Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh - Genesis 2:50


This is the biblical basis of marriage. A man shall leave his father and his mother to become joined with his wife in marriage and so does the woman. But are they supposed to 'leave' their fathers and mothers completely? That brings us to the main discourse of this article.

Marriage is a very tricky situation especially in Nigeria with its diverse in-law relationships. Let's start with at the relationship stage when the whole relationship thingy is all fun and rosy. Then comes the proposal and the 'meeting the family' informally that precede it. This meeting the family can either make and mar the proposed marriage as the lady and guy must get some reasonable level of acceptance from the guy's family and the lady's family respectively.

Getting this acceptance might become difficult as the family tends to judge you with their own criteria. usually in line with their way of living which might be quite different from yours. Maybe You are coming from a home have where the siblings are very mouthy and playful and your spouse is from the house where everybody is “Brother”/”Sister”. Exhibiting the playful and mouthy attitude which is completely normal in your house might be seen as "rudeness".

Let's assume we get past this introduction stage and you are finally married to this guy/lady, What happens to her family? i've heard people say things like “My husband and I have agreed that we don’t want family members living in our house, because they’re trouble makers.” Can this really work in the Nigerian Society? like in Igboland where i am from where every member of the immediate and extended family regards a woman married to any member of the family as a wife. And disrespecting them can constitute a serious offence.

Disrespect them? Maybe you will never do that intentionally but it is bound to happen. Let's assume your mother in-law visits. And she attends one of these churches with some kind of fetish and weird practices like water sprinkled at table, burning one candle before you go to bed and stuffs like that. Maybe you were not so pleased but there is nothing you could do about it as you are really trying to get along and not cause any problem. But then, you refused to eat on the same table with her as you know she will sprinkle her water and that might be against your own beliefs. She might interpret that as disrespect.

The list goes on and on. Or maybe when the lady's mum comes for the traditional "omugwuo" after the birth of a child. And starts complaining how your husband isn't finishing his food or how he comes back late from work. Things that were not strange to you. Isn’t that a trouble maker?

Given, we can never "leave" or fathers and mothers completely as stated in the bible but then, a level of tolerance is need ed in our dealings with them.

so what are your in-laws tolerance level?

http://www.inspirenaija.com/2013/12/Nigerian-in-law-relationships-and-How-it-affects-Marriage.html

Ehn?? Omo she will unsprinkle what she sprinkled o! And who says I cannot do anything about it.is it her house?? I'll talk to her na. "Mama, biko I no dey do jazz for my house. This household serves God. Please let this not repeat itself! " Simple and short! And then I'll also tell her son to talk to her.
Basically I feel most men don't know how to seperate themselves from their extended family. Now I'm not saying don't call them, don't send money,they shouldn't visit..no! But they should know their boundaries and you as a man should know you are accountable to your nuclear family first (that is your wife and kids) before anybody else. You can't start sending money to your babysis for her wedding when you haven't paid your children's fees!
You can't start sending money to your uncles when you haven't given your wife money for months. It just doesn't make sense.
Also,the man should set down the rules. Your relatives dare not disrespect your wife. A wife has to be respectful to everyone but she should be respected too! And wives should not in the process of trying to be respectful, turn themselves into a door mat. You can be both respectful and prinicpled. Everybody should know their places and stay there.
Real men do not let anyone harass their wives. Because anyone insulting your wife is also insulting you.
Also about relatives living with the family, I have my reservations about it. I noticed it is common with the igbos ( no offence intended please) I don't like it to be honest. Come and visit, spend some weeks or months as the case may be but you aren't living with us! It can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and see-finish (if you get me)
Sorry for the epistle.

^^^^^ Marriage is very complicated. And I for one don't like the Family interference but it is inevitable..

our prayer should be for good in-laws

The mother that raised my husband is not my mother-in-law, she is MY MOTHER!

Nd i've never for once bothered about whether she'll be nice or not, cos I know she would be. Her son should better watch it cos in no distant tym, she'll not even know who she gave birth to again!

So help me God!

alutacontinua: The mother that raised my husband is not my mother-in-law, she is MY MOTHER!

Nd i've never for once bothered about whether she'll be nice or not, cos I know she would be. Her son should better watch it cos in no distant tym, she'll not even know who she gave birth to again!

So help me God!

Hmmmm!

alutacontinua: The mother that raised my husband is not my mother-in-law, she is MY MOTHER!

Nd i've never for once bothered about whether she'll be nice or not, cos I know she would be. Her son should better watch it cos in no distant tym, she'll not even know who she gave birth to again!

So help me God!

lol.. that's the spirit... a positive outlook to life

But we don't always get what we wish or pray for