[quote author=lostgirl85]So I am confused as to wether I am being used. First off the nigerian man I am dealing with is Edo...... He lied to me from the day I met him but now that we have a child together he claims to be telling me the truth and boy does the truth hurt!! First of all he has a girlfriend and child in Nigeria this I did not find out until I was pregnant yet he claims he loves both me and her. She has finally gotten a visa after 4 years and is in the uk she does not know about my child as yet and he is in no rush to tell her. She has been here for four days and idk what to do I have strong feelings for him and I feel like my whole world has been torn apart I cannot stop crying. From a real nigerian woman's perspective can you please tell me if it is likely he is using me so he can marry her and bring her to the uk permanently or does he really believe he loves us both?? Please I am a person with a heart I need real advice one part of me want to fight for my man but he says he will not abandon either of us what does this all mean.

Two months later and I have been to hell and back. He says he cannot leave her because she has done no wrong, and she is who he introduced to his mum (his mum passed away while I was pregnant). There is so much to this story I cannot write it all at once but im sure that as the comments roll in I will have to disclose more info and I am willing to do so. Long story short though is that I feel his baby mama (he calls her his wife but they have not officially walked down the isle) is a bitch!! And I fell like game on if she wants him to abandon my baby and take him back to Nigeria then I am ready to fight for him to stay. So I wanna know how to steal him from her. Ps as far as the visa goes I have offered to help him and told him we should break up but he said he'll no he is not losing me......... So the question still remains am I getting used? And how do I make him leave her alone and marry me?

If you need any further clarification so that you can help me I will be more than happy to do so.

Tsk Tsk
Some dudes are useless....words are cheap.

Sanboy25: I'm sorry to be the one to announce that to you, but he only wanted a VISA.
This girl is not his 'girlfriend' but his wife. In Nigeria, polygamy is legal.
These men comes to the West, marry a European, make a child, then once they have a Visa they bring their own family back from their country. You're lucky he doesn't make both of you share the same roof, some men don't hesitate to do so...
Good luck dear.

I told him that I will help with the visa without him being with me and I seriously have written a letter to the border agency to help him and told him to go his way but he says he doesn't want to lose me, so I'm confused, do u still think he is using me for a visa? Also she wears no ring is that normal because where I come from if you are married you wear a ring

Happens to a lot of women. As sanboy25 correctly said he is just using you for a Visa. Believe it. Don't make excuses for him or your situation, it is cut and dry, you are being used.

He might well be the father of your child but your priority right now is not him or his other woman, it is you and your child.

Dump him

Thank you for your advice and believe me when I tell you my baby comes before anything else in the world. She is my number one priority and my life but I forgot to mention that my father is Muslim so being a second wife doesn't upset me I just don't want to waste my time with a man that has bad intentions for me. It really hurts because I am 27 and this is my first child I have never been pregnant before and he is the only man I have been with since arriving to the UK. In my whole life i have only been with three men i come from the smallest island in the world (seriously it is the smallest place in the world). I always wanted to marry the man I had children with now I feel I am going to be a lonely single mum as I am very cautious to have another man around my daughter. Smh why would someone be so wicked. What I don't get is I have helped him with the visa, why is he still bothering me I told him its okay just call for the child but he insist he loves me and doesn't wanna loose me. I guess what everyone says is true 'Nigerian men are the best liars' I have never had someone lie to my face like this surely Allah will punish his soul eternally.

Sanboy25: I'm sorry to be the one to announce that to you, but he only wanted a VISA.
This girl is not his 'girlfriend' but his wife. In Nigeria, polygamy is legal.
These men comes to the West, marry a European, make a child, then once they have a Visa they bring their own family back from their country. You're lucky he doesn't make both of you share the same roof, some men don't hesitate to do so...
Good luck dear.

If it ever got to that surely my brothers will hang him no one will make me live with another woman and he know if he wants to keep me he must buy me a house and a car, I have the car just waiting for my house now, she already has both as she has been with him for 8 years and I have been with him for 2 years our baby is 4 months old their son is four.

Please don't just look people comment as I need your advice an edo woman or man would be perfect but any nigerian or African person would do as you all have the most knowledge to share

@ lostgorl 85: Well mam, I believe, as some here have insinuated, that you are being used. Leave the man, I hope you find another man who'll truly cherish you.

