Emarie. . .

Let's face it: the pickings of ladies who really wish to get married AND stay married are VERY small. Look at the statistics in the US and Canada alone. In fact, I saw a poll not too long ago where a list of 10 "bad" things that happen in the society and the respondents were asked to rank them from the WORST to BAD (more acceptable). I think it was about 10 items which included DIVORCE and other things. Guess what?? It was number 9 on the list. . .meaning it was more acceptable than the 8 other things which I don't remember entirely now but I took note of the majority opinion: DIVORCE is really NO BIG DEAL.

Growing-up in a family and seeing, in my experience, the best husband and wife together (my parents), it is extremely difficult to even contemplate divorce. I am quite certain a lot of Nigerians have similar pleasant experiences in their family. Now, when he finds himself in a society where for just about ANY reason (so far as the wife wants it), a marital disaster (divorce) will inevitably visit his life, do you think he should just write it off as "NOTHING"? How many women make bogus claims just to strip a successful man of everything he has worked hard to have the things and be in the place he is in life? Most Nigerian men (though you may disagree) are not just talented but ambitious and daring. They come over here and in a few short years, they not only get advanced degrees but succeed in their chosen careers or business. Now imagine if you knew that the odds of losing everything in a divorce to a wife (including divorce lawyers), how easily would you wanna put a ring on her finger? Let us even choose to not reckon the notion that some wives wouldn't want their husbands to go back home again, take their kids to visit Nigeria or even mix with the family? (I write these not that I am an old man who has been in this situation but I have close relatives who have lived here for 40+ years, etc). If you could understand this proverb (like my mum used to say), it will summarize: Iku ti o pa oju gba eni, owe n la lo pa fun mi. Interpretation is difficult for me but I like the proverb and I will try: The disaster that killed someone, and you saw it, is only trying to send a fat message?? (Please NL, help straighten this interpretation to a better one accordingly!).

I know that real Nigerian ladies (not gold-digging, fair-weather leeches) BUILD and STAY in their home with their husband and kids. They are not looking to have another person "on the side". These are not the ladies who are only after a man for money (a lot do it, some don't), material things but for the real business for which a marriage is contracted and a family is started. Without generalizing everyone in America, how many ladies are quick to remind you they are "independent", "strong woman", "don't really need a man" or only there when the "going is good"?? Facts don't lie, check the divorce rate. I am in no way implying that it is the fault of the woman. . .we men have our own faults and yes, Nigerian men have lots of faults, ask the ladies . But truth be told, the American society sees marriage as "dispensable". . .after all when the bubble bursts, she knows that a bigger cut of the man's sweat will be given to her. For a man who really has nothing, no plans, no success, he couldn't care one bit. . .but most Nigerian men (and I can generalize on this one, even, just from my circle of Nigerian friends here) are successful and doing well for themselves. . .they wouldn't want to have disaster visit them when they are 40+ or 50+ and then having to start again!

It is terrible though that the guy was not honest with you and resorted to such cowardliness.

Re: Nigerian Women Should Thank God That Nigerian Men Date And Marry Them.

True, True

Its time to go home now

Emarie,



Your experience was actually unfortunate.The guy shldnt have led you on and left you just like that.
Its a pity though but we ve got to realise that Nigerians are very tribalistic people.
Within Nigeria,we dont even inter marry without lots of disapproval,subsequent prayers and fasting and then reluctant parents finally accepting, infact within the various tribes there is still a lot of segregation.
if i must guess, he is an ibo man.it takes a firm ibo guy who knows what he truly wants to be able to stand his ground and stick to love.
do accept my sympathy. Good thing uve picked up the pieces of your life and moved on.Obvious he wasnt worth it.he is a mummys boy period.

@poster,
you sound so egoistical. pls do not assume lots of nigerian ladies love nigerian guys.you shld be grateful to have very submissive, hardworking and trustworthy women who have the basiic family values.

@topic

long yawn. . .yea rite!

@topic
Looks like the aim of the topic was to provoke angry response from some female members, nothing else.

This thread is lyk a year dead, who resurrected it?

