Am married with Kids, a boy and a girl.
Presently, My wife is heavily pregnant.

Its been over a month since we made love, the reasons are:

1. I have to be the one to initiate intimacy

2. She cries when we are in the middle of love making

3. She never talks about our sex-life, even if i ask why she cried...is it painful or what? no responce.

This have been the case evere since we got married, she never say a word about our sex life,i have tried to sit her down on many occassion and have a one on one discussion with her, the only responce she says is..shebi i answer you anytime you want sex.

When the crying occured the last time we made love, i was filling guilty inside me, i feel am hurting her and she is keeping quiet.Now have refuse to initiate sex for over month and she is not bothered.

what do i do?

How much quality time do you spend with your wife? I'm not talking of living under one roof and sleeping in a bed. I mean Go out together, have fun, take pictures frequently. With more action than words, remind her of how crazy you were over her, and why marrying her was your prime priority years back. Make her your bestfriend first before your wife. I have no idea how difficult this task would be to undertake, but you'll have to try it. I'm suggesting this because there seem to be much more emphasis on the 'sexual' aspect of your relationship. You may not have noticed she's silent on a lot of other matters too. Hence, in spite of how this accusation may sting, it may be time to switch gears from seeing her as a 'baby maker' to seeing her as a 'sole-partner' in the business of marriage. Maybe somewhere along the line, you'll unlock that trust which isn't there.
She 'needs' to be H-A-P-P-Y.

shes obviously not enjoying it.

chidyhels: shes obviously not enjoying it.

But what do i do, when she is not talking?

Does she reach Orgasm when u both make love?

ceewai lebi: Does she reach Orgasm when u both make love?

I think she pretend to.

This is what most ladies do, and its does affect men who can decipher the truth.

crystalballs:

But what do i do, when is not talking?

You have to keep drawing her out of that shell,make her understand its for you both cos you can't be happy hurting her. Shes probably one of those shy introverts that hardly relate their feelings,but still willing to fulfill her marital obligations.

chidyhels:
You have to keep drawing her out of that shell,make her understand its for you both cos you can't be happy hurting her. Shes probably one of those shy introverts that hardly relate their feelings,but still willing to fulfill her marital obligations.

Have been talking for over 3yrs now, it is as if i complain alot.

Now have decided to keep quiet, and its like we are drifting apart.

Lets call a spade a spade..
She probably frigid.
A month n body neva move her??
Haba!
Communication n patience though remains d key.
Counselling might also b necessary
**off t church*

dBard: Lets call a spade a spade..
She probably frigid.
A month n body neva move her??
Haba!
Communication n patience though remains d key.
Counselling might also b necessary
**off t church*

I need advice on what to do and get the best from her.

It could be a health issue. Probably an std. Most STDs cause pain during intercourse. Take her to a doctor or let her report to her gynecologist... You shouldn't let ds issue drift u 2 apart. I can tell that u are a patient man... Kudos

♥Dεs•Chγκσ♥:
How much quality time do you spend with your wife? I'm not talking of living under one roof and sleeping in a bed. I mean Go out together, have fun, take pictures frequently. With more action than words, remind her of how crazy you were over her, and why marrying her was your prime priority years back. Make her your bestfriend first before your wife. I have no idea how difficult this task would be to undertake, but you'll have to try it. I'm suggesting this because there seem to be much more emphasis on the 'sexual' aspect of your relationship. You may not have noticed she's silent on a lot of other matters too. Hence, in spite of how this accusation may sting, it may be time to switch gears from seeing her as a 'baby maker' to seeing her as a 'sole-partner' in the business of marriage. Maybe somewhere along the line, you'll unlock that trust which isn't there.
She 'needs' to be H-A-P-P-Y.

You won't believe this is the more reason am worried, we go out with kids almost every weekend, eateries,shopping,beach and cinema.

Am not saying am perfect, but i make sure i buy her cloths,shoes, necklace atleast once a month.

This is the more reason am worried about her attitude towards me.

The way this almighty s3x has become an issue between married and unmarried couples ehen.smh.infact oro pesije,oro di hmnnn

You see, i can decide to be selfish and initiate sex when am in need, but this means she would accept even when she is not in the mood... why can't she request since what is good for the goods is good for the gander.


Your wife does not ask you for sex for a month, and she has never make the first move for up to 3 times in a marriage of over 3yrs and you are not worried!!! Think about it.

You keep asking her why, what are you doing wrongly..where would she want you to concentrate on and she keep silent.

Even the other wives and young ladies living in the same building and vicinity are envious of her husband, by virtue of the kind of luxury she lives in, all due to her man.

Sincerely, am fed up.

Wife cry when husband making love wit her....really END TIME THINGS

@Des chyco, I would rate ur comment 0/10, what has spending quality time has to do with sex..? Abeg e be like say the woman na fire wood.
Pls @ Op is this how ur sex life is before marriage or are you the no sex before marriage type..?

DJDOLA: Wife cry when husband making love wit her....really END TIME THINGS

smh @op maybe u should ask her to write it out instead of her saying it coz some people are not really expressive.Maybe that might help

ceewai lebi: smh @op maybe u should ask her to write it out instead of her saying it coz some people are not really expressive.Maybe that might help

You see, have gone to the extent of asking if she was once raped..or why is she scared of sex? All to no avail.

Maybe you have really hurt her feelings before by cheating on her.

Chemmy T: Maybe you have really hurt her feelings before by cheating on her.

I have never cheated on her, which she knows.

