I've been dating this guy for about four years now. He is my dream guy, the only problem is that he is currently unemployed and thus not ready for marriage. He really wants to settle down with me in future but the problem is that I don't get along with his friends and some members of his family. I'm an introvert while he is an extrovert and I guess the people around him expect me to be social like him. He always complains that I don't want to be closer to him but the fact is that I don't know how to be a very social person. I've tried but it's just so tiring. His friends see me as an arrogant person because I keep to myself and my guy thinks I don't want to get serious with him. Is this enough reason to end a relationship since he is not yet ready for marriage or is there anyway I can turn things around. I really want to be more friendly towards his friends but I don't know how since I already kinda don't like them because they complain about me... I'm just so confused.

Mayb u sud start acting friendly towards hez fwnds,and try moving closer 2 hez family members!make dem like u

wahala

Have you discussed this ish with ur guy? A lotta pple communicate more and better with anons on NL than with their partners.

Hy. To make friends is so easy. Jst put on a smiling face each tym. Wen his friends are talking to you, try and smile and nod ur head like you are getting along. And learn to say Hi to people wit a smiling face .this should be a gud start. Hope this helps.

Welcome to my world Chicolee....I have this introvertic nature also...u have to explain to him abt ur nature....what is good for the goose may not neccessarily be good for d gander (my take)...And if he decides 2 stick with u despite pressures,fine.If not,move on ooo and 4get abt pleasing those who can't be pleased....sooner or later dem go frustrate ur life ehnn

Cykik: Hy. To make friends is so easy. Jst put on a smiling face each tym. Wen his friends are talking to you, try and smile and nod ur head like you are getting along. And learn to say Hi to people wit a smiling face .this should be a gud start. Hope this helps.

Is She Supposed To Pretend?


F*ck It, Friendliness Isn't Acquired, Its In-Born.

Is he well educated? If he is he shld know,his friends shld know too,not everyone is dat friendlly or jovial...and if its enuff reason 4 his friends not 2 like u den 2 hell with dem,ur dating him and not his friends and if ur bf too doesn't want 2 understand u...den give him d red card and move on wit ur life...its not wortH..calm down,be good and u will meet better people too

Waspy: Have you discussed this ish with ur guy? A lotta pple communicate more and better with anons on NL than with their partners.

fuhreal, most pple here chat wit pple they dnt knw than they talk to thier patners. Op talk to your boifrnd n find a way out

Op seriously if i were your Bf or in the same shoe like him, i wouldn't date you or even talk of marrying your type.reason is you qonna bore and dull my marriage,so it's better i just use u as intimacy gadget EXCEPT you are ready to change, gosh! Try and be nice to people abeg jor,thank you

As lng as ur guy is kul wiv u babe, ignore doz stupid frends wo expect you to be anoda person for dier sake.......as for the family, jes try ur best to be nyc to dem

Harbosede02: Mayb u sud start acting friendly towards hez fwnds,and try moving closer 2 hez family members!make dem like u

Did someone hack your account?
You deserve a medal for this if you weren't under hypnosis when you typed this.

Donalð Genes: Op seriously if i were your Bf or in the same shoe like him, i wouldn't date you or even talk of marrying your type.reason is you qonna bore and dull my marriage,so it's better i just use u as intimacy gadget EXCEPT you are ready to change, gosh! Try and be nice to people abeg jor,thank you

u like to talk carelessly!no wonder

If thats the person u are, by urself jor. U don't need to pretend just to impress some bunch of ppl, anybody that can't like u for who u are can go to hell.

