[quote author=Babz temmy]
You know u don't always av to respond. You should learn to implore d silent treatment. [/quote


If you were imploring the silent treatment you won't be here in the first place.start by practising what you preach

[quote author=byvan][/quote]@ byyyyyyvan!!!!!!, stop bin a leach and get off my case

Madam, pls forget and move on

Babz temmy: @ byyyyyyvan!!!!!!, stop bin a leach and get off my case

You are a leech to your own life already,i ll rather leech on a juicer fellow than a woman struck with chronic anaemia

[quote author=byvan]


You are a leech to your own life already,i ll rather leech on a juicer fellow than a woman struck with chronic anaemia [/qul
Lmfao. I soo pity ur wife,u r such a sisi

Babz temmy:

she is a she

biolabee:

she is a she

No wonder!!!

Babz temmy:

Aren't you the one so ridden with problems?concentrate on pitying the man that married you,hopefully you won't poison the sweet old lady for loving her son.

Babz temmy:
Am sure you all av met my hubby. Now dis is d convlusion of the matter, i didnt post ere to spread my sheet in d sun, i came to learn and seek solace as i av always done. From my hubby's post u all can see dat i didnt over exagerrate, he loves his mother than anytin else in d world, which is meant to be, but if you read again u connote that it is to the extreme. My mil treats him like her husband nd behaves like his wife, no big deal, but NL do u really think its gonna easy to cope just like that, we just got married, i need more time to understand his mum is his first wife, and it might take years,my hubby said out of d four kids he is d only one close to his mum, emotionally, financially and so on. Is dere any child who wont love the mother, his sibblings all love and care for her its just not to d extreme like my husband, they r realist they dint just tolerate or condone everything. Note that my mil is loving nd wonderful, nd shez bin good to me,nd am good to her in my own way, and she knows, once shez around me i shower all d love i av in my cabbana. I give her ANYTHING she ask of me, i play my role to her as a dil very well, nd i love her like d mother i no longer have, dis issue is btw my hubby nd i,she treating her son like her husband nd likewise isnt what any wife wishes for. He is doing things that is affecting me, he is causing d rivalry btw us just becos he has refused to stand his ground as a man, even though we married 2 days after courtship, it automatically means u av left your mum and clinged to your wife, u dont need yeara to fux that, once i leave for d U.S, mother moves in with him again!! You av to force urself to do without mummy, eventhough i know its hard due to d bondness and fondness, that way u can even know nd feel my usefulness nd absence,but no, my mil actually has d right to do whatever she pleases with her son, he is her last, her favourite nd his MOTHER, but its d son that should control it for her cos left to her shez doing nothing wrong, From all of your post i hav come to a conclusion that all i need to do is go on my kneels more and pray for the grace to tolerate what i can and would never be able to change. Thank you all for the post , advices and adminition. NL can be impactful sometimes. Peace.

Woman,put a sock in it and stop creating issues where there is none, will you!!!
Don't destroy your young marriage with this childishness
Enough already!!

If your husband is reading,I plead with him not to respond here any further
There has to be an adult in that home.

Babz temmy: After all said and done, I have heard all. Thank you all for your contributions, and advivces, I don't despise my mil, I don't, am just gonna learn to tolerate. God bless us all

Bless you too
Now go and retire that handle and get a new name for nairaland
Case closed!!

Oh, the joy of having a good MIL.

Let me just say this to the OP, SAY NO TO THE DEVIL USING YOU. You cannot directly or indirectly give a man an ultimatum to chose between you and his mother, you will be at the losing end.

If you really sent that SMS to your husband re getting his mum a shop, you must be one hell of a wicked woman. Even I felt so bad on behalf that woman after I read that, the hell you make her go through. Even after a SIL gave you a good advise about your MIL, you have still sworn to number your days in that house.......yes I said it, your days are numbered if you don't buckle up and be a good DIL to that woman.

Advise to all the single ladies in the house:

Don't start a war with a good MIL cos you won't win. There is always a bond between son and mother that you cannot just come in and break it. When that woman was busy struggling as a single mother caring for her kids, this OP wasn't there. That woman gave him life, that woman is the reason why you met him in the first place. Stop fighting a battle when there is no need for one, I love my own mother and would not tolerate hubby saying anything nasty about my mum, if my mum messes up, leave her to me, I will sort her out my own way BUT NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TREAT HER LIKE SHE IS CHILDLESS. Let her reap the fruit of her labour as I pray to reap mine in due time .

Hmmmmm...nkan nbe!

I hope husband and wife would have no course to return on this board to air their issues forthwith.

This is why men have to be careful the kind of woman they are getting involved. Lay all cards on the table and if none or both parties are not happy, you all move on. My baby speaks with her mother every night. That has been the case for years.....I cannot say because we are together now, she has to stop the telephone calls. We both sat down and discussed it and decided on the best way for us to understand her mother and certain agreements had to be made.

My point is that: husband and wife......sit yourselves down, possibly carry yourselves to an hotel away from your surrounding and iron out this issue between yourselves.

All the best.