When we married newly, i was only 6months into my job and was struggling financially... for those periods and like a Year and half, i have to beg for sex..it takes me like 30mins to 1hr to beg her before she would give in.

But, somehow i left paid employement and registered my company. I got series of contract and became financially stable.Built our personal house and two other ones...bought her a car and gave her 500k for her business.

Having realise am financially ok, she became submisive and will allow me to make love to her anytime...i guess this is because she is scared i can now flirt around.

sorry, seems am saying too much...but the truth is i have never cheated on her, but i do contemplate it.

Wow. Speechless. But there are many ladies around

You said she's heavily pregnant, most woman dnt enjoy intimacy while pregnant. And it possible she didn't like it and again dnt wnt to deny you your right. You need to call,tell her to always see you as a friend,tell her to be free with you and ask her what the problem was. Who knows you might not be taking it easy on her. I wish you luck

crystalballs:

I have never cheated on her, which she knows.

When we married newly, i was only 6months into my job and was struggling financially... for those periods and like a Year and half, i have to beg for sex..it takes me like 30mins to 1hr to beg her before she would give in.

But, somehow i left paid employement and registered my company. I got series of contract and became financially stable.Built our personal house and two other ones...bought her a car and gave her 500k for her business.

Having realise am financially ok, she became submisive and will allow me to make love to her anytime...i guess this is because she is scared i can now flirt around.

sorry, seems am saying too much...but the truth is i have never cheated on her, but i do contemplate it.

Bros...you are scaring me.
Have heard so much about marriage, I just wed but seriously am afraid.

@o.p.. I really do understand where u r coming from. Am sure ur not initiating d sex f a month was deliberate t check her response..u ve bin disappointed thats y u r here.
Undrstand this, some women (ppl) Just Dont Enjoy Sex. it might b f a no of reasons; from physical t d mental, or psychological.
The most worrisome aspect of ur tale is d crying during sex. Even a guy who is just in it f selfish reasons will be disturbed abt that, moreso her husband..n yet she cant cum out wit it seeing its an issue.
Which man will feel comfy knowing his wife doesnt desire him..na wa.
Solution..I tink she needs counselling Asap.
U can only do so much..

Ps; was she like dis wen u were dating or was it a no sex tin

Use the silence treatment!
It Seems you always do the talking.

Please stop blaming yourself for this. This is absolutely not your fault. If your wife is crying during sex then I am leading toward sexuaal trauma. She might have suffered sexuall trauma at some point in her life and she fears sex. Which would explain her reason for avoiding the topic with you. This is a very delicate matter. I think you should sit your wife down and have a serious heart to heart with her. You have to be bold and honest with her. Let her know how her behaviour is making you feel. Let her know the consequences for her behaviour if she continues. If she is very receptive, then I will suggest a counsellor. Please no pastor or imam. Was it always like this when you two were dating or you guys were practicing no sex before marriage?

kulyie: The way this almighty s3x has become an issue between married and unmarried couples ehen.smh.infact oro pesije,oro di hmnnn

DJDOLA: Wife cry when husband making love wit her....really END TIME THINGS

Typical Nigerian Advice..

Chanchit: @Des chyco, I would rate ur comment 0/10, what has spending quality time has to do with sex..?

The answer to your question is..

crystalballs: ..i was filling guilty inside me, i feel am hurting her and she is keeping quiet.

Besides, I didn't remember submitting any answer script for your assessment, or referring to you earlier either. The OP got my point and that's satisfactory enough.

The fact that she has refused to tell you what's going on means it's a very weighty issue, at least she sees it that way and she may not feel you are ready to hear it. You need to create a safe space where she can tell you, ideally with an independent marriage/sex counselor that is unknown to you both. The counseling should be both individual and joint. Taking her to a gyn to make sure it's nothing physical is a great first step.

Another good suggestion is the one of asking her to write it down and you can write her a response too. My only hope is that you will be able to properly handle what she has to say. But this should not replace counseling. It sounds like she really needs it.

Good on you for looking for solutions. Dong be tired yet! May God help you.

Wen she puts to bed, rediscover the passion all over again, even if it was never there, seek for ways to really really pleasure her, get her drunk or tipsy once in a while to loosen her up, get her to talk about her likes and fantasies during dis moments, for a while forget your own pleasure and make it all about her, let sex not just start in d bedroom on d bed, start droppin subtle hints and signs truout d day, sweet talk her etc. It won't work like magic but gradually she'll come around.

What position do you guys engage in? Seriously she is heavily pregnant and mounting her or being untop of her wouldn't help issues. Get a dining chair,sit and let her sit on you and make love to her. It might be more comfortable for her assuming the problem is position

crystalballs:

You won't believe this is the more reason am worried, we go out with kids almost every weekend, eateries,shopping,beach and cinema.

Am not saying am perfect, but i make sure i buy her cloths,shoes, necklace atleast once a month.

This is the more reason am worried about her attitude towards me.

If we have fully accounted for the physical endeavours we should put in, perhaps we should consider the spiritual efforts we must make too. Sex, in spite of how it's being abused these days, is a tool instituted by Him in a union. Maybe we should review our spiritual lives in Christ.. Speaking of which I would like you and other fathers and males here in this thread to visit this thread of mine below.. It's quite helpful, I believe.

https://www.nairaland.com/1417975/todays-dads-tomorrows-dads

♥Dεs•Chγκσ♥:


Typical Nigerian Advice..



The answer to your question is..


Besides, I didn't remember submitting any answer script for your assessment, or referring to you earlier either. The OP got my point and that's satisfactory enough.

Ok, U don try. I will give you -3/10. That should be enough.