@post

The stereotype you presented about Nigerian men might be true, but that doesn't include you . I can tell online "players" out aka pple that claim they've got more game than Prad Pitt and Will smith put together.But in real life they can't even spell swagger.lol. . .

All women love us.

I dated a Nigerian man but it ended in devastation. If I was a hateful person, I would say that all Nigerian men are no good; but I will not say that. I just encounter a no good man that happen to be Nigerian, or so I will say.  This guy according to american standards is not that great looking. He was also shorter thatn I. The outward appearance do make you take a second look, but the guys I date dont all the time look that great. Its about the inside. This guy was very nice to me, he educated and had his own. I didnt have to help him with his
citizenship. He handled that on his own. But waht happen to me. Is that he string me along knowing full well he was going to marry an Nigerian woman.  I dated him for two years. There was nothing bad I aould have said about the relationship.  I realized that I was in love with him.  We took walks, we talked, we even argued. I was myself with him the whole time I was dating I didnt
need to be someone else I felt comfortable.  the only thing is that I didnt cook as much for him.  It wasnt because I did not know how to cook. Its just that I have been in a previous relationship with a man for six years; I cooked, clean, wash his clothes, everything but he did not want to marry me.  I made up my mind that I am not going to be used.  If im going to act like a wife, then i'm going to be a wife.  I told him that. I cooked sometimes but we ate out.  He did most of the pitching in but I worked also and I  am not a user, so I paid for some dinners. Sometimes, if he ran out of toliet tissue.i would buy it.  I did not live with him, either. So I was willing to do my part. I dated this man. He told me that he loves me. I thought we were working on our relationship, when all the while, he was talking to a Nigerian girl on the phone, who he never saw and they were planning the
engagement and the wedding.  He,a Nigerian did not come out and tell me until he got back for Nigeria that he was married.

rotflmao. i'm sorry for your plight but just couldn't help laughing at it. especially after reading the first post. 

anyways. . . generally i think naija girls are WAYYY TOO FAITHFUL to naija men.
omg i get that it's patriotic, but it's so ridiculous and annoying. why would a guy straighten up or act responsible when he knows that the girls are dispensable? i mean come on girls. . .

This is absolutely ridiculously incredible unreasonable lies I have ever read in my life! does this guy ever have a mother, sister or even aunt?, Damn!, I doubt it, this is arrant bullshit! what was really on his mind?

stilletos:

@post

The stereotype you presented about Nigerian men might be true, but that doesn't include you . I can tell online "players" out aka pple that claim they've got more game than Prad Pitt and Will smith put together.But in real life they can't even spell swagger.lol. . .

So many of them are on this site RIGHT NOW. What's funny to me is that because they are lying about what's really going on that EVERYONE else are lying too . If that is not guilt talking I don't know what is.

Haha. Given the egotistical and over inflated attitude of Nigerian men like yourself, you should be thankful that Nigerian women put up with your sorry, disrespectful behind!

P.s. Some men (like myself) attempt (although I admit I am not perfect) to see women as more than just property/sex objects/baby makers/house keepers/someone to be made dependent on men...clearly someone has rejected you! Change your attitude...have a little respect for women and you may not get rejected!!!

I am a foreigner and I think some (not all) Nigerian women are beautiful, joyful and have very good character. Some of them are hurt and abused by men who are deluded and think themselves "players", who like to repeatedly tell women that "they will never do any better".

...however, for some, the story ends well, because one day, they realize that these men have LIED to them. They are worth so much more than that and some of them (the wise ones) find men who really appreciate them for who they are.
...the so called "players"...usually end up sad and lonely or with a woman who plays the game better than them...and cheats on them, haha for them, I am sure that they will enjoy their life!!!

