Dear Unborn Child,

By the time you read this, I hope you live in a country where you are respected, appreciated, and loved beyond comprehension by the man whom you have chosen to give your heart to. I pray you find happiness in this life even when your reward is in heaven. I hope he makes you smile, makes you feel like the most desirable woman in the world. Showers you with adoration for he is the luckiest man to have you by his side. Quietly says a prayer when he gazes upon the precious children you bore him.

You see as little girls we dreamt of a man who would sweep us off our feet. Fairytale of a magical love that would conquer all. Dragons and all scary things, he would protect us with every passing breathe. I got my knight in shining Armour, he turned into a dragon soon after we were wed and I would be trapped forever. My fairytale became a nightmare. They said my prince charming had always been a dragon who hid his true identity from me. They said all men were dragons underneath and only disguised themselves so we would birth their children. So I would birth you whom I love with all my heart. The day I had you I wept because you were not a dragon and I feared one day you too would be trapped and I had not made the world safe.

I was prisoner to a culture that had disdain for me. That had no comprehension or tolerance for my needs. That ridiculed and penalised me for any ambition or opinion. I shared my imprisonment with women who had grown accustomed to their jailers. Who worshipped and feared them. I too grew to do same. I was weak and I failed you and this is what I bequeath you. A life of pain and suffering. Shame and the inevitable acceptance of your fate as the dragon's slave.


I fought hard but I was betrayed by the very people I was fighting for. They did not feel worthy of true men. They had embraced the dragon's way. He had convinced them there were no real men in existence and they believed his lies. They were comfortable as long as the dragon gave them shiny things. They had grown attached to the dragon. He was their lord and master, right or wrong, his word was law and he would rule with an iron fist.

Soon after we had no needs except to please and obey our captors. They would love us for this and when they could no longer love us, we were cast aside and shunned, forced to roam the earth alone as no other dragon would have us. We heard rumours that there were real men in lands faraway, a Few amongst us who were in hiding for the dragons would slay them as they were a threat to draconian rule.

You see the dragons could not exist without the women. We made them stronger, they thrived in our presence. What we didn't know was they only existed in our minds and we made them real. We gave them the power to keep us in chains. The world was no longer safe and at the time when we needed real men the most, we did nothing. A time when in the absence of real men, we could have taken control of our homes, our land, we stood by and said nothing, confining ourselves to a prison passed down through generations of women.

I have failed you for this is my gift to you above all else. I pray you find the strength to do what I could not, to train your dragon. The spell can be broken only if they remember they were once real men. Never stop teaching them, nor should you indulge their bad habits. God gave us sons, we made them monsters and our sisters suffer for it. Our homes and our lands are in ruins because of it. The unconditional love showered upon these dragons we have created will be our demise and although we are here, it will always be like we never existed. I failed to fight for mine, my wish if for you to be who you are supposed to be my beloved child. You deserve a life fairy tales are made of. To go through life with a real man who will love and protect you until that day comes when dragons no longer exist.

whats all this crap. Mtchww

Whats your point. Moti fi data mi jona

Johnfavour: Whats your point. Moti fi data mi jona

I'm apologising in advance for my failures as a Nigerian wife who has no voice in a lot of issues. Its a vicious cycle and if nothing changes for the better, our daughters will be fighting the same ridiculous battles.

OP.get a job..mtcheew na u b dragon

ojingbe: OP.get a job..mtcheew na u b dragon

That's all you have to say?

taiwolawal13: whats all this crap. Mtchww

The first word that comes to you is somethiing vulgar. I'm open to arguements. Please stop by again when you have one.

Like you rightly postulated, those "dragons" exist only in our (your) minds. And until you break yourself from those mental shackles, you'l continually live in fear of them.
Perhaps, those fears are justified, but shall you continually live in fear and expect to get librated?

Those of you in abusive relationships, the days where you bottle up those hurts and dissapointments and fervently hope that the culprit will turn a new leaf is long gone. Pack your bags and leave. There are a few things not worth waiting for. And waiting for a man who has continually used you to massage his ego by physically abusing you and mentally stripping you of your womanhood tops that list of things and people not worth waiting for.

