It is called a "1 chance"

eeewise: Op u re bothered abt her gettin to know abt ur real financial state?she comin over and seein that the grass isn't greener on the other side lolzzzz....her seeing ur poverty .eyah PLS LET HER KNW D REAL PICTURE OF TINS over der and watch her reaction

That is a big factor. Also I do not want to get in relationship to "save" someone. Relationships are supposed to be about mutual respect and seeing both the positive and negative qualities in each other. I am wondering if "saving" her from poverty is the only positive she sees in me. That is a lot of pressure and once she sees that the grass is NOT greener on the other side/or that it IS greener on the other side. Where does that leave me?

It leaves me as someone who has been used and is surplus to requirements, because of another's persons own self interest. That is not love and mutual respect. That is not the relationship I want.

All over! Without us even really saying much to each other!!!!

Let me put it like this. I ain't great with women. I don't have much experience. The one meaningful relationship I did have was emotionally abusive. To be honest, I think both of us were at the time, but obviously I remember more of her manipulation.

I began to express how I felt to the Naija babe in a telephone call. She sent a long complicated text implying that love was about always thinking of the other person ALL THE TIME. I cut to the chase and was direct, I said "I do think about you all the time, I love you, but we are very different people, we need to be open and honest with each other about how we feel". Tried to call her later in the evening. Cancelled the call twice. A Nigerian friend told me that she was acting, that I should keep sending her nice texts. The more I did this the more I kept thinking about her. Something didn't feel right. Then today, it suddenly clicked. I am being completely played by her. Why does she want me thinking about her all the time? Why did she refuse to answer after I had brought up honesty and openness? She had never really told me how she feels. Just given signals. Even after I made moves. My head was spinning because of her. All this time, she has been after something. I just know it. There was something not quite right about her. She was very straight faced. I do not remember much emotion.

In conclusion. She is attempting to manipulate me for some reason and I do not think it is love. I know what this feels like.

I have told her my feelings and I am happy with that. She seems to be waiting for me to lay out plan of how we can be together...without disclosing anything. Well that is not what I am after.

I have just text her saying that I am beginning to wonder if this is a good idea. I want someone who is open and honest. (To my mind, she seems a little incapable of that.) I clearly said that I have been manipulated and hurt before and I don't want that. So for now, goodbye.

And that is it. Case closed

TrickofTech: All over! Without us even really saying much to each other!!!!

Let me put it like this. I ain't great with women. I don't have much experience. The one meaningful relationship I did have was emotionally abusive. To be honest, I think both of us were at the time, but obviously I remember more of her manipulation.

I began to express how I felt to the Naija babe in a telephone call. She sent a long complicated text implying that love was about always thinking of the other person ALL THE TIME. I cut to the chase and was direct, I said "I do think about you all the time, I love you, but we are very different people, we need to be open and honest with each other about how we feel". Tried to call her later in the evening. Cancelled the call twice. A Nigerian friend told me that she was acting, that I should keep sending her nice texts. The more I did this the more I kept thinking about her. Something didn't feel right. Then today, it suddenly clicked. I am being completely played by her. Why does she want me thinking about her all the time? Why did she refuse to answer after I had brought up honesty and openness? She had never really told me how she feels. Just given signals. Even after I made moves. My head was spinning because of her. All this time, she has been after something. I just know it. There was something not quite right about her. She was very straight faced. I do not remember much emotion.

In conclusion. She is attempting to manipulate me for some reason and I do not think it is love. I know what this feels like.

I have told her my feelings and I am happy with that. She seems to be waiting for me to lay out plan of how we can be together...without disclosing anything. Well that is not what I am after.

I have just text her saying that I am beginning to wonder if this is a good idea. I want someone who is open and honest. (To my mind, she seems a little incapable of that.) I clearly said that I have been manipulated and hurt before and I don't want that. So for now, goodbye.

And that is it. Case closed

congratulations!
Finally u did it!

Now,u av to put ur mind to profitable ventures.
O.k.
Dnt worry u wil get a beta girl but u av to be a llttle 'know how' to swing the ropes !

Eugh! Feel used though. On reflection she was exactly what I feared about her. Manipulator, only interested in my attention, I am even beginning to wonder if she was using it/my texts as a bragging opportunity to her friends. She wanted to keep things going, to eventually get me to declare my feelings "look I have an oyinbo". Jesus...how could I have got her so wrong.

What a repulsive individual.