BTW I come from Edo. Oredo local government to be precise.

My dear 4geht him nd take gud care of ur child...u wil find som1 better vewi soon

Uyi Iredia: @ lostgorl 85: Well mam, I believe, as some here have insinuated, that you are being used. Leave the man, I hope you find another man who'll truly cherish you.

Thank u

There is no happiness in the danger zone my dear. If u truly want to be happy, u might need to accept the mistake u made and start walking into another direction

well it all comes down to you but as far as i am concerned, leave him now cos bigger problems will emerge if you dont. If he truly loves u, he wouldnt have thought of even bringing his wife to u.k. Think wisely and make the right decision sweety. U deserve better.

The sad part is you keep allowing him to use ,you say thatbeing second won't bother you,well have you thought about his wife? Will she agree to share her husband?
don't wait for him to dump you because that will be more painful than you leaving now!
Good luck!

Now that you know the truth,what are you waiting for? A man that denied hs family jst to get you will still deny u one day. My dear,be strong,açcept the mistake and make amends now. Dont make him the source of your happiness,dont curse him either. Though the troubles wl last for the nite,joy comes in the morning.

Sorry babes but you are being used

Igbo or Edo?

He's using you. The handwriting is clear on the wall. Dump his sorry arse, keep your baby and your dignity. There's a lot of happiness ahead of you, don't let him ruin it.

@OP rule # 14. Please search the forum before creating a new thread on Nairaland.

I don't mean to disrespect you but you're dumbb, my 6 year old daughter would know she's bn used by this punkass Nigerian man

REALITY101: @OP rule # 14. Please search the forum before creating a new thread on Nairaland.
I don't mean to disrespect you but you're dumbb, my 6 year old daughter would know she's bn used by this punkass Nigerian man

You don't mean to be disrespectful but went ahead and disrespected her. Like you know, women are wired emotionally. It could even happen to you in another form.

CAMEROONPRIDE: Igbo or Edo?

My question exactly. Topic reads 'Edo' body reads 'Ibo'........ Op, you wanna clearify?

CAMEROONPRIDE: Igbo or Edo?

Edo

REALITY101: @OP rule # 14. Please search the forum before creating a new thread on Nairaland.

I don't mean to disrespect you but you're dumbb, my 6 year old daughter would know she's bn used by this punkass Nigerian man

Well that was rude. I am not from Africa and in my country a man would never mislead a woman so I wouldn't say dumb. Maybe naive and you sound like a lonely scornful individual to insult someone who is merely asking for help

Thank you all for your feedback I'm gonna try once again to get rid of him, it's not easy if I say I want to break up he comes to my house like a mad man begging and pleading for me. He uses the child to get in the house. So I guess I will have to move and not let him know where we live.

Make we hear, in your country a man will never do what?

IvyBlue: The sad part is you keep allowing him to use ,you say thatbeing second won't bother you,well have you thought about his wife? Will she agree to share her husband?
don't wait for him to dump you because that will be more painful than you leaving now!
Good luck!

They are not married, and of course I have even tried to call her but have not been able to speak with her, she says he should abandon us and go back to Nija with her and find the child when she is a teen. I thought that was very harsh I have done no wrong I knew nothing about her until I was already pregnant but I guess everyone's morals are different

2buff: Tsk Tsk
Some dudes are useless....words are cheap.

This is an Edo player.....watch out OP.

CAMEROONPRIDE: Make we hear, in your country a man will never do what?

Use a woman for a visa

What I still don't understand is if I helped him get the visa what else could he possibly want from me I'm so confused I am a student, I have no money for him, have never given him a penny, he provides for me What else could he possibly want?

lostgirl85:


Use a woman for a visa

you said mislead. And misleading knows no nationality.

Anyway from your last comment,maybe your pu-C is sweet also, some men don't know how to quit.but you have to understand that we African love our women pass anyone, so maybe he loves u a little a bit but can't do without his own. If you like him enter in polygamy or manage(accept that he has a second office).
After all your people brought homosexuality in the world, polygamy shouldn't kill u.