immortalvoices: too many conflicting and confusing solutions, some even giving the advice they can't adhere to

Op you indeed love her but you are also staying because you think she is a VIRGIN...minus that she has a terrible character

Ask yourself if she was not a virgin or if you find out will you still end or continue?

Sir! Please she obviously need help both physically and spiritually you still need to include God in your lives...

PRAY FOR HER... You can't change her all on your own!!!
Best of luck!!!

i can categoricaly tel u she is not a virgin

Thank you all for your responses.

Please dont get me wrong. She is an amazing woman and yes i love her very much.

The fact is weda I am dating or married to her she is exhibiting traits I don't like and i doubt i can live with. My fear is that like someone insinuated, this is likely to get more pronounced if i get married to her.

I dint say she cant cook o (though I dont know if she really can). I just said she doesnt like cooking cus she is hardly at home and she says she doesnt like eating what she cooks etc. To me this are flimsy excuses and is turning out to be a major issue. I dont want my kids growing up not knowing what "home cooking" is about. Besides, I do not subscribe to another woman other than my wife preparing meals for the family.

I do know no one is perfect but i do appreciate someone making an effort to change. For instance, she has reduced her alcohol drinking, she has reduced occurrences of raising her voice. Thats very commendable. Thats improvement. But again like a friend suggested she may be making these changes on a temporary bases just to get to my heart. I dont want to think this though cus she is an honest person. Not the type to deceive. If she was the deceitful type, am sure she would not have shown me her sides i dont like

I really dont want to leave her - Thats the truth. BUT at the same time, i need to think with my head rather than my heart. Hence my confusion

^ oga! That chick is a banker so it is not possible for her to cook all the time if you get married to her so if no other woman than your wife is to cook for you then stop blocking her enterance jor. Lmao! Chicks and bad mouth...

Again, it aint healthy to share relationship probs with your buddy(See as e wan put sand 4 the girl garri)! Its better to ask someone with experience like your dad or uncle.

In my opinion, I think its best to sit her down with this list. Make it an oficial thing(like a hearing in court) read it out to her one by one and see how she reacts. Be calm because if you make it a quarel she'll lash out and it won't be pretty. To balance out the equation, you can also ask her to write a list of what she would like you to change(you aint perfect too). After watching her reaction you'll know what to do(I hope).

Forget bout d cuking,its very difficult for a lot f ladies who live alone to cuk.also,shes a busywoman.as long as she cn cuk its olryt,evn if she cant,u cn teach ha n d housecleanin,ol those tings r nt rili impotant wen u rili lov smne unconditionally.d alcohol-bros u urself,dnt u drink?wer i tink u hv a problem is dat she raises her voice@u.bt from ol uv written,ds gal listens n makes adjustments in tings u dnt lyk.she cn adapt to u.u urself-ur so imperfect.u want a perfect woman,i hope its nt d virginity dat is keepin u O

Wereh kpe: Thank you all for your responses.

Please dont get me wrong. She is an amazing woman and yes i love her very much.

The fact is weda I am dating or married to her she is exhibiting traits I don't like and i doubt i can live with. My fear is that like someone insinuated, this is likely to get more pronounced if i get married to her.

I dint say she cant cook o (though I dont know if she really can). I just said she doesnt like cooking cus she is hardly at home and she says she doesnt like eating what she cooks etc. To me this are flimsy excuses and is turning out to be a major issue. I dont want my kids growing up not knowing what "home cooking" is about. Besides, I do not subscribe to another woman other than my wife preparing meals for the family.

I do know no one is perfect but i do appreciate someone making an effort to change. For instance, she has reduced her alcohol drinking, she has reduced occurrences of raising her voice. Thats very commendable. Thats improvement. But again like a friend suggested she may be making these changes on a temporary bases just to get to my heart. I dont want to think this though cus she is an honest person. Not the type to deceive. If she was the deceitful type, am sure she would not have shown me her sides i dont like

I really dont want to leave her - Thats the truth. BUT at the same time, i need to think with my head rather than my heart. Hence my confusion

A woman who lives alone, chooses not to cook for HERSELF does not ask you for money to buy food and you are worried that she does not cook for HERSELF. Has it occurred to you that this is the only time in her life she gets to act as she pleases. Live for herself and this is a flaw to you. She is not your wife,mother or maid she is not to be cooking for you or living for you, she is not even your fiancee yet you are just considering her. At the end of the day you may just be a passerby in her life.