Completely destroyed that friendship. Going to wait for her to call again. If she ever does. Then just lay the smack down. She didn't deserve any of that love.

Op!i knw 1/2 tins abt feeling used bt i dnt dwel on those tots.
The mst important tin is dat 1 should be able to see & tink clearly in any relatnshp.
4 women,a man will 4ever be a braging rit u cant stop them(it is women-women tin,men are neua admited)
4wateva a woman does neva 'abuse' a woman only knw hw to swimg the ropes
we men,wether we lik dem or not.we cant live witout dem.

baralatie: Op!i knw 1/2 tins abt feeling used bt i dnt dwel on those tots.
The mst important tin is dat 1 should be able to see & tink clearly in any relatnshp.
4 women,a man will 4ever be a braging rit u cant stop them(it is women-women tin,men are neua admited)
4wateva a woman does neva 'abuse' a woman only knw hw to swimg the ropes
we men,wether we lik dem or not.we cant live witout dem.

I will get over it and move on. Will take a few days.

Still praying that she tries to call me though. Another pathetic attempt to try and play me.

You see. She is exactly what I thought. 'Oyinbo Hunter'. I am a one woman kind of guy really. I never wanted to play about. I just want a wife and family. She is 30. It is what she is looking for. Not only that but I loved her for who she is.

I want her to call me so I call tell her exactly what she missed out on. "Tru love" as she calls it. She does not (and probably never will know the meaning of the word). She has gone from wife material to prostitute in seconds. I always wondered what her day job was. She was always very vague..."photocopying". Always had a lot of money too, cash. Phone number on facebook.

TrickofTech: I am even beginning to wonder if she was using it/my texts as a bragging opportunity to her friends. She wanted to keep things going, to eventually get me to declare my feelings "look I have an oyinbo". Jesus...how could I have got her so wrong.

What a repulsive individual....

You see. She is exactly what I thought. 'Oyinbo Hunter'. I am a one woman kind of guy really. I never wanted to play about. I just want a wife and family. She is 30. It is what she is looking for. Not only that but I loved her for who she is.

I want her to call me so I call tell her exactly what she missed out on. "Tru love" as she calls it. She does not (and probably never will know the meaning of the word). She has gone from wife material to prostitute in seconds. I always wondered what her day job was. She was always very vague..."photocopying". Always had a lot of money too, cash. Phone number on facebook.

She wasn't even chasing u. You were d one who was obsessing over her and declaring ur great love for her. Now because she rejected u/ she's not interested, u have concluded she is a "prostitute" "oyinbo hunter" "repulsive" etc anything to make urself feel better sha
better luck next time. eyahh

99cent:

She wasn't even chasing u. You were d one who was obsessing over her and declaring ur great love for her. Now because she rejected u/ she's not interested, u have concluded she is a "prostitute" "oyinbo hunter" "repulsive" etc anything to make urself feel better sha
better luck next time. eyahh

Not like that at all. I had stopped calling her. I had tried to put her out of my mind. And it was working. I was actually focusing on myself. Then she kept calling. Before I answered I told myself that she just saw me as a friend. I did not want to get involved in all that again. She started suggesting that I should marry someone (again) and "would I Marry Yourba?", "when will I return to Nigeria?", "I should ask now"

She has been playing this shit for months. I think she was well aware of how I felt all along. She always referred to things in the third person. She likes manipulating people. She likes getting them to expose their feelings without committing at all.

As soon as I slipped into that thinking again and finally declared my feelings and opened up, her response was to basically "think of her all the time" because that is "tru-love". I said I wanted openness and honesty, and she cut me off.

WHAT THE Bleep!!!! Does she enjoy hurting people or something. No wonder she is single at 30

99cent:

She wasn't even chasing u. You were d one who was obsessing over her and declaring ur great love for her. Now because she rejected u/ she's not interested, u have concluded she is a "prostitute" "oyinbo hunter" "repulsive" etc anything to make urself feel better sha
better luck next time. eyahh

Don't worry. Planning revenge though. I know what shes after now. Plane, visa and money. Going to plan myself a little sting. See how she likes getting bleeped around.

eyahhh

On reflection. She has taken everything without actually giving anything AT ALL!

How did I not realize this earlier?

Don't care what people say...going to hurt her for this emotionally.

TrickofTech: On reflection. She has taken everything without actually giving anything AT ALL!

How did I not realize this earlier?

