dominique: Methinks our op married one of my former roomies back in uni. That gal's has got to be the laziest filthiest person I've ever seen. She never seems to know how to do anything. Few times she cooks (indomie), she burns it then soaks the pot for days! (Stinking up the whole room in process, we got into a heated quarrel over this). I've not seen much of her since we parted but I learnt she's married now (maybe to our Ekenedilickukwu ). First thing that came to my mind when I heard was, the husband don enter one chance o .

You made me LOL

kulyie: that is serious o who now takes care of the kids?house helps too

She does now. Househelp is for cleaning, nanny when she is busy... Shes a good mom and a good person though. Why are you so shocked? Some people even have house boys too to take care and wait on oga. Omo, e be like sey you never see anything.

Enroll her in a cookery class, set a small shop for her with a monthly sales target.

This advice can only work if she is willing and not the sit tight relax type...

It is well with you with this big cross

^^^ very true Baby , most men get ( cant speak for Dayo tho , he seemed too wise ) carried away and blown away with the koko until the lady moves in hence OP's rants.... I had long term courtship so I cooked wella with help of his househelp He always opt for take outs tho ,

I mean common he didn't expect me to bring my A game completely during courtship, that's what makes marriage special

danjkad:
God bless U̶̲̥̅̊. ℓ̊ S̴̩☺ much L♥√ﻉ Ƌ̲̣̣̣̥ȋ̝̊̅̄Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ Ūя reply.

amen o

jidegirl12: ^^^ very true Baby , most men get ( cant speak for Dayo tho , he seemed too wise ) carried away and blown away with the koko until the lady moves in hence OP's rants.... I had long term courtship so I cooked wella with help of his househelp He always opt for take outs tho ,

I mean common he didn't expect me to bring my A game completely during courtship, that's what makes marriage special

You know say I be omo Oyo so all those Yoyo no dey shack me. You have to marry whats within

If you marry a lazy person because of things like Complexion, Beauty, nyansh etc You are on a long thing

Nowadays You can buy all those complexion, beauty, big nyansh big breast etc.

How insulting would it be to say the only things my wife has to offer is the bedroom skill, big nyash, breast doll face etc. I can get all that at the nearest strip club without putting a ring on it

I think you would have seen the signs before getting married, and if you weren"t ok with it you shouldn't have married her in the first place.



Her husband in Nigerian and they live in Nigeria. I grew up with family friends that had cooks too and househelps too. So its not new. Though popular with busy men, and men with money who dont care as long as they eat. [b][/b]

There are some Nigerian men that dont mind doing all these for their wives. One of my Aunty's friends has has like two househelps, washman, and a cook. Her husband saw that she couldnt do jack in the kitchen, still went on to marry her and problem-solved by employing domestic staff. Although her case is different, she used to be the MD of a defunct bank's subsidiary before going into business.

I personally dont see anything wrong with it if a family can afford it, but I would still want to cook for my hubby though.

dayokanu:

You know say I be omo Oyo so all those Yoyo no dey shack me. You have to marry whats within

If you marry a lazy person because of things like Complexion, Beauty, nyansh etc You are on a long thing

Nowadays You can buy all those complexion, beauty, big nyansh big breast etc.

How insulting would it be to say the only things my wife has to offer is the bedroom skill, big nyash, breast doll face etc. I can get all that at the nearest strip club without putting a ring on it

So you didn't grow up with househelp? Even most average Nigerian's did, not to talk of the wealthy. That is a culture, having one eru or relative in the house doing the work/helping out. So it is expected that in the future these kids will require househelps. Even the ones that grew up poor and are rich as adults do it even more. So its not new. This girl must have married a man that doesn't believe in househelp and the lady is lazy ontop of that. Most househelps double as cooks anyway for those who can't pay for a cook. Nigeria is stressful normally. LOL@ the buying a woman's parts. After some time, you will get tired of all your requirements. All that will matter is that your kids are happy and your wife is happy. When you are busy making money, I don't think you will care who made your food and how much maggi was wasted this week. As long as you can come home, eat and rest in a clean and peaceful house.

baby_123:

She does now. Househelp is for cleaning, nanny when she is busy... Shes a good mom and a good person though. Why are you so shocked? Some people even have house boys too to take care and wait on oga. Omo, e be like sey you never see anything.