@Pataki good points. We need to be tolerant because one day one day , it'll be our turn too.

You will even try to stop my Dad from calling early hrs in the morning because if you don't call him within 3 days , He will and so is mom he will pray so tey until I tell him 'over again' that we are still in bed , hubby is used it and never complains.

Small world oh, ma she gra gra jare.

There are two sides to every story
No other thread has exemplified it better

jennykadry: Advise to all the single ladies in the house:

Don't start a war with a good MIL cos you won't win. There is always a bond between son and mother that you cannot just come in and break it. When that woman was busy struggling as a single mother caring for her kids, this OP wasn't there. That woman gave him life, that woman is the reason why you met him in the first place. Stop fighting a battle when there is no need for one, I love my own mother and would not tolerate hubby saying anything nasty about my mum, if my mum messes up, leave her to me, I will sort her out my own way BUT NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TREAT HER LIKE SHE IS CHILDLESS. Let her reap the fruit of her labour as I pray to reap mine in due time .

You are indeed in the spirit
A war with an MIL can never be won
Even if the MIL is a witch,the man loves her and you cannot change that
If your hubby doesn't see reason,you are wasting your time
So the primary target that must be on one's side is the hubby.Once you have that on lockdown,handling his family is easy.
That was why I advised this woman here to try to make her husband see reason,thinking the MIL was


We use your method in my home
My hubby goes through me to relay certain info to my folks
I go through him to relay same to his
No matter how much buddy buddy you and your MIL are,you cannot complain about certain things without it being misconstrued so the safer way is to go through their own child.
I can call and ask my mom to boil me some yams as I drive home from work and she will do it as many times as I call but I would be careful asking my sister in law or MIL to do such.


This marriage sumtin is a continuum of knowledge
You make your mistakes,hopefully learn and adjust and know what to do and what not to do
This young lady needs to learn to pick her battles

babyosisi: There are two sides to every story
No other thread has exemplified it better

I beg to differ. To me, husband and wife have given pretty much the exact same version of the story.

what is this world turning to for GOD sake. calling ur son everyday is now a problem. u now see ur mil as ur rival. what if she decided to move inn permanently u will cut off her head abi? if u see ur mil as ur own mother u wont hav issues for calling her son. am a womam like u, I called my mil frequently and I am even proposing to move her inn after we finished our country home. (the woman never like me and our first 10 years in marriage was hell with her but despite I understand and assume wat if she is my mum nko. now she loves me more than her son because i even cares for her more than her son. she is now on my pay roll) some girls of nowadays already prepared for war with their mil even before they tie d not and because of that they never see anything good in d woman. imagine ordinary calling is affecting u as if it was his mistress calling. na wa o. I thank GOD for d woman because she has a caring and understanding son.

gajike: what is this world turning to for GOD sake. calling ur son everyday is now a problem. u now see ur mil as ur rival. what if she decided to move inn permanently u will cut off her head abi? if u see ur mil as ur own mother u wont hav issues for calling her son. am a womam like u, I called my mil frequently and I am even proposing to move her inn after we finished our country home. (the woman never like me and our first 10 years in marriage was hell with her but despite I understand and assume wat if she is my mum nko. now she loves me more than her son because i even cares for her more than her son. she is now on my pay roll) some girls of nowadays already prepared for war with their mil even before they tie d not and because of that they never see anything good in d woman. imagine ordinary calling is affecting u as if it was his mistress calling. na wa o. I thank GOD for d woman because she has a caring and understanding son.

Your MIL can never never be your mother
Let us stop all that crazy comparison
You can have a great relationship with your MIL but you can never make the mistake of equating her with your mother
For instance,you can comfortably ask your mother to help you do stuff around the house,most times you don't even need to ask,she will just do it ,you cannot expect or ask your MIL to do same
You have to shape your mouth well if you must
When you have a disagreement or argument with your mother for instance, or even lose your cool,,it ends there,next minute you are talking and hugging
It can never be so with your MIL
Let us get that point straight


There was a day I told my mom after she dressed for Church
Mommy I don't like that blouse on you ,please change it and another day I said,mommy,why are you always carrying this handbag? And she went and changed it
Imagine me saying it the exact same way to my MIL " mama why are you always carrying that handbag"
Trouble may burst in paradise

jennykadry: Oh, the joy of having a good MIL.

Let me just say this to the OP, SAY NO TO THE DEVIL USING YOU. You cannot directly or indirectly give a man an ultimatum to chose between you and his mother, you will be at the losing end.

If you really sent that SMS to your husband re getting his mum a shop, you must be one hell of a wicked woman. Even I felt so bad on behalf that woman after I read that, the hell you make her go through. Even after a SIL gave you a good advise about your MIL, you have still sworn to number your days in that house.......yes I said it, your days are numbered if you don't buckle up and be a good DIL to that woman.

Na wa ooo. U av taken d issue more personal than my husband sef. Issue dat we av even resolved and moved on to d next one. Lmfao

Babz temmy: NL we want this thread closed. Thank you!