emarie:
I want to respond to all of this. I am a African American woman. Born in American. I cant apologize for that because some how God made it to be. We have lost a great deal of our culture (African) because of slavery. But some things we held on to. Our ancestors, taught us how to be a woman; How to keep house, cook, clean, whatever. But through suffering, discrimination and even our men leaving the house, we woman do everything. This is not to slight any of our African American men. However, the truth is the truth. Pretty much about 40% or more of African American house holds are headed by woman. We have to teach the girls to be girls and men to be men. Because some of our men left for whatever reason. So when women have to do everthing, something is going to lack. When a family is broken and out of place; things are not in order as they should be. But with Gods help out woman have risen up. Let me say this also. Some of you talk about Nigerian women going through with their men through thick and thin. African American women for years stick with their men; through infidelity, abuse, financial woes, whatever. But however, we are not going to take the abuse that our ancestors and family have went through. We have a voice. We have a right to be happy and have someone love us RIGHT!!! We dont have to take being mistreated just to say we have a man or a husband. One more thing. I was raised to not discriminate. My people have been through so much. Yes I have out own ideas about different race but its nit because I hate them. Look around we alll are different. I dated a Nigerian man but it ended in devastation. If I was a hateful person, I would say that all Nigerian men are no good; but I will not say that. I just encounter a no good man that happen to be Nigerian, or so I will say. This guy according to american standards is not that great looking. He was also shorter thatn I. The outward appearance do make you take a second look, but the guys I date dont all the time look that great. Its about the inside. This guy was very nice to me, he educated and had his own. I didnt have to help him with his
citizenship. He handled that on his own. But waht happen to me. Is that he string me along knowing full well he was going to marry an Nigerian woman. I dated him for two years. There was nothing bad I aould have said about the relationship. I realized that I was in love with him. We took walks, we talked, we even argued. I was myself with him the whole time I was dating I didnt
need to be someone else I felt comfortable. the only thing is that I didnt cook as much for him. It wasnt because I did not know how to cook. Its just that I have been in a previous relationship with a man for six years; I cooked, clean, wash his clothes, everything but he did not want to marry me. I made up my mind that I am not going to be used. If im going to act like a wife, then i'm going to be a wife. I told him that. I cooked sometimes but we ate out. He did most of the pitching in but I worked also and I am not a user, so I paid for some dinners. Sometimes, if he ran out of toliet tissue.i would buy it. I did not live with him, either. So I was willing to do my part. I dated this man. He told me that he loves me. I thought we were working on our relationship, when all the while, he was talking to a Nigerian girl on the phone, who he never saw and they were planning the
engagement and the wedding. He,a Nigerian did not come out and tell me until he got back for Nigeria that he was married. He then told me that before he came to American his family sat him down and told him not to marry an American girl because they
will not let you return to Nigeria: which is not true. My ex would tell me before aall of this that I dont understand Nigerian culture but he still did not tell me that he had someone else and is getting married. HE STRINGED ME ALONG!. Just telling me that I dont understand Nigerian culture does not say a thing to me. He then had these ideas as do some of you that we woman get married and divorce quickly. we dont stay in marriage. That isnt true not for some of us. I was so devastated by this incident that I
cried for days; I couldnt eat or sleep. Im doing better now but there are times when I cry. I even asked him was I in this relationship by myself. He told me no; we had a relationship. I cant understand to this day why he would lead me on knowing he
was not going to marry me. Anyway: I wanted to say to you Nigerians. If America is so bad, we dont have any values; then why come here. Stay in your country. OR better, Since you all have the answers and values. then teach us. Dont come here and put us down. All you see is what someone told you and what you have heard. What I have notice with some Nigerian women, whenyou come here you dont get to know some of oor African American woman. Yes we have hoochies here but so do you all.
But we all are not hoochies. Some of us are educated, goal oriented, loyal and trust worthy and make great wife. We are not perfect; But let me tell you; NEITHER ARE YOU! What I am saying dont put us down as African American. Get to know us, You all stay amongst yourself and judge on the sidelines instead of meeting us. Believe me once you get to know us you will see we have a lot in common. And those things we dont have in common we can learn from each other. As for you men, dont come here using us woman. We, as African American woman have gone through enough for you to emotionally scar us with you lies and betrayals. Believe it or not once you come here you will see that we are all Black. So now iam waiting for your comments.

I'm feeling very sorry for you, most families won't let their sons marry in America. Most of my family members are married off to Nigerians in America due to this factor.

please take hear.

Kindly visit Nigeria. We love you.