i am not shocked that she has house help,but i am shocked she has many and both of them are comfortable with cooks cooking for them.if she doesnt know how to cook,well,maybe.i am personally not ok with seeing too many people in my house.i feel i wont have enough privacy.one househelp is enough for me.now i agree i havent seen nada

however,if its that she cant cook,i wont be suprised because i went to greet my church member whos a friend after church.she was sha begging me to follow her home so i did and she was like shewa i am hungry and my fiancee is comming to greet me.he is a yoruba boy and he loves morsels a lot especially amala,i cant make it and i dont want him to know i cant cook and i was like if he doesnt know today,when will he not know,i said the only condition i can make it is if you stay with me in the kitchen and watch as i make it she said cool,i said oya where is the elubo,she said you will have to go and buy it,ill tell my dads driver to drive you to the market (she is one of the governours pikin in south south area) and i said while you do what,she said eat marcelloes. (thats all she likes,choclates,candy and ijekuje.the cook travelled to her village for break so she was stranded) anyway i said never.we will both go to the market,see how much it cost and how i am pricing it,she said ok reluctantly.we sha bought all the ingredients and her fathers driver drove us back, and while i was cooking and she was in the kitchen with me i asked her why she cant cook or clean,she said her dad and mom are never at home and they dont let her go out and mix with people for security reasons.she schools in spain and during the holiday stays at home either watching movie magic or trace or attend parties.i said do you want to learn,she said her dad wont allow her clean the house or cook,the house help will do it and i said where are they now,she said they both attended a function i now said you see why you need to learn basic things.your mom and dad will not be with you forever,you wont always habe it rosy.anyway the guy came he ate it and was praising her that shes a good cook,he is so proud of her etc,i was just laughing in my mind that this guy doesnt know nada.fastforward 6 months later,they did a high class wedding and she stayed in the guys house only 2 months,i was suprised when the guy said she cant even clean,the mother said what of the house help i sent for you people,she said i dont like house helps,she is a woman for goodness sakes,i sent the house help.she is always buying food from eatries for me,the sittingroom is littered with choclate and sweet packs

the father had to send her to uk to cover the embarassment so i am suprised at what you are saying

lady gogo: I think you would have seen the signs before getting married, and if you weren"t ok with it you shouldn't have married her in the first place.



Her husband in Nigerian and they live in Nigeria. I grew up with family friends that had cooks too and househelps too. So its not new. Though popular with busy men, and men with money who dont care as long as they eat. [b][/b]

There are some Nigerian men that dont mind doing all these for their wives. One of my Aunty's friends has has like two househelps, washman, and a cook. Her husband saw that she couldnt do jack in the kitchen, still went on to marry her and problem-solved by employing domestic staff. Although her case is different, she used to be the MD of a defunct bank's subsidiary before going into business.

I personally dont see anything wrong with it if a family can afford it, but I would still want to cook for my hubby though.

Am surprised that people are surprised actually. This is quite common now. Even single men have houseboy or housegirl as bachelors. Do you think such men will care about where there food is coming from that much They eat anything and anywhere. Some men dont place emphasis on housework the woman can do, and some do. .

kulyie: i am not shocked that she has house help,but i am shocked she has many and both of them are comfortable with cooks cooking for them.if she doesnt know how to cook,well,maybe.i am personally not ok with seeing too many people in my house.i feel i wont have enough privacy.one househelp is enough for me.now i agree i havent seen nada

however,if its that she cant cook,i wont be suprised because i went to greet my church member whos a friend after church.she was sha begging me to follow her home so i did and she was like shewa i am hungry and my fiancee is comming to greet me.he is a yoruba boy and he loves morsels a lot especially amala,i cant make it and i dont want him to know i cant cook and i was like if he doesnt know today,when will he not know,i said the only condition i can make it is if you stay with me in the kitchen and watch as i make it she said cool,i said oya where is the elubo,she said you will have to go and buy it,ill tell my dads driver to drive you to the market (she is one of the governours pikin in south south area) and i said while you do what,she said eat marcelloes. (thats all she likes,choclates,candy and ijekuje.the cook travelled to her village for break so she was stranded) anyway i said never.we will both go to the market,see how much it cost and how i am pricing it,she said ok reluctantly.we sha bought all the ingredients and her fathers driver drove us back, and while i was cooking and she was in the kitchen with me i asked her why she cant cook or clean,she said her dad and mom are never at home and they dont let her go out and mix with people for security reasons.she schools in spain and during the holiday stays at home either watching movie magic or trace or attend parties.i said do you want to learn,she said her dad wont allow her clean the house or cook,the house help will do it and i said where are they now,she said they both attended a function i now said you see why you need to learn basic things.your mom and dad will not be with you forever,you wont always habe it rosy.anyway the guy came he ate it and was praising her that shes a good cook,he is so proud of her etc,i was just laughing in my mind that this guy doesnt know nada.fastforward 6 months later,they did a high class wedding and she stayed in the guys house only 2 months,i was suprised when the guy said she cant even clean,the mother said what of the house help i sent for you people,she said i dont like house helps,she is a woman for goodness sakes,i sent the house help.she is always buying food from eatries for me,the sittingroom is littered with choclate and sweet packs

the father had to send her to uk to cover the embarassment so i am suprised at what you are saying