Chicolee: I've been dating this guy for about four years now. He is my dream guy, the only problem is that he is currently unemployed and thus not ready for marriage. He really wants to settle down with me in future but the problem is that I don't get along with his friends and some members of his family. I'm an introvert while he is an extrovert and I guess the people around him expect me to be social like him. He always complains that I don't want to be closer to him but the fact is that I don't know how to be a very social person. I've tried but it's just so tiring. His friends see me as an arrogant person because I keep to myself and my guy thinks I don't want to get serious with him. Is this enough reason to end a relationship since he is not yet ready for marriage or is there anyway I can turn things around. I really want to be more friendly towards his friends but I don't know how since I already kinda don't like them because they complain about me... I'm just so confused.

u av raised a lot and i'l try to help:
1.Temprament
introvert/extrovert are just 2 sumarative words,they do not describe a persons' temprament in ful txt.i sugest u do nt label/tie urself to the use of dz words.get a book by LAHAYE to get a beta understanding
2.FRIENDSHIP
Anybody can make friends but not everybdy is ur friend.here is where ur temp & life experiences differ from anoda person.e.g melancholic wilnt mak frind wit unserious ppl dey fnd it hard but choleric ar easy going yet dnt met target
u are who u are.u wil atrat ur own type oof frnds.unles u cannt differentiate between gud company of frnds goin somwhere 4rm bad company heading nowhere.
Accept the way God creat u(perfect).u can only improve on urself by acquiring skilz
3.MARRIAGE
This subject is a deep issue & require a torogh supervisn by mor older married women in ur social com(church,family)

note:som ppl say dey ar ext/int but are not worth the coin som others are worth diamonds.it takes wisdom,discretn,prayer
experience to pick what u ladies cal A GOD CATCH.
See urself as God sees not as anoda person(wit his own agenda)see u
U ARE FEARFULY AND WONDERFULY MADE
cheers!

.

Coefficient:

Did someone hack your account?
You deserve a medal for this if you weren't under hypnosis when you typed this.

actually i jst took an injection wen i posted dat!!yunck!!!

Waspy: Have you discussed this ish with ur guy? A lotta pple communicate more and better with anons on NL than with their partners.

Ofcourse, I've discussed it with him. He wants me to be more extroverted and that's what I have a problem with.

Donalð Genes: Op seriously if i were your Bf or in the same shoe like him, i wouldn't date you or even talk of marrying your type.reason is you qonna bore and dull my marriage,so it's better i just use u as intimacy gadget EXCEPT you are ready to change, gosh! Try and be nice to people abeg jor,thank you

The fact that I'm an introvert doesn't necessarily mean that I'm dull. I'm actually fun to be with. You just have to be close to me first. My problem is that I have a hard time making friends. I don't approach people first. Get it? And I don't like having many friends just like him. And about using me as a intimacy gadget, that's pretty lame.

I'm just seeing this thread. I may understand your challenge better, because I used to be an extreme introvert, but I've changed a lot after secondary school. It is good that you have realized it's a challenge and have decided to change. I had realized that long time ago and made deliberate efforts to change. Today I'm a much different person. Most of my secondary school colleagues who knew me then are oft shocked when they meet me today. I'm still an introvert, but I get along a lot better today. I still make efforts and hope to be better. You may not be able to change into an extrovert, but you can seriously improve how you get along with people.

The 1st thing is to recognize the problem. You have already passed that stage.

2nd thing is to be ready to adjust. I don't know if you have come to that point of deciding to make efforts to adjust. Initially I was proud of who I was and even saw it as a rare gift. Lol. Along the line, I realized that I was missing out. I even had regrets. They helped me come to the decision and determination.

3rd this is to assess yourself very well and determine what exactly is the challenge you have about relating with people. This is very critical. You have to confront the reason behind it. If you have not really considered it, I bet you, there is a reason. Mine had to do with a lot of things. Each played had it's own small contribution to the whole problem. I won't really like to go into them because each will need explaining but they include;
a. Events in my Nursery/Primary education,
b. Doctrines of a certain church where we worshiping from my early childhood to my teens
c. Complex.

4rd thing is to work out your salvation (Lol). It took determination and practice for me to be able to adjust. I'm not yet as good as I would love to be, but I'm a much better person today. What I simply did was to take bold steps to do the kind of things that I wouldn't typically do. It is a good idea to share your idea and determination with someone whom you belief can be supportive. In my case, my late Mum was that person. I belief your fiancé could be a good choice. He wants you to change. If you make up your mind and discuss it with him, tell him your determination and the role you want him to play in assisting you. He will be the one to share your daily experiences/efforts with. He should advice, criticise and encourage you.