Don't care what people say...going to hurt her for this emotionally.

dont dwel on negativ tots?only gets u more & more hurt.
4 me,no mata wat a woman does revenge is neva on my mind.rather i always hav an extra helping hand.again no mata wat,u dnt abuse a woman
(can u imagine an ex wantin to force herself on me.if she had her wayto my place,she's gona lay me hardcore..y,?coz i'v sen other guy lie &hurt them.i jst had to pray& beleiv dat somhw God gives dem gr8 guys.)
4 me i av 4given dm wela,wela.enjoy a gut gist anytin i meet an ex.jst stand ur grd past is past.again,no mata wat a woman says,does u dnt abuse or take revenge.
Lol...imagine 2 ex wana lay this golden bro.na wa o...women!

Don't call her agin she will call,even when she calls,if u like don't pick she will text to explian herself.she wants to start feeling important cos she feels u have fallen for her.

TrickofTech: On reflection. She has taken everything without actually giving anything AT ALL!

How did I not realize this earlier?

Don't care what people say...going to hurt her for this emotionally.

baralatie: Op!i knw 1/2 tins abt feeling used bt i dnt dwel on those tots.
The mst important tin is dat 1 should be able to see & tink clearly in any relatnshp.
4 women,a man will 4ever be a braging rit u cant stop them(it is women-women tin,men are neua admited)
4wateva a woman does neva 'abuse' a woman only knw hw to swimg the ropes
we men,wether we lik dem or not.we cant live witout dem.

Wow! Is this how you view women. I cant believe it. I am sorry, but in my opinion, you are pretty sad and pathetic.

People like you make me feel a little sick. You seem to think that women are only there to be manipulated for sex. That any interaction with women will always be a game to get something (i.e. sex).

I really feel sorry for you. Clearly you do not understand love at all...it is just something you say to bed women.

I have no NEED for women. I can live without them. I have some respect for myself and them, clearly something you do not have.

This is why I was so hurt that she clearly is only interested in my affections because it makes her feel good. She is not serious. She finds it impossible to open up and be honest, just play games.

I have thought about this a lot, clearly she is like this for a very good reason. She has been hurt by MUGU scum before. She has been bedded and then dropped like nothing. Is this how Nigerian men treat women? It is disgusting. I no longer hate her for what she has done/tried to do with me. I forgive her and I just pity her. It is how she is and I feel sorry for her. I now see and understand that there are clearly many MUGUs in Nigeria that have only seen her as a sex object and nothing more. She has given her heart to these people before and they have abused it, so she does not want to make that mistake again. She will play everyone. Like you, she needs other people to make her feel good about herself. She does not respect herself. How can she respect other people, when she does not respect herself. Once again, I have sympathy and I pity her, but I am not like that.

Someone said I "professed my love for her" as if I was just pulling strings. Perhaps you find it impossible that a guy would actually fully love and respect someone for who they are. Perhaps many Nigerian men are incapable of that...they just see women as sex objects. I actually cared about this woman and loved her deeply, but like you, she seems incapable of true love. To think she actually tried to talk to ME about TRUE LOVE...she does not, and probably will never know the true meaning.

When she calls I will explain to her that I care and love her deeply. But because of her behavior, nothing can and will ever happen. But unlike you SCUM, I will stay there for her. I know some Nigerian men are incapable of understanding that a guy could actually care about a woman's feelings, but I do very much with this woman. I will stay as a friend to her. I will build her up and try and repair some of the damage that has been done to her. I am going to try and help her respect and feel good about herself, and realize that she does not need men, sex, attention or other people to feel important. She can do that herself. I am then going to tell her all the tricks that men use to bed her. This way, I hope she will stand a chance of being happy and finding true love (which is what I want). Unfortunately, IT WILL NEVER BE WITH ME. I DO NOT WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT, and I will remind myself before and after every call. It is sad, but Oremi from now on.

In time, she may even realize that because of what she thinks about love and dating and attraction, she has missed out on true love. But I can never be with someone like that, so unfortunately, it is over. It is called "One chance".

I am glad that I revealed my feelings and asked her for honesty, it gave me the opportunity to see that she was unable to do that. Poor woman. I want someone more genuine. Genuine people do not play on peoples emotions for some underhanded reason.

Done, move on

Am glad you are finally done with your tales by moonlight

Subom1: Am glad you are finally done with your tales by moonlight

I spy another woman who does not trust men

It is all good though. I am learning why it is important to express your feelings to a girl quickly. I have never done this. I have always hidden them. But I have made the leap and I am moving on. She is still stuck. By playing games she was dragging me down to her level again. Now I am aware, I can move past this.

