone 70x7 times in a day. You have an unforgiving spirit and you want your wife to quickly apologize just to satisfy your foolish ego.

Stop demanding that she should be the first to apologize to you at every instance of offence in your house. Even God resists the proud. Your proud disposition is nauseating to say the least of words.

Pataki:

Thick head? Are you equally having a form of mental delusion?

When was the last time you appreciated your wife in the house? When was the last time you even surprised her in the kitchen? You think leadership in the home is by demanding and sulking inside your own house? Leadership in the home is by example. I am not perfect, but I prefer to go by biblical instructions when it comes to husband and wife matter. Learn to forgive someone 70x7 times in a day. You have an unforgiving spirit and you want your wife to quickly apologize just to satisfy your foolish ego.

Stop demanding that she should be the first to apologize to you at every instance of offence in your house. Even God resists the proud. Your proud disposition is nauseating to say the least of words.

Pataki:

What has necessitated this cyber-attack and puerile drivel that you have directed at me? Are you an insecured brain dead goat - suffering equally from some form of jealousy?

Where have I stated that I did not read the first post before commenting? I said: "I did not read the whole length of comments posted here". How does that equal to not reading what the poster posted as the first comment? You are extremely stewpeed as a person, and plagued by idiocy from the foolish clan you were ejected from.

You had nothing upstairs to counter my points other than invectives. Is this how you talk to your father at home? Or does your father/mother use insult to greet you everytime? [s]Werey omo, oloribuku anumanu, oya wake up and fold your mat![/s] Traumatized child! Seek therapy before you drive another Nigerian lady mad with the foolishness of marriage you silly boys spew at ladies.

Furtheremore, do you also blame the woes and travails of your father and yourself on your mother? What an agony the poor lady must have gone through in her life. Raising a demented boy like you. You have no public forum decorum. If you were well trained by your father, you would dare not ask for my age. Even your father will slap your foolish mouth right now if he had the opportunity to read the claptrap you just spewed at me. Asinwin omo.

FYI, I have no interest in NL ladies. Whether married or singles. Apparently, my comments annoy braindead nitwits like you, well I love that!!!

What a dingbat!

Pataki:

What has necessitated this cyber-attack and puerile drivel that you have directed at me? Are you an insecured brain dead goat - suffering equally from some form of jealousy?

Where have I stated that I did not read the first post before commenting? I said: "I did not read the whole length of comments posted here". How does that equal to not reading what the poster posted as the first comment? You are extremely stewpeed as a person, and plagued by idiocy from the foolish clan you were ejected from.

You had nothing upstairs to counter my points other than invectives. Is this how you talk to your father at home? Or does your father/mother use insult to greet you everytime? [s]Werey omo, oloribuku anumanu, oya wake up and fold your mat![/s] Traumatized child! Seek therapy before you drive another Nigerian lady mad with the foolishness of marriage you silly boys spew at ladies.

Furtheremore, do you also blame the woes and travails of your father and yourself on your mother? What an agony the poor lady must have gone through in her life. Raising a demented boy like you. You have no public forum decorum. If you were well trained by your father, you would dare not ask for my age. Even your father will slap your foolish mouth right now if he had the opportunity to read the claptrap you just spewed at me. Asinwin omo.

FYI, I have no interest in NL ladies. Whether married or singles. Apparently, my comments annoy braindead nitwits like you, well I love that!!!

What a dingbat!

vicoson: You called your fellow man a goat, among other insults? How graceful! A man that forgives 70*70 times a day, lol! I knew you weren't real. Sorry!

donchris999: Vicoson, ignore that guy called pataki. He is a criminal. Even if a man comes here and complain that his wife slapped him, he will blame the man for not turning the second cheek for more slaps. If a man complains that he caught his wife with another man on bed, he will blame the man for not treating his wife well. He is always claiming to be an angel and mr. Perfect. As for your marriage, this is just trying times bro. You have to try see that you and your wife go for counselling. It helps alot, i mean proffesional counselling. That is marriage for you, i bet you one day you and your wife will laugh over this trying times and share the experiences with joy. I hope you do family prayers morning and night. It helps alot. Wish you the best bro!

donchris999: Oboy, u say am jealous of you. For what na? I don't even post in family section, so why should i be jealous of you. I just come to the family section of nairaland once in a while and i have observed your post to be annoying. Always taking a swipe on men to look like an angel. Are you not the same pataki that was abusing a man that opened a thread crying that his wife called his mum v**ag**na. Instead of you to advice the man on what to do, you were claiming your usual saint status blaming the man for his wife's vulgar words on his mother. That was when i knew you were a wolf in human form. It is people like you that make men look like beast and you claim to be a saint. How would a man be encouraged to come here to seek advice when people like you will start to blame the man. Always saying the man is at fault when its clear the man is here to seek advice. If you cant advise a man without blaming him like you always do why dont you respect yourself and ignore those thread. People like you are criminals looking for victims to devour. They come as angels and kill like the devil. Am sure this was how some women were decieved in social networking sites by men like you claiming to have the best for them only for you to end up killing them in hotels. Thief, ole, criminal. And as for age, this is a faceless forum, so, you think you are an elder to me? I dont want to even go to the parents side your mentioning because if i go there you will regret signing up on nairaland. Thief. I wonder how i can be jealous of someone i aint competing with. A criminal for that matter. A covetous boy.

Pataki:

I keep making this mistake of not reading people's post before responding to them. Just skimming through your post, I realized you are a blawdy mooooronic being. Rancid troglodyte!

Have you found the awolowo rat poison you seek for? You would do the world a lot more good if you can sample that rat poison.