Her mum and her didn't try at all. She knows her husband and would have known what he liked. Instead of sitting at home watching tv she should have been going to catering school. She is also obviously a bad manager. You have a househelp, and your house is dirty. The mum could have employed an older lady as her house help. A Yoruba one that will teach her all the delicacies. Those women who are mostly widows or single mother's but will hire themselves out for work like that. Their cooking can rival agoyins. .

@vikin & baby_123,

call me a pagan but i still don't believe a woman can be useless not to know how to cook, take good care of the home and herself. you guys are clearly exaggerating!

kulyie: i am not shocked that she has house help,but i am shocked she has many and both of them are comfortable with cooks cooking for them.if she doesnt know how to cook,well,maybe.i am personally not ok with seeing too many people in my house.i feel i wont have enough privacy.one househelp is enough for me.now i agree i havent seen nada

however,if its that she cant cook,i wont be suprised because i went to greet my church member whos a friend after church.she was sha begging me to follow her home so i did and she was like shewa i am hungry and my fiancee is comming to greet me.he is a yoruba boy and he loves morsels a lot especially amala,i cant make it and i dont want him to know i cant cook and i was like if he doesnt know today,when will he not know,i said the only condition i can make it is if you stay with me in the kitchen and watch as i make it she said cool,i said oya where is the elubo,she said you will have to go and buy it,ill tell my dads driver to drive you to the market (she is one of the governours pikin in south south area) and i said while you do what,she said eat marcelloes. (thats all she likes,choclates,candy and ijekuje.the cook travelled to her village for break so she was stranded) anyway i said never.we will both go to the market,see how much it cost and how i am pricing it,she said ok reluctantly.we sha bought all the ingredients and her fathers driver drove us back, and while i was cooking and she was in the kitchen with me i asked her why she cant cook or clean,she said her [b]dad and mom are never at home and they dont let her go out and mix with people for security reasons.she schools in spain and during the holiday stays at home either watching movie magic or trace or attend parties.i said do you want to learn,she said her dad wont allow her clean the house or cook,the house help will do it and i said where are they now,she said they both attended a function i now said you see why you need to learn basic things.your mom and dad will not be with you forever,you wont always habe it rosy.anyway the guy came he ate it and was praising her that shes a good cook,he is so proud of her etc,i was just laughing in my mind that this guy doesnt know nada.fastforward 6 months later,they did a high class wedding and she stayed in the guys house only 2 months,i was suprised when the guy said she cant even clean,the mother said what of the house help i sent for you people,she said i dont like house helps,she is a woman for goodness sakes,i sent the house help.she is always buying food from eatries for me,the sittingroom is littered with choclate and sweet packs

the father had to send her to uk to cover the embarassment so i am suprised at what you are saying[/b]

Na wa o> She wasnt just serious aboout it or just didnt give a damn. my mum didnt specifically go all out to teach my sis and i how to cook, but we were always sitting in the kitchen though. Fast forward our moving to obodo oyinbo, we automatically became chefs. I wonder what my bank account will be like if i didnt know how to cook.

call me a pagan but i still don't believe a woman can be useless not to know how to cook, take good care of the home and herself. you guys are clearly exaggerating!


You will be surprised. I can remember when one of our friends came visiting and saw us boiling meat. we gave her some to eat and she was like the meat is so tasty and asked us how we made it. I was actually surprised cos she was married with a kid. My mom happened to be visiting from Nigeria then too. She was like Oko e lo fe. I was later told that the hubby cooks.They later got divorced.

lady gogo:
You will be surprised. I can remember when one of our friends came visiting and saw us boiling meat. we gave her some to eat and she was like the meat is so tasty and asked us how we made it. I was actually surprised cos she was married with a kid. My mom happened to be visiting from Nigeria then too. She was like Oko e lo fe. I was later told that the hubby cooks.They later got divorced.

that she cannot do meat as tasty as that does not mean she's totally useless. i can bet there are some other things she does better than her friends. biko, you guys are just exaggerating!

that she cannot do meat as tasty as that does not mean she's totally useless. i can bet there are some other things she does better than her friends. biko, you guys are just exaggerating!

