onegig: this coming from a lady? And your words are so contradictory

Okon.akpan:


I think her mother is brain behind all this cos it got out of hand when she came.

Elai147: The courtship you had was not enough at all. Marriage is not something we should rush into as it involves a lifetime contract. The truth is your wife did not change. She is only unleashing the long concealed characters. A woman can pretend and hide her true self for more than 2 years just to get married and afterwards she will start exposing herself willingly. You should have lived in a relationship like a marriage where you both have to stay together under the same roof for sometime during courtship. I dated my wife for 6 years before we got married. It is the 7th year of our marriage and she has NEVER insulted me even during our courtship but of course we do have arguments sometimes which is normal.

There are so many things that can result to problems like the one you are having. But how do you point out which? The problem may be from you and she may be ashamed of saying it out or afraid of telling you. For example, a woman can be ashamed of saying that she is no longer comfortable with the size of your penis because of bad influence. She may also be ashamed of telling you that you no longer satisfy her well in bed. It may also be possible she is cheating on you as this is very common with women whose husbands are always away and don't spend enough time with their wives like in your own case. There are just too many reasons why a woman will act that way but it will be difficult for you to tell which is the main reason without going through hell.

You can try talking to her like some Nairalanders have suggested which isn't a bad idea but my advice is for you to spy on her to know what is actually going on. You can install a spyware on her phone and monitor her phone activities. I tell you what, in a month, you will be able to find out the problems and make amends where necessary. I know this may sound weird to some people but if you need to find out the truth fast before you loose your marriage then you should consider doing it. It has come to that point where you should consider going to any length to save your marriage, except if you are also fed up with it. With a phone spyware, you can listen in to all her recorded calls, and read her text messages even when she deletes them from her phone. Also, you can monitor her Whatsapp chat log and others. However, in the western world, it is completely illegal to do this without telling her, so be careful.

If you find out that she is seeing someone else then I do not need to tell you what to do. The onus is on you to decide what you want. Anyway, sorry for what you are going true. Good luck.

iamswizz: I SUGGEST YOU GET A SECOND WIFE

Okon.akpan:
She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.

Doncolio: Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

jidegirl12: Na wa oh.... behavioural disorder and loneliness jammed together , the woman needs series of therapy sessions ( herself only) and marriage counselling ( couple) and serious prayers..... But would they ? after all only stack mad people have mental illness & see therapists , mtcheww.

It's easy for most dumb Nigerians to condemn people not knowing the other side of the story, it takes two to tango I heard.... Lets assume she hid her true colours throughout the short term courtship, what's stopping the guy from divorcing her abi dem hold gun to his head to stay married to her? Abeg leave matter for Mathias ,

My take;
Mr. OP , you're hardly home, your wife is a lonely mess, she will not seize from nagging till kingdom come i.e until you work with her ( counselling and one on one time) and your schedule( if possible).

And would you please stop saying 'she likes to have her way' ? you bet your a.ss it's her way, it's her home and she rules it.

NLG_woodey: Divorce her and move on!
R. Kelly' song..."when a woman is fed up; there is nothing you can do about it"

People will advise you to manage this, manage that. But all those men/women
killed by their respective spouses were told the same until the inevitable
happens. The trend shows that this woman may end up poisoning you if push comes
to shove.

Just divorce her a#s and get on with your life. Then figure out the best way to
take care of your kid.

As a swing trader, we call it STOP LOSS. It is not going to get any better. Don't be
like a typical Nigerian that keeps hoping/praying that things will get better. And
they never get better. Be a man and be decisive.

Oh...I forgot...datz all.

laytoshtwo: You did not mention anything you re doing wrong,sit her down and ask questions.It seems you are acting Mr perfect.

Toks2008: OP forget story, she needs you by her side. Simple

She probably taught she could cope with your long absence due to your work so maybe you should find time to see her every weekend at least. Women need attention and they get hysterical if not giving to them.

na U go tire:
I am sorry about your situation. Put it in prayer. By the way, I must correct your english. It is 'things become worster' and not 'things became worst' as you write. I dont know what our schools are making these day. Standard of education is now too poor. Terrible.