Go here and stop perambulating NL for attention! You have a marriage to work on

https://www.nairaland.com/751757/please-post-complaints-here-please

Babz temmy:
Na wa ooo. U av taken d issue more personal than my husband sef. Issue dat we av even resolved and moved on to d next one. Lmfao

Look at this one FORCING herself to LMFAO. We all know you are dying inside

It's obvious Wifey has a lot to learn.
A lot of times we show sympathy 2 d Op, but in this case, I think a lot of people want this thread closed/deleted.

From what I have read so far, wifey has a lot to learn. pls and pls stop this ranting; your marriage is too young.
secondly, u can't just change that all of a sudden. Be patient OK.

Osisi,

In my parents case, My mother and my grandma were like mother and daughter. My grandma never had a daughter and my mom became hers. They had a lot in common, Both love shopping and business.

WHen my grandma comes around my mom takes off at work and they both go to the market to come back at 9pm, my dad would already be fuming about the time but those women would go round the market 3 times pricing everything before settling to buy any item

When my grandma wants to get something from my dad, she would ask my mom first and run it by her.

My dad once joked that since my mom no longer had a mother, she stole his

dayokanu: Osisi,

In my parents case, My mother and my grandma were like mother and daughter. My grandma never had a daughter and my mom became hers. They had a lot in common, Both love shopping and business.

WHen my grandma comes around my mom takes off at work and they both go to the market to come back at 9pm, my dad would already be fuming about the time but those women would go round the market 3 times pricing everything before settling to buy any item

When my grandma wants to get something from my dad, she would ask my mom first and run it by her.

My dad once joked that since my mom no longer had a mother, she stole his

I understand you
Any woman with an MIL will understand me well

Na wa oh. How does talking to ones parent become a crime? I talk to my dad almost everynight.
I understand you could feel a little insecure and nollywood and their depiction of mother in laws certainly doesn't help.
I understand she is not a domineering woman so really wife you should understand that marriage is not a clingy just me and you situation, married people have other interests and not just me and you must do everything together.
Some kids are close to their parents some are not.
As the years goes by it makes us realise that they may not always be with us and it draws us closer to them.
I share almost every detail of my life with my dad, inform him of key decisions, he listens just listens, sometimes chips in but let's me make the decisions myself, now am realising he won't always be around, he won't alwyas be a phone call away.
Recently I couldn't speak to him for days and I had one major issue, I felt overwhelmed, my husband understood and even though I inform my husband of everything and talk to him before sharing with my dad, he still knows its not a competition and that they both mean different things to me and its not a case of either or.
Some things I don't even share with my dad as I do with my husband but there is just a soothing feeling and words of wisdom from someone who has been in these stages.
Our parents are our parents, if you have a good relationship with them you don't just cut them off because you have a spouse, a good spouse will understand that there is space of enough for both of you and the roles don't conflict.
A good parent will also ensure that they don't cross their boundaries.
I am happy wifey has learned from this, always remember that if you suceed in tearing him away from her and something happens to her he may never forgive you.
Let us not let jealousy put us in trouble.

babyosisi:

I understand you
Any woman with an MIL will understand me well

Truly, your MIL can never be your mother no matter how close.i can easily tell my mum I don't like the food she prepared,how will one tell that to MIL?

byvan:



Truly, your MIL can never be your mother no matter how close.i can easily tell my mum I don't like the food she prepared,how will one tell that to MIL?

She can eventually be as close to you as your mother but it takes time and the attitude of both parties.I keep saying it its easier to forgive your child whom you nutured and have known all their life than one girl or boy who you might never have met if your child did not marry them.
Its wiser for the child of the parent concerned to deal with boundary issues.

damiso:

She can eventually be as close to you as your mother but it takes time and the attitude of both parties.I keep saying it its easier to forgive your child whom you nutured and have known all their life than one girl or boy who you might never have met if your child did not marry them.
Its wiser for the child of the parent concerned to deal with boundary issues.

Yes,boundary is absolutely very important,funny boundary in marriage is strange to some when you try to explain it.

I ve bn reading all d posts with keen interest.very good and matured contributions.
Well,I don't hv MIL but FIL that behaves like MIL and he is verrrry stubborn but I lv him die! Does he disturb a lot,yes.u don't tell him when to call,and heaven help u if he calls and u don't pick.and u MUST call him everyday 2!its an order and I obey,simple.
He can spend hrs on phone with u and u will be prayin for bad network.it wasn't easy at first for me cos I don't hv a dad but pple r so envious of us naw.he put me on salary when I gave birth cos I stopd work then due to relocation and childbirth.how did I do dat,told him that I want to resume work immediately after birth(na lie).and I can't call him again cos I don't hv money.(Another lie)
Mrs,u can turn any situation to ur adv if and only if u want to!
I can buy him anything I want to,spoiled him when he visited and ready to forfeit somethings for him!
Without that man,no hubby,as I'm very happy with d son,why can't I extend it to my FIL? Even if he is bad.
Pple r prayin for a good mil and some pple don't just like it,they call it meddling! Nawaa o!
How I wish mine is alive,she can meddle for all I care!

U pple can now close d thread,at least I don say my mind!