But there are girls that cant do all of those. SOme girls aren't just domesticated.

lady gogo:
But there are girls that cant do all of those. SOme girls aren't just domesticated.

yeah right!
there's a difference in what they don't like doing and what they cannot do. there's no way any grown woman would not know how to do basic cooking, cleaning and washing.

coogar: @vikin & baby_123,

call me a pagan but i still don't believe a woman can be useless not to know how to cook, take good care of the home and herself. you guys are clearly exaggerating!

ok o. Just keep away from girls with even average backgrounds then and look for the ones that are domesticated. This is rampant in nigeria, especially among the so called "butty" class of people. Only if the girl made the choice to or actually had interest. I would have been the same but at some point when we became teenagers, my mum stopped employing househelps. So we all can cook and clean, all male and female. Only washman (who comes on Saturdays) and driver is what we had. I couldnt wash anything at all, so boarding house was necessary. I thank God for washing machine now.

baby_123:
ok o. Just keep away from girls with even average backgrounds then and look for the ones that are domesticated. This is rampant in nigeria, especially among the so called "butty" class of people. Only if the girl made the choice to or actually had interest. I would have been the same but at some point when we became teenagers, my mum stopped employing househelps. So we all can cook and clean, all male and female. Only washman (who comes on Saturdays) and driver is what we had. I couldnt wash anything at all, so boarding house was necessary. I thank God for washing machine now.

i like my chics "butty".....
who wants "pako" babe as a wife? baby_123, for the umpteenth time, mind yourself o.....

even the so called domesticated ones do nothing these days in the name of sex equality. i'd rather a lazy butty than a lazy pako. if my wife is lazy, i would aid her with maids.

so tell your friend she's safe with me.

coogar:

yeah right!
there's a difference in what they don't like doing and what they cannot do. there's no way any grown woman would not know how to do basic cooking, cleaning and washing.

hey cougar, just hold it "ibi ti eeyan ba rin de lo ma ri de"
There was lady when we were in the Uni, that came to school with 2 househelps, she couldnt do nada, i mean it, the househelps cook, washes plates and clothes, including the undies, cleans their 2 bedroom flat, goes for shopping, etc, she was completely useless, infact, one of the househelps was a secondary school graduate, she used to ask that particular one to be reading her notes to her hearing.......... So, just hold it, some, as someone said are not just domesticated at all.

greatgod2012:


hey cougar, just hold it "ibi ti eeyan ba rin de lo ma ri de"
There was lady when we were in the Uni, that came to school with 2 househelps, she couldnt do nada, i mean it, the househelps cook, washes plates and clothes, including the undies, cleans their 2 bedroom flat, goes for shopping, etc, she was completely useless, infact, one of the househelps was a secondary school graduate, she used to ask that particular one to be reading her notes to her hearing.......... So, just hold it, some, as someone said are not just domesticated at all.

LOL. This made me remember some embarrassing moments. How i cried and cried for weeks in boarding house. I wasnt even used to waking up myself. So i was always late for everything. I had never fetched water or carried anything that heavy. Then, no one to send SOS message to my dad to come and rescue me. Chai, my friends used to think i was possessed. I wasnt even used to combing my own hair. The heat and stench and so many people almost drove me crazy. I was a tragedy, i really suffered. They had to take me away the next year, and i became a day student for a bit.

greatgod2012:


hey cougar, just hold it "ibi ti eeyan ba rin de lo ma ri de"
There was lady when we were in the Uni, that came to school with 2 househelps, she couldnt do nada, i mean it, the househelps cook, washes plates and clothes, including the undies, cleans their 2 bedroom flat, goes for shopping, etc, she was completely useless, infact, one of the househelps was a secondary school graduate, she used to ask that particular one to be reading her notes to her hearing.......... So, just hold it, some, as someone said are not just domesticated at all.

really house helps in Uni. na wa o.Make i no lie sha i used to use all those 'any work' people to wash my clothes while in Uni cos i hate washing clothes.I absolutely hate laundry and thank God for washing machines.As for other chores,even my hubby says i am.OCD when it comes to cleaning,i hate dirty enviroments.My kids sef know mummy hates mess.As for cooking,i can say i improved greatly sef since i got married cos the last few yrs i spent at home i rarely cooked.So i learnt and picked up stuff along the way and now my hibby brags about my cooking.

@OP laziness is a thing of will.Everyone is inherently lazy but we fight it.Who wants to wakeup to go to work?Who wants to really really do chores?I know i dont but i have to cos 1.who will 2.i cant stand filth.We all do stuff we dont want to sometimes and end up enjoying doing them.