She has reduced drinking, does not raise her voice at you anymore but you are not sure if its for real or she is pretending. Only God can help you here. And look at the way you said that's very commendable, that's an improvement like she is writing an exam. You are funny.

You are not doing her any favours. Every man has what he wants from his woman if she isn't it and you are unwilling to work and walk with her, really let her go. It will be nice of you to point out these issues to her whether you marry her or not at least you would have impacted her life.

Bro, YOU are still waiting because YOU think she is a VIRGIN ( I doubt she is )

Search your mind, what is keeping you waiting in that relationship is not something that might be with her for a long time or forever.

Virginity is once
Beauty fade as we grow up
* there is high % this are what is keeping you waiting

Virgin my foot! Y'all screaming virgin, virgin, o yes she's a virgin, so what? Virginity isn't a lunch-ticket. Especially when the virgin is a drunk, a proud i-know-it-all rude, preposterous lady. She says she's a virgin doesn't mean she is a virgin, she's obviously leveraging on that pseudo to toy with the poor, love-blinded op. Its really a sorry case. Smh. FYI virginity is sacred. Abi u guys no dey make out? Wetin I dey talk sef, d lady is a good player...btw she's 32 and she dey tell u u blocking other guys!!! Dts ridiculous. IMO, u need somebody much more younger, not some nagging, argumentative hag! Its your life. Go figure it out

Take her to TB Joshua for prayers, she might change

If you can cope with this:
1. Pet house
2. Stuffy house
3. Drama/rehearsal as a noisy dictator
4. She will be king while you will be the queen
5. Segregate a room for beer

@op did you think you change human being. A character that was not built in a day and already dwell in the blood.
My advice free this lady she's not your type.
Else you already dug your grave. 'hell on earth'

Abeg move on,u might be wasting her time and yours,but u try with her sha

Leave her bc things ll only get worse wen u marry her. Thank God she didnt pretend abt her xter. Ur age difference is even too small ie 1yr dt may acct partly for d disrespect. look for a younger lady to marry n save urself d probs. Wait ooo i hope u ve a good job abi u wan ride for her back, this one way u don dey go wash her pots.
If she dey shout for u nw then na slap u go get for marriage esp as she sabi high wella
am sure d virgin part was a joke bc it didnt add up wit d story line.

Hmmmmmmmm *Singing*Oro leiye ngbo o,oro leiye ngbo o,eiye o dede ba sorule oooo,oro leiye ngbo o hmmmm,you enumerated all these bad character out of one single lady that stand up to you to confront you and you belief she is a virginyou need to be re born o.Secondly you always claim you see some changes in some of her bad character the question is do a responsible lady,a house wife material need to be of such a terrible character in d first place??see she is too terrible to be guilty of everything,run for your dear live.You want to marry beauty at the detriment of your future claiming she can raise kids well because she stand up firmly against you which show her lack of respect for you,tell me if you are with your senses how good can someone who can't cook raise kids?how well can a housewife that drink too much raise kids?how good can a wife that raise voice at you all the time until you calm down for her raise good children?shame on you if you marry such a woman.May be you are jobless and you are carried away because she is a banker banker my ASS,you are pricing a bad market that will surely eventually lead to broken home.She pretends to be changing but after marriage you will see worst from her,run for your dear lives now or else you will run later when the deed is done by that time you will start all over again,ask yourself is she housewife material?there are many pretty girls with good character you are impressed with the gold the devil is flauting you but by the time you realized the person flaunting you this is the devil you will run away from the gold.Call off the WEDDING!

See urself I didn't say you she can't cook but u don't know if she realy can*lmao*you are a confused man you are not ripe for marriage @ 33,by the way what are you doing with a 32 yrs old when you are 33that is why she control you like a dummy and when you marry you will be the one too cook and the next arguement she will slap you hahahahah.At 36 I'm dating a 22,23 to 27 yrs old girl what is wroing with your dumb head?she has locked your head you need mums help to unlock *laffing seriously*

You are claiming if she is deceitful she will not show her character,is nit her that show her character she love to pretend but she can't cuz she is lazy,if she will have to hide them that means she will have to be doing things rightly even though she is pretending,but she can't just do it right because she is terrible in character,bad in behaviour and lazy in house chore.