Killing in hotels? Is it not your foolish igbo brothers who recently lured Cynthia from Abuja to Lagos and killed her? The problem with you people is that, you see everyone like yourselves. You have a troubled life. And perhaps spending more time in a mental home will bring happiness and relief to your clan rather than this cyber rambunctiousness you have earmarked for your life. It is people like you, impregnating your fellow sisters and raising bastard kids here and there in your village!

You have nothing for me to be envious about. Arssswipe, keep looking for your awolowo rat poison. The help you seek is in that rat poison. Apoda oshi.

Pataki:

I keep making this mistake of not reading people's post before responding to them. Just skimming through your post, I realized you are a blawdy mooooronic being. Rancid troglodyte!

Have you found the awolowo rat poison you seek for? You would do the world a lot more good if you can sample that rat poison.

Killing in hotels? Is it not your foolish igbo brothers who recently lured Cynthia from Abuja to Lagos and killed her? The problem with you people is that, you see everyone like yourselves. You have a troubled life. And perhaps spending more time in a mental home will bring happiness and relief to your clan rather than this cyber rambunctiousness you have earmarked for your life. It is people like you, impregnating your fellow sisters and raising bastard kids here and there in your village!

You have nothing for me to be envious about. Arssswipe, keep looking for your awolowo rat poison. The help you seek is in that rat poison. Apoda oshi.

Pataki:

You are a proud person. Whether you choose to divorce your wife and keep someone else later in the future, this same proud attitude of yours will spring up.

I am not even going to bother to explain anything to you. Forgiveness is a privilege - in this case, for your wife? I strongly pity your wife.

Nigerian men sometimes - pffffffff!

Pataki:

I keep making this mistake of not reading people's post before responding to them. Just skimming through your post, I realized you are a blawdy mooooronic being. Rancid troglodyte!

Have you found the awolowo rat poison you seek for? You would do the world a lot more good if you can sample that rat poison.

Killing in hotels? Is it not your foolish igbo brothers who recently lured Cynthia from Abuja to Lagos and killed her? The problem with you people is that, you see everyone like yourselves. You have a troubled life. And perhaps spending more time in a mental home will bring happiness and relief to your clan rather than this cyber rambunctiousness you have earmarked for your life. It is people like you, impregnating your fellow sisters and raising bastard kids here and there in your village!

You have nothing for me to be envious about. Arssswipe, keep looking for your awolowo rat poison. The help you seek is in that rat poison. Apoda oshi.

troy20:
lay off d guy abeg.who isnt proud? Does who point at pple bein 2 proud hav d greatest pride.u dnt hav 2 hide behind nairaland 2 pick some1s personality just cause u want 2 earn a few likes 4rm d gurls here.ur comments arnt real u my guy.

donchris999: Pataki or isi aki. It is people like you that made adolf hitler killed 6million jews. Your father must be regreting why your mother didn't swallow that sp***tozoa with her mouth that brought you to this world. I guess you are a b..astard no wonder your useless till eternity. Hahahahaha.... Look at isi ewu comparing igbos and yorubas in promiscuity. Obasanjo slept with his son's wife, ekiti state house of assembly speaker was and is still sleeping with the chief whip with the assembly money. Alani bankole a man of 71 years dimeji's father impregnated 3 girls at the same time who all gave birth on february. A man who is incharge of an orphanage defiling minors from the age of 10. Dimeji bankole embezzling the house of rep money only to end up on nollywood actress. The other day a man took speaker lagos state house of assembly to court ikofuriji to court for sleeping with his wife. An ACN chieftain in lagos hamzat was shot and killed because he was sleeping with another man's wife. He was even killed infront of the shameless woman. Just recently a yoruba actor solomon akiyesi was about concluding his third marriage in the church before he was bursted. Pataki, i know the only reason why you will train your son is to see him marry a beautiful woman and you usurp the woman like obasanjo your mentor. Why does this thing run in your in your blood. At the end of the day b..astards are littered everywere. Go to the ministry of women affairs and check the statistics of the highest rate of b.astar.ds in the six regions of nigeria. No doubt southwest dwarfs the others. Did you know why your forefathers decided to adopt the culture of tearing your faces with tribal marks? Ask you father he will tell you. But, i will give you a clue why. They want you guys to be ugly like chimpaze so that you will not be attractive to the opposite sex. Still this idea could not curb this promiscous nature of the yoruba man, that is why an ugly man like adedibu and tokyo still have many wives and concubines and still defile minors. Dont you ever in your life compare the igbos with yorubas when it comes to promiscuity and adultery, no wonder you are here looking for your share of married women. B.as.tard son of a ba.star.d. If you need awolowo poison to end your miserable life, i will direct you were to get it at ikenne in ogun state. You guys are known as cowardz. B.ast.ard animal who still shytes on nylon and have a torn face all in the name of tribal mark in this 21st century.

Pataki:

You lot do not know how relentless I can be. See how I am making you bleat like a deranged goat. Take a breather, you must be really fagged out after that nonsense you posted three times!

After all this composition of baloney or as I used to state: agglomeration of balderdash, why are your igbo sisters leaving the village and trooping to the West to marry Yoruba brothers?

Even Ojukwu your role model has a bassstard Hausa child. Not to derail this thread, are you one of those igbo boys who will come online and start making a messiah of yourself all because you married an illiterate as a wife?

See, denigrating my tribe does not move me one inch. I am beyond that nonsense. I see a lot of insecurities with you people. Your wives are mostly living in horror all because you people have refused to drop some of your ediotic village mentality. Ask the OP's wife if you are in doubt.