Yes, I do admit there are men in animal forms around. And Nope, you haven't failed your daughter just yet. If you keep indulging the culprit, then you have.
One final advice, you know what to do.

Screwface: Like you rightly postulated, those "dragons" exist only in our (your) minds. And until you break yourself from those mental shackles, you'l continually live in fear of them.
Perhaps, those fears are justified, but shall you continually live in fear and expect to get librated?

Those of you in abusive relationships, the days where you bottle up those hurts and dissapointments and fervently hope that the culprit will turn a new leaf is long gone. Pack your bags and leave. There are a few things not worth waiting for. And waiting for a man who has continually used you to massage his ego by physically abusing you and mentally stripping you of your womanhood tops that list of things and people not worth waiting for.

Yes, I do admit there are men in animal forms around. And Nope, you haven't failed your daughter just yet. If you keep indulging the culprit, then you have.
One final advice, you know what to do.

the screw himself.

where on earth did you disappear to

There is nothing to apologize for, OP.
This is 2013. Women have a voice!

I have a voice!

Teespice:

the screw himself.

where on earth did you disappear to

Hey u
Been there and around. I know you are fine, so I won't ask.

Screwface:

Hey u
Been there and around. I know you are fine, so I won't ask.

very fine sef.

OP, is your dragon husband wealthy?

Why don't you give us the full gist? I wonder why an educated person like you won't be able to stand her grounds.

This letter is too much for a grown-up man not to talk of an unborn child.

Screwface: Like you rightly postulated, those "dragons" exist only in our (your) minds. And until you break yourself from those mental shackles, you'l continually live in fear of them.
Perhaps, those fears are justified, but shall you continually live in fear and expect to get librated?

Those of you in abusive relationships, the days where you bottle up those hurts and dissapointments and fervently hope that the culprit will turn a new leaf is long gone. Pack your bags and leave. There are a few things not worth waiting for. And waiting for a man who has continually used you to massage his ego by physically abusing you and mentally stripping you of your womanhood tops that list of things and people not worth waiting for.

Yes, I do admit there are men in animal forms around. And Nope, you haven't failed your daughter just yet. If you keep indulging the culprit, then you have.
One final advice, you know what to do.

It is not my story yet, unfortunately its true for so many women I look up to, women I love and respect. I wrote this letter for them. I fight everyday to find a partner who will be an example to my kids. I have none yet, but when I do I owe it to them to provide them with an honorable man who will lead by example. A man that is strong enough to improve his environment and contribute his quota in making the world safe for future generations.

Everyday I hear all men are dragons. You must find a way to coexist with the dragon who aims to oppress and destroy your psyche till you cease to have any sense of self.

I watch the news and I wonder if the unimaginable evil we witness every day fell out from the sky. Who are these people. Do they not have mothers? Has our silence gone on for too long?

There is beauty in the world and also unimaginable horrors and women remain spectators. We have convinced ourselves of the roles we are meant to play while the ground crumbles beneath us. Do we face judgement in the after life for our inaction?

Its hard and I pray to keep my resolve for there will be no dragons in my home and I will not stay silent when one passes me by.

Thanks for your kind words an I'm sure it will encourage lots of women to change their situation when they realise they are their own worst enemy.

Caracta: There is nothing to apologize for, OP.
This is 2013. Women have a voice!

I have a voice!

The few that do are are not heard over the deafening silence of those that do not realise they have a voice.

Iaz93: OP, is your dragon husband wealthy?

Why don't you give us the full gist? I wonder why an educated person like you won't be able to stand her grounds.

Unfortunately I don't think eduaction has anything to do with it. I do not have a husband yet but let's say I find myself in the dragon's lair and I fall? Who will lift me up and stand with me?

Let's support our sisters.

TDN:

Unfortunately I don't think eduaction has anything to do with it. I do not have a husband yet but let's say I find myself in the dragon's lair and I fall? Who will lift me up and stand with me?

Let's support our sisters.

You shouldn't allow yourself fall.

Please, stop generalizing! Some MEN are SAINTS.

Only those who allow themselves to be oppressed by the "dragons" will fall.