Lamlif on mic: See urself I didn't say you she can't cook but u don't know if she realy can*lmao*you are a confused man you are not ripe for marriage @ 33,by the way what are you doing with a 32 yrs old when you are 33that is why she control you like a dummy and when you marry you will be the one too cook and the next arguement she will slap you hahahahah.At 36 I'm dating a 22,23 to 27 yrs old girl what is wroing with your dumb head?she has locked your head you need mums help to unlock *laffing seriously*

Agbaya!! you are 36 and dating a 23 year old. You guys are miles apart in everything.

andromida:

A woman who lives alone, chooses not to cook for HERSELF does not ask you for money to buy food and you are worried that she does not cook for HERSELF. Has it occurred to you that this is the only time in her life she gets to act as she pleases. Live for herself and this is a flaw to you. She is not your wife,mother or maid she is not to be cooking for you or living for you, she is not even your fiancee yet you are just considering her. At the end of the day you may just be a passerby in her life.

Oh just shut it andromida shut it. The WOMAN is 32 for Christ's ske and It is now that she has the time to act as she pleases?
Are you even a nigerian at all? This is Nigeria where certain things care expected of women at certain ages and certain circumstances just the same way that they are expected of men in similar circumstances. Is she not supposed yo be married at particular Age that she is now? And even if she isn't shouldn't she be getting herself ready by having those wife material qualities? Instead you are saying that she is living for herself, who was she living for 18 years ago till date?
She shouldn't be cooking for him or cleaning for him because she is not his mother or his maid. Is it when they get married that she is going to start? Did the poster not say that it was her own cooking and cleaning for herself that got him worried? Did he not clean her gas cooker for her? What are tiy now saying? Whether you like to admit it or not you are being sentimentally feministic with your views and you forget that this a nigerian society and this is marriage we are talking here not a place where you can play around with baby feministic views that are not practical

andromida:
She has reduced drinking, does not raise her voice at you anymore but you are not sure if its for real or she is pretending. Only God can help you here. And look at the way you said that's very commendable, that's an improvement like she is writing an exam. You are funny.

He is commending her for changing and you are picking offence with that? You see your problem? Why should a woman be indulging in alcohol to such an extent. Ehn? Didn't you read the post well she has reduced not that she has stopped raising her voice at him and whether you will admit it or not the fact that she even did that I. The first place shows she lacks manners and repext and that alone is enough grounds to disqualify her, even if she has reduced it, the seed is still there and it will manifiest in the future. [/quote]

andromida:
You are not doing her any favours. Every man has what he wants from his woman if she isn't it and you are unwilling to work and walk with her, really let her go. It will be nice of you to point out these issues to her whether you marry her or not at least you would have impacted her life.

Look here you are acting as if she has all the choice in the world let me tell you something there are other girls out there younger and with good home training to choose from that don't use the excuse of working to be lazy and dirty and then add drinking and disrespect on top yet this lady has seen someone with the time to be complaining and she is still saying that he is standing at the door and blocking others from coming in. That girl is arrogant and she has someone she is keeping as a backup for the op



VIRGIN MY AS.S OP HOW FOOLISH CAN YOU BE?

It's great you've laid down your concerns. Now you should tell speak with her about them, then wait to see if she would change. You need to be confident in them and where your r/ship is going. Right now, you are not.

WackyJ1:
Oh just shut it andromida shut it. The WOMAN is 32 for Christ's ske and It is now that she has the time to act as she pleases?
Are you even a nigerian at all? This is Nigeria where certain things care expected of women at certain ages and certain circumstances just the same way that they are expected of men in similar circumstances. Is she not supposed yo be married at particular Age that she is now? And even if she isn't shouldn't she be getting herself ready by having those wife material qualities? Instead you are saying that she is living for herself, who was she living for 18 years ago till date?
She shouldn't be cooking for him or cleaning for him because she is not his mother or his maid. Is it when they get married that she is going to start? Did the poster not say that it was her own cooking and cleaning for herself that got him worried? Did he not clean her gas cooker for her? What are tiy now saying? Whether you like to admit it or not you are being sentimentally feministic with your views and you forget that this a nigerian society and this is marriage we are talking here not a place where you can play around with baby feministic views that are not practical


He is commending her for changing and you are picking offence with that? You see your problem? Why should a woman be indulging in alcohol to such an extent. Ehn? Didn't you read the post well she has reduced not that she has stopped raising her voice at him and whether you will admit it or not the fact that she even did that I. The first place shows she lacks manners and repext and that alone is enough grounds to disqualify her, even if she has reduced it, the seed is still there and it will manifiest in the future.