I now see why men cannot really have female friends that they are attracted to. It must be one or the other!!!

Subom1: Am glad you are finally done with your tales by moonlight

loolzz!

TrickofTech:

I spy another woman who does not trust men

It is all good though. I am learning why it is important to express your feelings to a girl quickly. I have never done this. I have always hidden them. But I have made the leap and I am moving on. She is still stuck. By playing games she was dragging me down to her level again. Now I am aware, I can move past this.

I now see why men cannot really have female friends that they are attracted to. It must be one or the other!!!

finally u kearning how to swing the ropes.u just dont know the rules of romantic engagement

baralatie:
finally u kearning how to swing the ropes.u just dont know the rules of romantic engagement

Is there anymore I should know?

(P.S. I still feel sorry, for women who feel the need to play games, have some self respect, you will never know love otherwise)

I have been walking around wanting everyone I meet to be happy. A selfless thing. Surely, if I do this with women, they will always say NO to me...because they know that I will want to make them happy anyway.

I have to be selfish with the 'wanting people to be happy'...you are saying that I probably should only try and make a woman happy if she first agrees to wanting me?

@OP!this is list of what u called ur 'tru luv'
+manipulator(10 times)
+takes everytin giv notin
+engage in hurting ppl
+no wonder she is 30
+not honest/open
+vague
+goes 4rm material to prostitution within seconds
+oyinbo hunter
+she played me
+what a repulsive individual
+she is what i feared...
+an emotional abusive relationship
+incalpable of tru luv
+straight face no emotion
+pursuing her self interest

+u gonna hurt her emotionally
all of this describes u!


+u neva luvd her at al.

baralatie: @OP!this is list of what u called ur 'tru luv'
+manipulator(10 times)
+takes everytin giv notin
+engage in hurting ppl
+no wonder she is 30
+not honest/open
+vague
+goes 4rm material to prostitution within seconds
+oyinbo hunter
+she played me
+what a repulsive individual
+she is what i feared...
+an emotional abusive relationship
+incalpable of tru luv
+straight face no emotion
+pursuing her self interest

+u gonna hurt her emotionally
all of this describes u!


+u neva luvd her at al.

Exactly. All the above is what I have since learnt about her. She is a pretty horrible person, once it comes down to it. I suspect like many women she is presenting a "front" to attract male admirers who she never intends to act upon. As soon as they express their feelings and asks for honesty from her...she drops them. She actively set out to draw me in, emotionally manipulate me, play on me feelings. Believe me, she did this actively, I could give examples.

You know she didn't even dignify me with an answer! A Nigerian friend has told me that women are atleast supposed to do that in your culture.

Clearly she has a lot less respect for me than I originally thought. She has gone down in my estimation...I did truly love her...until I saw her true colors.

---------------------------

Perhaps it describes both of us. That is why we are attracted to each other. I am trying to change. That is why I expressed my true feelings. I didn't want to get involved with her...but she kept calling me and she dragged me back in. I hate her for that and I hate myself for it too.

I am growing up. She is not.

@OP!Her father,uncle and male cousins are Nhgeriam men.
Now called them mugu,scum!
And u av a nigerian male friend advising u about nigerian women(obviouslu to u he is also a mugu)
how do u hope to deal wit al this depressd hostility & hatqed against a man coz u av a woman problem

baralatie: @OP!Her father,uncle and male cousins are Nhgeriam men.
Now called them mugu,scum!
And u av a nigerian male friend advising u about nigerian women(obviouslu to u he is also a mugu)
how do u hope to deal wit al this depressd hostility & hatqed against a man coz u av a woman problem

Not all of them obviously!!!!! Only the ones who post things about 'swinging girls by the ropes', playing games with them, bragging, acting the big man. How can you ever expect a loving relationship with that kind of attitude? How could you ever relax around a woman playing those kind of games?

Besides, I have been to Nigeria. I have seen the disrespectful attitudes that many have to women when compared with the 'West'. Women are individuals with rights. They are not there for sex...to be used and then tossed away. It is this kind of attitude that produces game playing women.

------------------------------

Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependent Disorder. I think I have traits of both. I also think the Nigerian woman has. I have been trying to move away from that recently...be more honest with myself and my feelings. Stop playing games.