Such a touching letter and people had to ruin it with their negative comments

Iaz93: You shouldn't allow yourself fall.

Please, stop generalizing! Some MEN are SAINTS.

Only those who allow themselves to be oppressed by the "dragons" will fall.

No man or woman is a saint and whether we care to admit it or not, in our society dragons are the general rule and the saints maybe are the exception. The reverse would be the case in an ideal world and I fear we do not aspire to fight for such an ideal.

People call me naïve. I think its sad. No man or woman is an island. No person prospers without help both physical, emotional and psychological. Its not about 1 person standing when everyone else is falling. Its about having people around you who will catch you when you fall and you do the same for them.

Nonso23: I don't understand.
Is the post against abuse?
Or is it some cleverly masked complaint with feministic undertones?

Feminist has become such a dirty word. I do not hate men, although its hard not to. If I believe in gender equality maybe I'm a feminist or maybe I just love myself too much and detest injustice in any shape or form.

I was brought up to believe I was inferior as a woman, grew up and I didn't feel inferior or less than. Am I a feminist if I refuse to tolerate the justication of immorality by comparing oneself to animals?

Perhaps I'm more feminist than I thought, however male bashing is too easy as I discovered its not men who hate women. There is a strong possibility that it's women who hate themselves or simply do not love themselves enough.

No fault of our own. This is how we were taught. To be selfless and stand behind, leave you to take care of business. Take care of us.

The world is changing and however this plays out in my lifetime, it will be tragic if the next generation of women inherit our weaknesses and out dated philosophy.

We are rich in culture, one of the things every nigerian should be proud of but we all know certain aspects of it do not work anymore. They have become repugnant, yet we cling to them. They benefit one gender, while discriminating against the other. Men and women alike, we cling.

This is not a complaint, its a call for self realisation for nigerian women. This is how much I love my unborn daughter. She will have challenges in life but this will not be one of them. She will not fight the battles that mummy should have won already. We as women will have failed if we do not love our children, while taking a hard look at ourselves and the world that surrounds them so we can find ways to improve it.

Uchiha Itachi:
Really?

Really?

Really?

By the time she reads the letter you say?

If you're gonna write a letter to your unborn child, then you should lock the letter away in a bank and make it so that she'll have access to the account when she's grown up because by then, this thread would've been recycled.

What's the essence of this thread?

Really?

You want us to tell you what to do with an abusive husband?

...

She will never get this letter. I'm unmarried. Not blessed with children yet. I will be a mother someday and this letter is a reminder of the tasks ahead of me.

I saw a film a while back. Women in America fighting for the right to vote. They fought hard. Some of them imprisoned, tortured and humiliated. A troubled husband pleaded with his wife to desist from her protestations. She looked at him and said "what do we tell our daughters when they grow up and have no voice, I'm doing this for them"

I do not wish to change the status quo because I feel like it, I need to change it because we cant afford not to. Fortunately for me, I do not know what physical abuse feels like personally but there are different kinds of abuse and I digress. This isn't about men abusing their wives. Its about women not taking charge of their destinies. Not realising how much potential they possess. Not seeing that the world of men is broken and we have to fix it, first of all by fixing ourselves.

In my opinion a serious deprogramming is needed and I don't mean to spell doom but what happens when the world of men crumbles? They will take your fathers, your husbands, they will take your sons to resolve their conflict the only way they know how.

Its sometimes hard to see the connections or small solutions to cater to a much larger problem but we have to evolve from our traditional roles as women. We have to realise our full capabilities and recognise that the things that the world says makes us weaker is not weakness after all. World peace might be a pipe dream but who is in a better position to achieve that? I can already hear someone say "oh women cannot handle power or tough decisions". We handle tough decisions every day and somehow convinced ourselves our contributions are of no consequence in the grand scheme of things.

They are of the greatest consequence. I subscribe to the school of YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK.

I apologise in advance for this epistle. Women have to break the chains that have bound them for so long. Get out of that head space that constrains you and before you go to sleep at night remember each day that passes that we refuse to fufill our purpose, there are dragons out there building bigger bombs.