You are not doing her any favours. Every man has what he wants from his woman if she isn't it and you are unwilling to work and walk with her, really let her go. It will be nice of you to point out these issues to her whether you marry her or not at least you would have impacted her life.
Look here you are acting as if she has all the choice in the world let me tell you something there are other girls out there younger and with good home training to choose from that don't use the excuse of working to be lazy and dirty and then add drinking and disrespect on top yet this lady has seen someone with the time to be complaining and she is still saying that he is standing at the door and blocking others from coming in. That girl is arrogant and she has someone she is keeping as a backup for the op



VIRGIN MY AS.S OP HOW FOOLISH CAN YOU BE?

The man kept stating same problem over and over me thinks he is looking for a reason to get out. He does not have to manage her this is the truth. Since she is lazy,dirty,a drunk,disrespectful,arrogant you should ask him what is it he loves about her? If this is what he really thinks of her what and why is he with her.?

Yeah this is Nigeria and people go thru strikes, are in parents house till late twenties, early thirties before they get a job. This might be her first experience of living and earning enough to do as she pleases.

She has a choice. Marriage should never be a desperate measure or issue. There are sooooo many younger better looking gals out there as there are soooo many men who would equally appreciate her as she is and be loving enough to help her be all they want. It is not a competititon of who can find another BF or GF quicker

This is the reality of life she does not owe it to anyone to marry him neither does he owe it to anyone to marry her. From his write she is trying to change,he loves her yet he can't let go of her flaws and accept her as she is and they work out their diffrences and make improvements where necessary.

Again there are no favours here,they are both in it for their mutual benefit.

Feminist.? What does that even mean.

He loves her and doesn't want to let go and the behaviours she has are something that he is finding difficult to handle but her hangs on with the hope that she can change for the better and instead the woman is telling him that


"You are standing at the door and you don:t want to enter and you ate blocking others from entering"
What does she even mean by this statement ehn andromida? Did you even consider that that statement is like giving the man a time limit. Does that sound like a woman that is still enjoying her freedom or is ready to settle down? Does she want him to settle quickly with all the errors she has with her behaviour?

WackyJ1: He loves her and doesn't want to let go and the behaviours she has are something that he is finding difficult to handle but her hangs on with the hope that she can change for the better and instead the woman is telling him that


"You are standing at the door and you don:t want to enter and you ate blocking others from entering"
What does she even mean by this statement ehn andromida? Did you even consider that that statement is like giving the man a time limit. Does that sound like a woman that is still enjoying her freedom or is ready to settle down? Does she want him to settle quickly with all the errors she has with her behaviour?

becoz this is a cat and mouse relationship.
There is intimacy!
They are doing 'rounda,rounda than vilage'

WackyJ1: He loves her and doesn't want to let go and the behaviours she has are something that he is finding difficult to handle but her hangs on with the hope that she can change for the better and instead the woman is telling him that


"You are standing at the door and you don:t want to enter and you ate blocking others from entering"
What does she even mean by this statement ehn andromida? Did you even consider that that statement is like giving the man a time limit. Does that sound like a woman that is still enjoying her freedom or is ready to settle down? Does she want him to settle quickly with all the errors she has with her behaviour?

I don't get why this gal is being crucified she simply told him the truth he is neither here nor there,that she is enjoying herself does not mean she does not want to settle down agreed she could have said it in a better way but she has told him her concerns. As a man that loves her,he addresses her concerns.

The guy should be open and honest with her if he really wants to make it work. He can tell her he loves her and sees her in his future BUT certain things are holding him back........and tell her everything he said here. This is what a real solid rship is about working out your differences without turning it into a quarrel,fight or avoiding issues hoping that somehow,someway the issues will go away. This is how he provides much needed leadership.

Op with all her flaws can u tell us why u love her as u claimed. I bet its for these reasons:
1. U believed she is a virgin
2. She is a banker
3. U r probably broke or jobless or underemployed, correct this one if am wrong.
ur love for her is built on things dt r temporal. Wat if she loses her job
(Godforbid), wat if u land urself a well paying job, wat if she is nt a virgin after all but a player. Think abt d above

All these guys claiming a younger lady will give respect, dont be so sure. At that age many are just immature and not all have respect these days...some will appear to have & then loose it after they are safely married? And How many guys come on later to complain their wife has changed after marriage?