Doncolio: Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

na U go tire:
I am sorry about your situation. Put it in prayer. By the way, I must correct your english. It is 'things become worster' and not 'things became worst' as you write. I dont know what our schools are making these day. Standard of education is now too poor. Terrible.

debrief08: Sadly what I have come to realise is that when women want to get married they fit into your "standard" of "wife material"
They will cook, clean, wash, scrub, maid service and supply s3x on demand, oncce you are hooked they unleash the real them.
I have told my cousins to accept women whose faults they caan live with so they don't end up with pretenders who unlesh terror after wards.
It is better to stay with a lady whose flaws are obvious and you know you can manage than that perfect "wife material"
I have seen it severally. Men set crazy standards, they want all the great qualities yet they refuse to be a great boyfriend, maake the lady go through hell and most will hold on just to get the ring and world war 3 starts since they haave achieved their aim.

I have one now who while dating pretended to accept and manage her now husbands cheating ways and arrogance, then I told her to be honest about her feelings and if he didn't feel she was good enough to stay faithful to let her move on and get someone who will.
She refused, she "accepted" his cheating, will ignore it when she saw nud3 pictures on his phone, walked in on him with another lady and smiled and pretended it was okay. Silly man thought he had an angel who would let him be married and do as he wants.
Today their home is hell, he is like a prisioner because she behaves the way the OP described.
When he begs me to speak with her she will tell me to ignore him, shebi he wanted a mumu he don enter one chance, she tells me after all they are married now, if he wants let him divorce because she knows he wouldn't.

Poster, sadly you married a woman who pretended to be what you wanted her to be then because she had her target, like someone said, try to salvage what is left of this.
If you can take time off and go somewhere alone no kids, no accusations no fighting, just the way forward, now both of you know the real person behind the facade, decide on how you can work together and around the issues.
Deal with issues not personal accusations and tantrums.
Ask her what she feels is the way forward, also listen and write down key points, infact both of you should write down expectations and exchange, its better than talking because fight will always enter.
When you have both read each others clearly outlined expectations, together you write down realistic points of compromise and each try to stick to it.

I am sorry for what you are going through, best of luck in working to make it better

adconline:
My friend this is nothing like " worsted" if you are talking about frequency. It's like this: bad, worse, worst . You should use ur dictionary as well.

nembenama: I have seen most of ur egoistic advice including that of my husband.

What u guys don't advert ur minds to,is the wife's side of the story and remember no two marriages re the same. Some of you just want this guy to end his union because of problems they can sit down n settle. If he leaves her,is the next woman perfect?

He too should be man enough to take some responsibility of the present situation not throwing everything on his wife. What did he do to get her to that state of mind? Rather,than acting the gud guy here,tell us what u did too@op. Nice sunday all

Elai147: [s]The courtship you had was not enough at all. Marriage is not something we should rush into as it involves a lifetime contract. The truth is your wife did not change. She is only unleashing the long concealed characters.[/s] A woman can pretend and hide her true self for more than 2 years just to get married and afterwards she will start exposing herself willingly. You should have lived in a relationship like a marriage where you both have to stay together under the same roof for sometime during courtship. I dated my wife for 6 years before we got married. It is the 7th year of our marriage and she has NEVER insulted me even during our courtship but of course we do have arguments sometimes which is normal.

nembenama: I have seen most of ur egoistic advice including that of my husband. What u guys don't advert ur minds to,is the wife's side of the story and remember no two marriages re the same. Some of you just want this guy to end his union because of problems they can sit down n settle. If he leaves her,is the next woman perfect? He too should be man enough to take some responsibility of the present situation not throwing everything on his wife. What did he do to get her to that state of mind? Rather,than acting the gud guy here,tell us what u did too@op. Nice sunday all

Ishilove:
Op, she needs deliverance. Na spirit husband dey worry am.

Okon.akpan:
She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.