This Nigerian woman dragged me back into that silly way of thinking. Manipulating me. Playing the game (which I had also been playing). After trying to change, I had had enough of the games and fantasy. I expressed my feelings. I was honest. The first time I have ever done this. She did not even dignify me with an answer.

This is when I realized. She is like what I am trying to escape. Someone who only cares about attention from the opposite sex...but is to scared to get close, using tricks and manipulation to get things. I am trying to change. I decided to stop the games and ask her if she wanted something real. She ran away.

Clearly she does not want anything real with me...and I suspect, unless she is willing to confront and respect her feelings and the feelings of others, she will be unable to have anything real with anyone. But she has had her chance. Her loss, I will move on and keep growing as a person.

P.S. It was me being honest and requesting "honesty" that put her off. I do not know why this scared her:

1.) She believes that women should never reveal their feelings
2.) She cannot be honest to herself (and she doesn't know what she wants)
3.) She feels she has "won" the game
4.) She is physically incapable of honesty
5.) She was never really interested...she just liked my attention
6.) She has been bragging about bagging an oyinbo to her friends...she was just mocking me
7.) She secretly hoped I would marry her/take her to the 'West' without having to reveal this intention

Choose an answer

Either way it shows a complete lack of respect and consideration for my feelings! I wanted someone to marry and raise a family with (along with openness and honesty...a proper discussion), so I feel my playing was justified and out of love. Me expressing my feelings made this clear.

TrickofTech:

I spy another woman who does not trust men

It is all good though. I am learning why it is important to express your feelings to a girl quickly. I have never done this. I have always hidden them. But I have made the leap and I am moving on. She is still stuck. By playing games she was dragging me down to her level again. Now I am aware, I can move past this.

I now see why men cannot really have female friends that they are attracted to. It must be one or the other!!!

What does trusting men have to do with your tales? Its so obvious you are a fake oyinbo. Your stories are now becoming redundant and boring, if you are like this in real life then am sorry to say i dnt blame the girl.

Subom1: What does trusting men have to do with your tales? Its so obvious you are a fake oyinbo. Your stories are now becoming redundant and boring, if you are like this in real life then am sorry to say i dnt blame the girl.

What is there to be sorry about? That I had genuine feelings for a woman? Perhaps you think it is okay to manipulate men and play with their feelings. Good luck finding a 'good man' with that approach Puts the nice guys off, More likely to get hurt yourself. Its fun playing games but there is always someone who can play them better than you.

We both played games with each other for ages. We both hid our feelings. I tried to forget about her and move on. She pushed and pushed and pushed for me to reveal mine. I revealed mine and asked for her honesty. She carried on playing games and ran away.

Clearly she never had feelings for me in the first place (she was never interested), she didn't believe that mine were genuine or she is incapable of honestly stating her feelings. I will not play games for ever. She called my bluff, I told her how I felt. What more does she want?

I gave her the opportunity that I thought she wanted. Clearly she didn't want it and never did.

What is there to be sorry for? I am a guy that has feelings. That is nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway. I texted her and said OREMI only for now on.

*YAWN*

Don't worry. Last post on Nairalands. I never should have used this for advice anyway. Not as if you guys really represent Nigeria.

Thanks for all your (mostly) useless comments. God would be proud of you

Eyah u re hurt. No matter your qualities, sme pple will stil reject u.rejectn is a part of d package so no need being hurt.its normal. Most grls are attention seekers ,very confused. As a guy just learn to Empower ONLY d rships dat believe, receive and accept u

eeewise: Eyah u re hurt. No matter your qualities, sme pple will stil reject u.rejectn is a part of d package so no need being hurt.its normal. Most grls are attention seekers ,very confused. As a guy just learn to Empower ONLY d rships dat believe, receive and accept u

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I am over it now. She did not reply to my messages, so I just text her saying that I think it probably isn't worth going any further. It will only ever be Oremi. She has now begun to contact me again and it feels like she is trying to play games again (i.e. calls me, says she will call back later and then doesn't etc.)

I have told her how I feel, how much I think of her. I have finally been honest out of respect to myself and her. She had several days to reply. She did not. As I have said. One chance. It is a shame. I respect her a lot less...even though I have asked her to just state her feelings honestly...she keeps dodging it and reverting back to game playing. Unfortunately this tells me that she is unable to be honest, think clearly and be decisive...something I also suffer from...but am trying to move past. I gave her an opportunity, I respect myself too much to keep hanging on...so my heart and head have moved on. She can play games as much as she likes now...she is just another friend. Something that will never change. Sad.