5th thing is to evaluate your progress and improve on it. Make sure you consider the regrets you had (if any) and the new things you are now able to enjoy. It will be a great deal of encouragement.

Maybe I should even create a thread to share my experience in more details, but let me give a summary.

I had very complex/complicated personality issue that I was able to work on and correct to a great extent during my University days. Can't bore you with the details of how bad it was, but some of the experiences were some comments like "Does he ever laugh?". Then even the most funny comedian can't make me laugh. I practically had to learn how to laugh. My system could not even recognize a funny line. Such that when I began to learn to laugh, sometimes I would laugh, then realize I was the only person who laughed. Lol.

Someone once told me, "Oh boy, I never see you talk to anybody 4 here. You dey too serious, abi you be undertaker?" And many others. They used to amuse me. But today I'm a different person. Much better. Some years ago female colleagues in the office argue in the office about me. Most said I would be a good father (as in discipline), but not a good husband (as in not fun to be with). That was when I had just finished school but before NYSC. That told me I had not yet arrived. So I worked on it more.

I still don't have too many friends and still can't attend so much events and I actually belief too many friends would be a distraction. My major career (software development) needs much of my time. It may be part of the reason my progress is not as rapid. But I'm a lot more happy with who I am today. The old me would have been so frustrated if he was to do what I'm doing today for a living, because what I do has to do a lot with people. My success has a lot to do with meeting and interacting with more and more people (clients).

So Op, if I could adjust this much, I think you can too and you will find that life can be more fun. Your fiancé's people and friends will get to like you better. I hope this helps.

@uken73. thanks, I really appreciate.

Well, have you discussed this with your guy? Do you even know if what he wants is an extrovert lady? Instead of asking for advice here, i believe the best advice will be to table this before him. Believe me, if he loves you, forget any fear.....no matter what third parties say or think about you, he will always stand besides you. My point here again is....talk to your guy

I've discussed it with him, he understands that I'm an introvert but he wants me to be more extroverted so people won't think I'm a snub.

Chicolee: @uken73. thanks, I really appreciate.

You are welcome.

Fraternize: Well, have you discussed this with your guy? Do you even know if what he wants is an extrovert lady? Instead of asking for advice here, i believe the best advice will be to table this before him. Believe me, if he loves you, forget any fear.....no matter what third parties say or think about you, he will always stand besides you. My point here again is....talk to your guy

When a guy truly loves his woman, he will want to stand by her. But the pressure of having most of your loved once not getting along with your woman is not an easy one. It can lead to frustration. Not everyone can handle it. It is wise to make some adjustments (those that are possible) in a relationship. At least try your best. If it doesn't work, well, you can't kill yourself about it. Sometime the reason for divorce after a few years of marriage to someone that is truly loved is frustration stemming from unwillingness to adjust or even of the other party forcing an adjustment that is not feasible. Your partner can be frustrated by your unwillingness to adjust and you can be frustrated by forcing an adjustment that is not realistic. In this case, one can make some reasonable adjustment. But it may not be possible to completely turn an extrovert. But most people would appreciate the op for her efforts if she becomes more forth coming. I think what she needs is the encouragement to take the step. And in my opinion, if you guys are thinking of getting married soon, it would be wise to delay a bit and see if you can overcome this challenge. If you guys get married with this challenge lingering, you may have a lot to face in your marriage, especially as his family are also uncomfortable. He may change friends, but won't change family. You may be in for an ordeal for the rest of your life, that is if the parents even agrees to him marrying you. It's not always easy to deal with in-laws that dislike you, unless your man is ready to disconnect from them (not oft feasible).

For relationships to work, both parties often have to adjust to accommodate the other person. The adjustment may be in changing or learning to accept the other person the way he/she is. You have to consider if you can bear the adjustment comfortably, if not consider the possibility of your partner doing the adjustment. If you can't have a common ground on something that is considered important by the other party. Hmm. Beware.