debrief08: Sadly what I have come to realise is that when women want to get married they fit into your "standard" of "wife material"
They will cook, clean, wash, scrub, maid service and supply s3x on demand, oncce you are hooked they unleash the real them.
I have told my cousins to accept women whose faults they caan live with so they don't end up with pretenders who unlesh terror after wards.
It is better to stay with a lady whose flaws are obvious and you know you can manage than that perfect "wife material"
I have seen it severally. Men set crazy standards, they want all the great qualities yet they refuse to be a great boyfriend, maake the lady go through hell and most will hold on just to get the ring and world war 3 starts since they haave achieved their aim.

I have one now who while dating pretended to accept and manage her now husbands cheating ways and arrogance, then I told her to be honest about her feelings and if he didn't feel she was good enough to stay faithful to let her move on and get someone who will.
She refused, she "accepted" his cheating, will ignore it when she saw nud3 pictures on his phone, walked in on him with another lady and smiled and pretended it was okay. Silly man thought he had an angel who would let him be married and do as he wants.
Today their home is hell, he is like a prisioner because she behaves the way the OP described.
When he begs me to speak with her she will tell me to ignore him, shebi he wanted a mumu he don enter one chance, she tells me after all they are married now, if he wants let him divorce because she knows he wouldn't.

Poster, sadly you married a woman who pretended to be what you wanted her to be then because she had her target, like someone said, try to salvage what is left of this.
If you can take time off and go somewhere alone no kids, no accusations no fighting, just the way forward, now both of you know the real person behind the facade, decide on how you can work together and around the issues.
Deal with issues not personal accusations and tantrums.
Ask her what she feels is the way forward, also listen and write down key points, infact both of you should write down expectations and exchange, its better than talking because fight will always enter.
When you have both read each others clearly outlined expectations, together you write down realistic points of compromise and each try to stick to it.

I am sorry for what you are going through, best of luck in working to make it better

Doncolio: Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

dabrake: nonsense. Well that's for those who see marriage as a life committment. Marriage should be treated as a social contract.

Black Peni5: Seems most people dnt really understand the OP's situation. A vacation will not solve d wahahala. Maybe she'll complain that the location was too cheap or too expensive. Like the OP clearly stated, what she wants is total control...i'v seen many cases like this. Soon she'll destroy the relationship between him and his family and friends, then she'll tell him how and when to spend his money, where to go and where not to go.

From the OPs tone, he seems like a soft person. Sum1 who doesn't like wahala and she's taking advantage of it. The Ops wife was either pretending dduring courtship or she has been listening to advice from the wrong people. Either way, marriage is not a do or die affair...if u risk living a miserable life then u can call it quits. You also have a choice of giving her control over ur life in order to have peace.

However u must first try very hard to understand the root of the problem through dialogue and being more observant. U had an agreement to get married, u must also have an agreement to sustain it or terminate it.

donlyone:

Abeg jare stoop ke, please do not stoop lower than sitting her down and asking her what is wrong or talking to somebody she respects in her family or her Pastor. If respects no one then you know 'say you don buy bad market'

Acting the fool does not mean she will change, instead you would have set a faulty foundation and foundations are hard to fix. She has probably been testing her boundaries and out of love you may have been shifting ground unknowinly.

Listen to what her parents have to say concerning the matter, see if they want her to change or wether they are behind her.

Time to pull your pants up and be a man, make no mistakes about it, she can kill you, stories abound everywhere even on nairaland.

Talk to people older than you or marriage counselors.

If you stoop low, you will live the rest of your life miserably.

Okon.akpan:
My wife and I have been married for about two years now with a son, we reside in Calabar and I work at Eket. I spend some weeks at work due to the nature of my work. We dated for more than a yr before we married but knew and dated when we were in the university for few months. When we were dating, she was nice, respectful, understanding, caring and tolerating.

Things changed when we married, she became hot tempered, impatient, stonehearted, unforgiving, isolates my friends and rants angrily if things are not done her way. She complains whenever I present a gift to her either is too expensive or too cheap (fake). She cannot be pleased or satisfied; its either what I did is too much or not enough. She has issues with neighbours and the previous places we have resided.

She has issues with almost all her siblings, she don't trust anybody not even me, and she suspects anybody when negative incident occurs and thinks everybody around her is diabolic. She is very economical and complains when I spend money on my people but wants me to be spending money on her people and on her. She told me that she don't have feelings for me again which shows in her.

Things became worst when her mother came for child birth visit, she became more aggressive in everything, she nags a lot and would keep on talking for hours even if I decide to ignore her, in-short, the more I ignore her, the more she talks. During any argument between us when I’m at work, she cuts the phone on me and does not answer my calls nor call me for days or weeks until I come back home.

Previously we resolve our differences within a day but this had changed. She wants to do all the talking while I just sit and listen to her, when I speak, she would want to raise her voice on me and as I resist her, she would wear a stony face, snub me and start crying moments later, the snubbing will continue for days.

I need advice from this house on what to do, I can't continue like this. I don't know how my child is; I don't know what is going on in my house as I'm in Off Shore. My wife has changed into what I cannot explain, she want to have the final say in my house and control me but I've refused. What do I do cos, I must confess, it disturbing at work and I don't know the future of our marriage.

pro01: The more patient a man is, and the more tolerant, and conciliatory and 'decent' he is, the more likely his wife is to constitute herself into a ruthless she-devil. I have noticed that the no-nonsense men generally have the ideal wives, i.e., women who would shut the eff up and do what they are told.

I don't think I would tolerate one tenth of the behaviour you just described here. I guess she is emboldened to come up with more BS by the soft way you have been dealing with her, and by your conciliatory approach to her crap. Push her out of the damn house back to her parents' house. If she stays there for a month or two, and still doesn't learn from her mother how to be a decent wife (the old-fashioned, traditional way), then she should not bother to return to your house. Thousands of nubile and eligible women are fasting on mountains from Isale-Oshin to Ajaokuta, praying to find a well-to-do husband like you to call their own. They would be more than happy to replace this bitch. Thankfully, you have just one child so far. Dash her that one and prepare your sperm-bank to shoot more into the wombs of more fertile and subservient women that are lining up to replace the exiting bitch. Nonsense.

YoungGame: Dear Mr. Akpan.

I suggest you consult a native doctor! And I highly recommend Okija_juju the best native doctor of our time..

YoungGame: Dear Mr. Akpan.

I suggest you consult a native doctor! And I highly recommend Okija_juju the best native doctor of our time..

Borgias: somtin most hv caused it ... she cant jus start acting dat way. mayb she caught u cheating, jus take ur time nd ask her wat d prob is...

laylow001: Dude women are always confused and don't know what they want.

andromida: Brother,there is something your wife has been telling you that you are not heeding to this has led to her scatter it all attitude. She is hurting and expressing it in the only way she knows will get your attention.

Don't assume you know everything talk to her.

onoja12: two choices t.b.j or a second wife choice is yours or na death get u soon

jakesund: tell her you think you've also lost the feelings you have for her and u want a DIVORCE that madness in her will flee with immediate effect .women tend to act crazy when given too much attention and control .if u don't act now it'll only get worse. WAKE UP AND TAKE CHARGE

can anyone please give me a cogent reason to get married . cuz all i see is people's lives getting messed up after taking a walk down that dreadful ONE WAY road called MARRIAGE.