So encourage her. had great points so i think you need to go with her post as well

One can c a lot in d uni.there was this gal back den from a well known bacground.she refused to stay off camp cos she said she want to suffer and learn like other students.actually stayed near where we call bemuda.(toilet end)she learnt how to cook,wash there.anytime she cooks spag,she will call us to come and taste.he dady was mad(mum late) but she don't care.her reason;that she want to be a good wife to her hubby.was engaged then.later married durin her final year.she was very thankful to pple that tot her hw to do things.bc of her preg,she packed out of d hostel to bq.
Meanwhile her twin sis was opposite.she don't know how to do anythin and she don't care. Accordin to her,why suffer when ur money can do it for u.
Identical twins but diff ideology

greatgod2012:
hey cougar, just hold it "ibi ti eeyan ba rin de lo ma ri de"
There was lady when we were in the Uni, that came to school with 2 househelps, she couldnt do nada, i mean it, the househelps cook, washes plates and clothes, including the undies, cleans their 2 bedroom flat, goes for shopping, etc, she was completely useless, infact, one of the househelps was a secondary school graduate, she used to ask that particular one to be reading her notes to her hearing.......... So, just hold it, some, as someone said are not just domesticated at all.

, she's not useless....
her parents didn't want her to do those things - not that she cannot do them. it's like parents who don't want their kids to work abroad while studying. it's not like these kids would drop dead if they work but the parents don't want anything to distract them from scoring As.......

greatgod2012: @op, how do you cope

You cope with love, you have married her, its difficult to talk about divorce because of this, all i can say is that, you try to overcome bad with good, afterall love conquers all, you love her, that is why you married her, so you can lovingly make her change.
So, you can try these
Since she wont cook, when you want to prepare food(if you know how to), invite her along and let her know shes the one preparing the next time, and gradually reduce the number of times you go to the kitchen.
Call her from work that you are coming home with some friends from work, and therefore should try to make the house neat and also prepare food for them before your arrival.
During weekends, take your own broom and give her her own broom, tell her the area you are going to sweep and the area shes going to sweep, and also, gradually reduce it, but that does not mean you wont assist in the house chores o.
Never bother about her washing your clothes, but as for hers, always tell her that you dont want/like dirty clothes hanging all around the house.
If after all these, she still do not change, invite her friends home, without informing her, shame will catch her when she see them and how the whole house is.


As for hussling for money, set up a business for her and let her realise that the money used is a loan and that a certain amount must be remitted monthly in a certain account, so as to stand firm in the business and not squander everything, and if after the condition, she still squander all the capital and the profit, then try not to make her very comfortable financially again, if she complains, make reference. Simple.
With these tips, hopefully, she will change.
May God help you o. Amin.

Oh! Tanx am very gr8ful.

OP

What I still don't understand is how none of this was detected before you got married or is it a case of you thought you could bear it and now realize that you can't? On the bright side, many men will hopefully, learn from your experience. Courtship leading to marriage is about knowing whom you are marrying and how they fit into your overall aspirations and goals, not same as courting solely for sexxxxual gratification.

damiso:

really house helps in Uni. na wa o.Make i no lie sha i used to use all those 'any work' people to wash my clothes while in Uni cos i hate washing clothes.I absolutely hate laundry and thank God for washing machines.As for other chores,even my hubby says i am.OCD when it comes to cleaning,i hate dirty enviroments.My kids sef know mummy hates mess.As for cooking,i can say i improved greatly sef since i got married cos the last few yrs i spent at home i rarely cooked.So i learnt and picked up stuff along the way and now my hibby brags about my cooking.

The bolded, you finished from IFE?

coogar:

these kids went to boarding schools, stayed in uni hostels. you mean their parents had housemaids with them in the hostel? come on - i refuse to believe that!

Bros dem dey ooo. When they go to school or uni, na their money dey talk. Can pay some one to clean and eat takeout. Luckily all the girls have met are not like that else na one chance dem enter.

bellong:

The bolded, you finished from IFE?

No.Keep guessing.just joking.There was any work in most campus hostels.

damiso:

No.Keep guessing.just joking.There was any work in most campus hostels.

Yes, there were and there are still but they use different terms. At least I know that while visiting friends during undergrad. IFE anywork uses that term to advertise and the yoruba women with "se fe fo aso"...

Those good old days.

^^ Or "Se ise wa"

^^ that is mostly used in the male hostels while those guys do step it up with English in the female halls