crystalballs: I can't thank you guys more, I must admit your positive contributions will only spur me to do more.

One thing remains that I have vowed never to play away games no matter the challenge marriage brings forth.

crystalballs: Am married with Kids, a boy and a girl.
Presently, My wife is heavily pregnant.

Its been over a month since we made love, the reasons are:

1. I have to be the one to initiate intimacy

2. She cries when we are in the middle of love making

3. She never talks about our sex-life, even if i ask why she cried...is it painful or what? no responce.

This have been the case evere since we got married, she never say a word about our sex life,i have tried to sit her down on many occassion and have a one on one discussion with her, the only responce she says is..shebi i answer you anytime you want sex.

When the crying occured the last time we made love, i was filling guilty inside me, i feel am hurting her and she is keeping quiet.Now have refuse to initiate sex for over month and she is not bothered.

what do i do?

Omo_Alata: Please stop blaming yourself for this. This is absolutely not your fault. If your wife is crying during sex then I am leading toward sexuaal trauma. She might have suffered sexuall trauma at some point in her life and she fears sex. Which would explain her reason for avoiding the topic with you. This is a very delicate matter. I think you should sit your wife down and have a serious heart to heart with her. You have to be bold and honest with her. Let her know how her behaviour is making you feel. Let her know the consequences for her behaviour if she continues. If she is very receptive, then I will suggest a counsellor. Please no pastor or imam. Was it always like this when you two were dating or you guys were practicing no sex before marriage?

crystalballs:

You see, have gone to the extent of asking if she was once raped..or why is she scared of sex? All to no avail.

crystalballs: You see, i can decide to be selfish and initiate sex when am in need, but this means she would accept even when she is not in the mood... why can't she request since what is good for the goods is good for the gander.


Your wife does not ask you for sex for a month, and she has never make the first move for up to 3 times in a marriage of over 3yrs and you are not worried!!! Think about it.

You keep asking her why, what are you doing wrongly..where would she want you to concentrate on and she keep silent.

Even the other wives and young ladies living in the same building and vicinity are envious of her husband, by virtue of the kind of luxury she lives in, all due to her man.

Sincerely, am fed up.

Billyonaire:

You are gonna hurt yourself a lot by deciding to torture yourself for something that you are obviously the victim. You need to toughen up.

Billyonaire:

You are gonna hurt yourself a lot by deciding to torture yourself for something that you are obviously the victim. You need to toughen up.

Billyonaire:

You are gonna hurt yourself a lot by deciding to torture yourself for something that you are obviously the victim. You need to toughen up.

rigormortis: maybe its because your balls are made of crystals, sex with hard objects can be quite painfull..........you know?

Princess zoe: And what exactly is your point? That he should commit adultery? Shame to devil. You mean he should defile his marital bed to destroy the glory of his marriage?. The lord rebuke devil. The OP will not do such thing. The mercies of God will not let him fail and he will find solution to his challenges. OP please ignore some comments here. Ignore the comments like: she doesn't love you; blackmail her; cheat on her; involve your parents; you married the wrong woman; or even the comments blaming you for anything. This is your trial time and if you stand this test of time, your marriage will be promoted. You may not understand what i mean until you defeat this. And can you really defeat this challenge? YES, you can. Jidegirl has been wonderful with her advise. Try sticking to her advise or the advises of the post of her likes and you will see that God has really given them the wisdom to help out of your predicament. You must walk out of this victoriously.

adorable29: AMEN! God bless you! Agents dey ds nairaland O! Ironically, mostly d females dat are telling him his wife doesn't l♥√ him. Is sex d only way to show love? Prostituites hav sex wit strangers dey don't love!!! That's propably wat their boyfriends told them while cajolin dem 4 sex!!! They might as well tell him to end d marriage nd abandon his family just 4 sex! SMH!

Amhappy: @ Ops I was like ur wife. I hated 'sex'. For me it was a burden. Sorry ooo i like my sleep and see sex @ night or early morning as deprieving me of it. But i disliked it mainly blc i grew up to view sex as sinful,dirty and a stupid act. When i started dating it was a huge No No. After i lost a guy i loved so much blc of it,I hated sex more. The next guy i tried to date forced me,i lost my virginity and hated sex even more. When i met hubby i told him No sex. He kept to it until after our trad. I hated him for asking for it. During sex i will tell him to stop and he obeys. Sex was painful too,dont know if the pain is real or imaginery. I once visited a doctor for help. Now things are a lot better. I think solution started coming when i changed my mindset and Hubby was really patient. So there is hope for your wifey. God bless you

crystalballs:

I need advice on what to do and get the best from her.

prettyrosefave: I really feel your pain as am a woman who is in your position.

Before I got married I hated sex, haaa I see it as sin. I read so books on sex, how some see it as painful and some do ennjoy it. When I met my hubby, during our courtship we weren't into it until a friend told me to try it afterall he is my man to be. I thought and thought and we started it, it was like hell was let loosed. The pains I feel was something outa this world.

When we got married, the same thing, I had to buy books and read and read, I learnt and read that the pain is just psycological. When I read it just a psycological pain, I made up my mind to enjoy it and that night I asked for more.

I don't get it the way I want anymore, he feels giving me sex always will make me look outside when he is not around cos he sees I have really improved. I make the moves and most times get turned down with abuses following.

Reading through your post gives me tears in my eyes, most times he doesn't wana sleep with me on the bed, when I wake him up to come in, the next thing is, am not interested ooo. Can you imagine this?

Really couples who have each other needs met sexually as at when honeying for it are previledged. They don't know what they gain until they hear from others whose spouse see sex as a burden.

In all I think its a libido thing, am already reading and making research on foods to give him stylishly to increase his libido without his knowledge of why am giving him such foods/fruits.

crystalballs:

Interesting....Let those who are yet to marry not get scared.
Marriage is interesting even with all the challenges therein, beside you can never know which colour your would have until you in.

Am learning even after 4yrs of marriage and am willing to keep my marriage no matter the challenges.

Caracta:

Say no more...i'm scared already. Yet you guys smile, cuddle, engage in PDAs and make us (#team single) feel jealous? Awwwww, what will I do now? This is serious business!

@topic, I have nothing to add. Never give up on her and please be prayerful. It works. You are a good man.